Hi Daniel, I'm reviewing your The Hill. Accept or reject what works for you, it is after all just one person's opinion.
First impression: Title was so generic I didn't know what to expect, The teaser of course then set me up for a spiritual poem. First glance at the poem said, this is going to be a long one. Honestly if I was just flipping pages to choose a poem to read, given my first impression I would have passed on reading this.
Form: 10 quatrains, loosely written in tetrameter, rhymed with random rhyme scheme aabb ccaa aaxa ddaa effe hhha iixa jjjj xxkk llaa x being unrhymed plus some internal and some cross rhyme.
What I liked: The frame was formal in sync with the content, the rhyme was musical and I most enjoyed the internal rhyme and the cross rhyme. I loved the sonics of the 6th stanza. Its rhythm and rhyme seemed to capture the whole content of the poem. And best of all, this poem was spiritual without getting preachy.
What I didn't like: Walt Whitman said that the key to writing good poetry is "Condense, condense, condense." The poem went on saying pretty much the same thing over and over. There were no surprises. No ah ha moment. For some reason I often come across archaic words used in spiritual poems which give the poem a feeling of reliving the past. God is alive and well and living in the now.
Overall: I believe this poem would have more impact if it was shorter and had something unique to offer the reader. The attention to art was not lost on me, I appreciate reading a well crafted poem.
Hi Marinette, I'm reviewing your poem My Hear Made New because it was the first up when I clicked "Review". Accept or reject what you read here, it is just my opinion.
First Impression: The title almost made me click "Review" again. I thought "angst". Mind you I hadn't read any more than the title at this point. There is nothing new about that title. I'd rethink your teaser. Why should a reader care? Why would a reader be interested in reading this poem?
Form: Random meter, begins with a stanza of loose iambic pentameter then the rhythm fluctuates. Rhyme, the first six line stanza has rhymed couplets, then next 8 line stanza is unrhymed until the last couplet which is rhymed, then another 6 line stanza unrhymed until the last rhymed couplet and it ends with a lone rhymed couplet. This does have form, I would not call this free verse but the form is confusing.
Content: This is a narrative rather than lyrical, it sort of tells a story. A girl with a damaging past is saved by someone (or God) who helps her trust and love again. It gives no details of the past nor of the saving. It is more like a thank you letter to her savior written by a narrator.
Overall: I felt this poem lacked focus. First in form, free form or structured the frame should be more consistent. Telling a story, needs details, writing a letter would be written be in the first person. "I was a girl broken by my past and you saved me." It was more like a journal entry than a poem. I'm sorry, I probably should have passed on the review as my instinct urged me. This poem is abstract and probably very important to the writer and to the person who was the savior but not for a random reader.
The saving grace is you can write. I recommend you read some good poetry. Robert Frost, Mary Oliver, Sylvia Plath, Elizabeth Alexander or some of the more modern poets Molly Peacock, Nikki Grimes etc. Keep writing.
Hi Tim, Your title caught my eye and made me curious so here I am with a review. I rarely review other than poetry so this will be a stretch for me. As you are very aware a review is just another's opinion. Use what works, reject what doesn't.
Overall: I wasn't disappointed, you logically explain why and proceed to show us how. Your content is instructive, helpful and easy to understand.
Strengths: The layout of the piece. Visually as the reader I could follow and emulate.
Questions: I agree content is the core but form does matter. Never sacrifice content for form. But the honed craft of writing merging with the writer's soul is where the magic happens. I wondered while reading your essay if this piece was directed primarily at prose.
Rating: I always feel badly when I give a 3 and I haven't given anything lower yet. But I have given them. It is worth some rating just to write and post for others to read. And a full 5 stars is rare but given with my full enthusiasm when I have been touched. I almost gave this the full monty but I did have the doubt about the downplaying of form.
Summary: Well I think I may have summarized in my Overall section. I did enjoy this essay, you have added more to my arsonal of ideas for review. Thank you.
Hi Pony Tail, I'm reviewing your The Passing the Time because I can relate.
Form: Free verse conversational style, just talking about how things are. Very fluid and easy to read.
Word Choices: power words, erodes, bends, cripples, dims, fades well placed.
Overall: This was right on the money and those of us in our upper years will relate. No one gets it until they live it but you do a good job explaining. ~~Smile~~ Nice work.
Hi Stephen, I'm reviewing World Mental Health Day. Normally I would crit the frame and technique but I don't feel it appropriate for this poem. It is what it is, it communicates the message. A fitting tribute to the nurse you wrote it for and a fine reminder for all of us that mental disease is as painful and difficult to recover from than any other life threatening disease. Thank you for the crusade.
Hi Cheri, A review is just someone else's opinion, accept what works for you and reject what doesn't.
Title: Silence of Broken Romance is a little long and gives away much of your poem.
Form: Unmetered quatrains with rhyme xaxa xbab etc x being unrhymed. The poem might have flowed more fluidly if you had at least made the lines the same length. You missed the rhyme in the last stanza, well you had assonant rhyme but it didn't adhere with the rest of the poem. Prompt required elements symbols done well.
Overall: This was a sad poem with some interesting imagery. Your use of simile could be made stronger by switching to metaphor. "lonely the gallows loom" "with loathing a vicious snake". I admire your tenacity in including all of the symbols but the poem could use some editing to smooth is out a bit.
Hi Joy, I don't know how I stumbled on this gem but here is my review.
Title: Grandpa's Back, a wonderful introduction, it felt like coming home to read the poem.
Form: Quatrains made up of rhymed couplets lines of random 3 or 4 stresses.
Overall: A delight to read. The best lines of the poem for me were
"I see a man home from sea,
who possessed a piece of me"
These words made the poem for me. Thanks.
Hi Neva, I'm reviewing your Thoughts on the New Year written in 2011. It has a nice message and was appropriate I ran across this just before the change to 2018.
I'm unsure what source you used for the elements of the Gwadodyn but it is missing a cross rhyme in L4.
The Gwadodyn is written with any number of quatrains made up of a cyhydded naw ban couplet (a 9 syllable rhymed couplet) followed by either a cyhydedd hir couplet or a Toddaid couplet. It appears your chose the cyhydedd hir which is the easier of the two couplets but it has a cross rhyme in L4.
xxxxbxxxxb
xxxbxxxxa http://www.poetrymagnumopus.com/forums/topic/968-2...
I love running across poems written in these ancient Welsh forms.
Merry Christmas Ken, I can't say how much this small poem touched me. It was a perfect gift this morning. For the first time in 16 years I'm unable to be with my grandchildren on Christmas. It will be a quiet Christmas with just my husband and I for whom in this last year I've become a care giver.
For me the season is best with the chaos and simple love of children around and your haiku said it best. We Face Timed with my family last night and my 8 year old grandson told me he made a present for me and he was so happy to tell me that, your poem in a nutshell.
Hi Tim, I am reviewing your Las Vegas Spectacle. Please accept or reject any comments that work or don't work for you. It is just my opinion and it is your poem after all.
Title: Your title is appropriate but has no mystery. You read the title, you've read the poem.
Form: Free Verse, but really it is simply prose in lines.
Imagery: Very little imagery, the poem tells the reader instead of showing the reader the how wonderful Las Vegas is to the narrator.
Overall: Other than well placed line breaks, there is nothing poetic about this piece. I'm sorry. The syntax is excellent as is the rhythm but the lack of concrete imagery and use of abstracts such as exhilarating, exquisite, amazing, mesmerizing make this a poem with the need of a lot of work.
Your obvious mastery of language in your poem tells me you are a good writer and if you feel passionate about this subject you can turn this around.
Hi Elisa, I am reviewing your Entanglement. Accept or reject what I say, it is just my opinion and your poem.
Title: "Entanglement" good title, it made me curious to read your poem.
Form: Free Verse
Imagery: Minimal literal imagery. For such a long poem, not much to see.
Overall: This reads more like a journal or diary entry than a poem for others to read. Basically it tells the reader the person speaking has a crush on his/her boss and there is nothing that can be done about it. And you say it over and over. I think this is way to long for such little substance. It comes across as teenage angst. I'm sorry the poem did not touch me but I think your desire and ability to write will not go unnoticed. This poem actually has merit and I believe could be turned around by condensing, condensing, condensing.
Hi Prophet, I'm reviewing your poem "Call Me". As a review, accept or reject whatever works or doesn't work for you. IT is your poem after all.
Title: Call Me! Is a great come on which is what a title should do, draw the reader in.
Form: First, I need to say something about the all caps. Using this method seems like you are yelling at the reader. When you have this great message, you don't want to put the reader off by yelling at them. I suggest, unless there is a physical reason why you can't use lower case type, that you abandon the all caps. This is Free Verse but it looks like it is just a list of sentences.
Meter: Written in the rhythm of natural speech.
Overall: You have a great message here but your delivery doesn't do it justice. The all cap thing I already mentioned, the lines could be more thoughtfully cut to give emphasis on the most important message and I am wondering if English is your first language because improper tense is used on occasion. In my opinion you poem at a literary offering isn't very good but you have a great message to share.
Hi Ken, I enjoyed reading Winter Blossom. It has nice imagery. It isn't Blank Verse however. Blank Verse is always unrhymed iambic pentameter. A classic form.
Your poem is neither dominantly iambic or pentameter or even tetrameter. It's a little bit of all of the above plus trochaic meter with some trimeter thrown in. I think you should label this Free Verse., which it is.
Hi Ken, I read this poem first without the photo prompt and without reading the stanzaic form elements. Clearly both the photo and the form elements influenced the content. You capture the photo well and stay true to the frame designated.
Your content extracted from the photo shows imagination. The rentrament, repeating the first phrase, works well to support the mood which turns from light to dark.
Reading without the photo I stumbled on ""that" bench". I immediately questioned "what bench?" It distracted me from the focus of the poem. The photo may not always be available to the reader. I wonder if that could be expanded in some way to make "that" bench be more visible and less distracting. The photo itself is quite serene and beautiful. The lone bench a focal point.
Hi Twila, This is beautiful. You nailed the requirements of the verse form while sharing your love for your family and their influence on you. The story unfolds effortlessly and the reader is drawn in and feels your words. Thank you for sharing.
~~ Tink
Ken, This is a beautifully written poem clearly honoring someone you love. Since I find it here in the breast cancer awareness collection, I can only assume it was this terrible disease that caused this heartache. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this.
Hi Ken, After reading a few of your poems I know when I open the post to read your work that it will be good. You are not only a talented poet but you have mastered the craft. I'm impressed. I thought Shed No Tears to be very cleverly written and it reminded me of some of the ancient Irish forms that require 3 syllable rhymes. You have a knack for writing fluid lines to include rhyme naturally. I enjoyed reading this.
Wow Teresa this is beautiful. Normally when I review, I break a poem down by its elements, form, poetic devices, syntax etc. But this one touched me with its message of love and that is what I see foremost. I too have a son to be proud of. Not a soldier in our military overseas as yours is. The overseas part has to be hard on you. But mine is a soldier in the streets of So Cal, he is a cop, An investigator on a special task force. He too is a husband and father of 4. I know exactly how you feel. Your love and pride vibrate from this poem.
Oh and as a side note, I liked the Free verse with repeating refrains that punctuate your connection, the holding hands, the blue eyes, the small rock, well woven into the frame. "I thought of someone today," Thank you.
Hi turtlemoon, I didn't really come to review your poem, I came to see what kind of poems were being entered in the recent contest to decide whether or not to enter and if so, what should I enter.
But since I'm here: I'm not on the judging panel so my opinion doesn't count for much but my first reaction to On That Day was ~~sigh~~ then WoW! My next thought was Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner.
Title: Drew me right in, I would have chosen to read this under any circumstance just because of the title.
Imagery: You are an artist. So incredibly clear and yet unique. I was carried away by the beauty of it all.
Rhythm: Fluid lines, soft, smooth word choices to match the scene you were painting.
Overall I have no crit. Just thank you for sharing this.
~~Tink
Weird, there is no star rating for this. This is definitely 5 stars.
Hi Bubble Gum, This was a fun challenge. It is hard to review in a standard way. So in lieu of a standard review please accept my interpretation of your challenge:
Once upon a time there was
a writer of dreams.
Everyday, in everyway,
words would turn to cream.
One day along the Milky Way
gilded scrolls appeared
with names of poets, scribes and hers,
the one lone page lop-eared.
Because of that caveat,
our author honed her craft.
Until finally, with lots of work, not magically,
appeared her book's first draft.
~~Judi Van Gorder
Hi Dave, I happened on this page of Haiku in the Bard contest and if I had been a judge, #3 would have been my 1st place winner over all the others I've read from the contest. But sorry I am not a judge. Here is my review and of course you know, this is just my opinion, accept or discard whatever works or doesn't work for you.
First impression: You had me at "gurgling mountain steam". I was there even though the first image isn't that unique it was so real.
Form: In the moment, 17 syllable or less. All but one on this page are written in the most common pattern of 5/7/5 the exception is #6 short 1 syllable from the max allowed and that is perfectly fine.
Haiku is written in 3 units, the image, an expansion or parallel to the image and finally the twist or Ah ha moment. You clearly understand this process and each haiku reflects the 3 units. Haiku are not normally titled but often numbered. Again, you know your stuffl
Can I suggest you consider numbering for identification purpose if nothing else. I start over at #1 each year and include the year written with the #. As you say, you can't write just one.
Overall Impression: I thoroughly enjoyed reading these haiku.
#1 love the alliteration and the expanded image, L3 "through" felt a little awkward to me and I had to go back a couple of times to understand. If it had been mine, I would probably have said "prism view in haiku" But it isn't mine. ~~smile~~
#2 Love this modern haiku. Winner winner chicken dinner.
#3 Wow, This just trumped #2 for me, a forest blocks my sunrises, "orange marmalade" Yummy image. Blue ribbon.
#4 We are blessed to live in coastal environments where we get to see these things, you in the East me in the West. This was perfect.
#5 I swear I wrote this. I have one somewhere almost the same words. I'll have to look for it. Although I think the chicadas serenaded me.
Yes Jay, You didn't miss a beat. This was fun to read and my favorite kind of love poem. Because that is what this was. Light verse at its best. Woo Woo Woo.
I guess officially since I am in the review window I should break this down. I have no suggestions to improve. Even the title could have different meanings and therefore draw the unsuspecting reader in.
The form was met perfectly, syllable count, rhyme and style.
What I think I liked best about it was the love that shines through. So good. Thanks for the read.
~~Tink
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