I must say this item has proved to be rather interesting. Just be reading though this once, I can see there are two different races living on the world you have begun to create for your novel.
The Taween - who seem to be more mystically or spiritually inclined of the two races. Their beliefs stem from nature.
The Aearians - who if I have read this wrong, please excuse me, are more concerned with scientfic matters and their old ways were of assisting people.
I did enjoy read this piece and hope to see more of this book. You've managed to get the spacing right when you have uploaded. I've yet to do this correctly for my own uploads!
I did spot one error. When you typed 'believes' when showing the things the two races consider to be important, you might have meant 'beliefs' instead.
I do have questions about the takana and the effect it had on Yula. Perhaps there is a soul the World of Ligos possesses yet the inhabitants have forgotten or other such deep link. I'll know more as I read further on. Upload when you can and I'll review all your future chapters if you want.
This has already caught my interest and I would definitely like to see more.
When I saw this had a griffin mentioned in this poem, I had to read it. I'm glad I did. The imagery is fantastic and I could glimpse with my mind's eye what you were imparting to the reader with your phrasing.
I can see nothing wrong with any of this, apart from one thing. Maybe spacing the some of the poem into separate paragraphs would be a good idea. If the verses were meant to be set in the format they have been, then I apologize!
Just one question, will you be turning this into a novel? It is rather uncommon for griffins to be in novels and I think the poem and the ideas would make an excellent one.
I like the way this is done, it kind of reminds me of the Read Your Own Adventure books. I really cannot see any obvious errors in this chapter. You've even managed to get the paragraph spacing right. To my shame I haven't managed to do that with my uploads. Are there Chinese/Japanese influences in this. It seems like it. This flows rather well and draws the reader in.
This article has some rather good ideas and excellent points on how to raise awareness of this excellent site for writers. I am a member of a few other sites. But this one is better as right away you can post work for others to review and rate! BUT there is one factor I didn't see. Perhaps WDC could get more members by offering to be a sponsor for NaNoWriMo perhaps?
Thank you for posting this for me to read. I tried to read what I could and came up with a few things that might need some attention.
First of all most of the paragraphs are bunched together in one huge mass. I'm not sure is this is an accident due to the WDC document editor, but all the paragraphs grouped together is making it rather difficult for reading. Spacing out the paragraphs will make the chapters flow more smoothly and will be easier to read, meaning lees strain on the eyes of the reader.
I did spot a few errors:
'on teh next block' - it should be 'the'.
'where ever' should be one complete word.
'grans house' - should be 'gran's house' I saw quite a few of these in the latter paragraphs.
There were a few more I could see. Once the document is spaced out more, I return and have another go at reading this.
Well done on you for typing all this! I have problems getting more than 3800 words on a page sometimes!
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