Hi Drifter, I'm reviewing your Breaking the Seal. Use what works for you and ignore the rest. A review is just the opinion of one person.
First Impression: I knew on reading your title and teaser what the joke was. I kind of wish I didn't know and got to discover it as the dialogue unfolds.
Form and structure: Prose, dialogue. I think the use of "quotes" is a little lazy which contributes to some confusion of who's speaking or it is the narrative.
What I liked: I loved Zelda. The character was enduring and made me smile.
what I didn't like: I did have to go back and forth a little to decide who was talking. It gets a little telly at the end. The reader gets it long before the end and that is where it should end.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this. It just went on too long.
Hi Army Guy, I am reviewing, It's a Special Kind of Pain. Use what works for you and ignore the rest, it is after all just one's person's opinion.
First Impression: I was curious what was so special. I was a little afraid I would be reading someone's angst. But I ventured forth anyway. Normally I wouldn't recommend the title also be the first line especially when the first line would become a refrain. It is redundant. I do have to admit it was the title that drew me.
Form: Written in 3 stanzas, an octave followed by quintains and ending in a single line. Random rhythm, no particular meter. Rhymed, rhyme scheme Abbccddx Aeeff Agghh A. Written with a refrain, L1 repeated as the first line of the next two stanzas and ending the poem.
What I liked: It didn't sound like angst, even though it was a list of feelings from being left. The repetition of the refrain was effective in grouping the list of woes.
What I didn't like: It bordered on angst. It didn't provide any real surprises. Some of the lines were too long. This was a list, there was no attention to line breaks.
Overall: For the type of poem it is, I found it easy to read and it wasn't boring. Some technique was shown.
Hi Dana, I am reviewing your, Your Sweet Promises. Accept what you can use and ignore the rest, it is after all just one person's opinion.
First Impression: The poem looked like a quick and easy read and honestly I wanted to review something that wasn't complicated and your poem looked like the right choice.
Form: 2 tercets followed by a quatrain. Random meter Rhyme xaa bbb cddc x being unrhymed the d rhyme is near rhyme. A very simple form that seems to have happened on the fly.The first stanza had a great rythm and it continues to the next line then gets out of step. I think with a little more attention to meter your poem would be elevated.
What I liked: It was quick and easy to read as promised and it had a surprise. Most of these little dittys don't mention fetishes or stews. I thought it was going to be the same old same old. The 2nd stanza stepped outside of the box.
What I didn't like: Stanza 4 was cliche and not even melodic.
Overall: I liked reading this poem. Once I started critiquing I had more appreciation for you what you were writing. You have skills but for this poem you lacked the discipline to reign in the rhythm. You got the content, this poem just needed a little more careful attention to the craft.
Hi FiveSixer, I'm delighted to review your Last First Time. Accept what works for you and reject the rest. After all it is one person's opinion.
First Impression: You had me at the title. I had to read it.
Form: Free Verse, fluid rhythm with logical syntax.
What I liked: Everything.... You had me smiling throughout. A simple yet explosive expression of love. I especially loved:
"Each tingle and tickle
feels so adolescently new"
What I didn't like: Nothing.
Overall: Thank you for this enjoyable, surprising poem.
Hi Daniel, I'm reviewing your The Hill. Accept or reject what works for you, it is after all just one person's opinion.
First impression: Title was so generic I didn't know what to expect, The teaser of course then set me up for a spiritual poem. First glance at the poem said, this is going to be a long one. Honestly if I was just flipping pages to choose a poem to read, given my first impression I would have passed on reading this.
Form: 10 quatrains, loosely written in tetrameter, rhymed with random rhyme scheme aabb ccaa aaxa ddaa effe hhha iixa jjjj xxkk llaa x being unrhymed plus some internal and some cross rhyme.
What I liked: The frame was formal in sync with the content, the rhyme was musical and I most enjoyed the internal rhyme and the cross rhyme. I loved the sonics of the 6th stanza. Its rhythm and rhyme seemed to capture the whole content of the poem. And best of all, this poem was spiritual without getting preachy.
What I didn't like: Walt Whitman said that the key to writing good poetry is "Condense, condense, condense." The poem went on saying pretty much the same thing over and over. There were no surprises. No ah ha moment. For some reason I often come across archaic words used in spiritual poems which give the poem a feeling of reliving the past. God is alive and well and living in the now.
Overall: I believe this poem would have more impact if it was shorter and had something unique to offer the reader. The attention to art was not lost on me, I appreciate reading a well crafted poem.
Hi Genipher, I'm reviewing your She Should Have Known Better for I Write. Accept or reject whatever you read here, it is simply my opinion.
First Impression: I knew where this poem was going just by reading the title. Of course I already had a smile on my face waiting for the saga unroll. Not sure I like that the title mirrored the first line. It seemed redundant. But since the first line is the refrain leading each stanza, it is the title not the line that probably should be upgraded.
Form: Written in 5 quatrains, accentual verse with loosely 3 stresses per line, rhymed xaxa xbxb xcxc etc x being unrhymed. Neat, efficient and musical. Nice.
What I liked: A humorous rendition of the plight of a writer with small kids. The love flowed through.
What I didn't like: Well I wouldn't say I didn't like it, but I believe it could be improved on especially the rhythm.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this, it took me back to remembering when I wondered if I could ever go to the bathroom or take a shower in privacy. Frustrating I recall but oh how I miss those wonderful days. Thanks for the reminder.
Hi Marinette, I'm reviewing your poem My Hear Made New because it was the first up when I clicked "Review". Accept or reject what you read here, it is just my opinion.
First Impression: The title almost made me click "Review" again. I thought "angst". Mind you I hadn't read any more than the title at this point. There is nothing new about that title. I'd rethink your teaser. Why should a reader care? Why would a reader be interested in reading this poem?
Form: Random meter, begins with a stanza of loose iambic pentameter then the rhythm fluctuates. Rhyme, the first six line stanza has rhymed couplets, then next 8 line stanza is unrhymed until the last couplet which is rhymed, then another 6 line stanza unrhymed until the last rhymed couplet and it ends with a lone rhymed couplet. This does have form, I would not call this free verse but the form is confusing.
Content: This is a narrative rather than lyrical, it sort of tells a story. A girl with a damaging past is saved by someone (or God) who helps her trust and love again. It gives no details of the past nor of the saving. It is more like a thank you letter to her savior written by a narrator.
Overall: I felt this poem lacked focus. First in form, free form or structured the frame should be more consistent. Telling a story, needs details, writing a letter would be written be in the first person. "I was a girl broken by my past and you saved me." It was more like a journal entry than a poem. I'm sorry, I probably should have passed on the review as my instinct urged me. This poem is abstract and probably very important to the writer and to the person who was the savior but not for a random reader.
The saving grace is you can write. I recommend you read some good poetry. Robert Frost, Mary Oliver, Sylvia Plath, Elizabeth Alexander or some of the more modern poets Molly Peacock, Nikki Grimes etc. Keep writing.
Hi Tim, Your title caught my eye and made me curious so here I am with a review. I rarely review other than poetry so this will be a stretch for me. As you are very aware a review is just another's opinion. Use what works, reject what doesn't.
Overall: I wasn't disappointed, you logically explain why and proceed to show us how. Your content is instructive, helpful and easy to understand.
Strengths: The layout of the piece. Visually as the reader I could follow and emulate.
Questions: I agree content is the core but form does matter. Never sacrifice content for form. But the honed craft of writing merging with the writer's soul is where the magic happens. I wondered while reading your essay if this piece was directed primarily at prose.
Rating: I always feel badly when I give a 3 and I haven't given anything lower yet. But I have given them. It is worth some rating just to write and post for others to read. And a full 5 stars is rare but given with my full enthusiasm when I have been touched. I almost gave this the full monty but I did have the doubt about the downplaying of form.
Summary: Well I think I may have summarized in my Overall section. I did enjoy this essay, you have added more to my arsonal of ideas for review. Thank you.
Hi Pony Tail, I'm reviewing your The Passing the Time because I can relate.
Form: Free verse conversational style, just talking about how things are. Very fluid and easy to read.
Word Choices: power words, erodes, bends, cripples, dims, fades well placed.
Overall: This was right on the money and those of us in our upper years will relate. No one gets it until they live it but you do a good job explaining. ~~Smile~~ Nice work.
Hi Stephen, I'm reviewing World Mental Health Day. Normally I would crit the frame and technique but I don't feel it appropriate for this poem. It is what it is, it communicates the message. A fitting tribute to the nurse you wrote it for and a fine reminder for all of us that mental disease is as painful and difficult to recover from than any other life threatening disease. Thank you for the crusade.
Hi Cheri, A review is just someone else's opinion, accept what works for you and reject what doesn't.
Title: Silence of Broken Romance is a little long and gives away much of your poem.
Form: Unmetered quatrains with rhyme xaxa xbab etc x being unrhymed. The poem might have flowed more fluidly if you had at least made the lines the same length. You missed the rhyme in the last stanza, well you had assonant rhyme but it didn't adhere with the rest of the poem. Prompt required elements symbols done well.
Overall: This was a sad poem with some interesting imagery. Your use of simile could be made stronger by switching to metaphor. "lonely the gallows loom" "with loathing a vicious snake". I admire your tenacity in including all of the symbols but the poem could use some editing to smooth is out a bit.
Hi Joy, I don't know how I stumbled on this gem but here is my review.
Title: Grandpa's Back, a wonderful introduction, it felt like coming home to read the poem.
Form: Quatrains made up of rhymed couplets lines of random 3 or 4 stresses.
Overall: A delight to read. The best lines of the poem for me were
"I see a man home from sea,
who possessed a piece of me"
These words made the poem for me. Thanks.
Hi Neva, I'm reviewing your Thoughts on the New Year written in 2011. It has a nice message and was appropriate I ran across this just before the change to 2018.
I'm unsure what source you used for the elements of the Gwadodyn but it is missing a cross rhyme in L4.
The Gwadodyn is written with any number of quatrains made up of a cyhydded naw ban couplet (a 9 syllable rhymed couplet) followed by either a cyhydedd hir couplet or a Toddaid couplet. It appears your chose the cyhydedd hir which is the easier of the two couplets but it has a cross rhyme in L4.
xxxxbxxxxb
xxxbxxxxa http://www.poetrymagnumopus.com/forums/topic/968-2...
I love running across poems written in these ancient Welsh forms.
Merry Christmas Ken, I can't say how much this small poem touched me. It was a perfect gift this morning. For the first time in 16 years I'm unable to be with my grandchildren on Christmas. It will be a quiet Christmas with just my husband and I for whom in this last year I've become a care giver.
For me the season is best with the chaos and simple love of children around and your haiku said it best. We Face Timed with my family last night and my 8 year old grandson told me he made a present for me and he was so happy to tell me that, your poem in a nutshell.
Hi Tim, I am reviewing your Las Vegas Spectacle. Please accept or reject any comments that work or don't work for you. It is just my opinion and it is your poem after all.
Title: Your title is appropriate but has no mystery. You read the title, you've read the poem.
Form: Free Verse, but really it is simply prose in lines.
Imagery: Very little imagery, the poem tells the reader instead of showing the reader the how wonderful Las Vegas is to the narrator.
Overall: Other than well placed line breaks, there is nothing poetic about this piece. I'm sorry. The syntax is excellent as is the rhythm but the lack of concrete imagery and use of abstracts such as exhilarating, exquisite, amazing, mesmerizing make this a poem with the need of a lot of work.
Your obvious mastery of language in your poem tells me you are a good writer and if you feel passionate about this subject you can turn this around.
Hi Elisa, I am reviewing your Entanglement. Accept or reject what I say, it is just my opinion and your poem.
Title: "Entanglement" good title, it made me curious to read your poem.
Form: Free Verse
Imagery: Minimal literal imagery. For such a long poem, not much to see.
Overall: This reads more like a journal or diary entry than a poem for others to read. Basically it tells the reader the person speaking has a crush on his/her boss and there is nothing that can be done about it. And you say it over and over. I think this is way to long for such little substance. It comes across as teenage angst. I'm sorry the poem did not touch me but I think your desire and ability to write will not go unnoticed. This poem actually has merit and I believe could be turned around by condensing, condensing, condensing.
Hi Prophet, I'm reviewing your poem "Call Me". As a review, accept or reject whatever works or doesn't work for you. IT is your poem after all.
Title: Call Me! Is a great come on which is what a title should do, draw the reader in.
Form: First, I need to say something about the all caps. Using this method seems like you are yelling at the reader. When you have this great message, you don't want to put the reader off by yelling at them. I suggest, unless there is a physical reason why you can't use lower case type, that you abandon the all caps. This is Free Verse but it looks like it is just a list of sentences.
Meter: Written in the rhythm of natural speech.
Overall: You have a great message here but your delivery doesn't do it justice. The all cap thing I already mentioned, the lines could be more thoughtfully cut to give emphasis on the most important message and I am wondering if English is your first language because improper tense is used on occasion. In my opinion you poem at a literary offering isn't very good but you have a great message to share.
Hi Ken, I enjoyed reading Winter Blossom. It has nice imagery. It isn't Blank Verse however. Blank Verse is always unrhymed iambic pentameter. A classic form.
Your poem is neither dominantly iambic or pentameter or even tetrameter. It's a little bit of all of the above plus trochaic meter with some trimeter thrown in. I think you should label this Free Verse., which it is.
Hi Ken, I read this poem first without the photo prompt and without reading the stanzaic form elements. Clearly both the photo and the form elements influenced the content. You capture the photo well and stay true to the frame designated.
Your content extracted from the photo shows imagination. The rentrament, repeating the first phrase, works well to support the mood which turns from light to dark.
Reading without the photo I stumbled on ""that" bench". I immediately questioned "what bench?" It distracted me from the focus of the poem. The photo may not always be available to the reader. I wonder if that could be expanded in some way to make "that" bench be more visible and less distracting. The photo itself is quite serene and beautiful. The lone bench a focal point.
Hi Twila, This is beautiful. You nailed the requirements of the verse form while sharing your love for your family and their influence on you. The story unfolds effortlessly and the reader is drawn in and feels your words. Thank you for sharing.
~~ Tink
Ken, This is a beautifully written poem clearly honoring someone you love. Since I find it here in the breast cancer awareness collection, I can only assume it was this terrible disease that caused this heartache. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this.
Hi Ken, After reading a few of your poems I know when I open the post to read your work that it will be good. You are not only a talented poet but you have mastered the craft. I'm impressed. I thought Shed No Tears to be very cleverly written and it reminded me of some of the ancient Irish forms that require 3 syllable rhymes. You have a knack for writing fluid lines to include rhyme naturally. I enjoyed reading this.
~~~Tink
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I thought it was going to be the same old same old. The 2nd stanza stepped outside of the box.