Hi TL, I'm Tinker and I am reviewing your Into the Darkness. A review is just seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what is helpful and ignore the rest.
Form: The frame is an unrhymted hexastich with alternating long / short lines. This little poem certainly meets the criteria of verse based on a nocturnal theme, evoking the moods of the night or late evening from dark, sinister, erotic, romantic, mysterious, frustrating or whatever happens in the night. The frame is at the discretion of the poet. Your poem lives in the night.
I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless they disrupt the flow of the piece. I noticed no disruption.
What I liked: I felt the hopelessness of your poem. It was a little creepy but it was meant to be.
What I didn't like: I was a little confused by these lines. . .
"One day I will awaken from my slumber
to find there is no dawn,"
You had just said you "wake with the coming night" These 2 lines then turn around and say, one day you'll "wake and find there is no dawn" It sounds like you are waking at dawn.
Overall: This was a small poem trying to capture the dark plight of the vampire. This poem was an easy read with a dark undertone. Everyone needs a little darkness in their life, it makes the light that much brighter.
Haha Dave, I am reviewing your Ticky, Ticky, Tock, Tock. You know my schpeal by now, (unless you don't read the reviews you reward me for) use what helps and ignore the rest.
First Impression: I'm not sure the title drew me in, but the photo certainly did. As did the appearance on the page of the poem itself.
Form: At PPC you present this as a "Nocterne", a genre of poetry about the night; evoking the moods of the night or late evening from dark, sinister, erotic, romantic, mysterious, frustrating or whatever happens in the night. It is my opinion that it is a far reach, or very loose interpretation of a Nocterne. What I see in form is a Nonce form unrhymed, with a single line refrain beginning the poem and alternating with a sestet, quintain, sestet, ending with the refrain. The lines are alternating long (5 stresses)/ short (3 stresses) with some diversion. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I saw no disruption.
What I liked: Boy could I relate to the aging, tick tock. The poem reminds me I have to look for my keys before I head out to a movie and dinner with friends. I can see they aren't where they should be. I liked the ease of progression and the light hearted examination of aging. And of course the "lavender corsage". Mine corsage was white roses with blue forget-me-nots. He knew my dress was blue.
What I didn't like: You know I'm a form nut so I would have loved to see the rhythm of the poem more consistent. I totally agree the content comes first, but you actually start out with a defined meter. I wonder what it would sound like if you had continued with a frame reflecting the first stanza.
Overall: This was a delightful poem, with reality, personality and humor. Loved It~
Hi Sam, I'm Tinker and I'm reviewing your poem "She's Dying". A review is simply seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title was a little unnerving and I hesitated before choosing to read. The poem on the page looks dense but fairly short. Closed, not easy to read.
Form: Free Verse, a 16 line poem, unrhymed, with long lines. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation, or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the poem. I saw no disruption.
What I liked: This was a sincere, heartbreaking personal plea to an individual of great importance to the speaker.
What I did't like: I believe this poem would have more impact with shorter lines. The beauty of Free Verse is the line break. It allows us to put emphasis on a word by its placement, usually at the beginning or especially the end of the line. I think you did not use the form to its fullest potential.
Overall: This is a personal poem, not really meant for the random reader. It has potential but needs attention to word placement, rhythm and line breaks to give the best impact.
Hi Kare, I am Tinker and I'm reviewing your "Speak Soft My Name". A review is simply seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what is helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title is great! Who could resist this poem. The open chant like appearance on the page is equally compelling.
Form: Nonce form, unrhymed, a couplet, quintain, couplet, quatrain, couplet, 2 quatrains in that order, ending with 4 couplets. The rhythm of the couplets is uniform, chant like. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I saw no such disruption.
What I liked: I loved the sonics of this poem. The chanting rhythm, the repetition of the "or" sound through out, and the simply the beauty of it all.
What I didn't like: That I didn't write it.
Overall: This is a beautiful, well crafted poem. Thank you so much for this read.
Hi Margarete, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your The Lakefront. A review is simply seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what is helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title is generic and probably would not have attracted me if I wasn't already looking for a nature walk. The size of the poem appeared a little daunting but I have time on my hands right now so why not?
Form: Free Verse, well really more like prose in lines. Each strophe could easily be converted to a paragraph. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation, or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. I saw no such errors.
What I liked: The literal imagery is clear and pleasing. It was a different "lakefront" image than I am exposed to. A lake in a city with a concrete wall. I wondered where this would be. I thought it interesting to explore a new space.
What I didn't like: Other than the clear imagery and the one simile I saw no apparent poetic techniques or devices.
Overall: This was a well written piece describing with clear detail a beautiful moment. I enjoyed it.
Hi Carly, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your "Lost Earring". A review is just seeing your writing through the eyes of one reader, use what may be helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title intriguing, the page open and short saying to me, easy read. I'm in.
Form: Flash Fiction: I am unfamiliar with the parameters of "Flash Fiction" other than it is prose and appears short. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow. I was brought short in paragraph 8 " she asked biting back the sarcasm that was raring to push forth" at the use of the word "raring" ? which didn't make sense to me. I wondered if you meant and mistyped a different word?
What I liked: I thought you told a complete story in a short "flash" writing. It had interest and it had emotion which you transferred to the reader.
What I didn't like: I actually thought it went on too long. If it were mine (just thinking out loud) I would eliminate the entire last paragraph and would end it something like
""Oh...." Cadence sputtered as she fingered the lost orb, "Thank God." as she waved Grady away.
In my opinion, the last paragraph tells the reader what to think when you have already shown the reader what to thing from the story itself. The paragraph is redundant and kind of dumbs it down.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this "Flash Fiction". It was a mini piece of life shown clearly to your reader.
Hi Lady Phoenix, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your Falling River, River Falling. A review is simply seeing your writing through the eyes of a reader, use what may be useful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: I normally stick to poetry for writing and reviewing but I happened on this at I Write and the title compelled me to read. The short story appeared open and easy to read. It was attractive on the page.
Form: Short Story, prose. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the piece. You have a typo in paragraph 16, "She picks the girl up, setting her on the self to climb through." I'm sure you meant shelf
What I liked: I was completely pulled into your story, the imagery was clear and compelling. I could feel the letting go, I could feel the fear, I could feel the connection between River and the girl.
What I didn't like: I have no suggestions to help improve.
Overall: I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. I stepped right in. This is a well crafted, well thought out piece. Thanks for the read.
Hi Lezismore, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your Bullets Fly, People Die. A review is simply seeing your poem through the eyes of your reviewer, use what is helpful and ignore the rest.
First Impression: Great title, it drew me right in.
Form: Four quatrains with alternating rhyme and irregular meter.
What I liked: I like the subject, much caring and thought went into the poem didn't draw pictures of the violence. It seemed to lack and end to the story
Overall: I think this is an important poem with much potential. I believe
with some work on the rhythm and ending this would be a really good poem.
Hi Matt, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your "Maybe Tomorrow". A review is just seeing your poem through the eyes of the reviewer, use what helps and ignore the rest.
First Impression: I was intrigued by the title and the teaser. Curiosity drew me in. The page however with its series of long single lines was not attractive to me and looked like it would be disjointed and difficult to read.
Form: A series of single lines separated by space. Long Germanic lines written in two hemistiches paused by caesura with internal rhyme at the hemistich and end word. I don't actively look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax but if it disrupts the flow of the poem I notice. You missed a comma in L5 after "old", L7 after tape, L15 after tape. For consistencey L10 after price, delete the word "and".
L15 the rhythm is off and I think it could be corrected simply by deleting "terror". The words immigration and threat in the same unit scream "terror" without having to provide the word.
I could not help wondering if the verse would be more attractive on the page if it was broken at the caesura and the 2nd half of the line was indented below the first hemistich. Like:
Remembering old friends who forfeited their lives,
for this now septic country where misery thrives
No police presence in this modern Gomorrah,
will surely get better, maybe tomorrow.
I apologize for tinkering with your poem but I was curious and I for one would be more likely to read a poem that was more attractive on the page. Just a preference. Remember, you are welcome to use or ignore.
What I liked: The poem was interesting, with a clear point of view.
What I didn't like: The poem begins with a clear concept of form and style but gets a little lazy in its execution missing simple things such as the commas noted above and the rhythm is not always in sync and use some attention.
Overall: This was a dark picture of nation that displayed with vivid images that validate the view point. I was saddened by it. I think of the UK in such different images.
Hi Rhyssa, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your Belarus: Belovezhskaya Pushcha. A review is just seeing your poem through the eyes of the reviewer, use what works for you and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title was a little heavy and might not have pulled me in but I was interested in seeing what participants wrote about the same subject.
Form: Free Form in 18 lines. I don't actively search for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the poem. It bothered me that the beginning of L1 and L14 were uncapitalized. (Is that a word?) Clearly it was deliberate but it was off putting for me.
What I liked: I liked the images of Father Frost and the Snow Maiden. I had never heard this before.
What I didn't like: I guess I mentioned it under "Form" and it is just my preference.
Overall: This was an interesting, entertaining poem that I enjoyed very much.
Hi Sweetetceter, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your There's a Tombstone in Graceland. A review is just seeing your poem through the eyes of a reader, use what works for you and ignore the rest.
First Impression: Great title, although I have to admit to thinking "Elvis" at first.
Form: Free Verse. I read this out loud and feel it could read smoother with different line breaks. Can I suggest you play with this a little breaking the lines in different places. For example
There's a gash
in its side,
festering with rot
In this case "gash" is an important image, "in its side", just a little side detail. And festering at the beginning of the line and rot at the end of the line give almost shocking importance to the image.
I don't normally seek out errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it disrupts the flow of the poem. I didn't notice anything out of line.
What I liked: The poignant story. Sadly sweet.
What I didn't like: The presentation, I think this same poem could be more understandable and powerful with some end line adjustments.
Ovrall: I think this poem with a little tinkering could be an emotional piece. I liked it.
Hi Ben, I am Tinker and I've had the privilege of reviewing one of your well crafted poems and now I run across this essay "Newspeak and the Language of Poetic Form" to review. I just became a fan.
First Impression: I had to read what you had to say regarding the techinical language of poetic form, a passion of mine.
Form: Essay which is basically prose which I know little about other than when it makes sense to me I like it. I don't don't look for errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax unless it effects the flow of my reading. You do have a misspell in paragraph 3 "vocabulary".
What I liked: Your message and the examples you use to make your point. Thank you. By the way, the Poe internal rhyme from end word to mid way in the next line is called cross rhyme.
What I didn't like: I don't know if I didn't like it but the essay seemed to end too abruptly. I wanted a kind of summary with more encouragement to your readers to take the time to learn the language of their craft to better appreciate the work of others as well as to assist in honing their own skills.
Overall: I loved that you wrote this. I have no formal poetic education. However when I became interested in poetry, (after my son was raised, my agency was established and my last horse died) I made it a point to read, read, read and read more. I made it my mission to understand the craft and to do that I had to learn the language. Dave at Poet's Place calls me the poetry police because I insist on using the correct technical words when describing poetic form. So much found on line uses incorrect wording which then is passed on and it gets dumber and dumber and the concept becomes lost. My rant sorry. Thank you for the essay. I gave 4 1/2 only because I did miss the fire in the end. But the content should get a 10.
Hi Aundria, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your "Journey to Live". A review is just seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what works and ignore the rest. Congratulations on a win at Pond Poetry. It surprised me a little January 2018 winner but the month isn't over yet. I'm unfamiliar with the rules of that contest, I will have to check it out. Anyway, the win tells me this a poem of merit.
First Impression: I thought your title was a little generic. Of course it is dictated as one of the elements of the verse form so the only control you would have is to have L3 and L47 use more unique wording. (Just thinking out loud.} It was the poetic form that caught my eye and invited me to read on. I wrote a Blitz poem only a couple of months ago and found it a challenge. So I was very interested in what you wrote.
Form: The Blitz, rapid fire, short couplets with a chain link from one couplet to the next that expands to include the last word of one couplet being repeated as the first word of each line of the next couplet. I wrote mine about the fire storm in northern CA, a kind of panic mode poem. I was curious how the journey of life could be such an urgent push. There were no glaring errors in spelling or syntax. An element of the form is to have no punctuation. You used the elements of this form well.
What I liked: It carried the reader on a journey of your emotion.
What I didn't like: The imagery was vague and abstract. Nothing concrete.
Overall: A well constructed poem that travelled the range of emotions.
Hi Jane, I'm Tinker and I am reviewing your "Getting Ready". A review is just seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader; use what works for you and ignore the rest.
First Impression: Your title and teaser did not really attract me but I could see the poem was relatively short so I chose to read. Disclaimer: I'm an old lady, I tend to sidestep teen angst.
Form: A 13 line free verse poem. There were no glaring errors in spelling, punctuation or syntax. I don't normally look too hard at this portion but I will call it if it disrupts the flow of the poem.
What I liked: It wasn't an angst poem. Thank you. It was simply describing the preparing for a date.
What I didn't like: I'm left out of the loop on the faithful cho cho. I haven't a clue and obviously it was important it was the one thing repeated 3 times.
Hi Sophy, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your Blue Bird. A review is just seeing your poem through one reader's eyes, accept what you can use and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title caught my eye. I love blue birds. The teaser made me smile and made me question what kind of poem I was getting into.
Form: Free Verse, fluid, logical and captivating. I saw no glaring spelling, punctuation or syntax errors. But I don't look that hard unless the error disrupts the flow.
Hi Willow, I'm Tinker and I am reviewing your Green and Red Poem. A review is just seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader, use what works for you and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title did not intrigue me but the teaser did. Your photos don't show on my end so I am dependent on your words alone which is just fine since the words are what I am reviewing.
Form: Cleave Poetry: 3 poems in one... which seemed more like 2 parallel poems, side by side. When reading as one poem, the separate poems didn't always mesh. The next lines needed to be read in sequence.
"Bighorn sheep drink deeply and scale
Sheer cliffs, away from human eyes"
Otherwise great job merging and separating in a logical sequence.
What I liked: The imagery. Literal imagery can paint a picture with words, I didn't need photos, you words showed me. The parallels were vivid, unique to the environment and interesting.
What I didn't like: This form always confuses me until I get into a rhythm. It isn't the easiest poem to read. I wanted the imagery to be a little more creative. There were no surprises.
Hi Ben, I'm Tinker and I am reviewing your The Lonely Tower. A review is seeing your poem through one reader's eyes, accept what works and ignore the rest.
First Impression: Your title was intriguing. Your teaser even more. The poem looked easy to read on the page and wasn't overly long. Even without reading a word it looked like you knew your craft.
Form: Primarily iambic tetrameter quatrains with alternating rhyme. Very appropriate vehicle for the tale as told.
What I liked: I was totally hooked and reading to solve a mystery until the golden hair and then I knew but still read on. Well designed to keep your reader involved.
What I didn't like: Nothing.
Overall: A well crafted narrative that kept this reader entranced. I loved it. Thanks.
Hi Kare, I am Tinker and I am reviewing your "First Drum Set". It's about time this gem got some attention. A review is just seeing your poem through one reader's eyes, use what helps and ignore the rest.
Form: Nonce form of 3 stanzas 2 septets followed by 1 sestet. Indentation prominent to assist content. Rhyme aaaxbbb ccddeee fffbbb. I believe for a more polished poem and consistent frame this poem could easily be condensed to 3 sixains with rhyme aaxbbb ccxddd eeefff. x being unrhymed. The L4 of the first 2 stanzas could be easily included in L3..." little boy with a drum for his band bangs" and "Brightening the day for Mom and Dad with plugs." I am a bit of a form nut so forgive me for playing with your words.
What I liked: The content. Been there, done that. This was heart warming.
What I didn't like: I guess I already addressed that under "form".
Overall: This was a feel good poem that brought a smile to my face. I liked it.
Hi Melissa, I'm Tinker, and I'm reviewing your "Purpose Driven". A review is just seeing your poem through the eyes of one reader; accept what works for you and ignore the rest.
First Impression: The title fit what I was looking for, it drew me to read.
Form: Free verse, short lines, a list of actions from waking to stepping out into the world.
What I liked: Your attitude and positive approach to the morning. I could relate to the routine. Been there, do that daily.
What I didn't like: This bordered on Pollyanna. Not one hiccup in the morning, pretty amazing. There was a lot of redundancy. "Show don't tell" the poetry mantra. As a UK friend of mine would say "This poem is very telly."
Overall: The poem has a great message and the delivery is readable. Good luck to you in your endeavors. Keep the attitude, it will get you far. I would be very interested in reading how you handle the hiccups.
Hi Timtusays, I am reviewing your "No Nukes for North Korea". A review is simply seeing your writing through the eyes of one reader, use what works and ignore the rest.
First Impression: I was looking in the "Community" genre for a poem to review and saw your title and had to read it.
Form: Prose, "monologue", I would call it an editorial. The subject logically evolves throughout. No glaring errors in syntax, spelling or punctuation.
What I liked: You made sense and provided information I had not heard before.
What I didn't like: Although this puts forth a very logical, seemingly knowledgeable argument for not being concerned about nuclear war, it never mentions the 2 guys in charge of either side are crazy as lunes and have no sense of logic or reason about them. There is always concern when madmen are in charge. ~~smile~~
Overall: I thought this an excellent article, well thought out, well written. Thank you, I'll rest easier with the knowledge you imparted."
Hi Than, After responding to you to check my portfolio, I thought I should check yours. This title called to me and I am reviewing your Sonic Doom. A review is just seeing your poem through one readers eyes, use what may work for you, ignore the rest.
First impression: Sonic Doom said to me, "this has to be read". The single line units were not as enticing.
Form: Single line/sentence units which I found awkward to read.
What I liked: The imagery and the thought process behind it.
What I didn't like: It is probably already obvious, the style of the single units. Not only did I find it difficult to read but I think you do your writing a disservice by not allowing any one thing stand out or make a point. It just seemed disjointed sentences.
Overall: This piece has much to offer but the delivery failed for me. I'm sorry.
Hi Than Pence, I am reviewing your " Just a Pinch. Use what works for you and ignore the rest. A review is just seeing your poem through one reader's eyes.
First impression: intriguing title and neat couplets. Interesting and organized.
Form: At first glance I was hoping for a ghazal which would give added interest to the poem but is more challenging to write than the uniform length, rhymed couplets of the poem. The form chosen was simple which fits the content well.
What I liked: This poem was just simple fun to read. I smiled throughout.
What I didn't like: There were some awkward lines, the rhythm was off.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this fur poem. Thank you.
Hi Jim, I am reviewing you The Old Veteran's Friends. Accept what works for you, ignore the rest. A review is after all just another person's opinion. It seems my review is a little late and you have probably moved on since writing this. But for me a poem is never finished.
First Impression: The title nostalgic attracted me as the wife as an "old veteran". The poem centered on the page in neat quatrains set me up for a logical progression and easy reading. I often think of centering on a page as a fancy way of covering up for lack of content and therefore prefer reading left margin poems. But this is just a preference.
Form: Quatrains made up of rhythmed couplets. Meter random. You stay true to form throughout.
What I liked: The content, it was interesting and moving.
What I didn't like: I think this poem would have more impact with a little closer to attention to meter. It got a little awkward in the last 2 stanzas.
Overall: I enjoyed reading your poem. This poem placed the loss all the way back to WWII. A very different war from Korea, Viet Nam and the current deployment.
Hi Tim, I am reviewing your prose poem Wearing Hats. Use what works for you and ignore the rest, a review is just another person's opinion.
First Impression: The title is pretty generic without much interest. I probably would have passed based on the title but it was the first poem that popped up for review so I decided to read.
Form: Prose Poem, it does read like prose, the only thing poetic about it is the line breaks which were appropriately placed. Even poetic devises such as alliteration, assonance, repetition etc. often found in prose were absent or very limited. No figurative language or even imagery were used.
What I liked: The rhythm and flow of the poem made it easy reading and easy to understand.
What I didn't like: This poem just told me what the narrator thought about hats. It didn't show me a hat and it didn't move me to want to go out and buy a hat.
Overall: This is a beautifully written piece but it didn't touch me.
Hi Chris, I am reviewing your "Soul Mates", a Go-Vat. Use what helps and ignore the rest; a review after all is just another person's opinion.
First Impression: I chose to review this because of the form. I have not to date tried to write a Go-Vat though I did research and write about the form here. Soul Mates is a kind of generic title and though it fits the content, I don't know if it would have attracted me to read your poem.
Form: Go Vat, tercets of "commonly" 8 syllable lines aaB aaB aaB From my limited research lines should be uniform but the syllable count has a little wiggle room. You wiggled a lot. You stayed true to the rhyme although you did repeat a word for rhyme, normally best not.
What I liked: It was a love poem with a little different twist. A separated love.
What I didn't like: I think I've already addressed this issue. I think it would have read more smoothly with uniform lines.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this poem and it challenges me to write a Go Vat of my own.
~~Tink
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