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Ichabod Crane ,

I had a quick peek (not a full read) at your linked chapter. I agree that language that includes "thou" for you is unusual. I like that at least your narration is written in modern English.

I think the premise for the story is very interesting. I like detective stories and magic, so those both are a great combo.

The use of 17th century dialogue is optional, not mandatory. You can pick a handful of words to sprinkle in consistently to create the atmosphere, but I don't see why you would torture yourself trying to get it 100% right? People speak differently from county to county. There isn't set way that they spoke 400 years ago that you must adhere to in minute detail.

For instance, I heard that UK English used to sound just the way that people in New York speak now, but UK English has changed of the years to be different from New York English.

So, go ahead and take creative liberties with the past. Everybody does. You should too.

Annette