I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
You state in your description- 'Do we appreciate the tiny daily freedoms most overlook?'
No, I do not think many people would appreciate all of the minute things that help to make our lives more enjoyable but your Poem does a good job of reminding us all that we should.
I loved the sincerity in the words. It is easy for the reader to know this item has been written from the heart. Your talent and skill as a writer is evident in this amazing item. I am thrilled you decided to take Ralene's advice in regards to do with your work. The re-write is more potent and using free verse as opposed to rhyme has ensured you were not boxed in by a pattern and were able to express yourself more intimately.
I have no suggestions for improvement. The re-write is splendid.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is an extremely moving write. It was an item I was able to connect with because it was and is a reality for me also. Unfortunately, sometimes it does not matter what 'we' do, some people are destined to be ignorant to the messages around them.
I loved the comparison between your item and the song. The incorporation of some of the songs lines in your work was outstanding and really helped to enhance the emotional aspects of your Poem.
The ending although sad, was beautifully written and pulled on the readers heart strings with ease.
I have no suggestions for improvement. This is outstanding just the way it is.
*Wonderful*
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I will first start off with focusing on your format. You have marked this as Poetry but it reads more like a partial rhyming piece of prose. Whilst reading this it is screaming out to me to be put in traditional four stanza format. This would strengthen the item and the partial rhyme would carry it along nicely. Strictly your choice of course.
The beginning is captivating and intense but further along it branches into a more comical tone. I am not certain if this is the interpretation you were aiming for but it is what I received when reading it. Your language in the beginning is very Poetic and has a romantic quality. Deeper into the item the slang you have incorporated tailspins the item and it begins to lose the intensity and passion of the emotions you are invoking. The last six words you end the item with are a clear display of what I am pointing out.
Third line you have written 'you'. I am not sure if this is a typo and you intended for it to be 'your'. If I am mistaken then a comma needs to be added after 'you'.
Line 9- You are missing the (i) from thinking.
Line 10- I strongly suggest for you to re-think this line. This is the line in particular that loses the poetic quality within your item. The depth of the item is thrown out the window as soon as I reached this line. Of course this is only my opinion and it is your choice to make.
Through out your 'Poem' you switch back and forth between direct rhyme and indirect rhyme. Your item would wield more power if you were to choose one form of rhyme and stick with it or strengthen the direct rhyme to increase the intensity of the flow.
There are many different aspects of your writings for people to enjoy. I personally enjoy the yearning sometimes borderline obsession tendencies you incorporate into each of your items. This item was no exception and clearly displays your 'trademark'.
Well done and please do keep in mind my review is full of suggestions. Take what you find helpful and discard everything else.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
The desperation being portrayed in this Poem is vivid and potent. I like the detailed explanation you give to the reader to convey her actions. The only question I am left with is why? You express pain has pushed her to this point, but you do not go into depth and explain the source of the pain so the reader is able to sympathize or perhaps relate to the emotions she is experiencing. Focusing on this aspect of the Poem and enhancing it will give your character more substance.
I did notice some errors I will point out to you to make it easier for you to edit if you choose to do so.
They are as follows:
2nd line- the 'H' in 'she' does not require capitalization.
5th line- 'liveing' should read as 'living'.
8th line- I suggest removing 'she' from this line. It is not needed.
9th line- 'Everythings' would look better from a display perspective as ' Everything is'.
Line 12- This entire line needs to be re-worked. It is not forming properly.
Last line- Add an apostrophe to 'theres' so it reads as 'there's'
My final suggestion to you is to lower the amount of times you use 'she' in your content. It is very repetitive and the reader is able to establish the character earlier in the item and does not require the continuing reference.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Your Poem has the potential to touch many people and draw them into your content, forcing them to remember memories of their own. Afterall who does not have memories of better times?
I think your idea of reliving positive times of the past is a strong theme to use, but I found your abundance of repetition distracting. In total there are 15 lines in your Poem and 7 of them are completely identical. My advice to you is to lose the repetition and use the space freed up to incorporate more imagery and descriptive words relating to your theme.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is a beautiful piece of writing. You have incorporated some fantastic wordplay into the item, many descriptive words are scattered through-out enhancing the imagery for the reader.
The partial rhyme you have included in certain areas of you Poem is brilliant and well received. The color references made make it effortless for the viewer to 'see' your item in their minds as it is being read.
Once again many emotions are visible to the reader. This seems to be your greatest strength and you certainly use it to your advantage.
My favorite part:
Moreover, I'll find someone that will not leave me to walk out my door, and find that one who will love me down to my core, not leave me for dead on the cold hardwood floor.
*Poetic excellence*
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I love the 'matter of fact' tone you have used to narrate this. It is chilling.
Your Poem speaks of one who holds no hope for anything better to arrive on the horizon. There is strong desperation in your content which reaches the reader with ease. It is almost a plea for company and ownership. You have highlighted the quality of your Poem by introducing many descriptive words that directly relate to the dreary tone and mood you are expressing.
There are a few minor errors in your verses I will point out to you for correction but one thing I will stress to you is to, add at the very least general punctuation to this item to strengthen the rhythm.
Line 1- Capitalize your
2nd line- At the very least requires a comma to divide your descriptions.
4th line- Capitalize your
2nd verse- Requires the capitalization of your {i's} only.
3rd verse
Line 1- Capitalize your
Line 2- Comma after 'building'
Line 4- 'i ll' requires an apostrophe.
4th verse-
Line 1- Capitalize your
Line 3- 'he s' requires an apostrophe.
Line 4- 'she s' also requires an apostrophe.
5th verse
This is a repetition of the first verse and requires the same changes previously noted.
6th verse- You need to capitalize all of your {i's} in this area. The use of commas would also benefit this part of your item, and your last line requires a fullstop or (period) to end it.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All suggestions and comments are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Your Poem is a clear display of a writer with a tremendous amount of skill using wordplay.
I love the indecision weaved through your Poem. Neither here nor there leaves only a sense of nothingness but creatively you transition following words to ones of inspiration.
There are many areas of this Poem I simply adore but my two favourite parts in particular are:
suspended between was and will be
belonging to neither one
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Your word selections in this Poem enhance the mood you are trying to conjure within your reader. They are sensual and elegant creating a classy quality that can be enjoyed by all who read it.
Strong descriptive words are scattered through-out the item, making it much easier for you reader to create a visual they can be swept up by.
'Oh sweet ecstasy never let me go!' expresses a tone of yearning. There is a plea within these words which creatively builds an emotional connection between the reader and your item.
One small suggestion I will extend to you is- Remove the explanation marks scattered through your verses. They do not belong and certainly are not needed. The use of them does nothing except distract the readers attention from your item.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Considering you state in your description this is your first attempt at a short story you have done a good job, venturing out into new terrain.
Your theme is strong and one that could be used in many different ways.
By no means did I find this story to be scary I was more interested than terrified.
You have some issues with your paragraphing that you may want to focus some attention on. I also feel that your characters require some more depth and description if you wish for your reader to establish a connection with them.
The incorproration and significance of the roses was a job well done. A symbol of beauty actually being a sign of doom on the horizon was fantastic!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I love the spooky mood of the Poem. It reached right up, seized me and drew me into it.
The rhyme scheme you have used is working well in this Poem and is all faultlessly in rhythm. The shadowed tone and somber narration was another fantastic treat for the reader to indulge in!
My favourite part was the second stanza.
*Poetic excellence*
There is nothing about this Poem I do not like. So to keep it short and limit the praises to an appropriate length I will finish this review off by saying I thought it was an amazing write free of any errors.
Well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Oh C'mon Sherri, you would have to know Gothic Angel would love this.
Your Poem is dark in theme and mood. I especially liked the authoritive tone you gave to this.
I enjoyed the warning in the words. The narrator is attempting to reach out and urge people to choose another path to embark on.
I like the directness of the Poem. I have noticed in the Poetry I have read that has been penned by you that you say what needs to be said using the smallest amount of words possible to express your message. Straight to the point with no fooling around.
Tight, compact lines, give your item a rapid pace. This is well done because it enhances the urgency in your warning.
Your rhyme is composed well but I did notice one small bump along the way.
3rd and 4th lines of the first stanza, 'tales' and dwells' do not rhyme. A mere imperfection that can be easily corrected. The rest of the rhyme scheme is faultless.
As always it was a pleasure to read your work.
*Fantastic*
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Reading this article was like a history lesson. It was educational and in all honesty I learned many things I did not know whilst reading it. One can never have too much knowledge.
I liked that you took the time to explain many different forms of celebration used to aknowledge Halloween and also which countries they apply to. Halloween seems to be a good example of showing people how far one small notion is able to go.
I did happen to notice a few small errors which I will point out to you for correction. They are as follows:
Line 14 requires a space after the period.
Line 23- 'trating' should be 'treating'.
Line 25- 'iti s' needs to be corrected to 'it is'
This was an educational read. You learn something new everyday!
Write on!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This was an interesting story to say the least!
I have absolutely no idea how the female character managed to keep such composure after receiving a call from the grave. If the tables were turned and it had of been me I can assure you my reaction would not have been so mature.
Jack was an interesting character to watch unfold. His persistent laughter during the call gave this item a lighter mood. His confident manner was amusing to watch.
In general this was throughly entertaining. Witnessing two characters embarking on arguments of the past that should have been long forgotten was amusing. This item was taken to even greater heights of comedic value by the simple fact he called to say Happy Anniversary on what the reader must presume is the incorrect date when they were in fact not even married anymore!
This was well thought out and highly creative. I found it refreshing to read.
How quickly you were able to manipulate the emotions of the reader. From shock at the beginning, to one of curiousity as the call progresses to plain comedy as certain marital issues are raised. I loved it!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is a great Poem with a high level of description. I like the rhyme although some areas were not as strong as others. For example- The ending of the 1st and second line 'been' and 'winds' does not rhyme together when said out loud. 'Mirror' and 'terror' although they look similar also have the same effect when voiced and do not rhyme. However the rest of the rhyme was perfect and did not skip a beat.
The pace was fast due to tight, compact lines, making your item race to the end.
I did happen to notice one error but I base this error on Australian grammar only so it may not apply to you.
'Caldron' should be 'cauldron'.
This is a quaint, fun, Poem with strong visualization weaved through-out. It was a pleasure to read.
Well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is a very informative article. As prices soar we are given more reasons and occasions to splash out on to make sure we don't miss out on the fun. Writing an article to give tips on how to reduce costs is not only welcomed but also appreciated.
Unfortunately Halloween is not celebrated in Australia as other countries have the pleasure of doing. It is an abomination! But if I were to celebrate this occasion I would have no hesitation in referring to your article for tips.
I did notice one small error in your item:
Line 9- 'bad' should be 'bag'.
I am sure many people would be thanking you for writing this article to share your low costs tips.
Well done!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is a very visual Poem you have here. There are many scattered descriptive words to urge the reader to 'see' your content.
I did happen to notice a large amount of errors you may want to focus on correcting if you are able.
I will point them out to you verse by verse. They are as follows:
1st stanza- You have not capitalized your beginning letter nor have you capitalized your
They both require for it to be done. Your verse is also lacking any general punctuation. Of course it is your choice whether you decide to add it but do know that punctuation has the ability to transform a weak item into a strong one.
2nd verse- Again your beginning letter has not been capitalized. 'enthusiasticly' should read as 'enthusiastically'. Please bear in mind I have used Australian grammar.
3rd verse- No beginning capitalization has been included. 'simplistiy' should read as 'simplicity'. Your needs to be capitalized. Your second line has an abundance of descriptive words that rock the smoothness of the line. Removal of one or even two words would strengthen the line.
4th verse- Consider dropping either 'outward' or 'towards', you do not need both. One would be sufficent explanation.
3rd line capitalize your
4th line- Remove the from 'develope'.
5th line- 'perserving' should read as 'preserving'.
5th verse- Capitalize your on the first line.
3rd line- Capitalize your . The use of profanity in this verse now means your rating needs to be changed to 18+ so as not to offend younger viewers.
6th verse- This verse reads well and only requires the capitalization of your {i's}
7th verse- This verse also reads well and only requires the apropriate captalization.
8th verse- Capitalize your {i"s}
There are no visible errors in the following verses except the capitalization of your {i's}
*Remember, when making reference to yourself the used always requires for it to be capitalized.
In general this is an enjoyable Poem that just needs a few tweaks here and there for it to read smoother.
Well done and write on!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
The title is one we have all become accustomed to seeing from you. Creative, different and unknowingly a direct reference to the content.
I found this to have a melodic tone and a romantic yet regretful mood. (my interpretation of course probably differs to your own)
This Poem has no problems in reaching out and pulling the reader into its depths. There are so many emotions weaved through this that it is impossible for the reader to become unfocused on the content. If I didn't know who had written it I would have been certain this was penned by a woman. That is a compliment.
Above average wordplay as always. You used your finale to its full advantage and peaked the poem at all the perfect times.
One thing I will point out to you;
The 2nd line of the 3rd stanza does not read smooth. As I am reading it, its not forming properly. It could just be me, but I thought I should bring it to your attention anyway.
Well done. Nothing else can be said except this is a beautiful Poem.
Write on!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I like the title. It is creative and has a good, strong, sound when it is said aloud.
Wordplay has always been your strong suit but this is exceptional. The content is enhanced by using many references to colors and weaving an abundance of descriptive words through it. With no effort required the reader is able to get a visual whilst reading.
This Poem is very different to your usual style. It is more direct and you have not left any room for mis-interpretation, usually a trademark of yours. You deliver a clear message to your audience and in turn your ending has become more potent.
My favourite part--I like all of it but if I had to pin point one specific area then it would be,
see the seductress for what she truly is,
and dissolve her in ecstasies of a natant dream.
Well done. This is a clear display of poetic excellence.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is a quaint, little Poem with excellent pace and flow.
The direct rhyme is good and all meshes together well. It sounds great when read out loud.
Each line is compact and to the point.
The only suggestion I have for you is to include the appropriate punctuation and capitalize your on the last line of the first stanza.
My fave part--
I watched this ever joyous sight
throughout all hours of the night
she, flashing across the sky
he, laughing, passing by.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
You show a talent for creative wordplay in this Poem. All of the descriptive words you have chosen to use are in direct relation to your theme.
The one down point is the fact this Poem is so short in length. You have cut it too short for your reader to connect with your words. It travels along nicely and with great pace and right when it should be peaking 'bang' you end it without using it to your advantage.
My only suggestion to you is to add some length to allow your reader enough time to connect with it. Use the space needed to draw your reader in, capture their attention and don't let it go.
There were no visible errors in this item.
Write on!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is definitely a Poem I can relate to. Often I am trapped in my own thoughts and when I am able to answer one question another one immediately takes its place. I believe it is healthy to contemplate things so long as it does not become obsessive and stop you from enjoying the here and now.
You have expressed your message loud and clear to your audience leaving no room for mis-interpretation.
I do have one small suggestion--You have used the word 'shall' far too many times. In a short Poem such as this one, the repetitions take center stage and distract the viewer as they read on. Your Poem would greatly improve if you were to consider removing some of them and replacing them with something similar in nature.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This story is beautiful on so many levels. It has been written with elegance and sophistication and one cannot help but to be swept up and carried away by it.
Although it is a story you have expressed it poetically. Without effort it is easy for the reader to see how much thought has gone into this item. Each word strings together to bring to life a tale filled with overwhelming passion. I can find no fault in your item whatsoever.
*Amazing wordplay!*
There were no visible errors and I have no suggestions for change.
Your item is wonderful the way it is and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Fantastic! A job well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is a display of a situation most people find themselves in at least once in their lives. Not a pretty scenario but a valuable learning experience if you take the time to notice it.
The end was surprising. It was like a fairytale unfolding inside your worst nightmare. If only things actually happen this way but most times they don't especially in a situation like this. You usually wake up to discover gruesome happenings and as the day progresses it becomes worse.
This was an interesting read that took me back to my more gregarious days. It has been written well and I could see no visible errors.
Well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positve' review. All comments and suggseions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Anything based on Vampires draws me in from the beginning.
You have used the small space you had to work with very well and efficently. The hypnotic and erotic powers Vampires are believed to possess are displayed vividly in your item with one sole intention focused upon--submission of the prey.
The fact that you set this in a public place shows your creativity. Most vampire stories are set in secluded places shrouded by darkness and the victim is usually rendered useless by terror. Your story was completely opposite making it more enjoyable and refreshing to read.
There were no visible errors.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your item.
Well done and write on!
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