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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
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401
401
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Interesting subject and perspective ! I would suggest capitilizing all first letters in tittle words for impact.
I found this piece had an even, easy flow to it, making it easy to read. It held my interest well throughout. I liked the differences described that seperate the roles of mind from soul.
I did feel the words, ' so to speak', and the 'Whew !', at the beginning were a bit redundant and lowered story impact.
Your closing paragraph summed up your thoughts in a very clear, precise manner. This was my favorite part of this piece because of the clear voice and sharp, no fat writing. Your ending line sums the piece up nicely.

dejavu
402
402
Review of Pigeon Parade  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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An interesting poem filled with birdlore. I liked the mood of nostalgia evident in the first two verses. I also enjoyed the description of how the changing neighborhood environment created change in the type of birds eveident. Great message there !
Verse one read just a touch 'wordy' to me. Perhaps it was the extra description in parenthesis that seemed to slow the flow of the piece there.
Your ending line tied the entire poem together well. Overall, an enjoyable, satisfying read.
Keep Writing! dejavu
403
403
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Tittle, definately needs a stronger hook in it.
Chapter One;
Line one could be tightened by simply using the Saint's name. Very nice attention to setting in this novel, it is very easy to visualize. Your overall flow is good, but I did find the continous use of [lines in brackets distracting]
QUESTION; How could Willie not know where they were going if he had been hired and travelled specifically for a job ?
I thought the long narrative and backstory would hold reader interest better if it was broken up, I kept wanting to jump ahead during the Bishop's one sided conversation. What was Willie's impressions, feelings ? Maybe a bit of his internal dialogue or reactions/ feelings could break this part up?
You have a compelling start here, but I do think a tough re-write could really tighten the writing and draw your reader into the story. I just wasn't getting emotionally invested.
CHAPTER TWO; has many of the same problems as chapter one, you need to really shorten and tighten up some of the sentences. Line one, chapter two is a good example.

I feel you have a very interesting and plausible start to this novel, but do recommend a bit more development of characters, and planning to let events unfold with a bit more drawing in of your readers. A bit more 'show, don't tell,' would make this a really interesting read. Great Potential !
Keep Writing, dejavu
404
404
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Overall, a very nice Poem with a great depth of feeling and emotion within it.
I did note a few things that lessened the smooth flow of the piece for me, however this is only my opinion and perhaps this type of verse is supposed to be written as such ?
VERSE ONE: second line felt a little rough compared to your opening line, perhaps try either dropping ; ' The Garden of...' or ' in disgrace..' ?
I enjoyed the message behind this poem, but felt it would have more impact if the lines were shortened so they didn't run on into the next lines.

EXAMPLES;
Lines 5,6... 7,8, 9 I felt the piece lost much of it's impact with such lengthy verses, can you tighten the writing a little to get maximum impact ? I had to keep going back and re-reading previous lines as the run on was distracting to me.
The poem itself was interesting with an interesting thought behind it.
Keep Writing! dejavu
405
405
Review of Sassy  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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A sweet little story about the realities of children in foster homes and thier lives prior to being there. I liked how it was done without 'malice' towards the birth mother, but showed they too, have past issues and circumstances that lead to hard choices.
I did feel this story would be a bit easier to read if the long narrative paragraphs were broken down into two or three sections each, focused on each seperate incident they describe. Also, I thought the end line about, ' stay tuned', might be more apt as an Author's Note' then as part of the ending paragraph.
Definately an interesting preview for the building of a story series.
406
406
Review of Earning It All  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I found this story to have a unigue plot and theme, however the main character remains a bit of an enigma throughout. She is on one hand, sure and strong, yet she appears to constantly second guess herself in her actions. I felt this made it rather difficult for readers to fully relate to her.
My favorite parts of this story were the dialogue sections. Here, characters became alive, thier actions believable and they moved the story foreward well. It is here that we begin to know and relate to the characters.
I think this story has wonderful potential with a bit of an edit to smooth out the rough patches. [ Perhaps fleshing out the main character and adding a bit of internal dialogue to explain why she chooses one action over another in a bit clearer way? ]
Overall, a unigue and enjoyable read.
407
407
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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A touching, emotional story of a life lived to the best of one's ability. I felt a wealth of emotions in this dream, most of it centered on a man who loved his family, but had no measuring stick or role model to judge the 'proper' behavior of how men treat women. His desire to have been told of the illness, his sadness over being left out, all say much about his true, deep inner feelings.
I felt it was important to the father that his daughter understood he was now able to be who he'd wanted to be in life. Love is never easy and he accomplished much in overcoming his childhood trauma to accomplish the things he did.
408
408
Review of My Star  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I enjoyed the imagery and theme of this poem. There is an excellent view on life contained within it's words. This poem invites the reader to share a multitude of emotions, from joy and hope to loss and loneliness.
A very enjoyable read that gives much food for thought at the end.
I did feel some punctuation would enrich this poem.
SUGGESTIONS;
VERSE ONE; Comma after line one, period at line two. Commas after lines 3,4,5 and period after line 6.
VERSE TWO; This one reads slightly rougher then the first, the flow is lost in a coupleof places. I think this would be easily corrected with a slight editing.
EXAMPLE; Line two feels unfinished. I almost thought lines two and three could be condensed into one line. As to punctuation, I'd suggest placing commas after lines 1-3, period after line 4.Lines 5-7 need commas at ends with a period after line eight.
An inspiring poem.
409
409
Review of The Initiation  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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A strong, detailed opening marks this story. Readers get an immediate sense of impending drama and suspense is well written throughout to keep readers interested and involved.
I enjoyed the strong visual images and felt the addition od the sense of sound was a great enhancement. Time and place were revealed very well, creating a sense of being in the story as it unfolded. Dialogue was strong and moved the story foreward rapidly while providing excellent reader insight into characters.
I liked the intense feeling of both mood and atmosphere created throughout this piece. Characters are three dimensional, with very distinct voices and personalities.
The ending is both chilling and satisfying to readers and written in a way that leaves the reader thinking about the story after they've read the final sentence.
SM Ferguson
410
410
Review of A Journey To Love  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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I enjoyed the sense of movement woven throughout this poem.
PARTICULAR FAVORITE EXAMPLES;
' chasm opened,'
' slapped to motion'
I also was impressed by the way each verse took the reader through another step of this inner journey with one more drop of wisdom implanted in each one. The overall message of this poem was very well presented in a way people of all faiths can relate to.
Imagery was varied and vivid, various settings were clearly portrayed.
I particularly liked the closing line - old teachings cloaked in modern phrasing for all. Well Done!
The flow of this poem was strong and consistent throughout the piece. Subject matter held reader interest strongly by invoking curiosity and with images we can all easily relate to in our lives. Characters were alive and three dimensional.
I did not see anything I would suggest that could further enhance this poem.
SM Ferguson
411
411
Rated: E | (3.5)
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An interesting story with an unusual setting and vivid descriptions for such a short piece.
I found it easy to visualize the characters in this piece, but felt no emotional investment in either that would create a lasting impression of either once I stopped reading. They felt a little 'two-dimensional.'
Pacing was well done with short, tightly written sentences. I found this to be an enjoyable read, but did feel a little added depth to the characters would greatly enhance reader memorability of them and the story.
412
412
Rated: E | (4.5)
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I enjoyed how the dialogue and internal conversation combined to move this story foreward. It holds an excellent mix of humour and other strong emotions that keep reader interest high. It was very easy to empathize with the POV character.
There is a strong, even pace throughout this piece and the 'authors voice', comes through clearly without distracting one from the story or characters. Writing is crisp and polished with good, tight sentences.
I did feel that a short transition sentence or paragraph would correct reader confusion and 'define' the time sequence between mom arranging furniture and then being at the pet shop. [ Just a personal opinion there.]
I enjoyed the humourous note injected into the ending as mom's life changes again. Overall, a very satisfying, enjoyable read.
SM Ferguson
413
413
Review of The Monster  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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An interesting plot to this story. I enjoyed the sense of motion throughout, created by sentences such as;
'crept down the staircase.'
'..peeked around the corner..'
'..as she darted out..'
Mood and setting were strong and easy to visualize. Characters are alive and three dimensional. Mirabelle was very easy to visualize and relate to. The parents, although they seemed a touch callous to thier daughter's fear, were realistic.
Pacing is crisp and maintains reader interest very well. Dramatic build-up is very strong. The ending summed up all the questions and conflict well, and left the reader fulfilled and satisfyed with the conclusion.
SM Ferguson
414
414
Review of Just Hold Me Now  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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This poem is filled with a great deal of emotion. I enjoyedthe overall theme behind it.
The general flow of the poem was good, but I was a little confused by the placement of some verses. In your beginning verse, it appears this couple has been together for some time, however your closing verse indicates they've not yet come face to face. I felt this confusion might be helped by a transitional verse that portrayed a parting or clarifying the type of relationship, maybe by letters only or chats? [ Perhaps this is only a lack of understanding on my part]
FAVORITE LINES;
'My heart, so loudly beating,'
'And hearts of ours, forever pairing.'

LEAST FAVORITE LINES; [ These I felt rough and would benefit by a bit of editing and polishing to flow better with the lines before and directly after them.]
'This then is what I gave you'
' Do not throw it away this morning'
' With not a little bit of tarrying'
' You went and got me a diamond ring'
415
415
Review of Never forget...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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An interesting and rather chilling subject that fits this shape poem well.
There is powerful description in the first images that aids greatly in the following feelings of betrayal, madness and sadness underlying this poem as one studies it.
Although I am unfamiliar with this type of poetry, Ifelt it was a strong piece because of the way the subject matter was entwined in the construction.
I cannot see where I could helpfully suggest any changes or improvement in this piece other then the possibility that both words in the tittle should be capitilized.
SM Ferguson
416
416
Review of Dreams Lost  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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The idea behind the context of this poem is excellent, but I found it a little unclear exactly what your final realization for readers is at the end of the piece.
You do have a well developed sense of rythm in the poem.
SUGGESTIONS; [ Remember- these are only ONE reader's opinions]
FIRST LINE; I'd change 'is' to 'are'.
YOUR LINE;
'is it so much a cost' Try;
'could it be too steep a cost' [ deletes the double use of the word,'is', so close together.]
3rd LINE; VERSE TWO - I'd add 'it' between 'find' and 'kneel'
YOUR LINE;
'our fate is our clue'
SUGGESTION;
'OUR FATE BECOMES OUR CLUE'
I would also edit and polish the final two lines to clarify the meaning of what readers are asked to realize is true.
PUNCTUATION;
I's add a comma after each line and a period at the end of each verse. Also, try capitilizing the first word of each line.
I feel this poem contains an important message and with just a little editing and polishing, would become a very memorable poem.
SM Ferguson
417
417
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A very beautiful set of lyrics, rich in feeling and imagery. I particularly enjoyed the chorus because of the compelling and vivid pictures it invoked. One feels they are THERE in that moonlit night.
I did feel two lines felt a touch out of sync and slightly awkward to the rest of the song, but this is likely caused more by the difficulty in simply reading the lyrics as opposed to hearing the author's music with them. The lines are;
' visit jupiter and mars'
' wrapped tightly in embrace'
These just felt like they each had one or two words missing to hold the beat.
Again, I really felt the true problem there was caused by simply reading the lines.
Overall, a memorable piece that I truly enjoyed.
SM Ferguson
418
418
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

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A poingnant and emotional story for all readers. You feel an instant empathy for this individual. Writing is tight and to the point. I was touched to read how the self-doubts form in a child to create the emotional crippling in the adult.
The story is presented in a straightforward, factual manner, yet the underlying emotional trauma is easily grasped by the reader. I just have a couple of suggestions to tighten the writing;
YOUR LINES;
'..think will cause these memories to resurface themselves.' - Delete ' themselves.'
'..." with more to come.'
Try placing a comma after 'story' and delete the quotation marks around,' more to come.'
An enlightening and factual look into the life of a victim of abuse. Highly recommended read.
419
419
Review of The Cat's Meow  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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The photo of your cat was a very nice touch and I enjoyed the quote at the beginning of your essay. I also enjoyed your description of her as a kitten leading to how she is at eleven years old. It is always important to let people know by example that older pets indeed remain valuable, treasured companions. This was a particularly good part of your essay for me to see included.
I felt your section on the history of cats was both well researched and well done. The added links were a great addition, and I enjoyed learning about the 'first breed' of cats brought to America.
An interesting and informative piece for pet lovers.
SM Ferguson
420
420
Review of Malice Intended  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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I liked the plot of this story, although I did feel it would hold stronger reader appeal if developed into a bit longer piece. A couple of scenes, ie:the groundskeeper's conversation, and the police confrontation at the ending felt a little rushed.
Your opening gave a good sense of place plus a glimpse into the main character, but left this reader with no real emotional involvement with the character.
Writing itself was tight and scenes flowed well into each other. There was a good build-up of suspense throughout the piece.
Dialogue between characters was for the most part believable, although I did feel the line;
'Do you mean it was much ado about nothing?' - a bit of a cliche, especially once we find out who the main character is.
Your ending did tie up all the threads nicely. I think you could make this into a very powerful mystery story with a good edit and by adding a little more detail and length to the story.
SM Ferguson
421
421
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Your tag line was interesting and was what caught my attention to begin reading, although I did feel that part might be developed a little more because the 'continous mail build-up' was brought to reader attention throughout the story. It did seem a bit off the girl would note mail under the door considering her character. I think the mail issue could easily be dealt with by a simple comment or two from the techs on why it's unretrievable or piling up?
I enjoyed the opening paragraph, setting is easily visualized and you've left plenty of room for reader imagination to add it's thoughts. Characters are well portrayed and entertaining. I particularly like the phrase;' her madman', a nice touch of humour.
Dialogue is humourous, believable and moves your story ahead effectively.
Plot and storyline were well thought out and fresh. Ending was very satisfying to this story, but one does sort of ' see it coming' as the programmers talk. However, I did feel it worked well in this story, it's not easy to generate empathy for a computer program as a character, and you managed it remarkably well.
My only suggestion would be to use more then one '#' symbol to show story and POV breaks and changes. The single symbol breaks reader concentration as it's easy to miss the break.
An entertaining and fresh read.
422
422
Rated: E | (4.0)
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This entire chapter captures reader interest very well. Your main character is well developed and three dimensional. One cannot help liking him despite what he's done. Supporting characters are also very clearly defined.
Your settings are well described and it is easy for the reader to 'step into' the character's world.
I did note a few spelling/ typo errors, easily fixed by a good edit.
EXAMPLE;
'waundered out loud', should be ,' wondered out loud.'
I found both the plot and storyline well developed and easy to relate to.
Dialogue is well done, believable and crisp. I liked that you didn't clutter it up with unrequired dialogue tags.
I would give this a thourough edit for punctuation and a few missed words. However, I did like the building up of drama and tension in this chapter. The ending was a great place to stop, certain to have readers turning the page to read on. Well Done.
SM Ferguson
423
423
Rated: E | (4.0)

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The opening paragraph provokes interest, but the setting was a bit unclear. I thought it was set in a classroom as a student/ teacher interest until later in the story. You do capture reader interest well. I did feel the first paragraph might have a better flow if broken down into two paragraphs, perhaps from;'Did I hear him right?' - [ just a personal opinion there]
I enjoyed the emotional ups and downs combined with anticipation in this story. Your ending was very fulfilling to the reader.
One other thought I had regarding the flow of the piece was many of the sentences were quite long with many comma splices. Perhaps these could be edited into a few shorter sentences to break up the pace and match story pacing to the emotional flow of the story? Pacing in paragraph two read much smoother to me then in paragraphs one and three.
Overall an enjoyable and compelling read I highly recommend to others.
Write On, SM Ferguson
424
424
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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Excellent opening paragraph and lead-in. Gave credentials/ experience in regards to your subject, created great rapport with your readers and sparked interest quickly.
Ideas were laid out well and I found the piece very easy to follow. Your central message came through loud and clear without sounding preachy. Your disclaimer regarding 'suicidal' children was an important addition.
One thing I felt would have been a good addition to this piece would be an extra paragraph or two on reconizing signs of children who might be in danger of being depressed or possibly suicidal.
A helpful, informative read for all children's caregivers. SM Ferguson
425
425
Review of Dead End  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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I found the opening scenes of this story a bit confusing as to whom the actual narrator was and to why this person was looking at Marge, yet imagining how she was dressed. The POV character felt like it needed a bit of work, one is unsure who the POV really is. A transition sentence or two would help maintain reader understanding in between where 'the old man requires his sleep.' and Marge telling us when the street quieted, did she feel the noise had kept him awake?
I also found it strange the narrator remained speaking to Marge after she'd decided to go to bed. It felt like you were caught between two points of view here.
The setting was hard to visualize, at first we think they're in a private residence, but the appearance of a nurse throws the reader into confusion, did we move to a nursing home?
Dialogue was good and believable, but we are again confused as to POV. Why is the narrator there for conversation?
The piece flows much better and the characters are more easily visualized once Ronnie comes into the story. I liked the investigator's crusty character.
Your ending ties up loose ends and solves the mystery, but it felt rushed. Readers did not have time to become emotionally engaged with any of the characters or thier plights.
I think a good edit and polishing would make this story a much more emotionally engaging read. Your plot and storyline were excellent and I think a good polish would make this story a very outstanding read.
Keep Writing! SM Ferguson
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