I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Hello warriormom
I love this Poem! This Poem is a true introduction to the 'real' person behind the words. A person many of us can relate to as we all share these days of depression, some more than others.
I like that you encourage the viewer to read between the lines. Encouraging them to truly absorb their meaning and examine the place they come from to further understand what makes you who you are.
The one line which stands out in the spotlight for me is: My writing keeps me sane.
I can relate. My own writing is the glue which holds me together, my Poetry is my bandaid, and seeing this clearly displayed in your Poem made me fall in love with it even more.
There are no visible errors in your Poem and I have no suggestions for improvement.
I would not change a solitary word in your item because simply, it would not be you if you did. This has come directly from the heart and is delievered with unabashed honesty and care to the reader.
*Absolutely sensational*
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514095 by Not Available.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
Wow...there are so many things in this item that I like.
There is a very visible struggle between so many different emotions and they are all battling to push to the forefront. Much like a love/hate scenario. It is very bittersweet and above all, potent.
You describe the effect the person in question has on you in so much detail. In your first verse it is as though you knew this person would eventually cause a negative impact on you and yet a stronger emotion forced you to turn a blind eye and wholeheartedly embrace the relationship. There is a very sacrificial tone here.
Each individual verse can be extracted and used as a Poem of its own. They all have their own unique scene and sensation. Your Poem in its entirety is beautifully written. The emotional aspects are overwhelming and eject onto the reader with ease manipulating them to feel what you are expressing.
There are many dark undertones weaved through this, further enhanced by the behavior displayed through out the Poem of the callous person. A trememndous amount of yearning is portrayed in the item and this pulled on my heart strings with force.
There are no visible errors in your item and I have no suggestions for improvement.
*A job well done*
This is a deliciously wicked dark write your viewer is able to sink their teeth into.
The visualizations I received from this were amazing, combined with the sinister tone of narration, you hooked me immediately and would not let me go.
You throw the reader directly into the evil happenings right from the very beginning and I loved that about your Poem! Each individual stanza tells a story of its own and the smoothness of the transitions made almost go completely undetected.
I have one suggestion for improvement and that is for the last line of the second stanza.
'dears' stands out too much in the content because regardless of the way it is directed, it makes an endearing appearance and clashes with the sadistic notions of the character. It would better be replaced with something more derogatory but still classy. Afterall 'he' thinks everyone should be punished.
Well done, Aralls! Your items are starting to fill up my favorites.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514095 by Not Available.
I have heard of the Abcedarius format before but have yet to try it. After closely studying over the complicated format all that I can say is well done.
Making sure each line precisely begins with the succession of each letter in the alphabet and more so making sure you still send a clear message to your viewers would be no easy feat, yet you have made it look effortless by writing such an exceptional Poem.
I have no suggestions for improvement because I honestly do not believe your Poem requires improvement. It is stunning the way it is. I loved it!
*A job well done*
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1514095 by Not Available.
I am here to give you the last review from five that were gifted to you by Ben Langhinrichs from my package he won for Sherri's New Year's Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
There is much heartache in this Poem as opposed to the sinister nature of your usual items. A sense of helplessness can be felt through the narration and it is quite sad to watch it unfold. Your item is moving and although there are dark undertones this Poem has a more potent nature to it that borders on something entirely different.
The last verse does not seem to flow as smoothly as the others, it may be because it is larger in size. A small tweak or a simple cut would work wonders with the flow.
There are no visible errors in your item and I have enjoyed my time spent in your port reviewing your items.
You truly do have an amazing talent for delving into the darker side of humanity.
I am here to give you the fourth review from five, gifted to you by Ben Langhinrichs from my package he won in Sherri's New Year's Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
It is official. This is the best piece of Poetry I have EVER read on WDC. It gently calls to my darkside and I found it satisfying to read because it felt like you had read my mind, extracted my own thoughts and views and relayed them through a divine piece of Poetry.
I like that you openly and honestly display views that many others may find uncomfortable to read. You say what you want and do not give mind to those who do not agree. That is the way Poetry should be, an expression of the writer and not an item that is strictly written in an attempt to indulge every whim of the reader.
This item is a clear display of why you are my favorite author.
There were no visible errors in your item and I offer no suggestions for improvement. Your Poem is perfection.
I am here to give you the third review from 5 gifted to you by Ben Langhinrichs from my package he won in Sherri's New Year's Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
There are many descriptive words scattered through out this item and once again you have been successful in stirring up a dark and somber scene for your readers to envision. There is a forlorn tone in the narration. You have heightened the quality of your Poem by touching upon sight, touch, smell, sound, etc...you name it and it is here.
This is very well done considering the size of the item. You have used a small space to paint your expression and turned it into something that feels much larger than it really is. You state this is your first attempt writing to this format. This is absolutely splendid for a first try of a complicated format and I would have to say you must be a natural.
Thank you for sharing your darklings with the WDC community. Us, dark writers, thrive on exquisite writing like yours.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you the sixth review from ten, for my package you won in the ODTG Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is right up my alley! It is very similar to a poem I wrote called 'Midnight Whispers'. Dark minds must think alike.
I could write a huge review praising almost every aspect of this Poem, but I wont. I will keep it short and simple. All of the necessary ingredients needed to write a successful Poem are visible in your item. Descriptive words, imagery, pace, message...the list goes on and it is all here minus one- your flow.
This aspect of your Poem requires further attention. Some of the lines are so long and abundant with information that it becomes harder and harder to distinguish one line from the next and it all begins to fuse together. Small compact lines would increase the strength of your poem in leaps and bounds. Re-writing this to meter would work a treat too, but that option is a bit extreme and time consuming and I think the reduction in lines would be sufficent enough to do the job.
My favorite part, hands down, is the fourth stanza: Wake me. This can't be real! Rescue me from slumber.
Mother, protector, sense my torture from devils within.
Save my mind from rodent's relentless hunger.
Sanity is slipping, shake me awake 'fore all is lost.
A sensational stanza! The third line is absolutely stunning.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you the fifth review from ten, won by you in my package for the ODTG Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I like the darkness you have managed to capture in this Poem but I feel there is room for improvement. I was not able to connect with this Poem as I have with your others and I am sure it is due to the format to which this has been written. The format was distracting and I found myself concentrating more on moving back and forth across the page rather than solely concentrating on your content. Your content would read smoother if you were to center the Poem and divide it into triplets, whilst using italics for your couplets. Of course this is entirely your decision to make.
The theme is dark, further emphasized with the incorporation of the closet. Closets are always linked to ominous happenings because of the damp darkness that dwells within them. You have brought this old fantasy back to life.
I hope you find my suggestions helpful.
Goodluck and write on.
I am here to give you the fourth review from ten won by you in the ODTG Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I like this eerie read. Demons coming to life to quench their devious thirsts... certainly an item which lingers in the mind of the reader.
Your item conjures some amazing visualizations that go from one extreme to the next in each stanza.
A fast pace and a consistent flow, rapidly push the reader through each stanza.
Your direct rhyme was completely flawless, fitting into your content easily without feeling forced.
Suggestion- 4th line of the third stanza could use a slight tweak. This was the only bump detected in your flow. My suggestion is to drop one word from the line to keep it in rhythm with the rest of the stanza or re-work the line so it reads more smoothly.
A job well done. Definitely an item which strokes my darkside.
I am here to give you the third review from ten won by you in the ODTG Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is a well written Poem centered on your imaginings of events that would transpire during the time of devils celebrations. Again, strong visualizaton has been scattered through your Poem to enable the reader to conjure a picture of these events. I can honestly say I feel like a kid in a candy shop reading your dark folder. I love the dark genre like no other genre.
The couplet format combined with partial stanzas is working well and helps to strengthen your flow. I liked that you changed your font color for the stanzas. It highlights them to the reader and their content is the most significant within the Poem.
One small suggestion-- gods would look better with the [g] capitalized.
I am here to give you the ninth review from ten won by you in Sherri's New Year's Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is definitely an interesting story and one that is left wide open to the interpretation of the reader. Your story displays some vivid imagery and combined with direct but gentle narration I found myself completely immersed in your item. Many descriptive words brought the scenery, situation and characters to life right before my eyes. It was a pleasure to read.
I am here to give you the first of ten reviews won by you in Sherri's New Year's Auction. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
As individuals,we all have different things that spike an emotion within us whether it be a positive or negative emotion. It is our perogative to have this choice and experience the sensation. I can completely relate to your rant because it is not always huge, monumental things that get me riled up.
I think you did a wonderful job of managing your anger sufficently to compose a well written sonnet. In making this annoyance of your's known, anyone reading it is made aware to avoid sending superficial email to you. Not only is your item honest it is also educational because it gives others a small insight into the kind of person you may be.
You followed the sonnet format perfectly and there are no visible errors in your item.
A well written Poem. I hope you received the recognition this deserves.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is a quaint, sweet Poem displaying some wonderfully descriptive wordplay.
Your rhyme is nicely composed and fits perfectly. I noticed you have not incorporated punctuation but oddly it does not seem to hurt the item. Strange...
I like the ending. A lovely way to end your Poem.
There are no visible errors.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is a wonderful Poem which clearly displays perfect wordplay, exquisite rhyme and flawless pace and flow.
There are no visible errors with your grammar or punctuation.
The item is inspirational and in general uplifting. Your title is 'Covered In Love' but it is very easy to see that you also put a lot of 'love' into writing it.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I am completely taken with this Poem. Reading this was like an experience on a rollercoaster. Up and down (repeat, repeat). There is an abundance of emotion compacted into this Poem and each individual one was ejected onto me. So much anger is freely displayed in this item and my heart goes out to you.
The imagery, mingled with the descriptive wordplay was magnificent. You trapped me in a sense of awe right from the beginning until the end. I am still tingling from the thrill of this read.
I turn around to leave these wet flowers on your doorsteps,
not to win you back, but to lay you to rest. A savagely potent verse which left me raw with emotion.
There were no visible errors and I have no suggestions for improvement. I would not edit a single thing in this Poem.
*Absolutely amazing and exquisitely written*
Well done and thank you for a marvelous read.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
This is a lovely Poem which has been well written. Acceptance offered in love is a beautiful gesture and you have expressed it well in your Poem. The transitioning stages are smooth and and flawlessly merge. I enjoyed watching the development between the two people. A friendship slowly unfolding and blossoming into a relationship.
For the most part your rhyme is strong but in certain areas it begins to slip in quality and does not fit. The second last verse can be used as an example. Further attention focused upon this small problem will enhance your Poem that much more.
There were no visible errors in your item and I have no further suggestions for improvement.
Well done and write on.
~Goth Angel~
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I love the title. It caught my attention and made me want to read your item.
I like that this Poem was written in free verse. It gave your item more elasticity to move and stretch in which ever direction it wanted, because you were not boxed in by rhyme.
Your item has a light and airy feel to it which I found to be relaxing and invigorating.
There were no visible errors but I do have two small suggestions-
1. Capitalize the beginning letter of each verse. It is your starting point and as such requires it.
2. Your item would gain more momentum in pace and flow and also more quality if you were to apply general punctuation. Something for you to think about.
Well done. It was a pleasure to read.
~Goth Angel~
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
First of all, great title. It connects with the essential theme very well.
You have used tight, compact lines in each of your stanza's which strengthens the pace and flow of the item.
For the most part your rhyme reads well but there are a few lines which cause a slight bump in the road.
2nd stanza- 'different' and 'listened' do not rhyme. You may want to try and smooth this one out.
4th stanza- 'confused' and 'do' also do not rhyme. Another section for you to take a brief look at.
Suggestion- You should consider adding the appropriate punctuation. Of course this is strictly your choice but it really does help add strength to your writing.
In general this is a well written Poem. Easy to read and the message you are expressing is loud and clear.
Well done and write on.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
I love the title. Its simplicity piqued my interest and drew me in to read it.
This is a short, dark write which I think is a perfect template to build upon. The succession of the word 'black' featured at the ending of the first four lines is somewhat distracting and disrupts the natural flow rather than enhance it. It is established from the title and the first line that 'black' in general is the feature or highlight of your Poem and the repetition would serve best to be removed and replaced with fresh content to keep the reader engrossed in your Poem.
A few small errors that were noted. - The {i's} in your item need to be capitalized. This is always required when making reference to yourself. - You have over-used your placing of commas. It is not necessary for them to be used on every line featured in the Poem. - Last two lines should read as {It's}
With some further attention placed upon this Poem and some minor edits, your item will shine.
You have a good starting point here.
Well done and best of luck.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
There is a strong sense of regret coming through to the reader, stroking the heart strings and forcing us to connect with your item. The long winding passage you have used to display your item enhances the melancholy nature of your theme.
I did happen to notice a few areas you may want to touch-up when given the opportunity. They are as follows:
4th line- Its should read as It's.
5th line- Remove 'As' at the beginning and allow the line to flow naturally.
Line 8- Consider removing 'to' and replacing it with 'I'. This seems to flow smoother.
Last line- Remove the exclamation mark at the end of the line. It is not needed.
This is a beautifully written Poem. It is elegant and soft in tone, narrated with a melodic and peaceful 'voice'. The flow, pace and rhyme are all perfect and require no adjustments. I did detect one small error on the 6th line- You have capitalized the (i) in 'is'. It is not needed.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us all here at WDC.
Write on.
I am here on behalf of 'Simply Positive'. All comments are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
After looking endlessly through a sea of Christmas themed cNote shops to find the perfect card for some of my friends, I stumbled upon your shop and my search ended. I love all of the cute little cNotes you have displayed and will most definitely be purchasing notes for my friends from your shop. I can't pick a fave note because I like them all.
I will be adding your shop to my favorites...makes it easier to find my way back.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
As a dark writer myself, I have an appreciation and attraction for anything written in this genre. The depression you are experiencing is being clearly expressed in the item and leaps out at the reader. The format could do with an adjustment though, because some of the lines are so long and they feel as though they drag on for an eternity. In breaking your content up and delivering it more appropriately you will smooth out your flow, strengthen your pace and enhance the impact your item has upon the reader.
I am here to give you a 'Simply Positive' review. All comments and suggestions are extended in kindness and are not intended to offend.
You have managed to create an item that lingers in the mind and caresses the thoughts and emotions of the reader viewing it. Beautiful wordplay is being displayed in your item and the insatiable hunger and need for the 'Goddess' is striking. The main feature for me in your item is that you have 'shown' the viewer the effect the Goddess is having upon you in all different areas as opposed to 'telling' us.
I feel this item needs no change in wordplay or content but rather some major adjustments in your format. There are many grammatical issues in your item which require some further attention such as a space after your period points, some sentence structure and the appropriate capitalizations.
One error I did happen to notice was 'innocense'. It should read as innocence.
If you do decide to edit, please let me know because I would love to take another look at this.
Well done and keep up the great work on the wordplay!
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A savagely potent verse which left me raw with emotion.
- Last two lines should read as {It's}