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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
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376
376
Review of Traveling  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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I found the imagery in this poem very vivid, the main character both normal, yet a trifle scary.
There is a strong, underlying theme of desire to break free from societies expectations and be a unigue individual with unlimited freedom of choice in life.
Punctuation and pace was well- maintained throughout the poem, however, I did feel it left the reader slightly breathless at the end of the read.
Your closing line was excellent, speaking of new possibilities and a hope for change.
Overall, an enjoyable, entertaining read.
377
377
Review of The Glory Of War  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A poem rich in both imagery and wisdom. I found it so easy to relate to and get caught up in the message of frustration and sorrow this poem invoked, especially towards the end. [ I think it should be enforced reading for all politicians *Smile* ]
Punctuation and grammer appeared correct, the pace and flow of the poem were constant and evenly maintained throughout.
I would definately read more of this author's work.
378
378
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A very good poem that asks the question we all wonder when someone we love passes over. I liked the way this poem told the story of a young person growing up and thier life becoming too busy to connect as closely with family as was possible in thier youth, although the truth in this piece creates a deep sadness in the reader that it must be so.
I did feel that this poem would benefit from a little more punctuation, such as commas after the first few lines per verse and a period at the end of each verse. In my opinion, this would help to even out the flow and give more strength and impact to the piece overall by creating natural ' breathing' spaces for readers to pause and ponder the words.
I also felt your last line was a little long in comparison to the rythm of the overall piece and could possibly be edited into a slightly shorter line that used diferrent words to convey the same idea.
You have a strong writers voice and I enjoyed this poem very much.
dejavu
379
379
Review of Mon Mari  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Inclusion of the note regarding the prompt that led to this poem was of great help in reviewing it. You did quite well in including two of the five senses, touch and smell. Your choice of imagery invoked both joy and sadness in this reader. A sense of renewal and triumph at the end was clearly displayed.
Your subject matter works perfectly with the chosen imagery. Lost love can feel very much like a winter of the soul. I felt readers of all types could easily and keenly relate to the images of winter and your ending portrayal of new love eqating with spring, bringing up feelings of renewal, freshness, release from darkness/ pain, to light/joy.
I truly enjoyed this poem and it's message of how important love is to a person's outlook on life.
Stay Creative ! dejavu
380
380
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A truly inspirational poem that brought some much needed comfort to my soul tonight !
The flow and rythm of this poem is almost hypnotic in it's presentation. One feels they are travelling with the narrator, seeing through his eyes the flowers, birds, companion and children. Readers can empathize with this person and the messages of hope and faith are strong.
Punctuation, grammer and spelling are all correct. A truly enjoyable read.
381
381
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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This story has a great theme, there were many places that you could have drawn the reader in completely with a bit more ' showing', rather then straight narrative ' telling'. For me, the long narrative was not as compelling as it could have been if broken up into some action scenes as the character was experiencing them. [ Keep in mind that this is simply my opinion and does not reflect on your personal writing style, if it doesn't feel right to you, just ignore it.] I did wonder where the ' panic switch' of the tittle came into play?
Your opening paragraph holds alot of intrigue, but I felt it would hold more impact if you used shorter, less repitive sentences.
EXAMPLE:
' As I walked up the stairs, I knew. I was in hell.' [ picks up the pace and adds drama]
I also noted a number of places where you have some punctuation errors, missed commas and periods. Some sentences could become two shorter sentences to avoid run-ons and improve reader involvement.
Your ending felt unfinished, perhaps you could add another paragraph or two to let us know what happened to the main character after meeting Satan ?
This story was filled with many chilling, thought provoking momments and is bursting with potential for a slightly longer piece.
Write On !
382
382
Review of Muse  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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I liked the tight, crisp writing and strong voice throughout this story. Your pacing was well done, I loved the slower, easy pace at the start and the quickening sentences as the tension and climax build towards the ending.
Each scene had it's own strong ' power point'. Characters were believable and fully fleshed out for readers. Location, setting was vivid in that you used all five senses to put the reader into the story. A completely enjoyable story that held my attention throughout.
Dialogue was believable, fit each character and moved your story forward as it was spoken.
I did feel the one paragraph where Jess is fighting and Patrick musing could be made into two seperate paragraphs, one per character, one as a transition between Jess getting into the truck and thier arrival at Patrick's for a little more impact on Jess's predicament. [ This is simply my personal observation, it works quite fine as it is]
Your ending sums the story up nicely and the last few lines certainly sent a chill up my spine !
Great plotting and organization of thoughts, ideas and events !
383
383
Review of SIR TOM THUMBE  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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There is a good blend of soberness and humour in this story. I did get a little confused in spots and felt the story could be fleshed out in places for readers to better understand and connect with events and characters. Particularly in the beginning as to why an in vitro baby request would be referred to as a ' Tom Thumb' of thier own and the as to why the Queen would bestow a life-long income to the parents. [ this could be me just having an off day, here.]
Your POV stays true and on target throughout the piece and a strong writer's voice is evident, particullarly in the epitaph for Tom. I felt the confusion and disconnection from the characters would be easily fixed by lenghthening the story a bit and adding in a few more details.
Write On !
384
384
Review of My World  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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An interesting and informative article. Your opening line draws readers in by presenting many interesting possibilities of what will follow it. You also included many detailed visual details that pulled readers into your world, such as the log cabin and horses. I felt this really held readers immersed in your aricle.
I particularly enjoyed the inclusion of information about the ' conservation easement.' I had not heard of this before and find it comforting that the entire world will not end up an urban jungle.
The writing is strong, with a sense of pride running throughout the article. It held my attention to the end and I was sorry it was not longer ! I'd strongly recommend this article to anyone who enjoys learning about the world's others live in. I have no suggestions on ways to improve this article.
385
385
Review of The Teddy Bear  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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I liked the ending of this story as it spoke of renewed hope. I understand there was probably a word count, but the middle of the story felt a bit ' crammed together', like bits of a puzzle missing. I'd suggest editing to do just a bit more showing rather then telling. Example; instead of the word, ' lonely', can you make the reader feel the emptiness ?
I noted a few spelling/ punctuation errors;
opening sentence, a period either after apartment or a comma there and put the period after 'bear.' delete the word and. [ makes for a better pace and reader interest.
' chocked' should be ' choked '.
Your story captures a great deal of emotion in such a short piece. I enjoyed the read.
386
386
Review of Ariadne  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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A touching poem full of strong imagery. I liked the flow of this poem, lines follow each other seamlessly.
The only line I felt was out of sync in this piece was Line Eight - it feels like the next line is missing. I would polish/ edit this one a little so it fits a bit smoother into the overall poem in a smoother rythm.
A very compelling read.
387
387
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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Your opening dialogue was well done and believable. It really caught my interest. I did feel line one of paragraph two could be re-written, it felt like the daughter's intelligence was the issue there, which isn't the true issue. I also felt the sentences in brackets could be simply included in the narrative flow, [ brackets are often distracting]. As an adult, wouldn't both the POV character and reader realize the cat hadn't been 'sick', but simply following normal hunting instincts? The facts on a rabbit's vision were a great bit of added knowledge and detail !
Your ending came through as rushed and unfinished, it leaves the reader hanging. I felt you'd have much more impact by including the rabbit being delivered, examined for good or bad.
Overall, your style of writing is tight and full of interesting details to set place and mood. Your characters are well developed and likeable. A great start to what could be a fresh, compelling piece with just a little more lenghth and polishing.
Keep Writing !!
388
388
Review of Hotly Scored  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Your poem creates great visual and sensory images for your reader. In very few words you have created an atmosphere of doubt, pain and confusion that your readers can easily feel and relate to.
The only thing I felt worth mentioning in terms of improvement or rather to reflect on, is that lines two and particularly line seven, seem to suggest an accident victim or dying person's emotions rather then the subject of your 'tag line'. That's likely just my perspective talking, it certainly takes nothing away from the poems impact !
I enjoyed this very moving piece and found the flow and emotional impact were both superbly done.
Keep Writing, dejavu
389
389
Review of Dear God  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A very powerful and inspiring poem. I loved the nice, tight writing in this poem. Excellent job of creating mood with short, well placed sentences. Punctuation was well done, allowing the reader breaks to pause and reflect on the poems message. A great read !

Write On !
390
390
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Interesting subject and perspective ! I would suggest capitilizing all first letters in tittle words for impact.
I found this piece had an even, easy flow to it, making it easy to read. It held my interest well throughout. I liked the differences described that seperate the roles of mind from soul.
I did feel the words, ' so to speak', and the 'Whew !', at the beginning were a bit redundant and lowered story impact.
Your closing paragraph summed up your thoughts in a very clear, precise manner. This was my favorite part of this piece because of the clear voice and sharp, no fat writing. Your ending line sums the piece up nicely.

dejavu
391
391
Review of Pigeon Parade  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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An interesting poem filled with birdlore. I liked the mood of nostalgia evident in the first two verses. I also enjoyed the description of how the changing neighborhood environment created change in the type of birds eveident. Great message there !
Verse one read just a touch 'wordy' to me. Perhaps it was the extra description in parenthesis that seemed to slow the flow of the piece there.
Your ending line tied the entire poem together well. Overall, an enjoyable, satisfying read.
Keep Writing! dejavu
392
392
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Tittle, definately needs a stronger hook in it.
Chapter One;
Line one could be tightened by simply using the Saint's name. Very nice attention to setting in this novel, it is very easy to visualize. Your overall flow is good, but I did find the continous use of [lines in brackets distracting]
QUESTION; How could Willie not know where they were going if he had been hired and travelled specifically for a job ?
I thought the long narrative and backstory would hold reader interest better if it was broken up, I kept wanting to jump ahead during the Bishop's one sided conversation. What was Willie's impressions, feelings ? Maybe a bit of his internal dialogue or reactions/ feelings could break this part up?
You have a compelling start here, but I do think a tough re-write could really tighten the writing and draw your reader into the story. I just wasn't getting emotionally invested.
CHAPTER TWO; has many of the same problems as chapter one, you need to really shorten and tighten up some of the sentences. Line one, chapter two is a good example.

I feel you have a very interesting and plausible start to this novel, but do recommend a bit more development of characters, and planning to let events unfold with a bit more drawing in of your readers. A bit more 'show, don't tell,' would make this a really interesting read. Great Potential !
Keep Writing, dejavu
393
393
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Overall, a very nice Poem with a great depth of feeling and emotion within it.
I did note a few things that lessened the smooth flow of the piece for me, however this is only my opinion and perhaps this type of verse is supposed to be written as such ?
VERSE ONE: second line felt a little rough compared to your opening line, perhaps try either dropping ; ' The Garden of...' or ' in disgrace..' ?
I enjoyed the message behind this poem, but felt it would have more impact if the lines were shortened so they didn't run on into the next lines.

EXAMPLES;
Lines 5,6... 7,8, 9 I felt the piece lost much of it's impact with such lengthy verses, can you tighten the writing a little to get maximum impact ? I had to keep going back and re-reading previous lines as the run on was distracting to me.
The poem itself was interesting with an interesting thought behind it.
Keep Writing! dejavu
394
394
Review of Sassy  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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A sweet little story about the realities of children in foster homes and thier lives prior to being there. I liked how it was done without 'malice' towards the birth mother, but showed they too, have past issues and circumstances that lead to hard choices.
I did feel this story would be a bit easier to read if the long narrative paragraphs were broken down into two or three sections each, focused on each seperate incident they describe. Also, I thought the end line about, ' stay tuned', might be more apt as an Author's Note' then as part of the ending paragraph.
Definately an interesting preview for the building of a story series.
395
395
Review of Earning It All  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I found this story to have a unigue plot and theme, however the main character remains a bit of an enigma throughout. She is on one hand, sure and strong, yet she appears to constantly second guess herself in her actions. I felt this made it rather difficult for readers to fully relate to her.
My favorite parts of this story were the dialogue sections. Here, characters became alive, thier actions believable and they moved the story foreward well. It is here that we begin to know and relate to the characters.
I think this story has wonderful potential with a bit of an edit to smooth out the rough patches. [ Perhaps fleshing out the main character and adding a bit of internal dialogue to explain why she chooses one action over another in a bit clearer way? ]
Overall, a unigue and enjoyable read.
396
396
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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A touching, emotional story of a life lived to the best of one's ability. I felt a wealth of emotions in this dream, most of it centered on a man who loved his family, but had no measuring stick or role model to judge the 'proper' behavior of how men treat women. His desire to have been told of the illness, his sadness over being left out, all say much about his true, deep inner feelings.
I felt it was important to the father that his daughter understood he was now able to be who he'd wanted to be in life. Love is never easy and he accomplished much in overcoming his childhood trauma to accomplish the things he did.
397
397
Review of My Star  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I enjoyed the imagery and theme of this poem. There is an excellent view on life contained within it's words. This poem invites the reader to share a multitude of emotions, from joy and hope to loss and loneliness.
A very enjoyable read that gives much food for thought at the end.
I did feel some punctuation would enrich this poem.
SUGGESTIONS;
VERSE ONE; Comma after line one, period at line two. Commas after lines 3,4,5 and period after line 6.
VERSE TWO; This one reads slightly rougher then the first, the flow is lost in a coupleof places. I think this would be easily corrected with a slight editing.
EXAMPLE; Line two feels unfinished. I almost thought lines two and three could be condensed into one line. As to punctuation, I'd suggest placing commas after lines 1-3, period after line 4.Lines 5-7 need commas at ends with a period after line eight.
An inspiring poem.
398
398
Review of The Initiation  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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A strong, detailed opening marks this story. Readers get an immediate sense of impending drama and suspense is well written throughout to keep readers interested and involved.
I enjoyed the strong visual images and felt the addition od the sense of sound was a great enhancement. Time and place were revealed very well, creating a sense of being in the story as it unfolded. Dialogue was strong and moved the story foreward rapidly while providing excellent reader insight into characters.
I liked the intense feeling of both mood and atmosphere created throughout this piece. Characters are three dimensional, with very distinct voices and personalities.
The ending is both chilling and satisfying to readers and written in a way that leaves the reader thinking about the story after they've read the final sentence.
SM Ferguson
399
399
Review of A Journey To Love  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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I enjoyed the sense of movement woven throughout this poem.
PARTICULAR FAVORITE EXAMPLES;
' chasm opened,'
' slapped to motion'
I also was impressed by the way each verse took the reader through another step of this inner journey with one more drop of wisdom implanted in each one. The overall message of this poem was very well presented in a way people of all faiths can relate to.
Imagery was varied and vivid, various settings were clearly portrayed.
I particularly liked the closing line - old teachings cloaked in modern phrasing for all. Well Done!
The flow of this poem was strong and consistent throughout the piece. Subject matter held reader interest strongly by invoking curiosity and with images we can all easily relate to in our lives. Characters were alive and three dimensional.
I did not see anything I would suggest that could further enhance this poem.
SM Ferguson
400
400
Rated: E | (3.5)
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An interesting story with an unusual setting and vivid descriptions for such a short piece.
I found it easy to visualize the characters in this piece, but felt no emotional investment in either that would create a lasting impression of either once I stopped reading. They felt a little 'two-dimensional.'
Pacing was well done with short, tightly written sentences. I found this to be an enjoyable read, but did feel a little added depth to the characters would greatly enhance reader memorability of them and the story.
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