I enjoyed this story very much. Your beginning pulled me into the story very quickly, and maintained my interest throughout. The only part that caused any difficulty for me was the ending. It would have been nice if you have been more explicit about what the idea was that they all had.
I didn't find any grammar or spelling errors. Great job! Good luck in the contest!
This is such a funny parody of the old classic story. It made me laugh very much!
Editing suggestions:
Fairy 1: "I granted - since they are speaking at the moment, it should be in present tense; this occurs throughout the script
"What if something happen to her?!" - happens
"WHY DON'T YOU COME EARLIER?!" - didn't
"We must be hurry!" - We must hurry
Overall, this is a good script. The only major problem with it is the use of past tense, which is easily and quickly fixed. I enjoyed reading this very much. {e:smile]
I liked the theme of this story very much. High school graduation is a very emotional and thought-provoking time in people's lives. And so the events you describe are very realistic.
But some of your dialogue doesn't quite ring true. And the structure of the story is rather disconcerting and distracting. It doesn't follow a logical pattern; it skips back and forth in time which interferes with the flow of the story. I recommend that you revise the story to a more chronological pattern, and also change the many times you use ellipsis to other punctuation, such as commas and periods.
Overall, it's an interesting plot, and a good beginning. I particularly liked how you incorporated the stanzas from that graduation song into your story. If and when you revise this, I'll be happy to R&R again.
This is a pretty good story you have here. You built up suspense in the story very well, and I loved the unexpected twist at the end. I suggest, however, that you revise the story to where YOU are not narrating the events most of the time. Let Kylie tell us what she does and thinks. For example, in the following passage:
She tried to shake off the ominous feeling that dominated her mind
Rather than stating she had an ominous feeling, let Kylie demonstrate that fact through her actions, her thoughts, her facial expressions, etc.
Overall, this is a good story; I liked the plotline of it very much.
This is a very humourous anecdote of your job-related activites. You describe these very well, with vivid imagery that helps the reader see the workers singing these songs. Great job!
I have a few editing suggestions for you:
"Mcdonald's" - McDonald's; and you need a comma after it
"on the radio," - need a semicolon here, not a comma
"are caffeine induced minds" - should be "our caffeine-induced minds"
"here's another song" - Here's
"Twelve days of Christmas." - Days
"Ten Shake Machines are Breaking" - using the phrase "Ten Shake Machines a' breaking" would be more similar to the original song
"Twelve Manager's" - should be "Managers" since it's plural and not possessive
"how Mccrew" - how the McCrew
Overall, this is a wonderfully creative way to amuse oneself on a "boring" morning at work. Kudos to all of you for these humorous songs.
This is a very deep commentary on intolerance and those who warp religious tenets to suit their own ends. I agree with much of what you've written here; we see this type of behaviour much too often in this world. There is a lesson here that the entire world would benefit from learning.
This is very well-written. It is very concise and well-developed. I did not see any grammar or spelling errors. Good job!
I liked this poem. It flows very nicely and the rhyme and rhythm of it is well done also. I especially liked your repetition of the phrase "every now and then" throughout the poem.
This is a very funny poem describing the love/hate relationship one has with a computer. I've felt this way many times and acted just how the computer described.
Well, maybe a little worse than that. The word "tirade" comes to mind.
This is very well-written; it flows perfectly and I loved the rhyme scheme. Great job!
This is a very deep and emotional subject you have written about here. The Holocaust is, indeed, an important part of our history; hopefully, one that will never be repeated again. I loved the following sentence very much:
We cannot deceive ourselves that we are better than they or would make better choices in similar circumstances.
How very true that is! In fact, we, or rather our American ancestors, did not make better choices when it came to relations with Native Americans. That also was an attempted genocide, an eradication of their whole race.
The question remains: Have we really learned from those points in history? I ask that, and I'm not sure that we have.
This is a very thought-provoking personal essay. You've done a wonderful job with writing this.
This is a very nice rant against people who never bother to fulfill their obligations to others. You've taken an everyday theme and made it sparkle. Great job!
I found no spelling or grammar errors, no matter how hard I looked.
I liked this poem; especially the way that you list non-similar things together side-by-side. For example: "unexpected twists expected." It's very nicely done.
I found a couple of errors:
"summer ferver" - fervor
"insomiac" - insomniac
In your title, you need an extra 'r' - "surrender"
Overall, this is very well-written. The poem flows very nicely from one line to the next, and you have vivid imagery.
Wow, this is great! I enjoyed your version of the Night Before Christmas very much.
Your rhyme scheme and word choices are excellent. I have only one suggestion for you: some of the lines are a little too long, interrupting the flow of the poem. I recommend that you cut out some of the wordiness to make the lines flow better.
I didn't find any grammar or spelling errors. Great job!
This is a fair start to what could become a very interesting story. It does need some work to get there, though. Your beginning grabs attention right away, but the story doesn't maintain interest. It became too vague; it seems to me that there was so much more to the story that should have been included, but wasn't. For instance, how did he become a werewolf? What does he do when he is in the midst of the Change?
And your ending confused me. I'm not sure if by the end, he is a wolf or a human. It seems he could be either. It's not clear how the story ends: Is he returning to his human home, or his wolf home? I couldn't tell.
Editing suggestions:
Sometimes you capitalize "Change" and sometimes you don't. You should be consistent.
Also, sometimes you capitalize "Moon" and sometimes not. If you want to capitalize Moon, you should do it all the way through, and also capitalize "sun"
Overall, it's a good start. You have an interesting plot here; you just need to make some parts clearer and add more details. If and when you revise, I'll be happy to R&R again.
This is an excellent, inspirational story of love and loss. You've written this very well; the story flows wonderfully from beginning to end and you've chosen words and phrases that clearly evoke visual images into the mind of the reader.
I didn't find any spelling or punctuation errors, and I have only one suggestion regarding your use of grammar:
"only her fear having a tighter grip on her than what she had on the limb." - this phrase is rather awkward; I had to read it twice to get its meaning. I suggest you revise this so as to make it clearer.
Overall, it is very well-done. You project the protagonist's emotions onto the reader vividly. Great job!
You've written a very informative, helpful article on what reviews should contain, in your view. I agree with most of what you say here, except for the part that editing should not be included in reviews. I give reviews that I would like to be given to me, and that includes any writing errors that my item might contain. I would not ever expect someone to, in effect, do two reviews of my work. One publicly and one privately.
But, regardless of our disagreement there, this article is written perfectly. You express your thoughts on this matter eloquently and concisely. I found no errors in the text. Wonderful job!
It is an article that I believe everyone could benefit from reading.
This is a very helpful, interesting article you've written here. I'm sure that it will be of enormous benefit to members of the Writing.com community to liven up their own writing.
I particularly liked how you included the reminder not to use "cliches, generalizations, and stereotypes." I see that sometimes, and it always turns me off.
This is a wonderful story! Very inspiring and touching. I enjoyed it very much. You wrote this every well. There are no revisions I can suggest to improve the story. The story unfolds perfectly, your word choices are very good, and you balance description with dialogue nicely. Great job!
I do have a few editing suggestions:
"I couldn't make it in in time." - delete one of the "in"
"interested in me dating" - my dating
"It had been months" - need comma after "months"
Her thoughts need to be italicized.
Overall, it is an excellent story. I enjoyed this very much.
This is a pretty good story! You write your paragraphs well, using good description and following a logical pattern. You built up suspense in the story very nicely. I'm a little disappointed you didn't clarify what the symbol was, though.
Editing suggestions:
"This struck him as odd" - comma after "odd"
"dull throbbing pain" - need comma to separate adjectives
“Hold Still”, - commas are placed inside quotation marks, and "Still" shouldn't be capitalized
"10" - numbers should be spelt out unless very large
"his early 60’s" - 60s or sixties
"He gently said," - adverbs follow verbs: said gently
"the doctors office." - doctor's
"Monday morning." - should use comma here, not a period
"What was his name he thought" - thoughts need to be italicized, and you need a comma after "name"
"He was pleased to have remembered the name," - need a semicolon here, rather than a comma, to separate independent clauses
"self titled group" - self-titled
"her husbands face." - husband's
"with a sullen tone" - sullen doesn't really fit the context here, maybe "concerned"?
"She shook him slightly" - comma after "slightly"
"terror filled" - compound adjectives need to be hyphenated
"insider her head" - inside
"the center of the sink" - comma after "sink"
Overall, this is well done story, and I enjoyed it very much.
This is a deeply emotional poem. The theme is a little sad though. It's not ever good to lock our hearts up, even if they might get bruised and broken. Humans require love and companionship.
You've written this very well; the lines flow nicely from one to the next. Good job!
You might consider adding more vivid imagery to it.
This is a very deep, emotional poem. I enjoyed it very much, especially the visual imagery you evoke with your word choices.
I do have a couple of suggestions for revising, which you can use or not, as you think best. First, you might consider either not using color or one not so bright. This one rather hurt my eyes. Second, I think you should not use punctuation at all in this poem. There are times when you don't have punctuation when it should be there, and I think that approach works much better than having it there. But you should be consistent in either using or not using punctuation.
You're recieving this raid on your poetry folder due to your generous donation to the EnduReviewing contest. Thanks!
I liked this poem of yours very much. You've chosen words that are melodious in themselves. This helps the reader 'hear' the music that you are talking about. I also like how you structured this; it flows from line to line perfectly.
I did not find any grammar or spelling errors. Good job!
Write on!
Mary
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ja77521/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 8:12pm on Sep 07, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
He was “tired of married life”. - commas are placed inside quotation marks
“Who are you,” - needs a question mark
Thunderstorms this afternoon, I thought. - thoughts need to be italicized
Lightening split the sky. - Lightning 
"Twelve days of Christmas." - Days