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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
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376
376
Review of The Pirate's Love  
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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I really enjoyed your choice of subject and the words used to tell the pirate's story. You give an excellent, in-depth look into both the pirate and the woman who loved him. Despite the sad ending, this poem also inspires a sense of hope, that no matter how bad a person seems, somewhere they have qualities within that can inspire love in others.
I would have rated your poem higher, but I felt you needed to break it down into shorter sentences for each verse, perhaps four lines per stanza ? This would give your poem a better overall flow and create a breathing space for readers to gain it's full impact. You also need to do a slight polishing of your punctuation, I saw a couple of places where another comma would improve the rytm of your work.
You have a lovely strong writing voice and choose your words and thoughts to draw maximum responses from your readers, overall this is a poem I would highly recommend to others to read.
377
377
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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This poem brings a smile to the reader's lips while providing excellent insight into the personality of the person it was written for. I felt it also gave us insight into the person who wrote the poem. One comes away feeling both are good, caring people with a deep, mutual respect and friendship for each other.
The poems verses flow together seamlessly as they tell the story of a caring friend , the bond between two people and give readers insight into Kiya's personality and how she chooses to live her life on a daily basis. An uplifting and joyful read.
378
378
Review of Equilibrium  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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An excellent poem that speaks strongly of the need to balance light and dark - [ good and bad ] within ourselves and our lives. This poem makes one think, ' did I do everything possible to balance the bad with the good I accomplished today ? '
I liked the creativity and thought you put forth in the many different words you used for ' black.'
Although the idea behind your work is serious by nature,the flow and style of the writing makes for a light and enjoyable read.
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379
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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I enjoyed the depth of emotions you invoke in readers in this poem. It has a nice, easy rythm to it that makes the piece an easy read. The questions and thoughts flow smoothly throughout, combining to take readers on a journey of love lost and it's regrets. There is some excellent imagery in this piece.

Two Favorites;
' And now all you have is memories and tears'
' Replaced by feelings of loneliness in the night'

My only suggestion would be to add some punctuation to give a better sense of pace. Perhaps commas after the first, third, fifth, etc. lines and periods after the second, fourth, sixth line, etc. [ Let question marks stand as is ]
A very enjoyable read.
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380
Review of A Lost Muse  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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A truly heartfelt poem that I am certain all writers can relate to. Your images and the emotional void this poem describes is well presented in a fresh and creative way.
I liked the use of a rhyming poem to get your message across as I feel it gives your reader time to ponder and feel the words along with you.
I could find no suggestions for improvement and would definately read more of this author's works.
381
381
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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First, I would suggest capitilization of the first word in each line, and adding some puctuation, perhaps a comma after each line ? [ if this form of poem calls for different rules, my apologies, I'm unfamiliar withall forms. ]
I really liked your use of symbology through imagery that takes us through both a physical and spiritual rebirth of springtime.
382
382
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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This is a thought provoking piece about how mental illness is often misunderstood.
I did think an adoption agency would have at least made an effort to make the girl's problem clear... did the mother simply choose to ignore or disbelieve thier advice ?
Your writing is very good in terms of pace and punctuation and has enough questions to hold reader interest. I did feel it would have a wider audience appeal if ' fleshed out' in parts. Examples;
I cannot truly ' see' the mother to relate strongly with her. What was the hole in her life ?
What were her husband's feelings on adopting this child? Eager ? Indifferent, did he try to warn it might be a mistake ?
I found this to be a compelling start to a novel that I would definately enjoy reading. Your last line was an excellent hook to make readers desire to turn the page to the next chapter.
383
383
Review of The Snow Globe  
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Your first line is a true attention grabber and I enjoyed the detail in the opening paragraphs. You've done a great job of setting time and location in a very few words. Same thing applies with your characters - they become immediately known to the reader in a three dimensional perspective. One can easily relate to Harry's plight !
Dialogue throughout this story is believable, enjoyable and your action tags move the story ahead well, while still showing the reader the relationship and personalities of your characters.
I like the detailed medical terminology, adds authenticity in spades, great research !
I did feel the words,' right now.' after ' dejavu thing.' were a bit redundant and could be deleted. Also, it's not quite clear why the doctor feels those particular patients and his dream are so strongly related ? [ that could just be me though.]
I like the use of short and long sentences in such an even mix to hold a quick tempo to this story. It allows readers to ponder and savor the story very well.
Your ending is well written and because of the frequent foreshadowing you've done through the piece, it ties it all together in a most satisfying manner. Your repeating use of what becomes the last sentence is particularly strong in it's impact.
I found this to be a vivid and compelling story with strong themes of hope and consequences. I definately recommend this story to others and will certainly be reading more of this author's work.
A Great Read ! cheers, dejavu
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384
Review of Traveling  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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I found the imagery in this poem very vivid, the main character both normal, yet a trifle scary.
There is a strong, underlying theme of desire to break free from societies expectations and be a unigue individual with unlimited freedom of choice in life.
Punctuation and pace was well- maintained throughout the poem, however, I did feel it left the reader slightly breathless at the end of the read.
Your closing line was excellent, speaking of new possibilities and a hope for change.
Overall, an enjoyable, entertaining read.
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385
Review of The Glory Of War  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A poem rich in both imagery and wisdom. I found it so easy to relate to and get caught up in the message of frustration and sorrow this poem invoked, especially towards the end. [ I think it should be enforced reading for all politicians *Smile* ]
Punctuation and grammer appeared correct, the pace and flow of the poem were constant and evenly maintained throughout.
I would definately read more of this author's work.
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386
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A very good poem that asks the question we all wonder when someone we love passes over. I liked the way this poem told the story of a young person growing up and thier life becoming too busy to connect as closely with family as was possible in thier youth, although the truth in this piece creates a deep sadness in the reader that it must be so.
I did feel that this poem would benefit from a little more punctuation, such as commas after the first few lines per verse and a period at the end of each verse. In my opinion, this would help to even out the flow and give more strength and impact to the piece overall by creating natural ' breathing' spaces for readers to pause and ponder the words.
I also felt your last line was a little long in comparison to the rythm of the overall piece and could possibly be edited into a slightly shorter line that used diferrent words to convey the same idea.
You have a strong writers voice and I enjoyed this poem very much.
dejavu
387
387
Review of Mon Mari  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Inclusion of the note regarding the prompt that led to this poem was of great help in reviewing it. You did quite well in including two of the five senses, touch and smell. Your choice of imagery invoked both joy and sadness in this reader. A sense of renewal and triumph at the end was clearly displayed.
Your subject matter works perfectly with the chosen imagery. Lost love can feel very much like a winter of the soul. I felt readers of all types could easily and keenly relate to the images of winter and your ending portrayal of new love eqating with spring, bringing up feelings of renewal, freshness, release from darkness/ pain, to light/joy.
I truly enjoyed this poem and it's message of how important love is to a person's outlook on life.
Stay Creative ! dejavu
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388
Review of Who Me???  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)


An interesting and entertaining poem that provides good insight into the person through the authors eyes. It has a nice, soothing flow to the entire piece. I am not familiar enough with the requirements of the proper structure of this type of poem to offer any helpful suggestions on improvement in it's style, however, from a general reader's point of view I found this poem enjoyable and easy to relate to.

Write On !
389
389
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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A truly inspirational poem that brought some much needed comfort to my soul tonight !
The flow and rythm of this poem is almost hypnotic in it's presentation. One feels they are travelling with the narrator, seeing through his eyes the flowers, birds, companion and children. Readers can empathize with this person and the messages of hope and faith are strong.
Punctuation, grammer and spelling are all correct. A truly enjoyable read.
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390
Review of Tulips  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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This would make a very pretty verse for a holiday c-note. I liked how you used the tune of ' Dashing Thru' The Snow', as inspiration ! [ at least that's how it read to me *Smile* ] I loved the vivid imagery of the bright tulips bursting forth out of the snow and the grayness of winter fading away to springs brilliant greens and range of color.
On first read, the word ' parades', felt a bit awkward, but after a couple of reads aloud, it seemed to fit much better, I think it is simply a matter of the pace one reads it at.
Very good presentation on this piece, no spelling or grammatical errors were noted. I enjoyed this verse very much !

Keep on Creating !
dejavu
391
391
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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This story has a great theme, there were many places that you could have drawn the reader in completely with a bit more ' showing', rather then straight narrative ' telling'. For me, the long narrative was not as compelling as it could have been if broken up into some action scenes as the character was experiencing them. [ Keep in mind that this is simply my opinion and does not reflect on your personal writing style, if it doesn't feel right to you, just ignore it.] I did wonder where the ' panic switch' of the tittle came into play?
Your opening paragraph holds alot of intrigue, but I felt it would hold more impact if you used shorter, less repitive sentences.
EXAMPLE:
' As I walked up the stairs, I knew. I was in hell.' [ picks up the pace and adds drama]
I also noted a number of places where you have some punctuation errors, missed commas and periods. Some sentences could become two shorter sentences to avoid run-ons and improve reader involvement.
Your ending felt unfinished, perhaps you could add another paragraph or two to let us know what happened to the main character after meeting Satan ?
This story was filled with many chilling, thought provoking momments and is bursting with potential for a slightly longer piece.
Write On !
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392
Review of Muse  
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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I liked the tight, crisp writing and strong voice throughout this story. Your pacing was well done, I loved the slower, easy pace at the start and the quickening sentences as the tension and climax build towards the ending.
Each scene had it's own strong ' power point'. Characters were believable and fully fleshed out for readers. Location, setting was vivid in that you used all five senses to put the reader into the story. A completely enjoyable story that held my attention throughout.
Dialogue was believable, fit each character and moved your story forward as it was spoken.
I did feel the one paragraph where Jess is fighting and Patrick musing could be made into two seperate paragraphs, one per character, one as a transition between Jess getting into the truck and thier arrival at Patrick's for a little more impact on Jess's predicament. [ This is simply my personal observation, it works quite fine as it is]
Your ending sums the story up nicely and the last few lines certainly sent a chill up my spine !
Great plotting and organization of thoughts, ideas and events !
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393
Review of SIR TOM THUMBE  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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There is a good blend of soberness and humour in this story. I did get a little confused in spots and felt the story could be fleshed out in places for readers to better understand and connect with events and characters. Particularly in the beginning as to why an in vitro baby request would be referred to as a ' Tom Thumb' of thier own and the as to why the Queen would bestow a life-long income to the parents. [ this could be me just having an off day, here.]
Your POV stays true and on target throughout the piece and a strong writer's voice is evident, particullarly in the epitaph for Tom. I felt the confusion and disconnection from the characters would be easily fixed by lenghthening the story a bit and adding in a few more details.
Write On !
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394
Review of My World  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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An interesting and informative article. Your opening line draws readers in by presenting many interesting possibilities of what will follow it. You also included many detailed visual details that pulled readers into your world, such as the log cabin and horses. I felt this really held readers immersed in your aricle.
I particularly enjoyed the inclusion of information about the ' conservation easement.' I had not heard of this before and find it comforting that the entire world will not end up an urban jungle.
The writing is strong, with a sense of pride running throughout the article. It held my attention to the end and I was sorry it was not longer ! I'd strongly recommend this article to anyone who enjoys learning about the world's others live in. I have no suggestions on ways to improve this article.
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395
Review of The Teddy Bear  
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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I liked the ending of this story as it spoke of renewed hope. I understand there was probably a word count, but the middle of the story felt a bit ' crammed together', like bits of a puzzle missing. I'd suggest editing to do just a bit more showing rather then telling. Example; instead of the word, ' lonely', can you make the reader feel the emptiness ?
I noted a few spelling/ punctuation errors;
opening sentence, a period either after apartment or a comma there and put the period after 'bear.' delete the word and. [ makes for a better pace and reader interest.
' chocked' should be ' choked '.
Your story captures a great deal of emotion in such a short piece. I enjoyed the read.
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396
Review of Ariadne  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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A touching poem full of strong imagery. I liked the flow of this poem, lines follow each other seamlessly.
The only line I felt was out of sync in this piece was Line Eight - it feels like the next line is missing. I would polish/ edit this one a little so it fits a bit smoother into the overall poem in a smoother rythm.
A very compelling read.
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397
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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While I am unfamiliar with the exact requirements of a proper acrostic poem, I did enjoy the images, subject and emotions inspired by reading this poem. I felt the ideas and inner experiences were well expressed and the piece read very smoothly from beginning to end.
Favorite Verse; The closing one as it sums up the meaning and allows the reader to feel they have truly witnessed a spiritual awakening. Excellent work !
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398
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Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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Your opening dialogue was well done and believable. It really caught my interest. I did feel line one of paragraph two could be re-written, it felt like the daughter's intelligence was the issue there, which isn't the true issue. I also felt the sentences in brackets could be simply included in the narrative flow, [ brackets are often distracting]. As an adult, wouldn't both the POV character and reader realize the cat hadn't been 'sick', but simply following normal hunting instincts? The facts on a rabbit's vision were a great bit of added knowledge and detail !
Your ending came through as rushed and unfinished, it leaves the reader hanging. I felt you'd have much more impact by including the rabbit being delivered, examined for good or bad.
Overall, your style of writing is tight and full of interesting details to set place and mood. Your characters are well developed and likeable. A great start to what could be a fresh, compelling piece with just a little more lenghth and polishing.
Keep Writing !!
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Review of Hotly Scored  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Your poem creates great visual and sensory images for your reader. In very few words you have created an atmosphere of doubt, pain and confusion that your readers can easily feel and relate to.
The only thing I felt worth mentioning in terms of improvement or rather to reflect on, is that lines two and particularly line seven, seem to suggest an accident victim or dying person's emotions rather then the subject of your 'tag line'. That's likely just my perspective talking, it certainly takes nothing away from the poems impact !
I enjoyed this very moving piece and found the flow and emotional impact were both superbly done.
Keep Writing, dejavu
400
400
Review of Dear God  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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A very powerful and inspiring poem. I loved the nice, tight writing in this poem. Excellent job of creating mood with short, well placed sentences. Punctuation was well done, allowing the reader breaks to pause and reflect on the poems message. A great read !

Write On !
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