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Review Requests: OFF
1,511 Public Reviews Given
1,604 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look for a good hook at the beginning and like stories that "hit the ground running". Good plots with a theme, strong characters with an emotional impact, moving dialogue, sensory descriptions, clear communication and words with a purpose are strong points of a good story.
I'm good at...
knowing a good story when I read one. I like to read as much as I like to write, maybe more. I will let you know when a sentence just does not make sense to me, and I will try to give you my opinion on how to make it better.
Favorite Genres
biographical, family, drama, mystery, comedy, nature, young adult
Least Favorite Genres
sci-fi, erotica, fantasy, mythology
Favorite Item Types
short stories, essays, fiction & non-fiction
Least Favorite Item Types
novels
I will not review...
novels...sorry, no time
Public Reviews
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Review of World Upside Down  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

Well, I wondered if you were foreshadowing another relationship. There were several evil clues, but of course egotistical Danilo did not get it until it was too late and his "world was upside down." I can't decide whether I feel sorry for the fool or not. I guess I do...a little.

I enjoyed reading about spelunking, never done it but find it fascinating and so beautiful.

I really liked your well-written story but felt it needed to relate more to the prompt image even though the setting was a cavern.

Thanks for sharing this entertaining read and...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review of Remnants  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

I like the way you open with Sarah asking and answering questions in her head, a nice way to give background and set a tone for the story. I felt her yearning for the unfamiliar past and her questioning of the too-real present.

Then, you go on to specifics, placing blame, still in Sarah's head. I did find it slightly incongruous that she would complain about shutting down the grid as an "unwelcome routine" after condemning "the selfish bastards for more energy production." Just a thought. Apparently, she is living in some sort of compound with her small son after a catastrophic event has happened due to global warming.

I enjoyed the interaction between Sarah and Ben letting the reader know that even though the world may dramatically change, the tie between mother and son remains the same. Excellent contrast.

The Silent Spring was a welcome inclusion, the perfect way to show Ben how it had been through Rachel Carson's story and how things would change, certainly not a children's book but suiting your purpose.

You've employed some unique methods in telling this story, I would say flash fiction, and I enjoyed reading it. I had memories pop up in my head of The Room and also The Handmaid's Tale. I would have liked more description of the image prompt. Thanks for sharing it.

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review of Deletion  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

Well, this is a very different take on the image prompt, now that I have dragons, trolls, magicians, aliens, and fairies roaming around in my head. Thanks for the change-up.

I guess you could say this story is in the fantasy realm since Abby's typewritten words have transported themselves to Sam's subconscious dream-state. But this one is actually believable...power of suggestion...been there, done that. You allude to this mysterious connection between editor and author in your second paragraph.

I like the way you tie-in to the prompt image by having your author's story happening in a cave and of course the thunder storm with the water dripping outside Sam's bedroom helps set the scene in her mind.

Good writing, good editing, and good attention to detail. Thanks for sharing...

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Please remember, these are my opinions. Take what you can use and discard the rest. Thank you for entering.

I liked this story of two old friends finally getting together again to do some exploring, something they loved in their youth. Your description of the cave ties in nicely to the image prompt and your dialogue realistically moves the plot along.

It was appropriate that Mark saves Jimmy's life and yet he gives Jimmy credit with finding the way out of the cave...ironic since Mark was responsible for Jimmy falling into the water.

Nicely done and a pleasant read with a sort of expected ending, but that's okay. Thanks for sharing.

Keep writing,
Connieann
moon over ocean at night
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Review of White Leaves  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good Morning Angel,

Oh, I love that salutation!

What an interesting story you've written. I read along (good flow) and had my suspicions that Ted's plan of drug-induced dementia was going to backfire, but I didn't expect the scissors.

One question: How was Ted responsible for the accident...enough to be arrested? Drunk driving?

Thanks for this enjoyable read...and good luck in the contest.

Keep writing,
Connie
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Review of This and that  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

Responding to your review request.... Since you didn't say, first I'll go line by line.

Line 2 - ones should be one's
Line 11 - mothers should be mother's and I would put a comma after mother's to break the 2 complete clauses.
Line 15 - In place of the comma after hearts I would insert the word "while" unless that is not your meaning.
Line 17 - Instead of the comma after dark I would end that sentence and begin a new one with "The battle".

So much for my idea of corrections. I love this piece of prose poetry, at least that is what I would call it. You have wisely divided it into two paragraphs. And your title at first seems to be an afterthought but really gives more emphasis to those two opposing views. Well done.

Since you gave no specific instructions, I can only say it was an interesting read with good metaphors, good flow and provided some food for thought. Thanks for sharing.

Connie
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Review of Lake Wickaboag  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Judity,

I walked down memory lane with you this morning and caught a few memories of my own along the same lines.

This is a well-written account of growing up in a small New England town with a lake being the center of all childish activity. Your descriptions put me in your universe and you personal memories made the story cozy.

Thanks for sharing.

Connie
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Good Afternoon,

This is a real tear-jerker. And very well-written.

I thought, at first, I would be hearing a war-story but this was so much better, that it wasn't grandpa's house was a big surprise, the best. I hope you try to get this published somewhere. I loved it.

Connie
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Review of Clowning Around  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Fyn,

I love your stories and this one is no exception. I think I found you on the "read and review".

You hooked me at the beginning by starting at the middle, obviously a good thing. You made me like all your characters (except the brother), even Bessie. And your ending was perfect. As I read along my brain ticked off all the right things you were doing, concrete verbs, etc. and first person was the perfect tense for a comfortable cozy exchange.

Thanks for sharing this.

Connie
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Review of Luck  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

I found you in the Daily Flash. Good luck with your entry.

You tell your story well. I traveled through the party with you. Your hints on "blending in" made everything believable and your plan seemed invincible which made your ending a surprise. What rotten luck!

A most entertaining read. Thanks for sharing.

Connie
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Review of Hare Trigger  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Good Afternoon,

I found you on the Hub page, and your title and the word "comedy" pulled me in. You did deliver *Smile*.

I like the way you get right into the action and I like the way you move it along with dialogue, two great things to remember when writing short stories.

And I love it when a writer makes a fantasy believable. (laughing here) Well done.

Connie
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Review of Jake  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good Morning Sarah Rose,

I found you under "read a newbie". Welcome to writing.com.

You've written an interesting story and it sounds like it may be true. Obviously, Jake saw something in Hunter that drew him out.

You've done a good job of showing and not telling. Your dialogue is realistic.

The ending is sad but I expect it's an ending that happens often.

I hope you're enjoying the site and I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories.

Connie
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Review of A Difficult Child  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Morning,

After reading the little blurb on your port page, I don't know whether to believe all this or not. At any rate, it's a great piece and I thoroughly enjoyed every word. I expect some is true and some not.

I see you are new to writing.com. I would like to give you a hearty welcome and hope you share more stories.

Connie
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Review of Little Habits  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good Evening,

I picked up your story from the Hub page. Poe and King are the only horror writers I have read, and I can feel a little bit of Poe in this short story, especially the ending.

I almost clicked off on the first sentence. What do you mean by "close"? I would rearrange..."as the burning sun in its death throes fell from the darkening sky." It's very important to make your first few sentences error-free if you want to keep your reader engaged even if it's only for a review.

Your idea is good, your prose is imaginative, you just need to do a thorough edit for errors. For example the last sentence in the 3rd para from the end. Do you mean what he was to become or what was to come? You should be able to easily correct errors like these with a close read over.

Thanks for sharing this and I hope you take the time to spruce it up.

Connie
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Review of A new friend  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good Morning,

I enjoyed this. It could be the beginning of a good novel, all kinds of possibilities. Is that what you intend?

Your writing is smooth and I read along quickly. It has a sort of Austen flavor or at least that time period although you don't let me know in words.

I hope you continue a story. Let me know if there is more.

Connie
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Review of A Possum's Story  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Morning,

Oh my, what a beautiful story! I love animals too so I read about your black cat and then this one about a possum (which I am a little scared of). You make me want to go out and find one.

I had no idea the story would end the way it did, but it was exactly right. I'm so sorry. Thanks for sharing this.

Connie
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Good Morning Linda,

This is funny if you don't live in Florida and pretty darn authentic if you do live in Florida (which I do).

I, too, have done the fire ant dance, usually when mowing grass, so embarrassing.

And I, too, have dumped the expensive poison only to see the hill move twenty feet to the left. Ugh.

Thanks for sharing this funny side of fire ants. Formerly, I was unaware there was a funny side...but now I see.

Oh...and I love your writing style.

Connie
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Review of A Final today  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again,

As I said, I'm not much of a poet (or critic of one).

You have a universal theme here, how people react to dire news. The poem tries to make light of it, yet a dangerous undertone is there. Juxtaposition?

And should they all be questions? I really like the last line. The reader can interpret it however he wants.

As far as the rhyme, it was not as important to me as the meaning I attached to the words. To me there was something about the last line in the second stanza that seemed "off".

Sorry I haven't been much help, but I am happy you have entered the foray.

Connie
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Review of Deadly Clowns  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello again,

I'm visiting your port to reciprocate...disappointed to find only this short sample of your writing.

However, I wanted you to know this short piece is clearly written, easy to read, and makes me wonder what is going on with this clown *Laugh*. It sounds a little ominous.

I hope you will write some more, and will let me know.

Connie
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Review of Residents Only  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Good Morning,

Yes, maybe we are the trespassers, and I'm a fan of both Guthries. And we are writing on the other side, not in words but in actions.

I like your essay. It's well-written and thoughtful and does what an essay should do, begin a discussion.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing.

Connie
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Review of The Neighbour  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good Morning,

I found you on this week's Short Story Newsletter. You had me hooked from the beginning with the note on the door. I knew no good was coming from that *Smile*.

You do a good job of combining telling and showing throughout the story. You keep the action moving, and I never lost interest.

I noticed a few grammatical errors, nothing that bumped me out of reading. A close edit would take care of them. This sounds like a good story to submit somewhere...or maybe you already have.

Best of luck with it and thanks for sharing it here on writing.com.

Connie
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Review of Moving To Florida  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good Morning,

I must say...your handle fits. You are down to earth to be able to get through a move like that! Towing a trailer and a car, well, I can't even think about that *Laugh*. And, then, having the car fall off, more than once, wow!

Exactly how long did it take to be able to laugh about it? Glad you lived through it and are able to write a funny story like this one. Oh, and I found it on the Comedy Newsletter, my first "go-to" on Wednesdays. Thanks for sharing...great writing.

Connie
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Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Morning,

I found your story advertised on the "Hub Page" and since I am a cat lover, it was a must read.

It sounds like you have been studying cats. The scene where you have Mr. Feline going out the door very cautiously is right on...couldn't be described better.

And as for cats being independent, I've never seen one that wasn't.

Sorry I'm not giving equal time to your dog info, but, yeah, I'm not into dogs.

Thanks for sharing this very true account *Smile*.

Connie
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Review of "UNGH!"  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Angus,

I clicked on the "family" genre and your story came up, a very weird family I might add *Smile*.

I find it ironic that you used the Thanksgiving holiday for revenge. But irony and sarcasm live throughout your story.

You tell it well and I flew through it. Thanks for sharing the chuckles.

Connie
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Review of The Bow Tie Cat  Open in new Window.
Review by Ah, September! Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good Morning,

Congrats on your Cramp win! I love cats so I couldn't resist reading your poem. You have done an excellent job of including all the required prompt phrases *Smile*.

Everything was going along so well until I got to the last line. How did the bow tie cat leave bow tie behind? Maybe I missed something *Laugh*?

Connie
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