I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
You explain conception in your item in a brief but creative way. The word count is perfect and you have not exceeded your limit of 55 words. My only suggestion is to reconsider the last two lines. Can they not be replaced with something higher in quality and more impacting upon the reader?
I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
You have written in your description for this item that it holds a strong ending. You are right, it does have a strong ending but its depth is missed because the previous verses are not strong enough to deliver it appropriately. Although you are tring to express 'dark humor' your item lacks any 'real' depth and your attempts remain barron. Perhaps with an occasional insert of 'witty humor' incorporated into your item it would receive enhancement or simply by removing the 'slang' and speaking to your audience on a more common ground it would strengthen.
Don't give up on this one. Persist with it because it is a good template for something much more.
Place some extra focus onto your item and have patience whilst re-working it and you will have a winner.
Goodluck and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I like where you were going with this. The enchantment caused by her 'spider eyes' was a unique form of expression and one which hooked my attention with ease.
You 'show' the reader the effect 'she' has rather than 'telling' them and this aspect of your Poem was the highlight for me.
The one major fault I found was there was no transition or build up between verse and finale. The end of your Poem was steadily climbing to a peak and the reader was able to sink their teeth into the plump verse and then it ends. I would certainly suggest for you to take a closer inspection on this area of your Poem and pace it out by adding some further content.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I enjoyed the urgency in the words. A yearning for support and a promise of devotion. It was palpable. I had a great deal of appreciation for this item because you are expressing the ultimate longing in life. To not have to spend it alone. This was beautiful.
The structure you have used is slightly distracting and I feel it hurts the item. I would consider changing it to allow the item to flow better so the reader is more receptive to its quality. Of course this only a suggestion and only you know what is best for your work.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Hello ~Sue~
This Poem is truly beautiful and moving. The content matter speaks of love and also a fear of worrying the other person of the pair. Just this snippet of information alone, displays clearly to the reader the depth of the emotions being expressed in this Poem. What a wonderful connection to have!
The rhyme is flawless and pushes the item along steadily. The tone of narration is gentle and sweet, leaving the reader feeling warm and fuzzy.
Again, direct but simple wordplay has enhanced your item.
The last two lines were a wonderful way to end this. Very uplifting!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This Poem takes me way back to earlier times. Reading it brings back all the old memories of imaginary terrors experienced as a child. Although we mature and move on from these you still never forget how 'real' they felt at the time.
You captured the sheer terror felt at these precise moments in childhood, perfectly. The palpitating heart, searching beneath the bed, jumping in fright at every bump in the night, lack of sleep as you wait for 'his' entrance...You have covered all of this in your Poem and left no stone unturned.
The rhyme gives your item a rapid pace, heightening the adrenalin being expressed and piquing it within the reader. Your punctuation all seems to be in place and I have no suggestions for improvement. It is visual, gripping and a pleasure to read. Well done!
Yet another well written Poem created by you. Very inspirational and uplifting. I love how you 'showed' not 'told' the reader what one experiences when they are swept up in the grey of life and as I was nearing the end your item took an inspirational turn and you left the reader with a glimmer of hope.
Many people could relate to your Poem because at some stage in our lives we have all been touched by 'grey' moments and feelings but true to the Poem we all 'toil' on until we are able to find some happiness.
I have no suggestions for improvement, I loved it!
I like the title. It's different and draws attention.
The emotions in this are palpable and strike the reader with force drawing them further into your item. The bond/connection being shared is mesmerising and sufficently piqued my curiosity making me want to know more about the situation.
Many descriptive words are used in the content which enhances the intimacy being shown.
Again, the only bump in the road detected was with the rhyme. Certain areas have strong rhyme whilst in others the rhyme strays completely. I would suggest taking a second look when you can afford the time, to smooth it out.
I like the message you are expressing in this Poem and it is so true! Love is not always straight forward. Like anything else it has two sides. One that is pure and one which is more sinister. Everything has a ying and yang and love is no exception. You get this expression across loud and clear in your item and I was riveted.
I see no errors in your item but I do have a suggestion. It caught my attention that you have used 'free' as the ending word in stanza one and two. Perhaps this area of your Poem would be enhanced by removing the repeition and replacing it with with a fresh rhyme.
Well done. I enjoyed the colors you incorporated into your item.
I don't know about anyone else but I love reading items that are centered around 'A woman's scorn'. The moment I read the title and introduction I knew I was hooked!
I loved how you began the item all innocent and sweet. Lots of passion and yearning for a promise she will more than likely never receive and then severely switched it up in the following verse to an overtly demanding tone.The transition was rapid and breathtaking but I loved it. It was a clear display of how quickly the transition can occur in reality.
I enjoyed reading the warning in each line. It was direct and simply stated 'If I don't get what I want from you, this will be the consequences you face'. A job well done in this area.
The only 'hitch' I see in this item is with your rhyme. You begin the item using strong, direct rhyme which follows through consistently until you reach the last two lines of the first verse. 'Alone' and 'torn' do not rhyme and this created a pause in the flow. This same pause was also found on the first and second line of the last verse too.The rest of the rhyme in your Poem is perfect and does not require a second look.
I liked this Poem. The anger being ejected from the character was chilling and she was certainly a woman I don't think any male would want to intentionally cross.
Well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Hello ~Sue~
What a lovely Poem you have here and created with the intention of using less than 14 lines which you achieved easily--Amazing! Only 10 lines.
The line which stood out to me the most was the second line. The words I write become my voice.
This Poem has certainly been narrated with 'your' voice but I think you have spoken for almost every individual on WDC in general. Many people have different reasons and passions for writing but we all still share one common connection. As writers we all want to be heard in one way or another and when we use our poetic voices people flock to listen.
You have used direct rhyme and carried it well from the beginning to the end. It remains consistent and there were no bumps or pauses along the way.
The use of simple and direct wordplay heightens your item. The lack of elaborate and complicated wordplay has given your Poem an honesty and pureness which is clearly on display for the reader to see.
Your punctuation is slightly off balance but does not hurt your item in any way.
6th line- The hope one day I'll make my mark.
Let me tell you, you certainly stamped me with your mark after reading this inspirational and beautifully written Poem.
Well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
The large font you have used is excellent because it made me feel like you were shouting this out for all to hear. You have delivered a potent and inspiring message using a minimal amount of words.
The descriptive words back and forth in relation to fire such as: light, kindling, glowing etc etc is creatively done and very pleasant for the reader to view. There were no visible errors in your item.
A job well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is one of the best Acrostics I have read.
I love the Acrostic format but do not use it nearly as much as I would like to. I tend to use them when I am trying to get passed writer's block and think they work a treat!
The font color is great in the display and enhances the oceanic theme.
The rhyme pattern used is excellent. I especially enjoyed the switch up of the first and last line of 'Ocean'.
This was a pleasure to read.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
You state in your description- 'Do we appreciate the tiny daily freedoms most overlook?'
No, I do not think many people would appreciate all of the minute things that help to make our lives more enjoyable but your Poem does a good job of reminding us all that we should.
I loved the sincerity in the words. It is easy for the reader to know this item has been written from the heart. Your talent and skill as a writer is evident in this amazing item. I am thrilled you decided to take Ralene's advice in regards to do with your work. The re-write is more potent and using free verse as opposed to rhyme has ensured you were not boxed in by a pattern and were able to express yourself more intimately.
I have no suggestions for improvement. The re-write is splendid.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is an extremely moving write. It was an item I was able to connect with because it was and is a reality for me also. Unfortunately, sometimes it does not matter what 'we' do, some people are destined to be ignorant to the messages around them.
I loved the comparison between your item and the song. The incorporation of some of the songs lines in your work was outstanding and really helped to enhance the emotional aspects of your Poem.
The ending although sad, was beautifully written and pulled on the readers heart strings with ease.
I have no suggestions for improvement. This is outstanding just the way it is.
*Wonderful*
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
The desperation being portrayed in this Poem is vivid and potent. I like the detailed explanation you give to the reader to convey her actions. The only question I am left with is why? You express pain has pushed her to this point, but you do not go into depth and explain the source of the pain so the reader is able to sympathize or perhaps relate to the emotions she is experiencing. Focusing on this aspect of the Poem and enhancing it will give your character more substance.
I did notice some errors I will point out to you to make it easier for you to edit if you choose to do so.
They are as follows:
2nd line- the 'H' in 'she' does not require capitalization.
5th line- 'liveing' should read as 'living'.
8th line- I suggest removing 'she' from this line. It is not needed.
9th line- 'Everythings' would look better from a display perspective as ' Everything is'.
Line 12- This entire line needs to be re-worked. It is not forming properly.
Last line- Add an apostrophe to 'theres' so it reads as 'there's'
My final suggestion to you is to lower the amount of times you use 'she' in your content. It is very repetitive and the reader is able to establish the character earlier in the item and does not require the continuing reference.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Your Poem has the potential to touch many people and draw them into your content, forcing them to remember memories of their own. Afterall who does not have memories of better times?
I think your idea of reliving positive times of the past is a strong theme to use, but I found your abundance of repetition distracting. In total there are 15 lines in your Poem and 7 of them are completely identical. My advice to you is to lose the repetition and use the space freed up to incorporate more imagery and descriptive words relating to your theme.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I love the 'matter of fact' tone you have used to narrate this. It is chilling.
Your Poem speaks of one who holds no hope for anything better to arrive on the horizon. There is strong desperation in your content which reaches the reader with ease. It is almost a plea for company and ownership. You have highlighted the quality of your Poem by introducing many descriptive words that directly relate to the dreary tone and mood you are expressing.
There are a few minor errors in your verses I will point out to you for correction but one thing I will stress to you is to, add at the very least general punctuation to this item to strengthen the rhythm.
Line 1- Capitalize your
2nd line- At the very least requires a comma to divide your descriptions.
4th line- Capitalize your
2nd verse- Requires the capitalization of your {i's} only.
3rd verse
Line 1- Capitalize your
Line 2- Comma after 'building'
Line 4- 'i ll' requires an apostrophe.
4th verse-
Line 1- Capitalize your
Line 3- 'he s' requires an apostrophe.
Line 4- 'she s' also requires an apostrophe.
5th verse
This is a repetition of the first verse and requires the same changes previously noted.
6th verse- You need to capitalize all of your {i's} in this area. The use of commas would also benefit this part of your item, and your last line requires a fullstop or (period) to end it.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All suggestions and comments are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Your Poem is a clear display of a writer with a tremendous amount of skill using wordplay.
I love the indecision weaved through your Poem. Neither here nor there leaves only a sense of nothingness but creatively you transition following words to ones of inspiration.
There are many areas of this Poem I simply adore but my two favourite parts in particular are:
suspended between was and will be
belonging to neither one
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Your word selections in this Poem enhance the mood you are trying to conjure within your reader. They are sensual and elegant creating a classy quality that can be enjoyed by all who read it.
Strong descriptive words are scattered through-out the item, making it much easier for you reader to create a visual they can be swept up by.
'Oh sweet ecstasy never let me go!' expresses a tone of yearning. There is a plea within these words which creatively builds an emotional connection between the reader and your item.
One small suggestion I will extend to you is- Remove the explanation marks scattered through your verses. They do not belong and certainly are not needed. The use of them does nothing except distract the readers attention from your item.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Considering you state in your description this is your first attempt at a short story you have done a good job, venturing out into new terrain.
Your theme is strong and one that could be used in many different ways.
By no means did I find this story to be scary I was more interested than terrified.
You have some issues with your paragraphing that you may want to focus some attention on. I also feel that your characters require some more depth and description if you wish for your reader to establish a connection with them.
The incorproration and significance of the roses was a job well done. A symbol of beauty actually being a sign of doom on the horizon was fantastic!
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I love the spooky mood of the Poem. It reached right up, seized me and drew me into it.
The rhyme scheme you have used is working well in this Poem and is all faultlessly in rhythm. The shadowed tone and somber narration was another fantastic treat for the reader to indulge in!
My favourite part was the second stanza.
*Poetic excellence*
There is nothing about this Poem I do not like. So to keep it short and limit the praises to an appropriate length I will finish this review off by saying I thought it was an amazing write free of any errors.
Well done.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Oh C'mon Sherri, you would have to know Gothic Angel would love this.
Your Poem is dark in theme and mood. I especially liked the authoritive tone you gave to this.
I enjoyed the warning in the words. The narrator is attempting to reach out and urge people to choose another path to embark on.
I like the directness of the Poem. I have noticed in the Poetry I have read that has been penned by you that you say what needs to be said using the smallest amount of words possible to express your message. Straight to the point with no fooling around.
Tight, compact lines, give your item a rapid pace. This is well done because it enhances the urgency in your warning.
Your rhyme is composed well but I did notice one small bump along the way.
3rd and 4th lines of the first stanza, 'tales' and dwells' do not rhyme. A mere imperfection that can be easily corrected. The rest of the rhyme scheme is faultless.
As always it was a pleasure to read your work.
*Fantastic*
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Reading this article was like a history lesson. It was educational and in all honesty I learned many things I did not know whilst reading it. One can never have too much knowledge.
I liked that you took the time to explain many different forms of celebration used to aknowledge Halloween and also which countries they apply to. Halloween seems to be a good example of showing people how far one small notion is able to go.
I did happen to notice a few small errors which I will point out to you for correction. They are as follows:
Line 14 requires a space after the period.
Line 23- 'trating' should be 'treating'.
Line 25- 'iti s' needs to be corrected to 'it is'
This was an educational read. You learn something new everyday!
Write on!
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