Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
I love the attention to detail in this piece. You have painted such an accurate and clear picture that it in a way is historical. From the hair styles to the music playing in the background, the scene is set perfectly.
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
My Favorite Part:
I love the fact that it's not just a dream scene. She doesn't seem distraught when the "vision/experience" is over, but yet comforted. She doesn't doubt herself as is so often the case, but seems to have gained confidence.
Suggestions:
Great story! Great writing. Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra{/c
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
This is a very introspective look at death. There seem to be many layers here.
Improvement Areas:
There were a couple of parts I had to reread to confirm who you were talking about. You might consider seperating into stanzas to eleviate this confusion.
Grammar/Spelling:
the ones closet - closet/closest
My Favorite Part:
I like the conclusion best. Saying that in death there is peace from the fear. Very insightful.
Suggestions:
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
This is amazing! You had me laughing out loud at the first line and feeling sad with the last. The transitions you made in this were spectacular. And you actually had a whole story with a plot and characters from the view of a mirror.
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
My Favorite Part:
I love that you have a moral to your story. You described the setting perfectly.
Suggestions:
I love it!!!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
A poem with a human message is one that should now be ignored. The first three stanzas are so strong and gripping that you have your audience ready to hear whatever you might say.
I love the part about forgiveness is not just a word we say -- I realize the truth in it -- how empty those words can be.
This poem is great on two levels. First of all, the fact that the entire poem is a metaphor that works in so many different ways is amazing. Secondly, even if someone didn't read the metaphor in it and took it literally, it still works beautifully.
So this is a poem for people that see in black and white and for people who see deeper.
The conclusion is perfect! I often it find it so hard to get a strong ending, but you have nailed this one.
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
I love this! (ooops I almost added an extra !) - dang it, delete those parenthesis. Seriously, I think this is a well-written, helpful piece. I hope people take the time to read it.
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
My Favorite Part:
I love that you included examples. So many people have not had a strong grammar background, so without your examples they would still be lost.
Suggestions:
Again, excellent job. May I use it in my writing clsss?
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
This poem really makes one think. The repetition in the first lines works well.
I clearly do believe in it,
This is my life and me. - this was my favorite part -- i think recognizing one's self and life for what it is, is sometimes difficult
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
Well, I'm definitely intrigued. I like that you have it listed as a action/comedy -- sounds like a fun mix.
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
"Ew, momma!", "I don't like that girl!" - delete quotation after momma
My Favorite Part:
I'm giving it a 5 even though i know it is a work in progress, because usually i'm not that interested in the set up of the story --call me impatient but i like to have it all done. But with this you did catch my attention and keep it.
Suggestions:
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
This is such an endearing retelling of the tortoise and the hare with a new theme added in.
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
where Speedy was lying in the road.
"What happened Speedy - are you all right," asked Molasses?
"How did you know about that," asked Speedy in surprise? - these should be punctuated with the question mark inside the quotations.
"How did you know about that?" asked Speedy in surprise.
My Favorite Part:
Your vocabulary is perfect for a children's book. I love the clear messages you sent. Your character development was great, and will make children beg to hear the story over and over.
Suggestions:
The horn blared and the race was begun
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
Why be afraid of loss of consciousness,
The prelude to a most serene silence? -- After reading this several times I kept coming back to these lines. They almost bring a comfort with the simple phrasing of their point, making the fear of death seem ridiiculous.
The vocabulary in the poem is excellent.
I didn't feel the last stanza was quite as strong as the rest but it still worked.
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
This poem is a nice, easy read. The rhyme works very well, as does the rhythm.
Improvement Areas:
The last line "and all that should do" is a little awkward - you might try rephrasing.
Grammar/Spelling:
not to expensive - to/too
And to be grammaatically correct (if it matters, becase sometimes it doesn't) the title should be A Present for Whom -- whom is always used when it it the object of the preposition.
My Favorite Part:
It would help if I knew her
but alas I do not
this task was given
It is now my lot - i like this stanza -- it makes me wonder why he's not purschasing his own presents. A bit of mystery.
Suggestions:
Great job!
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
Wow you are such a versatile poet. While this poem has a dark side to it, it also speaks so clearly of reality that it inspires us to look at the people around us a little closer.
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
My Favorite Part:
Though my painted smile
greets you each morning,
I weep tears of loneliness - this stanza is heartbreaking, but works beautifully in the poem in both fluidity and word choice!
Suggestions:
Excellent job!
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
I understand the mysteriousness by not naming anyone, but i think all the shes and hers made it confusing who was doing what. The only way I can think without naming one of them is to change it to first person -- i'm sure there is another way though.
Well, I loved the whole thing, but the ending gave me an "awww" moment.
Look in the seafoam along the shore
where seagulls fly and sandpipers go....
Search where the tide ebbs and flows
I'll be waiting for you there -- I love the calmness and picture this stanza paints.
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
Your voice in this piece is so realistic. The emotions girls/women go through when someone dares to be different. Females can definitely be cruel lol. I love the range of emotions we see through this - from jealousy to kindred spirits.
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
My Favorite Part:
My tongue felt heavy and dry – a sour taste of my sweat or perhaps the freedom that I had always longed for -- I could see the excitement in her face with this description. Not even realizing what she was missig until someone else pointed it out.
Suggestions:
Great job yet again! I really enjoyed it.
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
This is a wonderful inspirational poem.
I love the repetition of "just for a touch of the hand". It paints a wonderful picture of striving and desire for guidance, acceptance, and grace.
Just some editing things:
The radience of light for whick I seek - i think it should be radiance and which
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
Wow - what a fun prompt and you did awesome with it. I don't think i've read a sci poem on here before. This is unique with wonderful word choice.
The tone is perfection.
Improvement Areas:
none Grammar/Spelling:
none My Favorite Part:
Down it pours like a painter's rage - I love this simile -- I never thought of a painter's rage, but it makes sense and adds to the visual setting up a great climax.
Suggestions:
This was fun - thank you!
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
A very sweet children's tale -- The vocabulary is very appropriate, and the plot flows in a way that is easy to follow - perfect for children. I love the moral in it, so important in children's stories.
Improvement Areas:
The only thing I can see is maybe describe Tommy more physically. Children like descriptions. But then again if it were illustrated throughout that would take care of it.
Grammar/Spelling:
none
My Favorite Part:
Soon weary from crying, he felt his lashes growing heavier and he struggled to stay awake; however, a happy bark made Tommy sit upright in amazement when Spot came running into the clearing. He yipped and leaped with pleasure at the sight of the boy, licking the tear-streaked face as he was hugged gently. - i loved this part -- it reminded me of old Lassie episodes. I like the visual and the rush it brought.
Suggestions:
Your neice is lucky to have such a talented aunt.
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
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