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1,511 Public Reviews Given
1,604 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look for a good hook at the beginning and like stories that "hit the ground running". Good plots with a theme, strong characters with an emotional impact, moving dialogue, sensory descriptions, clear communication and words with a purpose are strong points of a good story.
I'm good at...
knowing a good story when I read one. I like to read as much as I like to write, maybe more. I will let you know when a sentence just does not make sense to me, and I will try to give you my opinion on how to make it better.
Favorite Genres
biographical, family, drama, mystery, comedy, nature, young adult
Least Favorite Genres
sci-fi, erotica, fantasy, mythology
Favorite Item Types
short stories, essays, fiction & non-fiction
Least Favorite Item Types
novels
I will not review...
novels...sorry, no time
Public Reviews
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Review of Detective Dina  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Morning,

I love this! Doesn't every kid want to be a detective? I know I did. And advertising? Now who would have thought of that? Too bad she had to "lose" something on her own. There must be lost of missing things around the house, keys, books, pets. I'm always looking for something.

Great job...keep going. I think you have a winner here.

Thanks for sharing.

Connie
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Analapine,

Your article is very informative. I have mild arthritis but I take Prednisone (5 mg now) for polymyalgia rheumatica (pmr), over two years now. It is supposed to go away in time and thankfully the medicine keeps it at bay.

It sounds like you are doing all you can and I hope you are getting optimum relief.

Thanks for sharing.

Connie
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Review of Melia  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Butterbean,

Welcome to writing.com. I enjoyed reading your short story. You did a great job of building suspense and keeping my attention.

This story sounds like it might be the beginning of something longer. You have an interesting character to work with, feisty and independent. I just know Melia will be going back to that cave. And a friendly dragon, now that's interesting too.

Hope you write some more of this story and I hope you are enjoying WDC.

Connie
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

You do a good job in your first few paragraphs of setting up your story. I knew I was reading a travelogue of a vacation or sight-seeing tour. What I didn't expect was all the nice historical information and links you gave me about the country's art and government.

You employed another nice literary device of having coffee with the old man, a native, wrapping up your visit with the election results. All in all, a nice picture of life in The Hague based on the purchase of a map for a walking tour. Thanks for sharing and ...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review of Cheating Husband  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

The set-up for your story was effective. It got my interest right away. You had all the elements, characters, plot, conflict, and resolution. Your writing method made me feel as though I were watching a television show or movie.

Elaine was certainly a callous person, interested only in her fee and then interested only in the flow of clients resulting from the murders and how she solved the case.

Although the story line is not a new one, it did hold my interest. I was thrown out of the story several time by some technical errors. A good grammar, spelling, and syntax edit would help that problem.

Thanks for sharing and...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

You've written an interesting story with a good hook. Mentioning that someone else finding the object could lead to catastrophe heightened my interest. After that, I was rooting for Clara to find what she was searching for.

You work your backstory in so that I am not annoyed by it (as I sometimes am) although in this case, I really would have like a little more explanation. Your limited characters are well enough defined to carry the story along. Your use of dialogue keeps things moving. I love gemstones so that caught my interest as well.

Dropping the stone in the ocean seemed a good resolution although certainly it could still be found.

Thanks for sharing and ...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review of Baby Race  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

A heart-warming story proving that winning is not everything. I was as puzzled as Debra at the outcome of the scavenger hunt until Wendy gave her explanations. I think the good deeds might have been better served if they had been included in the chronological telling of the story. Keeping them hidden until the end made me feel that somehow I couldn't be trusted with that information until the hunt was over. If I could have made up my own mind as to who deserved to win, I would have been happier at the outcome. Just my own thoughts...

I like your story with its feel-good ending. The flow and dialogue were good as were the plot and conflicts.

Thanks for sharing and ...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

This story is a dream come true. I wish all homeless people could find this kindness in others. I enjoyed reading it and was happy with the ending.

The only thing...no map? And some conflict would have made the story more interesting. Perhaps Chrissy's flu could have had a turn for the worse, or maybe there was something about Danny she didn't like and then overcame.

You have a lovely idea here. It just needs a little more work and it would be a great story.

Thanks for sharing and ...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

This is both a sad and happy story of a young girl searching for a childhood memento in order to leave it in her mother's casket. You tell the story well, setting out the plot, inserting some conflict leading to the happy resolution. You've also used the photo prompt of a girl searching a map in your story.

Your dialogue seems natural and moves the tale along. I liked the description of the memento and could picture the mushroom statuary in the park, a nice touch.

Your writing flows well and no errors bumped me out of the story.

Thanks for sharing and ...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

I enjoyed reading this and would have liked to have heard more about Georgia and Karen. You have a good beginning to a story and lots of possibilities for this mother/daughter relationship and Georgia's journey to school. This seems like a prologue to what actually happens.

You've incorporated the photo prompt into the story but the reader needs more story to be satisfied at the end. Your writing is easy to read and you've paid attention to technical details. Now, just give the reader a little more to chew on.

Thanks for sharing and ...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review of The Treasure Map  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

Oh, my, it doesn't pay to be gullible. I enjoyed several laughs as I read through this story, suitable for St. Patrick's Day and April Fool's as well, and your blurb is perfect.

I can relate to Samantha's interest in the map. I would have been interested, too, but not to the extent of believing in the treasure. I'm familiar with the Shenandoah area and its beauty. She should have been content with the picnicking.

Her friend Alice didn't seem to be such a good friend. I think she knew how gullible Samantha was and led her on a merry path to see how far she would go.

So...everything in your story interested me. It was well-written with good dialogue to move things forward and kept me reading on until the "sad" end. Thanks for sharing and...

Keep writing,
Connieann
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

Yes, be careful what you ask for, an interesting story with a not so happy ending. A mystery always keeps me reading and you did that with your well-written tale.

You did a good job of making Kris seem so normal, so like all other girls her age, and yet very different, actually obsessed, and that obsession brought her to a place she would never leave. Poe's A dream within a dream came to mind as I read. Myths do seem to have some sort of hold on most of us, originating in childhood, I suppose.

I appreciate your attention to detail and enjoyed your story based on the photo prompt.

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

What a cute story. I like how you incorporate the writing information into the text. Obviously, you're a character-driven writer, which, when you think about, will create a lot of the story plot. Nicely, done. And it all came from a girl looking at a map, with a little devious direction from his friend.

I also like where you go with this story, insinuating a happy ending but not really telling. Your dialogue is believable and moves along the story line and keeps the reader guessing, love that.

Thanks for sharing this and ...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

What are the odds of this happening? Two people interviewing for the same job get lost at the same kiosk and are interested in buying the same map. Anything can happen in a story and it does. So they pool their resources (the map) and the tale begins. One blames the other for a setup but is it? Now they find each has invented parts of the same VR program. Their memories are lapsing and they are in deep trouble. They are in the game and the story within the story unfolds.

I enjoyed reading this strange tale. Thanks for sharing and ...

Keep writing,
Connieann
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Espero,

I picked up your story from you Cramp win, congratulations!

This sounded so natural, I read all the way through without another thought in my head. Good writing.

Aw, those three little heads deserve some ice cream.

Thanks for sharing.

Connie
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Review of Anime Hamster  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

You successfully set up your main character in your first paragraph, giving the reader an abundance of information. Then, unfortunately, Chris sets up himself for some bullying in the guise of a wager.

Although the themes of the story, bullying and nerd gets girl, are age-old, you update it with a current take, things of interest to teens and high-schoolers today.

Even though, Chris' prize, if he won, was spelled out with details, I felt that what he would receive if he lost was a little blurry. More details on this would have improved the bet and the urgency for him to win.

Your dialogue was believable and well-written and gave a good, steady pace to the story. The one thing missing was surprise, everything moved along as expected.

I really liked Mary's character and the way you first presented her...remembered as dancing on a table, and art was a good tie-in to Chris' character.

I have no complaints on your writing, technical points or otherwise. It's very well done, just slightly lacking in originality and surprise.

Keep writing,
Connieann
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

This is an interesting story although I couldn't figure out exactly how Pauvic got possession of the weapon. He just appeared to have it without any explanation.

Your dialogue helps to move the story along and does a lot of showing without having to bore the reader with exposition. Even though I am an "older one", I appreciated the "younger ones" in control *Smile*.

A thorough edit would help your story since I found several sentences not making a lot of sense unless I used my imagination. For example:

“You are thinking about are Younger Ones --Should this be "What you are thinking about are Younger Ones?

A second later Pauvic's image disappear to be replaced by a large spaceship. --Should disappear be disappeared?

Also, a good edit for punctuation would help the reader with the flow of the story.

I like the premise of the tale and especially the ending, which would interest the young reader.

Thanks for sharing.

Keep writing,
Connieann
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Review of The Legacy  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

After reading the first few lines, I thought Natalie's grandmother had also passed away but soon discovered that was not the case, I think. Was the portrait something new that Natalie had never seen before. I wondered where it came from and who might have hung it there.

Then, as I read on, yes, her grandmother was already dead and all this was some sort of vision to tell her about her legacy, her witch legacy, dating all the way back to Eve...very interesting story.

I thought some of your description may have been overdone, especially the word "pus" being used for a color. That made me gag. But your story was original and left an imprint. I'm a fan of dragonflies and I guess that was to be Natalie's familiar...to match the pendant.

You leave a lot of questions to be answered by the reader. You may want to clear up some of them. Natalie did seem to "take" to her new position. Why was the morning glory getting a foothold on the unicorn? To let us know the grandmother's grave was recent? I had lots of questions, I guess.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Keep writing,
Connieann
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Review of Lucy  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Espero,

Congratulations on winning the Cramp today!

I love cat stories so I knew there would be some good ones as soon as I read the prompt yesterday. I have a kitty myself and she is sort of described in your story...the haughty attitude and aloofness at least.

I appreciate all the gentle and understanding care of the author even though it didn't seem to be reciprocated.

Your story was well-written and without technical errors as far as I could see. And, yes, I do think cats have better memories than we do.

Connie
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Review of Healing Pool  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

When this story begins, I'm assuming Nick and Merc are in a war zone somewhere and then they are somehow transported to a magical pond in the Appalachians where its healing power restores both of them. They acknowledge to others at the pond that they too have special powers, but have always hidden them, afraid of being ridiculed or worse.

You wrote an imaginative story and related it well to the image.

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review of Secret Cave Swim  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

As I read your entry I suspected the creature was some sort of cat (she had a heart) but after looking at your genre listing, I changed my mind and decided it must be a supernatural being. Your description is excellent. The imagery allowed me to picture everything that was going on and to feel the being's fear and stealth as well as its enjoyment of the water. I even pictured an African scene although that didn't quite fit my idea of the image prompt.

I really enjoyed reading this as I am a lover of the water and I appreciate your attention to detail. However, I felt this was more scene than story.

Thanks for sharing and...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

So, it sounds like Sarah is going around in circles but apparently she has gotten her wish, sort of, just not quite as she expected. And the thing is, it seems the magic worked on her instead of on the others.

You've written an interesting story and I enjoyed reading it. I appreciate your attention to the details of grammar, spelling and punctuation. Thank you for sharing.

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review of The Cave  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

I like your opening paragraph. It sets the scene and the mood of the story, a little Poe-like. I'm drawn into the mind of the protagonist as I read along and realize she is unbalanced and depressed.

Your descriptions are good, painting a nice picture of the pool and cavern to tie into the prompt.

Her obsession with her lover is scary at times...you've written this well. The ending was a little unclear to me but maybe you intend it that way. I wondered how his death happened...and did she die as well?

It was an interesting read. Thanks for sharing.

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

Your opening lines are good and quickly got my attention but as I kept reading, none of my questions were answered...where did her father come from and why, what was this place, is this another time period,.... And you have no resolution. The story ends as it begins.

You have an interesting writing style and I like the way you use dialogue to move the action along, but I need some sort of answers for a story to be a story. With a little more work, this could turn into something really good, but as it it, I'm not sure what to make of it. Is the title supposed to mean something to me?

Thanks for sharing this; you have me thinking about possibilities.

Keep writing,
Connieann
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Review of The Lab  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

Apparently, Marie and the Lieutenant are in the right (or wrong) place at the right (or wrong) time. Things seem to have started happening in this old cave/laboratory on their own and it's not good for Earth.

This is an interesting read that I would have liked to see expanded some with more information for the reader, at least for this reader.

I enjoyed the back and forth dialogue (banter) between the two characters. It helped define them.

I liked the writing style and appreciated the attention to grammar, spelling and syntax.

Thanks for sharing.

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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