Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
Okay - that creeped me out! Which is exactly what i wanted. I love thrillers and this was great. The fact that it was short had to make it hard to build the suspense, but you did. I didn't get the foreshadowing -- I should have dad-gum-it! I thought you were just building the character which you were, but i didn't realize there was more to it -- awesome!
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
none
My Favorite Part:
he'd continue to perfect his invisible role, biding his time until the next victim came out to play. - this was classic, because we never think of the "loner" guy doing it as an act. Very inventive.
Suggestions:
The only thing I have is now that the contest is over -- you can make it longer!!!
Great job! Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
I love this -- I was looking for acrostics because I was thinking of trying them . I kept coming up with cheesy ones that really didn't say a message which is not what I wanted. But this was wonderful. It spoke volumes, and flowed so nicely you almost forgot it was an acrostic.
Fly like the red-tailed hawk on tireless wings as you negotiate your day.
Let not the scolding and backbiting you witness clip your wings. - i love these lines i found them inspiring and enlightening.
I thought the rhythm was great and the organization in the stanzas worked well.
Personally, I found the use of "as" a little over used, but perhaps you did this for emphasis.
This was a great poem -- insprirng and made me thnk.
you are a funny, funny man -- do you seriously worry over missing forks? I can promise they are in your son's room. I know that's where mine are. Now if it was a missing dominoe that would be a different story -- call out the national guard lol
It was well written. I liked your pun on words, but then again i'm kinda a punny girl.
(not to be confused with puny)
Wow - they are eerily similar!!! Great minds and all that . . . . lol
I love your visuals, makes me want to escape.
You might want to rework a few spots to avoid repetitions, for example:
I look at the pleasant surroundings and fix in my mind this exact spot so that I can come back to it - you might change the end to so that i may revisit -- that would keep the repetition of "come" out.
Soon enough I will have to leave, but my consolation will be the revitalization I feel when I leave. - to avoid repetition youcould use "with my departure"
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
Wow -- I found myself wishing for an iron bunk bed. This is a very visual story. Though I don't have my own memories of church camp, I have heard my brother and sister speak of them, and your story put me right there. This is a great feel good story with a wonderful concluding lesson to it.
Improvement Areas:
There are a few places where you uses repetitive words. For example: and say a prayer of thanks for the joy this wonderful place brings to me, for the many wonderful friendships that I am blessed with because of this place. -- I would replace one of the wonderfuls -- even with "wonderous" if you were going for an effect of repetition. Some other places too, it would just spice up the word choice a little.
Grammar/Spelling:
none that i saw
My Favorite Part:
In the summer months this cabin is filled with the laughter and chatter of campers and counselors who have come to add another layer to their collage of memories - i love the thought of a collage of memories. great description!
Suggestions:
you might think about comparing it to other people's havens -- Such as: beach, a 5 star hotel - but all you need is the old iron bed, etc. or even talk about how it brings you such comfort that the lack of air conditioning and amenities of home seem to not matter -- all this came to me as an after thought. I really did enjoy the peice as it was. Excellent job. Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
A great, easy read that sends a message as well as tells an innovative sci-fi story.
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
My Favorite Part:
I loved the fact that he is obsessed with his change but yet doesn't see himself as any different. Goes back to the way we see ourselves is not always what others see. Well-written, and unique!
Suggestions:
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
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I am just always amazed at anyone that can do this contest, but you have done it extremely well! Usually, when I read these pieces I find myself trying to catch them repeating a word, but not with yours. I was able to get caught up in the plot of the story. Amazing considering it was 100 words.
Very well done!
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i thought you did a great job with this prompt and form. you put in words what i was thinking. I like the smoothness of it and the realness. It is not "out there", it deals with everyday.
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
Incredibly original
Improvement Areas:
Some of the rhyming is a little forced and could be smoothed out.
Grammar/Spelling:
We will simply pas away - pass
My Favorite Part:
I, personally, love the mixture of the 2 formats. I think with such a voltile subject it is very fitting and creative. The idea is ingenious.
Suggestions:
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
i really like this -- i'm going to forward it to my dad he'll treasure it too. I love how you started with the cemetery and used that to produce the memories.
i had almost forgotten about jumping off of porches and catching fireflies. That's really sad.
THanks for a walk done memory lane. Very well written.
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
Oh my gosh! This is so creepily (is that a word?) good!
Improvement Areas:
Make it longer lol - i wanted more - but then again that is a sign of a great story
Grammar/Spelling:
none - A+
My Favorite Part:
The comparison to the cherry sno cone -- so wrong but so visual and effective.
Suggestions:
Saved it as a favorite so I can read more! I really enjoyed it.
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
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Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
A good descriptive story. In my opinion it is difficult to write good horror in short story form. Building the suspense is difficult with few words. Your descriptiion did a great job pulling the reader in.
Improvement Areas:
Some of the wording was a little predictable -- not that it was repetitive, but you led us into what you were going to say. Throw a few surprises in there, not necessarily in the plot but in the phrasing.
Grammar/Spelling:
which she attributed that to the bad carnitas plate they shared for lunch - i would delete "that"
My Favorite Part:
My favorite part is where she first sees the tendrils -- I think you wrote this well -- i could see her confusion that led to repulsion. It was very visual without being overdone.
Suggestions:
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
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Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
Your sister must be so honored. This is a great tribute to her. I applaud you for doing this. I think a lot of times we don't tell our loved ones enough what they mean to us.
Improvement Areas:
Your rhyming is nice. I would encourage you now to push yourself for more "out of the box" wording. Try to challenge yourself with more difficult rhymes now that you have gotten the hang of these.
Grammar/Spelling:
none.
My Favorite Part:
Proud can not say,
But it’s the best I can do
On this very blessed day - I loved this -- i thought it was sincere and heartfelt -- so often our feelings are so strong that there are not words that do justice for it.
Suggestions:
Keep at it -- you are doing great!
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
I found this action packed from the beginning to the end. I think it is a good prologue; it brings the audience in without revealing too much.
Improvement Areas:
just make sure you proofread as if it has never been read before.
Grammar/Spelling:
The always tried that. - The should be they
but he would make their non-defeat bitter sweat. - sweet instead of sweat
He fell to the ground as another sword slice through his throat. slice - sliced
My Favorite Part:
My favorite part is your word choice -- I found a lot of variety in your sentence structure as well as strong vocabulary that is appropriate for this genre of writing. You do a great job of avoiding repetition and cliches.
Suggestions:
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
It warms my heart to read this - more than I can express. I love the story you tell with it.
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
none
My Favorite Part:
Then came the twins who were giggling.
Their pastel shirts were slightly too big.
Their ‘pa’ would visit me later
When he finished work on a distant oil rig. - i love this visual and use of dialect. wonderful
Suggestions: - I teach in a rural school so i can relate to this poem so much. I recently wrote a poem called Awaiting Wisdom you might be interested in.
Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression:
Great job on husband/wife dialogue! Very natural and believable.
Improvement Areas:
Grammar/Spelling:
none
My Favorite Part:
I like the gradualness of this piece. I wasn't sure where it was going until almost the end, even with the title. I like the theme and thought provoking factor of how we all see our "little sins" as excusable and others' faults.
Suggestions:
Great job.
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Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
A heart warming story told brilliantly. I thought I had read it, but was mistaken. I am so glad I took a second look; I would have hated to miss this story with so many wonderful underlying themes. You are a born story teller. The story pulls the reader in from the beginning and keeps them there unti the end.
I hope you don't mind, I didn't look for any editing mistakes. I was too drawn into the story. It is one that hits close to home for me (not that i'm special - though some may argue that point), but It is an issue that I think lacks attention.
You so eloquently portrayed this. You set a background, developed a character, and made us want to help her up that hill.
The gift with the daughter at the end was genius. I know this was based on a true happening, but your story makes it feel like a Hallmark Holiday Movie.
Hi! I'm reviewing this because I either stumbled across it and it looked interesting, you gave me a nice review previously, or you asked for me to review it. Always remember that any changes you make to your writing should be what you want to do with it; I'm just here to tell you my take on it. This is your baby to raise. My opinion is offered with respect and the best intentions.
Overall Impression: It sounds like a great way to improve reviewing skills and read a variety of authors.
Improvement Areas:
none
Grammar/Spelling:
none
My Favorite Part: I like the freedom that is allowed within the program. It seems to be almost a self-paced which will allow for times when you are more available. I also noticed that the members are from all different cases. I think this is great. It makes everyone from newbies to experienced WDC members feel welcome.
Suggestions: I'm just looking forward to it!
Thank you for sharing your writing. I'm always amazed at the talent on this site! Audra
"Reviewer's Club".
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