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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

I enjoyed the slow, easy rythm in this poem. It has a feeling of nostalgia and deep regret mixed with loneliness running throughout that keeps one reading. Imagery is powerful and well done with a sense of movement throughout.
ie; going, flows.
FAVORITE VERSES; Two, Five [ for imagery and high emotional impact ] I also felt the photo at the end is a nice touch.
SUGGESTIONS;
Although the poem has a nice rythm to it, I felt adding punctuation would enhance the impact for readers.
EXAMPLES;
VERSE ONE; Comma after ' we ' ' stood together ' ' realize ' [ Also commas after lines one two, period after line three - all verses. ]
VERSE TWO; Commas after ' sure ' ' believe '
If you feel these suggestions helpful, you might want to go through each verse for natural places to pause as in one and two.

A beautiful and memorable poem that I enjoyed very much !

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire* Tittle could use a bit more 'oomph', but I assume it's a working tittle... Great descriptive line, catches interest right off.

CONTENTS;*Target* A woman murders her husband and apparently gets away with it. Great plotand storyline. I like how she pulls off the murder, very believable.
Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*Dahlia is a very cold and selfish person. Very into herself with little compassion or empathy for others. Truly narcissic. She made me want to smack her even before she committed murder. *Smirk*
Tara seems like an average, everyday nice person, happy with herself, very caring, a romantic at heart. I really liked her.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Powerful imagery, I could see both women clearly and felt Eric's final fear and desperation.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*
'I wish I had an Eric.'
Dahlia's grief stricken act at the funeral.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question* None, the story is believable and flows very well. It's quite polished as it stands.
I did note one typo in paragraph one- She [ She'd had it...]

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* An interesting and dramatic read that I'd love to read the rest of !


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Review of I Love the Rain!  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Beautiful imagery of nature in this short poem. I could clearly see the raindrops and lightning flashes, one could hear the thunder rumbling in the background and smell the fresh wet ground. I liked the fast beat of this poem, it added to the dramatic natural beauty found in nature. I did feel some added punctuation would enhance the presentation and rythm of this poem.
EXAMPLES;
Periods after lines four, twelve.
Commas after lines one through three, five to eight.
Altogethera strong and enjoyable read.

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204
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire* Good tittle, descriptive line interests, but could be changed after contest to give reader a hint at the storyline.

CONTENTS;*Target*A short story about a woman dealing with guilt, the death of her husband and ending an affair. I liked the storyline and moral theme of this little story. It has an excellent rythm to it, with imagery that holds the reader involved.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR* I liked Linda's character, she was down to earth and thoughtful. She takes responsibility for her actions.
I did feel you could have gotten a bit more use out of Derek's character to enhance the story with dialogue about Linda's feelings over why she chose to remain alone or her guilt. As it stands, Derek just feels a bit out of place there, if the affair ended three years prior, why would he be hanging about ?
Inner dialogue of Linda's was good and moved the story along well, particularly near the end where she speaks of youth and her children.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Good imagery with the leaf and 'colors of death'. I didn't really get a sense of strong emotion from the character, it was like her feelings were hidden deep inside herself.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR* The ending, when she feels the ropes binding her begin to loosen.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
I think you could move the part about Derek with Linda in paragraph one to the end of the paragraph, she could finish contemplating the leaf and they could have a short conversation where he actually says what he wants to, Linda responds. This would add details and drama to your story.
I was rather confused as to exactly why the gift of a cruise made it mandatory Linda told her husband of her affair because it was a gift, but wouldn't have said a word if it was a prize. A little more detail and explanation there would hold reader interest and deepen Linda's character.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A great story that would really shine as a bit longer piece and just a few added dramatic details.


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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

I liked the smooth, rythmic feel to this poem. The strong emotional imagery held me entranced as I felt what this young girl was feeling. Rage, despair, determination and finally, hope. Verses flow logically, one into the next to paint a picture of a time all can learn from, although some of the cruelties in Society today would suggest we've still not learned the lesson of eqality or freedom. This poem, for me, is a reminder of that time in history and how with strength and hope, with a fighting spirit and sheer determination, we might yet still learn the lesson. My heart went out to this young girl, so trapped and tortured, yet with such a strong inner strength. A beautifully crafted piece that touched me deeply.

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Review of Dear Me  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

I really enjoyed the chatty, soul-searching tone of this letter, it was like sitting with a friend over coffee. I liked how you added in the inner voice, it gave authenticity to the contents because our 'little voice 'always seems to jump in and second guess our thoughts. The inclusion of larger life goals, rather than simply writing goals, was a great personal insight and the story of how you wished you'd known at twenty-two what you do at forty-two made it easy to connect with the person writing the letter, we've all wished for that, I have, anyways.Excellent goals and scenarios to show them. I particularly liked theone about the vagrant - my thoughts exactly. An inspiring, well-written piece and I hope you met your goals in a way that made you feel good. It would be wonderful to touch and inspire even just one person with our writing, and you have definately succeeded in that today !

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Review of You Did What ??  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Great Tittle, caught my attention and aroused curiosity instantly ! Tag line gives great overview of story without giving away the fun of the tale.

CONTENTS;*Target*A story we can all relate to because it is the simple mistakes that catch us quickest.I loved the clean, polished presentation of this short story about an elderly man and his long-term employer. Setting, mood and conflict were well played and made it easy for readers to 'step into thier world.'

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*Characters were fully three-dimensional and Larry was extremely likeable, I felt so sorry for him ! Steve comes across as a tyrant at first, but his true nature is revealed at the end.
Dialogue is sharp, crisp and moves the story along very well, giving readers great glimpses into thier world and providing rich details of the character's lives. Well Done !

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR*Excellent imagery for such a short piece, easy to visualize setting. Emotion is tense, sad and ultimately funny. I couldn't help feeling aggravation at Larry though.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR* The end line where the joke becomes clear on the greeting. *Bigsmile*

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
None, I felt this piece was perfect as it is.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A well- written story that both pulls at the heartstrings and sets you laughing hysterically in a few beats. A wonderful introduction to this writer, whom I'll be visiting often in future !


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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

An emotion packed poem about the death of a spouse. I enjoyed the continuos, consistent flow and rythm of this piece. The punctuation served to provide areas for the reader to stop and contemplate the deep emotions within the poem. Imagery was well done and vivid. I could easily feel the loss and isolation of the narrator. My only suggestion is to add quotation marks at the end of Verse Six. A very strong and memorable read.

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

An excellent tittle, very eye-catching, but I'd work on your descriptive line so it doesn't just repeat your tittle, let us have a hint of what the poem's about. There is a good overall flow and rythm to this poem. It holds many vividly detailed images and facts, yet it feels rather unfinished to me, like it was headed a little further - building to something important that never quite got mentioned. I noticed you mentioned poachers, are these animals endangered ? Organizations to save them ? Perhaps those could be added into the poem ? An interesting, fact filled read about an animal I'd never heard of before.

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Review of Glory and Honor?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Very catchy tittle, although I would capitilize 'And'. Your descriptive line caught my interest immediately.

CONTENTS;*Target* A very original plot and storyline. OK, you got me on this one, I was so caught up in it, I didn't realize it was fiction until you said 'interstellar jump. *Bigsmile* The storyline certainly held my interest to the end ! I liked how you packed so much background info, mood and atmosphere into such a short piece and in such crisp, tight sentences.
This one reminded me of the Bourne Trilogy in many ways, particularly the first one in the way it grabbed the reader and put them right there in the story.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR* I really liked your POV Character, this was a person I could relate to, it felt like I wasstanding there speaking with the person. His narrative dialogue was excellent, filled with detail and let us see him and his world very clearly.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR*Imagery is strong and completely realistic. Emotion is the driving force behind this story, cleverly crafted and very character revealing.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*
'If you are after me and mine, then I will "cleanse" you and yours.
The entire closing paragraph.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
Paragraph Two; try;
Yeah. Glory...'[ period gives more dramatic impact]
PARAGRAPH FIVE; Move astericks around;
..." suitable for thier species."
CLOSING THOUGHTS: *Exclaim* A strongly written story that will leave you wanting more, this one would make a great sci-fi movie or novel !
I couldn't justify lowering the rating for the few typos I found, the storyline and writing were too strong.


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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

I would suggest giving this poem a tittle and tag line that hints at content to entice readers to read. I liked the strong flow and powerful imagery in this poem. It shows and creates strong feelings of love and disappointment in it's readers. A very good storyline that most will find easy to apply into thier own lives and memories. I did feel an edit and polish for punctuation was in order - you seem to have left out punctuation in some verses and not others - particularly on the third lines of verses.
A sad and memorable poem about learning from mistakes and being careful whom we choose to entrust with our hearts.


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Review of Sparrow  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

I enjoyed the strong visual imagery of this poem very much. I t pulls the reader into the poem and lets them see through the sparrows eyes.
FAVORITE VERSES: ONE, It flows logically and fluently.
I did feel the poem would flow better with more punctuation in each verse to mark it's natural breathing spaces for readers:
VERSE ONE; LINE ONE; commas after alone, river, mountaintop. LINE TWO; commas after; her, drop. LINE THREE; commas after longer, see.
LINE FOUR; commas after wishing, period after tree.
VERSE TWO; Punctuation needed after lines one, three, four.
VERSE THREE; Punctuation needed at end of lines.
VERSES FOUR AND FIVE; Punctuation required in lines as in verse one examples.
Verse Two; confusing, if the sparrow lies, how can she be innocent ? Or did you mean as in 'lie still ?
'with much despair' try ' and in despair '[ smoother flow]
Verse Four is confusing in Line Four - where does the fountain come in ? Why does Spring make her forget it ?
Verse Five, Line Three and Four could use a bit of polishing to clarify, if she is at peace, why does she still mourn not being able to sit in trees ? Did the sparrow die or was she healed except for the fact she could no longer perch in trees or fly I would assume ? This needs a little polishing to keep readers in the poem's emotional grip.
A very beautiful poem that will bedeeply moving and memorable with just a little polishing and editing.
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

A creative and entertaining essay on parenting in the modern age. Although I liked the content of this essay and how it connected the knowledge of generations together, I did feel it could use a good edit and polish for overlapping thoughts and words. EXAMPLE; 'make sure to make that he...'[ delete 'to make 'after 'sure'- it's irrelvant]
Can you inject a little more humour and comedic relief into this? Perhaps a bit more on the swan incident, how'd she get rescued ? Paragraph Two is wordy and confusing, perhaps more punctuation would help the readers focus there, or try shortening the sentences to a more straightforward set of words. I'd suggest a good polish for punctuation and over-long statements throughout the piece. You should capitilizeeach word in the tittle to maximize impact. A great essay on an interesting theme that just needs a little polishing to really stand out.

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Review of Christmas Eve  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A poem filled with strong emotions and vivid, powerful imagery. I particularly enjoyed the strong, upbeat rythm of this poem. I do have one suggestion I thought would improve imagery, but it doesn't change my rating because it's a writers choice type of thing. Verse Two, Line one; I'd change the first line to 'dark and still'rather than 'chill ', because it avoids the use of the same word so close together and brings in another sense for reader expirence [ hearing ]
Verse Two is my favorite because of the wonderful imagery and strong dramatic feel.

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Review of In Elysian Fields  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed the easy, rythmic flow of this poem that allows readers to just relax and enjoy it. I also loved the mythology context of the contents, gives great authenticity to the poem. The conversational aspect adds conflict and friendship into this piece, it is very well crafted and made the poem even more easy for readers to visualize the setting, characters and mood. The only things I would suggest is adding punctuation to line three in verses Six and Seven to match the presentation of the earlier verses.

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Review of Hurting You  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

A deeply emotional poem about hurting the person you love deeply. There is strong emotion and good imagery in this poem. It holds a sense of movement, words like 'running ' sever ' 'ripped '. There are a couple of places where I felta bit of revision and polishing would really make this poem flow well and entrance readers.
FAVORITE VERSE: One, for being well worded with great flow and emotion.
SUGGESTIONS:
Verse Two, Line Three; reads quite rough, bogs down flow, can you revise for same meaning but smooth out how it flows like verse one ?
Verse Five, Line Four; try changing 'idiot 'to 'fool '[ prevents overuse of one word too close together.]
I'd also suggest adding punctuation, maybe commas after lines one through three, periods after lines # four, all verses. You might consider adding punctuation within the lines as well; EXAMPLE:
If you were smart, you would be running now,

An interesting, emotionally moving poem I really enjoyed.

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

A deeply sad and emotional poem. I felt a strong empathy and despair that this person's only seeming way out was suicide. Images are vivid, poignant and very in tune with the narrator's state of mind. One wants to reach out and embrace her with hope. My only suggestion would be to close the space between lines by one space each to make the piece easier to read and give it a better presentation.

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Review of Lurking Raven  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

A sad, strong poem about the results and casualties of war. I enjoyed the way thoughts were well planned to flow from verse to verse in this poem, deepening it's emotional impact on readers as it progressed. It leaves one sad and thoughtful, empathic towardsboth soldiers and thier families.
SUGGESTIONS; Commas needed after following to improve flow and presentation;
battlefield, yield [ verseone]
death, until [ verse two]
messenger,quiescent [ verse three]
bone [ verse four]
A poem of strong imagery that holds the reader in thier grasp throughout the piece. *Thumbsup*

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Review of Room One o' Four  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Sweet and fun, you definately hit both dead on with this one. Slow, soothing rythm, wonderful imagery that opens up the imagination without blatant erotism.
Very subtle and dreamy feeling to this piece, particularly with the repititions about waves. The ending wrapped it up perfectly, sharp, crisp and polished.
FAVORITE LINES; Actually I loved the entire piece, but here's a sample;
In room one o'four.
And the pearls whisper... [ this is my most favorite line, it sets up the poem perfectly with suspense and flair]
Past the gazebo, beyond the moor, [ wonderful imagery]

Punctuation, grammer, spelling and form are all well crafted and I really loved the imagination and originality in this poem.

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Review of Pain  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Excellent tittle, short, catchy. Descriptive line is compelling and caught my interest instantly.

CONTENTS;*Target* Intense is the first word that comes to mind as I read this story. Your use of the italicised words to begin each new event is intriging and builds tension and drama to the maximum levels. The POV Character's response to the voice is so realistic, readers feel they are living this story.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*The character was so three-dimensional, one wanted to rush in like a white knight of salvation. Dialogue, internal and 'external [ the voice] 'is well crafted, and moves the story forward flawlessly.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Imagery is intense and vivid and places your reader directly into this story scene after scene. Emotion is strong in the character and therefore invokes the same emotions in the reader. *Thumbsup*

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR* WOW, If I named them all, I'd tell the story. Here's a sample;
'Just A Little Further'paragraph and 'Pain Is Weakness'.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
Paragraph Nine, Line One;
My body had [ has] given out on me.
Paragraph Thirteen, Line Twelve;
... gave [ gives] me the strength... [ BOTH these examples show areas where you've switched POV from first to third person.
The ending was a little unsatisifying for me, you left two issues hanging, what broken glass ? Did character survive ? I felt the rest of the story was so strong, a short resolution paragraph of these would end it as strongly as it starts and flows. This way, it feels rather like you got called away and never quite finished writing. [ just my thoughts as I read ]

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A strongly written, intense drama that leaves the reader feeling the pages ran out too soon, beautiful tight, crisp writing and strong, non-author intruding voice set this one apart from the crowd.


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Review of Conquistador  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Excellent tittle,descriptive line is good,it made me curious to read the story.

CONTENTS;*Target* A tale of a Conquistador's valiant struggles as he goes on his raid. I found this an incredibly unique plot and storyline, it held my interest throughout and I was sorry to reach the end !
Excellent use of pacing and storyline to build suspence and drama.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR* Strong, easy to visualize characters add to the delight of this story. Although there is no real dialogue, the narrative exposition goes a long way to rivet reader interest and make this story as real as making a cup of tea.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Wonderful imagery lets readers step right into the scene and the emotional highs and lows allow one to experience everything the characters feel. Very well crafted descriptions.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*
Old light. Tired light.
A crescent moon slides west like a silver scythe down the jagged spine of the mountains.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
'... grudge the sun...'[ begrudge reads better here.]
'Beautiful gold eyes.'[ golden reads smoother]
Ending leaves readers hanging a little, one simple line added would resolve the whole story - try something like 'Here was his true prize at last.'[ I'm sure you can do better, just an idea to get creativity flowing]

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A tightly written, polished piece that I would love to see lengthened after the contest ends. You've certainly done a good job leaving yourself lots of options for continuing this one ! Let me know if you do decideto lengthen this one !!


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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

A well written and informative article on getting around WDC. I found this piece very easy to read and comprehend, even the newest member of WDC would find this simply described instruction easy to follow and get incredible results and fun from. I enjoyed how the author uses thier own experiences to back-up and add humour and charm to this piece. I could not find one flaw that needed improving, from grammer, punctuation to inspiration, this little article does it right in spades. Excellent piece !

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

A sad and haunting rhyming poem about neglect and cruelty and the helplessness that children feel as they experience it. I had tears in my eyes as I read, each verse portrayed a scene so vividly, I felt I was experiencing it along with the narrator. I kept hoping the children would have someone reach out and help them. Verses move the story along in a logical manner that paints a vivid, chilling story for readers.
My only suggestions for improvement are a couple of typos I noted;
Verse Nine, line two ; capitilize first word.
Verse Ten, Line 'to 'should be ' too 'and 'bad 'needs a comma after it.
Verse Eleven, Line One ; capitilize first word.
A poem true not only at Christmas, but all year around.

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

I found the majority of this poem had a soft, wistful flow to it. I could feel the longing, wistfulness and finally joy underlying the words. It's a beautiful poem about a longing for freedom and warmth, very insightful and the words are incredibly haunting. I would suggest Capitilizing each word in your Tittle line to draw readers attention when scanning for items.
Although I am certainly not an expert on this style of poem, there were two areas that read a little rough to me, particularly whenI read aloud.
Verse One, Line Two, when I read aloud, this felt like it needed a comma after 'cold 'or to read as 'December's icy touch, '[ not sure what to suggest to smooth that line...
Verse Three, Line Four; 'believe 'also reads a little rough, I kept wanting to say 'believe ' [ Also you need a period after believe there ]
FAVORITE VERSE: Four. Strong and vivid imagery coupled with powerful emotional impact made this truly resonate within me.
FAVORITE LINES:
Oh idle days, caged in my rooms,
The longing of my soul is deep,
A memorable, heartfelt read that with just a touch of polishing will be a truly haunting and unforgettable piece of art !

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Review of A Warm Christmas  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

A catchy tittle and description drew me into reading this funny free verse poem about a man unhappy with Christmas weather. I really enjoyed the comedy aspect to this little piece, the ending is a wonderful surprise twist that left me grinning ! Very powerful imagery lets the reader feel they are accompaniying the man on his journey through
his memories of past Christmases in comparison to his present circumstances. I enjoyed the intensity of feeling and emotional drama in the opening verses. They are a perfect lead-in to the unexpected final line. No grammer , punctuation or spelling errors were apparent and the flow of the poem is rich and consistent throughout. Verses flow seamlessly one into the next.
FAVORITE VERSES: Two, Four Six, Seven.
Too many favorite lines to list - give it a read, you'll be glad you did !

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