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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
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Review of The Bridge  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group.Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Great tittle. Descriptive line fits.

CONTENTS;*Target*Two young boys go exploring.I like the quick pace of this short piece as well as the urban legend aspect in the beginning. Writing is crisp, plot is well crafted and executed.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR* I thought both boys were well portrayed for such a short piece, dialogue is believable, adds tension and moves the story forward very well.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR*Imagery is very well done, particularly in the opening scenes, which allows the reader to slip right into the story and visualize the characters very well.I got a great connection to Joey right off.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR* The beginning, because it sets the mood for the story very well. The ending for it's great twist!

SUGGESTIONS;*Question* None that would really aid this piece, punctuation, grammer, flow and dramatic arc were all well crafted.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*A great read about the new kid in town and choosing friendships wisely.


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177
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Invalid Item"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; A great story that is well plotted and crafted and follows the prompt well.
Your opening line had me fully engaged within the story from start to finish.

CONTENTS; An immortal warrior tries to escape the Mistress he does not understand. I found it very easy to step into this story and see it through the main character's viewpoint and eyes. Writing is fast-paced and gives great detail in few words, no long narratives to break up the flow of the story.
I liked how you set the location, fast, detailed and very visual. Mood was easily discernable through character actions.

CHARACTER[s];Filor is a complex character, very hard to understand and like until the middle and end as his motives and dreams become clear. I felt such sadness when his Mistress again caught up with him.
The Mistress is well created to be the perfect antagonist for Filor. The young boy helped show Filor's inner feelings and honor code very well.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Imagery is vivid and realistic. Emotions are strong, drawn out to keep reader interest and drama high throughout.
Dialogue is smooth, believable and moves the story forward well.

SUGGESTIONS: None, grammer, punctuation and spelling were well done, presentation and execution are excellent as they stand.

FINAL THOUGHTS: A wonderful plot line with much to build on for a much longer piece, perhaps a series of longer pieces. I'd love to read more of this warrior!

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178
Review of Wide Load  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Great plot and saddenly, a true one for many women, no matter thier weight. I think the ending would pack more punch if you gave her weight early on, before exercising, and a hint of her looks, ie; bone structure, similar and what friends/ her doctor? felt her right weight would be. The story has an important moral theme. I found it easy to relate to her, although from an alternate perspective of someone who's been that 98 lbs from illness. I was horrified for her at the ending, she is such a nice person, I was terrifyed she'd end up dead, not partying! You did an excellent job portraying this character, particularly the areas of her high school years and the crazy diet. The story held my interest very well, I felt the pacing and sharp, internal dialogue really made this story realistic. An excellent read.
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179
Review of the witch  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Invalid Item"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; A stronly written, interesting story, but I cannot see where it fits the 'shapeshifter prompt', robots are built, they don't shapeshift. [ My rating is mainly based on how you followed the prompt, for the writing alone, it would be much higher.

CONTENTS; Original, well crafted and held my interest very well. Action is fast paced and dialogue is believable.

CHARACTER[s]; Rob, Shy and Var's characters are all strong and believable. I particularly liked Var.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Good imagery and strong emotions of fear and determination make the story memorable.

SUGGESTIONS:
Capitilize each word in tittle for maximum impact.
moved towards to the door
like I a vice..
Shy looked over.. [ need to capitilize Shy as dialogue ends in a period.]

FINAL THOUGHTS: A well written piece that I truly wish had followed the prompt given.

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180
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group.Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Sharp tittle, interesting description.

CONTENTS;*Target*A drunk mistakes another patron for someone he knows. I enjoyed the chilling plot and storyline to this short story. A very strong, dramatic arc and fast pace hold reader interest well. Great twist towards the ending.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR* Characters are well thought-out and engaging. Dialogue is sharp, believable and moves the story forward with perfect rythm. We get lots of background info, glimpses into each character without long, boring narrative.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Both imagery and emotions are sharp and well crafted in this piece.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR* The closing paragraph, it made the hair stand up on my neck.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
I'd capitilize all the words in the tittle to better draw the readers eye.
know you, and I can assure you...
114 thousand dollars... [ write out entire number, fourteen thousand dollars ]

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*A crisply written, pleasantly creepy little story that is well worth the read !


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181
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A powerful and thought-provoking poem on humanity and thier failures as keepers of the Earth. There is a strong, powerful rythm to this poem that pulls readers into it's flow and keeps them entranced to the closing line. A very nice, easy to read presentation that helps get the poem's message across very clearly. I liked the powerful emotion of outrage and despair this piece inspires. It is also a message that it is way past time to start ' turning our actions around.' Favorite Verses; Two, Four, Five - for thier emotional and visual impact.

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Review of Clocks  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group.Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Both aroused my interest and curiosity, I just had to read this one!

CONTENTS;*Target*A wonderfully dark and reader entrancing piece about time with an incredibly well- plotted twist ending. You have taken a simple, everyday object and imbued it with a far-reaching purpose that would not occur to the average person. I couldn't stop reading.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*Characters, including the beast are easy to see and connect with. VERY three-dimensional in nature. The running, internal dialogue of the narrator holds interest well and builds drama with every scene.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Imagery sets the mood, atmosphere and engages the reader deeply in the story. Emotions are powerful, filled with both desolation and hope.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*
The poem the beast found. Incredibly memorable!

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
LINE THREE- You have a conflict here between seeing and hearing - change either 'glow' to a sound, or 'ears' to eyes'.
...spice does the mouth. is exceptionally powerful, I'd keep that description for sure!
As They danced...
leaving faster that [ than] the springs...
more [ was not] important.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A wonderfully engaging and well plotted story that will be a true gem with just a little editing and polishing. A great and very deep read !


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Review of 18 Minutes  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group.Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire* Awesome tittle, good descriptive line.

CONTENTS;*Target*I found it very easy to connect with the main character, particularly in the beginning, because we shared some similar experiences and feelings. You have expressed his sense of loss and depression very well. I kept hoping he would find some way out of his fate.
Writing is crisp, well polished. Storyline is believable and well plotted.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*I could feel the emotional pain and determination in this character. His internal dialogue is clear and very believable, he has a strong, compelling voice.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR*Very powerful and well portrayed imagery sets scenes strongly into the readers mind. I felt I was standing there, hearing and watching this character as he went through his final day.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*
Opening scene and closing scene for the sharp, lasting impression they leave on the reader.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
None I feel would add concrete improvement to this piece, it is strong and powerful as it is.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A heart-wrenching story that I hope others read and ponder over how they react and relate to those they know who are very ill. You have captured those feelings inflicted by others perfectly.


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184
Review of I love redheads  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group.Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Catchy tittle, but I'd capitilize each word for impact. Great descriptive line.

CONTENTS;*Target* A very strong dramatic arc for such a short story. You did a wonderful job pulling the reader in and maintaining interest. The opening line is a well crafted hook, great work! The plot is good and the storyline lets readers in on what's happening, yet one finds themselves hoping they're wrong. Imagery is well done and the story is believable. You have a nice polished style and kept accurate in the character's POV.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*The main character is spooky and three dimensional, I liked knowing his thoughts as he saw the woman and made contact with her. His emotions of surprise and delight add depth to his personality.
The woman is well crafted and also very believable, although one would think she'd be a bit more cautious.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Great descriptions of snerery set place, time of day and mood. I could feel the emotions of lust, hope and curiosity in this piece very well. Imagery at the end is particularly easy to envision.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*
The opening, the scene in the bistro, and the ending.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
I would delete the bracketed words and just use commas there - less distracting and keeps the flow very smooth. Same suggestion on changing dashes between words into commas, or make them two sentences.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A nicely creepy dark tale that sent chills down my spine.


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Review of The Messenger  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group.Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Great tittle and descriptive line!

CONTENTS;*Target*Plot and storyline are fresh and ingenious, but I would suggest breaking up some paragraphs and revising some sentences into shorter, punchier versions to maintain reader interest, improve flow and heighten tension.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR* Both the Entity and the Doctor are well thought out, but one doesn't really connect with the entity or it's creators. Maybe add some dialogue between the creators as they send it off ? Or an internal conversation of the entity to describe this planet rather than the continous long narrative ? Dialogue there is sounds believable.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* In some areas the imagery is striking, in others I felt like running for a Dictionary every second sentence, maybe try a few less technichal, dry descriptions? Particularly paragraphs one to three.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*Description of the information the entity tried to pass to Doctor.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
FIRST PARAGRAPH; Delete both the bracketed words about entity and the sentence ' save the neuter ... sentence. [ Both are distracting and superfluous to story.] Try revising; EXAMPLE;
...to describe such a being. In fact... [ continue on from here]
extra-cosmic creators...
comma needed between ' space ' ' at speeds'
most-likely exceeding... [ it either was exceeding them or not]
It hurtled through the planet's atmosphere. [ delete its here- repititious]
if a true brain was present. [ entity is programmed, how can it make comparisons like this ?}
highly developed nervous systems. [ delete bracketed words, superfluos, distracting]
As the Knowledge flowed...
and even the unknown... [ character cannot know this]
ever never meant
extra-universal [ don't need extra]
writing writhing in agony...
were was in error...

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* Overall, a great little sci-fi story that has much appeal and potential with some tough editing and polishing. Definately worth revising !


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186
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A touching, yet sad story of a slave girl's dance for her Master. Your tittle and descriptive line fit this piece very well and arouse interest in readers as they come across it. The tittle compelled me to read the story. Your main character is very easy to visualize and one gets caught up in her emotions and desires as she dances. Very well thought out and portrayed. You kept tense and POV exceptionally well in this short story. Sentences are crisp, fast paced and well polished. I have no suggestions for improvement, this story holds reader interest very well !

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Review of Because...  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A haunting poem that reads more like song lyrics, very touching and the ending is strong enough to bring tears to my eyes. Good, strong rythm throughout, but I would suggest adding commas between the words ' you ' ' I' on lines five, six, thirteen and fourteen to maintain your rythm. I have no further suggestions for improvement as I think this piece is very strong and well - executed as it is.

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188
188
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A touching and memorable poem about falling in love and wedding days. Strong powerful feelings and imagery place the reader directly into the poem's story and lets them experience the momments described. I loved the soft, flowing rythm of this piece as well as the deep emotions of joy, tenderness and faith sprinkled throughout the piece. My only suggestions come in the form of some additional punctuation, which I felt would help readers pause and savour fully each event.
VERSE ONE; Commas after; romance's, heart.
VERSE TWO; Commas after; me, be, sizzle, soar.
VERSE THREE; commas after; melts, love, faster, know.
VERSE FOUR; commas after; wildly, way.
VERSE FIVE; commas after; Never, key.
Overall,a beautifully written poem I enjoyed very much.

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189
189
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A humourous look at love and marriage centered around hot water, or the lack of, as the case may be ! I liked this story as much for it's honesty as well as it's humourous aspects. The flow and voice of this piece combine to pull the reader into the story and let them view each scene as if they were a part of this great family. I learned much from this short piece, to use more tolerance towards others, to put my significant other's idiosyncracies second to thier overall nature and actions. Emotions bubble throughout this piece, but the over-riding one is acceceptance. The story is well polished as to grammer, punctuation and presentation. I have no valid suggestions that could hope to improve this piece. This is one of those pieces written to be read over and over again. *Thumbsup*


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Review of Blazing Saddles  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; Interesting and very unique storyline that held my interest from beginning to end ! I was alternately shivering in dread and disgust or laughing uproariously.

CONTENTS; A tightly written, very polished tale of a rather unlikeable young woman told from the viewpoint of her saddle. I liked the unexpected twist at the end of this story and felt it made it very memorable for readers. I also liked the blend of conflict with subtle undertones of dry humour. Very nicely done ! April's true nature should appeal to many who enjoy the darker stories, you have a great beginning for a longer piece here as well.

CHARACTER; Both were so easy to relate to and April's personality and background shines through clearly from the saddles's point of view. I felt great compassion for the saddle and found April so easy to visualize, It was like she'd walked off the screen into my living room.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Wonderful imagery of the family roots, lifestyle, both before and after the Lottery. Background details allowed me to step right into this story and see thier world through my eyes. Emotions were handled with a few well placed words that let readers peek into the inner minds of the characters.

SUGGESTIONS:
'worse parents of the year reads more smoothly as worst.

FINAL THOUGHTS: A well planned and well told story that left me wanting to read much more about April's transformation !

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191
Review of Dochia's Saddle  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; An wonderful tale of a daughter pretending to be a son in medieval times. I didn't get a real sense of location in this story as to Country it was set in, but the time period remained consistent throughout. Well done !

CONTENTS; A touching tale of betrayal and heartbreak told through the eyes of the main character's saddle, which had a pretty interesting personality of it's own ! There is a very well developed story arc here that would definately support a longer piece. A girl takes over as a pretend son to her Father's inheritance and becomes a great warrior on her own merit. She loves and loses and vows revenge at her beloved's death. Writing and voice are strong and POV remains consistent throughout.

CHARACTER; I found it easy to visualize Stan, but difficult to really connect to 'her 'emotional state. I was rather confused about whether her lover was indeed a lost brother? This rather threw me out of the story.

IMAGERY & EMOTION:Imagery is very well done. Consistent with the story's time period. Emotions of fear and greed are strong in some parts but weak in the overall piece, more detailed emotion through showing Stan's response at her lover's death would clarify the ending.

SUGGESTIONS:
You need to give this piece a strong edit and polish for punctuation and missing or non-sensical words. EXAMPLES:
Paragraph Five; comma needed between; needed 'albei'
Paragraph Eight; .. blush on Stan's face as the result...'
avoid to hear... [ overhearing]
"Your mother choose right." [ chose right]
shining with use howdah ? what does this mean ? made no sense to me.

FINAL THOUGHTS: A wonderfully inventive and interesting story that just needs a little more work to truly shine !

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192
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; A unique plot told from the perspective of a revolver. A very different take on the humans vs. werewolves scene, I liked this because it puts werewolves back into the horror genre, right where I like them ! *Smile*

CONTENTS; The story covers a span of history with very relevant facts to make it believable and authentic, such as when color was introduced into photography. It is very easy, with the soft, story-teller's flow of this tale, for reader believability to be transcended and the story and characters come to life on the screen. I found myself caught up in the tale, which covers at least three generations of families, and is complete with a beginning, middle and end. I particularly enjoyed all the little plot twists which keep the reader off-balance and engaged, rather like a Jeffrey Deaver story, you just think it's figured out and over, and bang, you're off and running again. A really dramatic and absorbing read !

CHARACTER; RedClaw's character and that of Jenkins, both really come to life from the pov's perspective, although RedClaw's is the main character and the focal person in the story, I felt I knew him less well as a personality than I did Jenkins.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Imagery is creative and sets the scenes very well for readers, making the story come alive in the reader's mind. Emotion is vivid and dramatic both between Jenkins and Redclaws and the young wife and Redclaws.

SUGGESTIONS:
two pictures tapped [ taped ?] together. [ mis-spelled]
aimed at the rakasha and fire [ fired]

FINAL THOUGHTS: A great read for fans of the werewolf stories, and I'm sure many who enjoy historical military stories in the fantasy genre would enjoy this one too.

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193
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; A story about a happy woman with a sad and haunting ending, told from the perspective of her coffee mug.

CONTENTS; You have packed this little story with great details of a seemingly ideal life, than thrown a great plot twist in at the end which changes everything. I particularly enjoyed the fact this story concentrated more on showing than telling the details of everyday life and tha you used all five senses in placing your reader directly into each scene. Seemingly mundane details take on special meaning when described in this manner.
The story flows smoothly from beginning to end.

CHARACTER; Rachel's character is three dimensional and very likeable. She and her lifestyle are realistic, her personality is cheerful, she makes even the little things feel special. This is a person I could easily imagine knowing and liking very much.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Imagery is beautifully crafted and gives great authenticity to this story. Emotion is shown through her change in routine, and this works to create an even stronger mental impact in the reader. I felt great sadness and empathy for Rachel at the end.

SUGGESTIONS:
First paragraph; could use a comma after 'week '
seaming liquid [ steaming]
I set beside the computer... [ sit]
savouring aroma [ savoury]

FINAL THOUGHTS: A very touching and memorable story with a truly likeable character that I will remember foe quite awhile. I'd enjoy reading more about Rachel.

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194
Review of The Laboratory.  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; A story about a scientist doing questionable experiments, probably on people.

CONTENTS; You have an interesting plot and storyline, but this gets a little lost in mis-spelled and hard to follow sentences which throw the reader out of the story. This is readily fixed with a good edit and polish.

CHARACTER; Your main character, the scientist, is reasonably well described, but I didn't really find anything to connect me with him in a way that he'd be memorable after I finished the story. He is rather one dimensional and could use some show of emotion through an event or short dialogue that gives us a view of his inner personality.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Imagery is well thought out, I could see the lab area clearly. I didn't get any sense of real emotion from this character.

SUGGESTIONS:
'I don't period.'[ As an opening line, this sentence makes no sense in context with the lines directly following it, I'd either delete or revise it.]
darkness periods. [ dark reads smoother there.]
chemical [ chemicals]
uses me [ forgot the 's'again. [ you do this throughout the piece and I'd give it a strong edit for this and other mis-spelled words.]
have [ has]

FINAL THOUGHTS: An excellent first draft of a story with good potential, it just needs a good polish.

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195
Review of Cease To Be  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; Original theme and storyline that engages the reader's curiosity from the beginning.

CONTENTS; A well crafted story about a young girl in a sanitarium type hospital. She has physical and mental problems with a tendency towards violence, yet she has an underlying pathos and loneliness that makes one wonder if she is quite whom she's portrayed to be. I found myself wanting to know more about this girl and her circumstances long after reading.

CHARACTER; Cease comes through strongly as a young woman with many emotional problems who has un-wittingly found herself in a place where readers are not quite certain she belongs, we're left with the question, 'did she really do as they say?' I really wanted to read more of her story !
The inanimate object came across as quite vague in what it was, my guess was a photo frame. However, this is exactly as it should be for this particular prompt.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Imagery is a bit vague in some areas, for instance, more detail on the type of facility she's held would give more of a dramatic feel to her plight, ie; barred windows, locked doors, etc. I felt this would also give a better clue to her age.
Emotions of anger, sadness, loneliness and deep despair come across clearly in both dialogue and character actions.

SUGGESTIONS: You need to edit for formatting and presentation. Paragraphs of dialogue only, need to be indented just like regular paragraphs. EXAMPLE:
          Cease sniffed, "I-I miss them." [ you need to check for similar errors throughout the piece.]

FINAL THOUGHTS: An engaging, well-crafted story that has tons of potential to become a much longer story. I enjoyed this very much.

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196
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; An interesting story about the artistic process of painting. I liked your descriptions of the various colors, particularly the 'itchy yellow.'

CONTENTS; A delightful story about a young woman and her artistic endeavours to create perfect paintings. She is indeed, quite memorable in her own way. The story has a nice flow to it and held my interest well. Grammer, punctuation and spelling are polished nicely.

CHARACTER; Ombeline is a young woman who seems free spirited and at piece with herself. She lives simply and is passionate about her art, which she frequently loses herself in creating.

IMAGERY & EMOTION:Beautiful imagery, particularly in describing the various colors. Unfortunately, the only real emotion I felt was from the paintbrush who'd been abandoned.

SUGGESTIONS: None, as a story, this one is very good as it is.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I felt that Ombeline was introducing herself to me, and the paintbrush was introducing itself seperately - the two didn't really seem together until she locked the brush away from the end. In the prompt, the perspective is to come from the inanimate object; ie: the paintbrush. My rating reflects how well I feel the prompt was used rather than the actual story or writing itself in regards to style, etc. I enjoyed reading about Ombeline, thank you for sharing her with us.

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Review of One Final Story  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  It is a pleasure to read and review your work, please remember any thoughts or suggestions written or implied in this review are based only on one reader's opinion. Thank you for entering and Good Luck!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS; A story both original and layered with historical facts that give it a wonderful sense of authenticity. The tone of voice is that of a friend confiding in another, very appealing to read !

CONTENTS; The story begins with the rather original creation of the first writing tool, [ nope, not giving away it's origin here,] and any serious writer who reads this short story will recognize it in thier own writing utensil of choice. I liked the soft, easy flow of this piece and the character is indeed a memorable one.

CHARACTER; A true historical character in the writing world, you all will know him ! He is well described and brought to life within these words.

IMAGERY & EMOTION: Wonderful, engaging imagery that fires the imagination and interest while holding the reader well engaged within the scenes. Emotion is well executed as determination, purpose and strength of mind, combined with a deep curiosity and belief in self.

SUGGESTIONS: I think a comma is needed between the words; 're-telling ' 'passed down '. You might want to revise and make this two sentences ?

FINAL THOUGHTS: An enjoyable story that packs great detail and enjoyment into a very short word count. Well done !

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Good tittle, caught my interest. Descriptive line could be stronger, more a hint of storyline.

CONTENTS;*Target* A Fantasy scene about a young boy whom is not human and the death of his guardians. The writing is very good here and I found the boy's predicament interesting, but I kept getting lost because too much was happening for one scene. I'd divide this into two or three scenes. Start with the terror/ fear, and the boy being sent to hide, than bring in his past experiences with memories of Mr. Nox. Scene Three could become the Nox's demise and ensuing fire.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*Characters of the Nox's and Dragon were well portrayed, but the boy confused me, his character starts out incredibly interesting, but first he's a werewolf - changing to a puppy, than suddenly he's a vampire? That threw me out of the story because I wondered what I'd missed about him or if I'd mis-read something.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR*Imagery and emotions are strong and vivid.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*When the boy hears the baby crying and knows she feels the bad things about to happen too.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
You are rushing through your scenes, slow down and describe them each in more detail as they happen. Make notes on where you need to revise and polish.
EXAMPLE; There's a baby crying next door in one scene - shortly after,the baby is a little girl... keep character notes to stay true to each character. Write your scene as one dramatic arc... intense action shouldn't be broken up by nostalgic memories of Mr. Nox's explanation on ' don't change forms in your clothes', slows action and dramatic impact.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*You have a great plot and first draft here, it just needs polishing and revising to make it truly shine. I would definately read more of this story.


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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

A great article about a very sick man with no family to care for him and his awakening to realize that there were indeed people who cared and helped him daily. An article that speaks of the need for innerhealing as much as physical healing. Andrew had a very difficult life, one feels great empathy for him. He reminded me of an AIDS patient I met briefly in a hospital years ago, his name too, oddly enough was Andy. I think you captured Andrew's inner thoughts well in this piece. I did feel Paragraph Three felt a bit rushed, it threw me out of the scene for a momment. I'd consider adding in a bit more detail on Andrew's wife leaving, or his thoughts about it, before he suddenly ' comes back' to the hospital room to the same song playing. The ending is masterfully done, the woman truly was an Angel of caring.

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Review of One and the Same  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really liked the concept behind this poem of using nature to portray the love and union between two people and the connection between all things. Very well crafted, with vivid, easy to visualize scenic imagery. A very strong emotional exchange of love, joy, permanance within this poem. I saw no spelling, punctuation or grammatical errors. This is a poem I would re-read many times !


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