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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

A sweet little free verse Christmas poem about animals and how they think of thier ancestors parts in the First Christmas. Very original theme that I found interesting.
I felt the verses flowed very well together, creating a beautiful picture in the mind. Imagery was detailed and very easy to picture. The only suggestion I have is a spelling/ typo error in Verse Three, Line Four; 'wanders'should be 'wonders' A well done poem that I feel all ages would enjoy.

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Review of Bella  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

An interesting story about a special companion and helper. I thought it would add a little more interest to your story if you mentioned what special training Bella recieved before coming to you for evaluation. Below are listed a few suggestions I hope you will find useful in helping you polish your story.
SUGGESTIONS:
Line One; Try wording this something like; 'My best friend, and helper, is Bella.
Paragraph One, Line Four; add a comma between 'me and or, and commas after the words; ' by'and 'special'.
Paragraph Two, Line Three; 'wondering'should be 'waundering'
I found your story very interesting and it was easy to understand the close relationship and friendship between Bella and yourself.

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Review of Success  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Good tittle and descriptive line. I liked all the movement and action packed into this very short story. Imagery was vivid and very easy to see in the reader's mind. Emotional impact is quite dramatic as one realizes that for the one Father, simply being out with his child is the true joy and success. Pacing, grammer and punctuation are all well done, and I felt the story fulfilled the contest prompt admirably well.

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Review of Poor Poet  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION, ETC; Short, interesting tittle that caught my attention very well. The descriptive line suited the story contents.

CONTENTS; I liked how Native American lore was entwined into the plot to add depth and suspence to this children's story. I felt this would add great interest for the younger children's vivid imaginations and they'd develop vivid mind pictures from the story, holding them enthralled. It certainly worked on me ! The uplifting, happy ending was a perfect finish to this magickal tale.
I enjoyed the tight, crisp writing style that avoided long narratives. Events flowed logically and in a way that holds reader interest very well.

Characters, Dialogue: I loved the characters of Illeina and her Grandmother, both were very easy to visualize and relate to. Grandmother was a person I wish I knew in real life ! I felt it was her deep, spiritual beliefs and wisdom that made this story so special.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;Imagery was well done and very easy to picture in my mind, particularly the part where 'Poor Poet'returns when his mistress slipped off the steps. Emotions are strong and I experienced sadness, joy and wonder as I read.

SUGGESTIONS; My only suggestion is that a short transition sentence or paragraph would help the flow and clarity if placed between the part where Illeina's father says he'll place the newspaper ad and in the next sentence she's dancing at a campfire.. I got a bit lost there for a few seconds.

OVERALL THOUGHTS; A delightful children's story that catches both the heart and imagination, I can see this being a favorite bedtime story of both child and parent alike.

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Review of Shadow Detective  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
An intriguing tittle, and an interesting main character that one can easily sympathize with. Although I did wonder why it never seemed to cross her mind to call the police...
Still, there is an excellent use of imagery and events that build the suspense to a maximum impact for the final twist at the end. I found the ending satisfying as it explained all the reader's questions and character's actions, yet, it made me wish the story went on so I could find out her fate ! This story certainly compells the reader to keep reading ! I felt the grammer, punctuation, etc were well- done, the only thing that felt off was not thinking of telling a co-worker or calling 9-1-1.
Altogether, a delightful and dramatic read !

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Rated: E | (5.0)

Excellent tittle, very catchy. I had to rate this at 5.0 because I could find no spelling, grammatical errors and the story just flowed. For such a short piece, it is bursting with both drama and humour. Your ending lines were excellent, and I could easily relate to the situation and characters as I too, love bleeding hearts. A wonderful, light- hearted read that will brighten anyone's day !

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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, WhoMe, you have won a review package from me in the Gladiola's Creepy Bouquet Auction. Please accept all reviews as simply one readers feedback on your item. No disrespect or hurt is ever intented by ANY comment or suggestion. Use what you find helpful and delete the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit.
Thank you for sharing your work!

Tittle, Description: Excellent tittle that sparked my interest immediately and suits this story perfectly. I'd suggest changing your descriptive line to give a teaser of story content as it looks like the contest no longer exists. [ You could just leave a note at the end it was a contest entry, etc.]

Contents;[Flow, Clarity]: The content surprised me because I'd been expecting a story about a specific holiday, this was a very happy surprise that instantly increased my attention. Thoughts and events follow each other smoothly and in excellent time sequence. I felt that I was right there in each scene and momment. Descriptions are varied and well executed.

Plot: I loved the premise that seasons may well be entities with characters and feelings of thier own ! Very unique ! *Thumbsup*

Characters, Dialogue: Your main character was so easy to connect with, one wanted to just reach out and aid this person. Internal dialogue is well presented and moves the story along well. I felt it added a great deal of depth and anticipation for the reader as to what would happen next.

Suggestions: Not many and they are only those pesky kind on spelling and grammer. *Smile* I've listed them below for your contemplation as to whether they are helpful.
Paragraph One, Line One; add a comma between; "debut"and "for", capitilize Sister Sun [ used as name here]
Line Five; comma between 'winter'and 'that'
Paragraph Two, Line One; comma between "house""and"
Paragraph Four; Line two is a little confusing and loses the flow slightly. I would simply delete the word 'over'from it.
Paragraph Six;
It brought a moan that increased to [ from] a shriek then [ to] a wail.
Paragraph Seven; add commas after 'breeze'and 'exist'

Closing Thoughts, Rating: A wonderful, dramatic short story about a person's frailty against nature and a wonderful insight into a different way of viewing the seasonal changes. I would have given this a 5.0 rate except for the editing points mentioned above !

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

I enjoyed the slow, contemplative flow of this poem. It held my interest and made me think about life and the bigger picture. Both the tittle and descriptive line were attention grabbers for me. I found the thoughts and verses flowed easily together, and I thought the last line a perfect finish to this poem. My favorite verse had to be Verse Five, because these are questions I have asked myself. An excellent read that many will relate to and enjoy.

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Review of Berserk  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION, ETC; Catchy tittle and your descriptive line really adds to pulling the readers interest!

CONTENTS; A very well planned and executed plot and storyline. I loved the twist at the end of this one. Fresh and unpredictable are the two words that come first to mind in describing this story to others.

Characters, Dialogue: The main character is everyone's 'average joe', just doing his job until circumstances send him over the edge. This could be the person next door, or the person you meet on vacation. You let us know this person intimately without alot of dreary narrative. Show, don't tell is plainly executed in this character. *Thumbsup* Secondary characters are also well presented to add credibility to the events. Dialogue is simple and believable, it moves the story forward, building tension and drama as it unfolds.

IMAGERY; EMOTION; I found the imagery short, concise and very easy to visualize. My emotions seemed to escalate with the POV Character's, he certainly had my sympathies!

SUGGESTIONS; None of any concrete help to improve this, it stands well as it is.

OVERALL THOUGHTS; An excellent story of an ordinary person driven to fantasy and madness through the uncaring rudeness of those he is forced to interact with. A Halloween 'Must- Read !

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Review of Dead Steps  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

I loved the flowing rythm of this free verse poem, it really struck a chord in me because it reads like song lyrics and takes on it's own life. The words are intriquing and the poems theme and drama increase verse by verse, I just had to keep reading! *Thumbsup* There were a couple of lines that I felt could be edited/ polished to enhance both the flow and richness of this poem.
Verse Two, Line Four; 'contended' feels out of sync here when I read the piece aloud, like the word is close to right, but not quite, it almost feels used merely to hold the rhyming scheme...
Verse Four, Line Two; same problem as above here with the word 'keeping', is there another that might work a little better, [ I found myself wondering what was meant by keeping.]
Verse Five, Line One; 'should be made' try 'shall be made'[ keeps it in present tense throughout ]
Verse Seven, Line Three; I'd change 'never' to never more' to hold your rythm
Other than that, my only suggestions would be to add a little more punctuation to polish it up,
EXAMPLE:
Commas after; rest and find in last verse.
Overall, a delightful, dark read that I highly recommend to all!

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

An interesting piece with an intriguing puzzle to play ! I would suggest capitilizing all of the words in your tittle so it stands out. I enjoyed the blend of honesty, irony and humour in this piece. Thoughts are clearly formed and plainly spoken. I'm looking forward to more of this wrier's work, although I did feel a more effective descriptive line would draw more reader interest. Stop by, maybe you can solve this riddle!

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Review of Mystery Meat  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION, ETC; Interesting tittle, good description that catches reader interest very well.

CONTENTS; Very fitting for a dark tale! I particularly liked how you got the truth of the mystery meat across without an open reference. *Thumbsup*
I really liked the repitition about the 'good folks at Midwest Nuclear Research..'
For me, it sent a shiver down my spine each time you repeated it and certainly kept my attention level high!

Characters, Dialogue: I felt that I was sitting down having a chat with your narrative character while hearing the other's voices mumbling in the background.. eerie! The narrative and secondary characters dialogue combines to move the story ahead clearly and concisely.

IMAGERY; EMOTION; An excellent job of 'show, don't tell.'You manage to give readers an excellent view of background and a sharp build-up of atmosphere in short, concise statements. Emotion rises in accordance with the progression of the story.

SUGGESTIONS; These center more on polishing, than on any real errors. Use what you find helpful, disregard the rest.
Paragraph Three, Line Three; ' But, and this goes without saying,it wasn't there anymore.'
Paragraph Seven; 'times is hard..'I'd suggest 'áre hard' [ same suggestion last paragraph]
Closing Paragraph; Last line; I guess'[ I'd delete that sentence, it seemed superfluous to the mood.

OVERALL THOUGHTS; A great little dark short story that I'd highly recommend to others!

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting tittle, you're descriptive line has a typo, 'to'' should be 'too'. Good flow to this piece, it reads quite smoothly and expresses a number of rather controversial opinions in a rather light-hearted way that, in my opinion didn't seem to come across as simply mean jabs at reviewers, but asked honest questions in the author's mind. Although I must admit the closing line read slightly controversial. I did feel this piece would have a better style and flow if it were edited and put into more definate seperated verses...
Example: Line Seven should be a period after, árt' rather than a comma - to keep it in sync with the previous verse.
Sorry, I'm not great at critiqing poems, but I did feel the lines should be a little more similar in length - even though I assume this is a free verse poem.
Overall, a memorable opinion piece on reviewing poetry. I'd also suggest raising the rating to ASR simply because we have many very young writers and reviewers on site that could be put off if the views were taken too much to heart.

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed the rythm and flow of thispoem. It touches on a subject that is both sensitive and all too common, but this piece handles it with skill and sensitivity.
I could find no obvious spelling or grammatical errors and could think of no constructive suggestions for improvement.

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Review of Heartbeat  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

An engaging poem filled with interesting, vivid imagery and fresh descriptions of a loved one. I enjoyed the light, upbeat tone of this poem and felt it flowed well, verse to verse, line to line. It held my interest throughout. I particularly enjoyed Verse Two for it's unique descriptive phrasing. My only suggestion here for improvement, would be for
Line Four of your final verse, I'd suggest changing the word 'beat' to 'heart beat' in keeping with your tittle and intended subject of the poem. Overall, an enjoyable, refreshing read.

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed all the information given in this poem, it reads more like a story than a poem, which I always enjoy. However, I did feel this one might actually be better suited to
being written in short style. [ just my humble opinion from all the information and slight political overtones]
FAVORITE LINE: "Is Go mad at us? [I didn't do it] It's always great to see humour in a piece.
LEAST FAVORITE LINE: úmm, global climate change, [ the úmm' reads a bit rough in comparison to the overall flow ]
I also felt the verses might be broken down into shorter verses to holdreader attention tighter and provide natural pauses for readers to absorb all the great imagery.
EXAMPLES: [ please note these are simply one readers humble opinions ]
Break between Lines Five/Six in Verse Two, another break between lines Ten/Eleven in Verse Two.
Break between Line Six/Seven of Verse Four. I noted similar seeminly natural break points throughout this piece that I felt would make the overall flow of the poem smoother.
Overall, an interesting poem with vivid imagery and strong emotional connections for readers to enter into the piece.

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Review of Empty Tracks  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Catchy tittle and descriptive line. I liked the soft, thoughtful flow to this poem. It made me think of nights as a child listening to the train whistles blow and wondering where they were going. I also enjoyed how each verse flows smoothly into each other and the gentle reminder that loved ones are like old trains, if taken for granted, they could one day be lost as well. I could find no mistakes or rough spots in this poem that could be improved, it is engaging, the imagery is well described and vivid and the piece itself is incredibly melodic and memorable.

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Review of Dear Gretel  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION, ETC; Cute tittle with an interesting descriptive line.

CONTENTS; Very creative. I enjoyed the humour hidden in these words and the story made me feel good just reading it. It brought back memories of childhood bedtime stories and my insatiable questions about characters after the story was done. You create an excellent, imaginative world and atmosphere for readers to enter into.

Characters, Dialogue: I found the character of Hansel most intriguing! His dialogue throughout as portrayed, is intriguing while moving the story forward at a relaxed and smooth pace. Nicely done!

IMAGERY; EMOTION; Imagery was well thought out and portrayed. I got quite caught up in Hansel's emotions of loneliness for his óld home'combined with his excitement over his new world. You handled these mixed emotions in a smooth, free flowing style that intrigues.

SUGGESTIONS; These are only one readers thoughts as I read - if you feel they don't fit your story, ignore them!
I can't tell you how...
'lots of lots of the others...'
'hollow place in my chest..'
'Not that I'm trying to exaggerating... [ exagerate]?
'they baths with yellow streetlight..' 'bathe [ the town}?] with yellow streetlight...'
çan I'[ I can ]

OVERALL THOUGHTS; A sweet, endearing story that I thouroughly enjoyed reading!

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E

A touching poem that really captures both the emotions and reality of living with a loved one facing this illness. I enjoyed the vivid imagery invoked by using winter scenery to depict emotions. I felt the poem flowed very well, with natural stopping places that allows readers to pause and reflect on what they've read. My only suggestion for improvement would be in Verse Three, Line Two; I suggest placing a comma between the words; ' subsided'' ánd'. Altogether an enjoyable and enlightening read.

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Review of June 3--Waiting  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION, ETC; Your tittle struck me as a little long, although it does draw interest, I think I'd shorten it to 'Waiting', as June 3rd doesn't feature in the story.

CONTENTS; An interesting plot line for such a short piece and it kept me curious throughout. I particularly liked your opening sentence, I expected the whole story to be along a different line just from that one sentence, so it hooked me nicely! Well done. You manage to create excellent atmosphere throughout this piece. I could easily picture the small, hard-working farming community.

Characters, Dialogue: Dana comes across as both smart and slightly desperate. Unhappy with her life, but accepting. I found her both strong and likeable. Her inner dialogue moves the story forward very well and provides interesting side notes for making the piece lengthier in future - I'd enjoy learning more about her life turns out. You have a third character in there that sounds very interesting for future! *Smile*

IMAGERY; EMOTION; Excellent use of images to create mood and build characters. Although I felt close to Dana, I'd have liked to know more about her past connection with Bobby Joe. [ I know you're on a word count limit, but this is one thing I felt kept this piece interesting and piqued my continued interest.
You did a wonderful job putting us in the location and through that, into the story itself.

SUGGESTIONS; The only real suggestions I can offer are on bits of punctuation, although I also felt some sentences were very long and the piece might be improved by providing a mix of long and short, punchy sentences.
Example:: But Bobby Joe had done it. and Now, the hypocrites who cursed his leaving, were lined up to welcome him back,even though they knew he would be leaving again. Probably before the last note faded.
I'd also edit for missed commas between words;
Paragraph Two, Line One; comma needed between 'deal'ánd' -- you have a few similar areas throughout.


OVERALL THOUGHTS; A well planned and delivered story with an excellent plot and theme. I'd definately be interested in re-reading this if you do decide to expand on it! I'd definately recommend this story to other readers who enjoy drama and romance.

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Great tittle, very catchy descriptive line! They certainly piqued my interest in reading this humourous short story! The story certainly delivers on thier promise, I was laughing all the way through this one. Excellent use of dialogue to move the storyforward and the narrative is filled with little details that put the reader in the scene, sharing a secret with the POV character. Nicely done! I did note a couple of places that I would suggest some punctuation.
Paragraph One, Line Two; comma after 'Luckily' and 'off'
Paragraph Five, comma after 'download'
The ending of this story was great, summed up the story and left this reader laughing! Well done!
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272
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I enjoyed the humour in this short story, it was well done for such a short piece. I did get a little confused between the beginning and end because at first it sounds like a child having breakfast, than it seems to be simply an adult woman doing something really bizarre - going by the 'Psychiatrist time' comment. It lost believability to me here because I really couldn't see it happening or the husband just leaving afterwards, it would be nice if this part was clarifyed a little for readers, although I understand the limits of word counts! I have a couple of punctuation suggestions;
Line Four; 'comma required between, 'sloppy' 'watery'
Paragraph Seven; Line One; I think slip sliding needs a dash between the words; 'slip-sliding'
The Author definately has a talent for the humourous side of life! Keep Writing!

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Review of FRED AND COCO  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

I saw no errors in style in this poem. I enjoyed the humour and imagery of the dogs antics. They were very easy to picture and I felt I was standing in the gazebo watching them play. The flow was strong and seamless, it held my attention very well. Upon reading this poem aloud, it did seem to me that in Verse Three, Line Two, a comma might be needed between 'So' 'crazy' - however, as this style of poetry is not my 'forte', I am just pointing it out as a possible typo.
I enjoyed the little write up after the poem telling of the dogs very different personalities. They sound like wonderful companions!

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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello,Kilpikonna ! You have won a review package from me in the April Showers Of Joy Auction. Please accept all reviews as simply one readers feedback on your item. No disrespect or hurt is ever intented by ANY comment or suggestion. Use what you find helpful and delete the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit.
Thank you for sharing your work!

Tittle, Description: Sharp, catchy, fits the piece perfectly and develops reader interest from the start.

Contents;[Flow, Clarity]: I liked the interesing, fresh perspective on the 'James Bond' frenzy. My favorite part was the Birthday Card note regarding the 27th sequel - I couldn't help both agreeing andlaughing, because the Bond sequels do seem to just keep coming and one often wonders why these women keep hooking up with him. A very intriguing perspective in this story!
I liked the easy flow and pace of this piece, events fall into place easily, happening in a logical and believable manner that kept me reading.

Plot: Well planned and believable. I could see an actress wondering about her career after one of these parts.

Characters, Dialogue: Your main character was a person I'd love to meet. Her sense of self and humour were well-developed and her emotions of jealousy and 'who cares?' at the end were not only consistent, but believable.

Suggestions: I have no constructive suggestions on this piece. I really enjoyed it. There were no spelling, punctuation or grammer errors that I could find.
Well Done! *Thumbs-up*

Closing Thoughts, Rating: An enjoyable, fun read that packs alot of entertainment value into a great flash fiction! My rating is based on the quality of writing, believability and the fact that this piece appears very well polished as presented.

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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, , you have won a review package from me in the April Showers Of Joy Auction. Please accept all reviews as simply one readers feedback on your item. No disrespect or hurt is ever intented by ANY comment or suggestion. Use what you find helpful and delete the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit.
Thank you for sharing your work!

Tittle, Description: Both are excellent and interesting choices that fit this piece to perfection.

Contents;[Flow, Clarity]: I was impressed by the clear flow of this story, backstory and inner conflicts are woven carefully throughout the story with no wasted words to confuse the reader or place them outside the experience. I felt as though I were part of the family expieriencing a deep and personal tradgedy and experience.

Plot: This story delivers a heartfelt reality in the message that 'although we know everyone must die, nobody can ever be emotionally prepared for the fact.'

Characters, Dialogue: Each character is alive and three-dimensional with very strong and different personalities. I felt drawn to each one for thier own particular brands of inner strength. Dialogue between the family and limo driver was well handled and believable. It gave great insights into each person's thoughts and personalities, while showing varied customs and reactions to funeral customs.

Suggestions: I can offer no suggestions to improve this piece, grammer, punctuation, flow were all handled exceptionally well. I found the piece very polished in it's presentation.

Closing Thoughts, Rating: An exceptional story that delivers the true inner horror and struggle on losing a loved one and the strength of character and understanding of family ties to deal with these emotions. My rating is based on the fact that in my mind, the story is polished enough to be published if the author should so desire. An emotional and inspirational read.

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