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Review Requests: OFF
672 Public Reviews Given
673 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest, for the most part. Not hurtful, for the most part. In other words I'll try to be straight up but not step on you face while I'm about it. Oh, by the way, this points business confuses me. I don't want to charge for a review. If I have the points in the bank I'll refund you 900. Why I'm required to ask 1000 is past my understanding.
I'm good at...
Not much. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, most of the mechanical stuff. Good eye for composition. I read a lot and I can give you a reader's opinion. Most good reviews are a fresh eye.
Favorite Genres
western, sci fi , detective, general or literary fiction
Least Favorite Genres
erotica
Favorite Item Types
what, pray tell, is an "item type"?
Least Favorite Item Types
See above
I will not review...
stories about kangaroos
Public Reviews
Previous ... 7 8 9 10 -11- 12 13 ... Next
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Review by Dee C
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Sorry to be so long getting to this but my internet provider didn't provide today. I was pulling your chain with the snarky "abysmal" remark. I didn't read two because I wanted to read one first. I hate coming in in the middle.

A good first chapter introducing the main character, Toby. It did its job and conveyed the needed information in pleasant spoonfuls, no abrupt dumping or rushed gush of factoids. The backstory is graceful, using okra was a workmanlike device. I'll steal that trick from you, if I may?

One or two things I noticed: "hopeless noob" is new to me and sounds home made, "secret super power" this seems a bit blunt and out of keeping with your talent for shaping the facts, it does have the virtue of directness, but may deprive a reader of pleasant discovery, "He was not much older than Toby" followed by "Hello Son" and then "Thanks Bro" stopped my eye. The Son reference seemed out of place after the age similarity information and then it was negated by the Bro reference.

My daughter calls the ice cream headache "brain freeze". Just FYI.

I like "push and Squelch" also the discovery by the MC that he was not alone and his gifts might just be the tip of a really big iceberg. Good reader candy too.

I'll go on to two as soon as I can. Thanks for the link.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dee C
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Well, I'm certainly not going to read this abysmal effort at writing until I have gone back and found chapter one. when I delve into the abyss I want to start at the beginning. this chapter came up when I looked for a random read and review item. You are hardly a random victim er, writer. I shall search out chapter one and begin at the beginning.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dee C
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Sometimes it's hard to be a male. We come along with upper body strength that does not always reach above the shoulders. Tat is a shame. The culture that has memorialized pseudo rape as admirable confuses boys. We are not all empowered to grab Vivien Leigh and march up the staircase. But here we are and now we all must make the best of it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
That was a clever piece of work. I doubt I'd have the kind of faith in myth ole Roy had, but I'm glad I got to read about someone who did.
Thanks for sharing
dc


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
This helpful article makes a strong case for thoughtful formatting. I can't even estimate how many offerings I have passed over because they appeared to be one solid monolithic brick wall of print.

White space is almost as important as ink. Unrelieved blocks of text will not be read.
dc


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Wire Walker  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (2.5)
The opening grabbed my attention. "Oh, yeah - and this was without a net." That line gave me a chill. Then the story was over with no conflict to make the wonderful opening live up to expectations. Not even an out of balance wobble that could turn out to be showmanship- something to make the rubes do a butt clench in their seats. While Marc got the job as high wire artist and that's a good thing for Marc,as far as the reader is concerned he might just as well have gotten a job in the produce department at the local Save- Mor grocery.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dee C
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Good yarn. No way to hide the facts. The kid got his mother's eyes and his father's fangs. Works for me. I did like the story. The most grievously horrible horror stories involve children. I always considered fairy tales to be horror. The Grimm brothers, the Mother Goose stories all gave me a sick thrill as a child. James' "Turn of the Screw" that sort of thing.

It is extremely difficult to write from the perspective of a child, but when it works it is an astounding effect.
thanks dc


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dee C
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I was rocking and rolling with the reading up until the paragraph that began in italics:-To his certain knowledge. My eyes glazed over for a while at the large amount of information I was required to ingest. It wasn't really that much so it was probably just formatting. I think the same words with a paragraph break at "He held his eyes steadily on ..."
Would get the beam out of my eye and keep the flow flowing. Just a thought.

The presentation of the facts of the case are clear and have a good even rate and flow. Thanks for not doing what I see in so many fantastic yarns - front loading the story with prologue or introduction. I hate that. Tell your students, acolytes, and minions, Cooper hates that.

I guess your history in in order. I presume it to be so. I have no idea what Northumbria's political and geographic position was in 1066 relative to Wessex. I trust you do, cause everybody's an expert with Wikapedia.

All around? A good first chapter. I druther have had him emerging from the Tardis into a blood spilling melee, but that's just the romantic in me.

By the way, I could not access "The Eye."
dc
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Review of Camp VR  
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
It took me a few minutes to figure out that RPGs weren't rocket propelled grenades but I worked it out.

A tale with a moral that incorporates the hero myth nicely. Campbell would be proud of you for writing this. I enjoyed the story despite my lack of game experience so something is working there.

Good dialogue, it seemed natural. There were a few swifties in the tag lines but for the most part the adverbs were handled well.

Thanks for sharing.
dc
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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (5.0)
Jones thanks for your recent(five minutes ago) message. Sure I'll try this I just couldn't figure it out before. Probably still can't but here goes:

Once upon a time there was a _ravishing young virgin who was born into a rich and socially elite family ________________________. Everyday,_ she pined for a handsome virile young man who would relieve her of her tiresome burden____________________________. One day, a horse broke down in front of her parent's villa. the rider was a traveling knight busyly recruiting _virgins for the king's annual dragon feeding. He at once saw the damsel as valuable asset , a solution to filling his quota. He begged the young woman's father for a bed for the knight until his horse could be repaired. The father, suspecting the knight of less than honorable intentions had his game keeper make a pallet of straw for the knight's night in the barn.__During the night the ravishing young virgin crept on satin slippers, past the sleeping game keeper into the barn. The R.Y.V. took a firm hold of the sleeping knight's baldric and gently shook him awake. Weeping great wet tears she disclosed her pitiable condition and begged the knight that very night to relieve her of this burden. The knight fiercely resisted, he had, after all, a quota to meet, and truth be told he wasn't all that attracted to girls. The R.Y.V. knew she was doomed; that tomorrow when the horse mechanic repaired the knight's mare, she (the R.Y.V. not the mare) would be dragon fodder. She wept bitter and even wetter tears in her dread and anguish. _____________________. Because of that,_noisy weeping the game keeper awoke and was moved to comfort the R.Y.V. Upon hearing her tale he arrived at a solution. He kept arriving at the solution until the cock crowed, and crowed ,and crowed about five or six times. __________________________. Until finally,__the sun came too and the disappointed knight rode off on his hastily repaired mare. The game keeper was promoted and the ravished young girl was thus spared her visit to the dragon. The knight found consolation in the recruitment of a handsome young squire who wanted to see the world and gain those exciting new experiences he couldn't find in his straight laced hick town. Thus they all lived happily for the next nine months.__________________________.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I think you have the makings of a good novel. I like the character sketch and the set up for a plot. Granted, while I love the bricks later on I, like any reader, will want to see the connecting mortar and experience the action without being told about it in outline. That will come soon I prophesize cause an egg as good as this one hatches sooner rather than later.

I saw you name in the "Newbies" section so welcome, as a new one also I feel you pain.

Thanks for sharing.
dc


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of I.Hawkins  
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear She Who Writes,

Good morning, Thanks for sharing your work. I am, that most valuable of commodities, an average reader of average perception and common misperception, that often makes me useful as a reviewer. Am I too modest in my modesty? Or maybe the opposite? The average reader does not read the first two to five pages of a book. This reader skips all the information about, publisher, copyright, dedication, typeface used and introductions and prologues. Sad, but true, I know I do, and I've already established my credentials for averageness. We average readers go right to the page marked Chapter One and hunt for the first line, "It was a dark and stormy night..."

The intro is probably inserted for the benefit of the members of this forum. Bad idea, this reader thinks. This reader believes a piece should appear as the writer would place it before and editor. No, I don't believe editors relish introductions and prologues either. Editors may ask for a prologue or suggest an introduction, but this is just editorial hubris and prerogative, let them have it if you ask me.

Your tale begins with a delightful immediacy, your verb tenses have a whiff of the passive voice to them, and you might review that at leisure, or not. Although not as severe as "It was a dark and stormy, etc." The tale does begin with the weather, ah me, so it goes.
The characters are quickly drawn and the reader gets to actually "see and hear" them un-channeled through the guts of a writer. This is wonderful to behold after reading ten stories in which the reader is fed pabulum by the erstwhile writer. Bless you and all your progeny.

I could go on for another acre of text but "She Who Must Be Obeyed" is summoning me to my duties.

Quickly before I go: father not gather (oops) and please for the sake of your soul omit all adverbs from your tag lines.

Thanks for sharing and reading (if you did) my blathering.
dc
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Review of Angels  
Review by Dee C
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Good Morning Hunter's Moon,

Love that name by the way. I am an avid read of the Old Farmer's Almanac and the names of the various moons are both useful and poetic, so good choice.

"Though hope has died, he still has pride which time cannot rescind"

Beautiful line with both interior and end rhyme. Perfect. However in context it does not ring true. The poem gives no evidence of pride or its companion hope. That's a shame. A poem that has an agenda, say take care of our own, or be generous and charitable to others, must be compelling. I was not compelled to action. Pity? Perhaps, but not action.

dc
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Review of Vessel of Love  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (3.0)
I have heard about this form, it is better to see an example. I wonder if these are ever set to music, having such a nice repeating refrain-like line.
dc
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Review of The Hunt  
Review by Dee C
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Very informative. I had no idea the Burmese Python killed by injecting venom.
dc
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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (3.0)
Wonderful idea to let us all know about your work.
dc
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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very imaginative story and thanks for sharing it. Your spell checker missed the "bate" for "bait" spelling but otherwise the text looks clean and error free to me.
dc
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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
That could wring a tear from a stone.
Thanks for sharing
dc
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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (5.0)
Think you'll get any response to this contest?
dc
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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was a really good idea. And gracious as all get out to boot. You show me plenty.
dc
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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (3.5)
Gotta love a time travel story. A guy whose advice I respect told me once that if I was going to write fiction I should go ahead and get the time travel and deal with the devil stories out of my system early on. So, how's you devil story working out?
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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is the type information a fiction writer relishes. Take a good report, add lies and embellishments, change a few names to protect the innocent or shield the guilty and presto a story. dc
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Review of "THY WILL"  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (5.0)
Way cool prayer. Don't see enough prayer in poetry anymore. My all time favorite poet isKing David. Now, that was a king.
Thanks for sharing.
dc
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Review of The Catacombs  
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
That was well done. Particularly enjoyed the dialogue between two absolutely different personalities. I can see you put a lot of thought and effort into this piece, right down to using every word allowed. The word limit was 500, right?

Thanks for sharing.
dc
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Review of Justice  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (2.5)
Pure justice, what a concept.
dc
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