Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:
Title, Description:: Tittle is interesting, made me curious. Excellent descriptive line, sets the ominous tone for story.
First Impressions/ Contents:: A heartbreaking tale of darkness, violence, and terror that held my attention throughout. I felt I was there, in that house, or just outside on the porch, aching to get in. [ nope, wouldn't have been bringing milk and cookies]
You have created a powerful world in which the reader stands cemented, wanting, yet unable, to intervene. The world of the young man, and that of the adult, are so different, or are they? A wonderful question to leave us pondering.
Plot:: Plot is well planned, very well executed. Events flow in a straight line. Putting the reader into the son's shoes at the end is a stroke of genius.
Characters, Dialogue:: I liked the main, POV character very much.He was compelling, strong in his inner self, determined to do the best things he could in varied situations. He had much courage, and it shone through his thoughts and actions.
Dialogue is by inner voice, it flows well and moves the story forward very well.
It certainly kept me hooked into this story.
ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
God's day, isn't it? [ add comma]
team losing; or if there was....carried into in to him, while...
Then the punches came. [ revise to delete two Then words right together, try;]
Next came the punches.
nearly a man. soon.[ soon is redundant, delete to tighten]
TRY REVISING; mum screamed. and The door slammed [ tightens, breaks up run on sentence]
... ribs. I couldn't ... [ make two sentences]
The End [ delete here, let story flow]
Well, almost. delete- let last paragraphs flow as is, the last sentence is so powerful as part of the overall story.
FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS:"
Closing two paragraphs, they really make reader think!
Closing Thoughts and Rating:: An excellent, emotional read that leaves one pondering how some can be so cruel.
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