View from the Mousehole

typical wrong day

I didn't get anything done today. I told myself that if I were to do anything today that I was either going to dig out and organize my craft box (because that is where my mouse drawings are) or clean out and organize my clothes bin so that I could fold and put away the clean ones out of my hamper. Saying that I couldn't get myself to do either of those things I didn't do anything.

I couldn't get myself to do anything because I was nauseous and tired. Taking a nap for an hour didn't help.

I did get on WdC a few times and typed up some answers to questions on forums and the newsfeed. I also jotted down the prompts to a few contests. The time to get entries in on a couple of the contests passed, but I put in my Monthly goals on Habit Heroes to enter two contests this month and I will do it. I also have kept up with writing for 15 minutes per day; keeping an offline journal again and scratching notes on stories.

I have to go see my Psychiatrist Amy tomorrow. I don't really want to go. It is one of those "We have to see you at least once every three months" appointments. Take an hour bus ride down there, have a 15 minute appointment of basically "there's nothing new going on", "Okay see you next time", just to take an hour bus ride back home....
          If I can focus enough, I might get the rest of a book read on the bus and waiting in the lobby......

I'm having one of those "I need to write but I don't know what to write" moments...I should grab a notebook and write the essay on my faith that I want to write for a contest....but I don't know where to begin yet. My writing brain is working very slow lately.... I should also work on the next chapter of my novel I put in Habit Heroes to write.....My body is giving me the excuse of it is too late in the day and I'm just too tired. My mind wants to vegitate for the rest of the night....




Being talked about....

I always think I am being talked about. I am paranoid that way. I wish it were the other way, I seriously do. I feel invisible sometimes and it is a very comfortable and content feeling. I feel every step I take is wrong. Every time I open my mouth most often it tends to upset someone.
My therapists used to tell me all the time that I was not a mind reader and that people could just as easily be saying something nice about me. Somehow I just can't convince myself of that. It is easier to think that they don't notice me at all; that I am not worth their time.



I just got Terry upset because I suggested that we needed to schedule time that I could have just to me. She went in her room and said I could have the rest of the night. She never goes in her room before 9 pm. She said she wasn't upset and that she was tired of my getting upset and pouting over things. She interrupted me when the words were flowing on this entry to get her dinner. i had only planned to add another sentence or two and then I would of got it for her. But she had to have it that second. It is not even my job to feed her. David is getting paid to do it. I'm telling you they would be in a hell of a place if it wasn't for me being here....


I need to go find something to calm me down before I try to sleep.....