This is touching. Sometimes it is best to stop caring about those who don't care. I especially like:
Would you have been so full of pride,
if you knew before she died,
that all the time you didn't give,
Wasn't spared but only hid,
for the day you'd come to kneal,
beside her grave to bid farewell?
To me it means that whatever time you had gained by ignoring her while she was alive, will now be spent in remorse. Did I get it right?
There is just a teeny weeny grammatical error:
So easy {color:red} to not see, and too quiet to hear.
What strikes me most about this biographical post is your complete honesty in expressing your emotions. I wish I could do this. I am not because I am too ashamed to share some of my feelings.
You are a brave girl, Nicole. And this is an essential trait to being a good writer. You write with your heart and know how to pour yourself out on a piece of paper. All the best to you for your life and hope that the current crisis that you are going through makes you a stronger person. You deserve to love yourself a lot more that you currently do.
Thanks for entering your story in the "Viewpoints" Contest. I am sorry for the delay in judging but we haven't got enough entries in this round to judge fairly. So each valid entry gets 2000 Gps.
A nice story with a touch of reality as you have depicted the struggle for the control of a pride between two lions and how one lion is an outcast after it. You make the lion sound strangely human and animal at the same time. Good work here.
I like the fact that you leave the end to the reader's imagination. What would happen when Iska actually came. I would like to find out...
Thanks for entering your story in the "Viewpoints" Contest. I am sorry for the delay in judging but we haven't got enough entries in this round to judge fairly. So each valid entry gets 2000 Gps.
Lovely story and the end is hilarious. Even the part where you describe children hanging on the necks of the giraffes is very funny and you describe it well.
One suggestion would be that the situation "Walking backwards, a photographer and a lion bump into each other." fits rather awkwardly in the last paragraph. As this is a situation and not a prompt, it need not be included as it is in the story. You can build around it and change the way the words appear in it.
Thanks for entering your story in the "Invalid Item" Contest. I am sorry for the delay in judging but we haven't got enough entries in this round to judge fairly. So each valid entry gets 2000 Gps.
This was a pretty complex theme to write a poem about and you have written a nice one. Though the thought behind the poem is not too new (please don't mind my saying this) I like the way you end the poem.
One thing that I would like to suggest is that rhyme in this poem sounds restrictive and hampers the flow especially in the last two lines. Just my point of view....
Hilarious!! I think I am a fan of Fred by now. I am a Dog person but this cat of yours has won my heart completely.
You are a good observer and obviously a good comic writer and I am looking forward to reading more of your items and will visit your port for some other works.
Hey, This gets funnier by the day. Honestly, Fred is the most adorable cat ever. It must be exciting to have him around. I especially like the entry for December 31st. Mischieviousness at its best.
Your writing style is honest and funny and it makes the reader feel like she is watching the entire episode live. It is a gift and make good use of it.
How absolutely adorable!!! And the way you have written all this adds to the flavor. I think this can well be turned into a children's series much like Brer Rabbit or Bugs Bunny. Do give it a thought!!
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I will read the 2000 and 2001 diaries too. Simple because I cannot resist them.
The format of my poem "Emerge" is definitely like this poem. This poem is a nice read but I guess only people with a genuine love for a motorbike can relate to this.
Cheers,
Vibha
How very sweet? Makes me want to rush to the water cooler and drink a glass myself. You make water sound like an exotic sharbat. I like the way the poem has been written and can imagine children singing it in a sing-song voice.
Very nice work. With Children as the intended readers/audience, I think it gets the point across very nicely.
I am studying Acrostics right now and this the first double acrostic that I have read. The poem is a bit complex to understand when read once. In fact I had to keep the dictionary open while reading it. You have taught me a lot of new words today.
The ideas flow beautifully and the philosophy compels the reader to want to understand each line completely. The rhythm is perfect. And all this within the restrictions of a double acrostic is just amazing.
One small edit that I would suggest is the following:
"Others having paved the way, all leavingleft their marks on the path"
Reading this poem inspires me further for exploring poetic forms. Thanks for sharing the beautiful piece of work.
This is the most beautiful prose I have read at WDC. I am overwhelmed by it. The imagination is very intriguing and it is so interesting that I had to completely read it before leaving for home. It is 7:30 PM and I am still in office.
It takes a great philosopher to think like this and a good writer to frame it like this. Kudos for the prose. I will mark it as my favorite.
There is, however, one thing that confuses me. When "Vee" was born I got an impression that she was the first female rock but then you talked about "Gran" who was born much before "Vee" and was also female. In case Vee was not the first female rock, then why did other rocks find her shape funny?
Looking forward to your response,
Thanks for sharing this wonderful world of yours with us.
This is the second Haiku I am reviewing for you and I liked this one a lot too. I have only read a bit about Haiku but I like the concept a lot.
The imagery you use is exquisite and how you relate the entire cycle to eternity is amazing.
My Favorite Stanza:
"Crocus bold erupts.
Robin stops and broods, that Spring
as all things, must pass."
I am not completely aware about the technicalities of Haiku but in the last stanza, shouldn't the word 'Tree' be in the first line along with Pear? It makes it a bit confusing.
Very thoughtful Ankur. The concept of dying again is very intriguing. In fact I wonder whether death can actually be as painful as the pains we suffer daily.
I do not know any of the people you are talking about in the passage but your thoug process flows well chronologically.
Just one suggestion, Grammar needs some work here as it makes the passage difficult to read at places.
This sounds like a painting. . I love the imagery and can imagine the green waves. Your short piece brings into mind vivid colors of a sparkling clean earth. I wish there was more. I wish this piece was not so short.
Are you planning on adding more to this? If yes, please let me know. I would love to read it again.
After reading your autobiography and other poems, I have a feeling that in this particular poem you are actually talking about something from deep within your heart. This dream is symbolic of betrayal and loneliness, the feeling of having been abandoned by a loved one.
Most of your other poems are free-verses so this one is unique as it follows a strict rhyme. Rhyme can be restrictive but you use it beautifully. However, in the following lines, I think meter needs some work:
You pull and pull but they stay
you scream at him to make them go away.
As the rhyme and meter in the rest of the poem is quite defined, this stands out.
A truthful and honest story, Ankur. Your writing style is clear. There is a lot that you write in your stories and a lot that you choose not to. However, you manage to convey all that you choose to leave unwritten, somehow.
Beautiful Philosophy! I really loved it. It is a long one but I just could not leave it. It cast a spell on me.
The part about "Here I am" is especially good and the way you use this in your story is just unbelievable. It is what we are...we are all a bunch of "Here I am"s. Thanks for this lovely view on life and death. A lot of us have much to learn from your point of view.
Before I forget, the imagery is wonderful when you describe the stain...
Thanks again, I mean every word of what I have written. This is one of the best philosophical writing I have read....
In spite of its dark substance, this is a beautiful poem. It narrates the sorrow surrounding tragedy in a most subtle and yet amazingly heart touching way. It almost brought tears to my eyes and I found myself standing along the despairing group while they buried their nears and dears.
Beautiful imagery! This is one poem that will haunt me for quite some time. I have added this to my favorites as I am sure I will come back and read it again.
Favorite Passage:
"The darkening sky, the darkening eyes,
Echo one another in stormy tempest.
The icy breeze and the icy skin,
Like the caressing fingertips of those unseen."
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Very nice story! Interesting imagination and very good penning down of your thoughts. The story flows very well. Totally captures the users' attention.
One suggestion though. At some places, i got the feeling that the story was stretching a bit. Especially when Damien started talking to the girl. Maybe if you add some interesting episodes to show Damien's preoccupation with the girl, it will not be so. Just a suggestion though.
Overall, very good work. Keep writing.
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Let your creative juices flow. This is a contest with a difference.
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"Crocus bold erupts.