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Review of Poetic Insanity  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well dear Writer of the Winds,

Here we are at the last folder in your Poetry! *Frown*.

I cannot express how much I enjoyed my invasion of your Poetry. You are, in turns, a magnificent, inspiring, humorous, and downright insane poet!

Which brings me to *dum dum* Poetic Insanity!!!

You already know how I feel about your (in)famous writing.com In and Out. But others might not, so...listen up all! If you've had a bad or stressful day, go to Poetic Insanity, read the posts, and you'll magickally feel all your negative energy slipping away!

Note: 4 out of 5 poets swear it's the best thing to ever happen to poetry.

Don't ask what happened to the 5th! muhahahahahaha

P.S. I read the Happy Birthday posts: I never saw so many people thankful for being 'warped' *Laugh*

PI forever!!!!!

This is a public service announcement brought to you by the Mad Poet's Society. If you wish to join,(and of course you do!) contact Writer of the Winds
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Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flower3* Ah, being made to kiss grown-ups...I'm sure that is included under "cruel and unusual punishment" for children *Laugh*

*Flower2* This is very humorous and well-written. Of course, the rhythm is superb and the flow is outstanding!

*Flower1* Very nicely done, Writer of the Winds!

Mary
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Review of The Challenge  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Writer of the Winds!

*Flower1* Since you have 57 poems in this folder, I decided to rate only the folder, and put all my comments and individual ratings in one review so as not to fill your mailbox even more. *Smile*

*Balloon1*So here we go!

"Bars of Fear" - I know exactly how that feels! Rating: 4.0

"Run" - very funny! I always run when I see one! *Laugh* Rating: 5.0

"Defeat" - very nice, inspirational poem! I enjoyed it very much. Rating: 4.5

"Matrimonial Dance" - honest and forthright about men's hopes. I loved the rhyme and flow. Rating: 4.5

"Principal's Office" - I've had some of those experiences! *Smile* Rating: 4.0

"I Am No Different" - Another very good inspirational poem. We should all forgive ourselves more - I wonder why it is so difficult to do that, but much easier to forgive others? Rating: 4.5

"Inside Out" - Very deep exploration! Enjoyed it very much. Rating: 4.5

"The Musical Performance" - Very cute and humorous! Rating: 4.0

"The Buzzards are Circling" - Outstanding poem! A must read!!! Rating: 5.0

"The Curmudgeon" - personally, it's my opinion tha anyone who makes it to 80 has earned the right to be a curmudgeon! *Smile* Rating: 4.5

"My Love" - Very beautiful and romantic! Rating: 4.5

"Svelte!" - Hilarious! I've met people like that. And my sister felt that way about me when I said 'akin'! Rating: 4.0

"The Peacock" - Funny, and very true! Rating: 4.5

"Leaving My Past Behind" - oh my gosh! I couldn't stop giggling! *Laugh* Rating: 5.0

"It Was No Accident" - Very powerful poem here; deep and extremely moving! Rating: 5.0

"Everyman and Me" - Another very moving and touching poem; and sadly, too true! Rating: 5.0

"The Boss" - too funny! Another giggle fest! Rating: 4.5

"The Election" - interesting structure here in this poem Rating: 4.0

"Sorrow" - nice, inspiritational reflection! Rating: 4.0

"The Pirate" - Interesting; good rhyme scheme Rating: 4.0

"The Ancient Enemy" - I don't really understand what's happening here, but well-written! Rating: 3.5

"The Boss: Act II" - very, very well-written! Very humorous too! Rating: 5.0

"Debauchery" - another good piece. Rating: 4.0

"The Betrothal" - Very, very mysterious ending. I liked it very much! Rating: 4.0

"My Little Rose" - awwwwww, that is so sweet! Rating: 4.5

"A Dastardly Act" - Very moving! Rating: 4.0

"My Chamber" - Great parody of The Raven! I laughed SO much!! Rating: 5.0

"The Golden Door" - Interesting; this is about America, right? Rating: 4.0

"The Fat Toad" - Very humorous! Rating: 4.5

"The Stranger" - Very, very nice! I loved the action in this poem. Rating: 4.0

"The Marriage" - Another giggler! Awesome! Rating: 4.5

"The Owl" - Excellently written. I love nature poetry. Rating: 5.0

"Faith" - nice acroustic; inspiring! Rating: 4.0

"Inspiration" - This is a very beautiful poem! Suggestions: 'gossimer' should be gossamer; 'tenatiously' should be tenaciously Rating: 4.0

"Love's Memories" - Ah, very beautiful and touching!! Rating: 4.5

"The Delicate Butterfly" - Wonderful exploration of the harm humans can do to the environment! Rating: 4.5

"The Report" - Funny! You express so much in few words. Rating: 4.5

"Tribute to Robert W. Service" - An outstanding tribute! Rating: 4.5

"The Vain Pursuits" - Very well-written! Rating: 4.5

"The Lowly Spider" - Hey now! I like spiders; what you mean 'lowly'? *Laugh* Very well written! Suggestions: 'judas' should be Judas; 'sprewed'- do you mean "spewed"; 'protrayed' should be portrayed; 'demanor' should be demeanor; 'gastly' should be ghastly Rating: 4.0

"A Slave to Fear" - Very interesting! Rating: 4.0

"He Cooked My Goose" - Too funny! Outstanding rhyme. Suggestions: Line 16 should be 'rapidly they come'; line 21 should be 'comes to stand' Rating: 4.0

"The Preacher" - Awesome philosophical poem! Suggestions: 'dry arid' should have a comma separating the adjectives; 'considered' should be consider Rating: 4.0

"Winkin, Blinkin, and Knod" - Very, very humorous! Suggestion: "she' still" should be she's still Rating: 4.0

"Stinkin' Thinkin'" - This is just TOO funny! Great rhymin' *Smile* Rating: 4.0

"The Redlight District" - This is very good! Suggestions: 'Prudish' shouldn't be capitalized; 'well thatched' needs a hyphen, I think Rating: 4.5

"The Thing from the Pit" - A little confusing; I don't understand what's going on. Suggestions: 'mulk' I think you mean "muck"?; 'dispair' should be despair; 'wrapped' should be wrap Rating: 3.5

"The Sad Tale of Flashy" - Very cute! Suggestions: shouldn't it be lightning bug? Rating: 4.0

"The Vagabond" - This seems to be inconsistent to me. If he is "caught" and "powerless to let go" then how does he? Rating: 3.0

"Release!" - Well written! Rating: 4.0

"The Worthless Masses" - Very thought-provoking and rather sad. Well done. Suggestions: 'suceed' should be succeed Rating: 4.0

"The Days of Summer Lost" - Very nice! Suggestions: line 7- don't capitalize 'Bums'; line 9- capitalize 'malley'; 'abate' should be abates Rating: 4.0

"the nightly symphony" - Wonderful! I like how you varied your form and structure here. Rating: 4.5

"My Silly Little Pome" - Ah, this is most wonderful!! Rating: 5.0

"The Craftsman" - Ah, yes, this is more like it! A very nice poem celebrating the Spider! Rating: 4.5

"Poor Oliver" - Nice contender for the Challenge! Rather sad subject, but very well-written! Rating: 4.0

"The Last Performance" - Very, very good! I enjoyed this one very much. It flows very nicely. Rating: 4.5

*Flower3*Overall, you have a wonderful collection of poetry. Not just in this folder, but all the folders I have reviewed so far. You are a first-class poet, Mr. Writer of the Winds! *Smile*

*Flower4*Whew! finished with this folder; on to the next! *Laugh*

Mary

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Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Bernie!

This is a great idea! Publicity for a writer in another writer's portfolio is also a very considerate action on your part. *Smile*

Have your read these authors personally? If so, maybe it'd be helpful to also list what genre they mainly write in, so as to direct, say, a fantasy fan to a specific port.

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Review of Fallen Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi again Genevieve,

This is a very nice story; the best of yours I've read. *Smile*

Your characters are well-developed and you have a very interesting plotline.

Like the others, however, it does need to be checked for grammar, spelling, punctuation.

Write on!

Mary
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Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Kane!

I haven't heard much about the issue in this poll. I dont watch the news and rarely listen to the radio, so the only thing I hear about world goings-on is what my husband tells me. And he never mentioned this.

I had heard alot of rumors awhile back that Bush and the U.S. government knew an attack on America was imminent and did not take adequate steps to try to prevent it. Now THAT I can believe.

But that our president ordered the 9/11 attacks?? I just cannot bring myself to think that, as much as I dislike him. That would be too horrible! I hope with all my heart it's not true!
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Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Kenzie!

This is an awesome, awesome piece of writing. Your words are so eloquent, so moving!

You weave your personal anecdotes of discrimination with the rest of America very expertly.

The beginning grabbed my attention right away, and you held it all the way through the article. The ending was perfect also!

I have no suggestions I could give you to make this better; it is perfect just the way it is.

I do have one question though. This is listed as "contest." Might I inquire which one?

Write on!

Mary
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Review of Missing You  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Scott! *Smile*

You have the beginnings of a wonderful poem here. It is full of emotion, and the person's voice is heard very well.

*Balloon1*Some suggestions which you can take or not, up to you. *Smile*

*Balloon2*Second line: should be then, not "than"

*Balloon3*Third line: "too" not "to" and delete the second "just"

*Balloon4*Fourth line: use "to not" rather than "not to"

*Balloon1*Fifth line: delete "that"

*Balloon2*Sixth line: this is awkward. I'd suggest this: "And, when around you, I felt as if I could always win"

*Balloon3*Seventh line: "away" should be two words: a way

*Balloon4*Eighth line: delete "just"

*Balloon1*Tenth line: remove comma; not needed

*Balloon2*Eleventh line: I'd remove "So"; you're using it quite a bit

*Balloon3*Twelfth line: remove "then"; it's not necessary; try to avoid using fillers such as then, than, that, this, just,etc.

*Balloon4*Thirteenth line: delete 'just' and the comma

*Balloon1*Fourteenth line: delete "How"; "your" should be "you're"; and add a comma behind "hot"

*Balloon2*Fifteenth and Sixteenth: You begin both these lines with "The way"; I'd suggest deleting the second one

*Balloon3*Seventeenth line: remove comma; not necessary

*Balloon4*Eighteenth line: remove "But"; and "to go and"

*Balloon1*Nineteenth line: I'd change this line to read: "I want you to know I'm here if you want me to be"

*Flower3*Overall, I enjoyed it very much!*Flower3*

*Flower4*And if you decide to revise, I'm always happy to return and review again.*Flower4*

*Heart*Keep up the good work!*Heart*

Mary

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Review of Two Gardens  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi again Misawa!

This is an excellent poem. I liked it very much. You very adroitly capture the feelings of the mother in this poem: a mixture of love, pride, and sadness.

Two suggestions:

While mother doesn't always need to be capitalized, Mom does require it.

I think you should add punctuation to your lines. Your poem definitely calls for pauses, and this should be indicated by commas and periods.

Overall, wonderful poem!

Write on!
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Review of The Intruder  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi rjhjr!

Good story. You definitely caught me off guard with the ending! *Smile*

Some errors I found:

Second paragraph: "He had a job to do, and was determined to do it, regardless of how long it took." -- you wrote something very similar to this in your first paragraph, so I'd suggest deleting this.

time played tricks -- time plays tricks

He was beginning to perspire – "God, is it ever hot in here!". -- this needs to be edited; no hypen and no quotation marks, and no period; like this -->He was beginning to perspire. God, is it ever hot in here!

He paused; what was that? Was someone coming? -- no semicolon after paused, use a period. also, if the two questions are meant to be his thoughts they need to be italicized

"Something HAS to be here," he thought. -- thoughts are italicized, not put in quotation marks

Just then, a knock upon the door; “Anybody in there?” came his wife’s voice. -- "a knock was heard upon the door"; and I'd change "came his wife's voice" to "he heard his wife ask"


Overall, a good story and an unexpected twist at the end! Good job.

Write on!


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Review of Sunny Slope  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really liked this walk down your memory lane! *Smile*

Your word choice is good; your imagery wonderful!

Write on!
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Review of The Vision  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Dear Writer of the Winds,

I had put off reading this poem in your port because I don't like to read poems about war, and fighting. But since I've committed myself to reading and reviewing everything, I did.

And wow! I am sooo glad I did! This is such a powerful piece of writing! So emotional and insightful. I can feel how deeply YOU feel about this issue. One which I completely agree with.

Your sentiments are beautifully expressed!

Now to errors:

I sat up with and rubbed my eyes -- should 'with' be here?

I saw a pleasant pastoral scene -- separate adjectives with a comma

I guess I saw what other do -- what others do

Again, this is a wonderful poem. If you correct those few errors, I will give it the 5 star the writing deserves. *Smile*

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Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
oh no! I blew myself up?????? waaaaaaaaa

Cant you get one of your mad scientists to bring me back to life, Stevie????

Nice interactive story! Wish I coulda lived a little bit longer to read more. *Laugh*

Maybe next time I visit an interactive story, I'll refrain from kicking things, aye?
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Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
lmao! like this -------> *Laugh*

now on to more letters!

Mary
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Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
While I don't agree with the sentiments you express here, that of placing blame or partial blame on the parents and community for this boy's actions, I do respect your opinions. *Smile*

As everything else you've written that I've read this night I'm raiding your port, it is very eloquent and flows marvelously!

Write on!
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Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awesome folder of contest poems! I think I'm gonna have to check out Wordsy's contests. You make them seem very interesting!

Write on!
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Review of Song for Bobbie  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awe-ispiring! It seems to me that you have very definitely captured the spirit of a child such as the one you speak of. I can imagine very clearly a child feeling and saying those words!

Beautiful and insightful.

Write on!
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Review of Plastic Flowers  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very, very eloquent poem. It flows very well and your imagery is perfect.

I like very much how you remind us that nothing can ever compare to the beauty of nature!
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Review of In His Own Image  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
You are so very talented, Marv! I'm running out of original praise to offer! lol...Tell me, have you had anything published professionally? I'd be very surprised if you have not!

I like how you describe the doubts we all have spiritually, whether Christian or some other religion. And how you remind us that we need to hold on to our faith.

I have no suggestions for improvement. It's wonderful as it is. *Heart*

Write on!
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Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I discovered this article on the reviewing page, and the reviewer piqued my interest in reading it (GPs will be sent for that). I didn't realize SM meant StoryMaster! lol.

Of course, once again your writing is excellent! Every time I log onto this site, I discover something new, some new feature or way of rewarding and recognizing writing.com members. It's like a daily treasure chest! *Smile*

One question: Is there some place that members can go visit to read about the recently added features?

Gosh, I love this site! And unless, I go bankrupt, I will be here forever! *Heart*

Here's a donation for your Daily Review Rewards.


Mary
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Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very informative and beneficial! I was hazy on how the Top Reviewers selection worked, but no more! I also love how you include helpful links to other articles on reviewing. I'm going to go look at those now. *Smile*

Mary
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Review of The Phone Call  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Another well-written piece that leaves the reader intrigued! Well done!

Some errors:

"I fling the blanket off of my legs" -- you don't need to put 'off of'; just use 'off'

"The pain is sudden but no longer surprising" -- need a comma to separate your phrases; more of these errors

"Its a thousand" -- should be It's; Its is possesive, It's means it is

"just like they’ve showed me" -- should be "they've shown me"

"flip over on my stomach" -- use 'onto' not 'on'

"positing" -- position

"quick harsh puffs of air" -- should be "quick, harsh"; separate adjectives with a comma

Write on!
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Review of The Devil and Me  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! Very interesting; you skillfully leave the reader, me at least, wondering at the end just what happened to Jack.

Very nicely done!

You have a few grammar errors:

devil -- not positive, but I do think Devil should be capitalized

taunt stretched lips --should have comma between taunt and stretched

"The man had told Jack that he was three steps away from a heart attack and Jack was trying his best to hop in that direction as quickly as he could." -- need a comma between "attack" and "Jack." Independent clauses always need a comma between them; you have several of these errors.

Overall, very interesting and well written!

Write on!
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Review of Demonic Fury  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I usually don't read fantasy works, so I'm not really qualified to judge on that aspect of your story. I can tell you that it seems to me your story is a little too full of action. It jumps around too much. Also consider moving the part about Gerrus' relationship with Gabriella to the beginning of the story, then lead into how her mother cursed him. I think that would work better than including that part after he was cursed.

A little confusion here:

"The young girl stared at him as she ran off screaming"-- wouldn't this necessitate her running backwards? How about, "The young girl screamed as she ran from his hideous face"? Or "The young girl stared at him, and then ran off screaming"

You have numerous spelling and grammar errors also. Here's a few of the more major ones:

1) The sorceress stared at the young couple as her hands turned to flames, "I'll teach him to never mess with my daughter again!" End the sentence after 'flames' and make your dialogue a separate, new sentence. There are several of these types of errors.

2)She smiled as she chanted an ancient incantation; the young man's body began to rip apart and she smiled at his hideous disfigurement.

"Maybe this will teach you some manners!" She smiled as she watched his skin melt off, leaving only a fiery skeleton in its place. --in this short piece, you use 'smiled' three times. Avoid using the same verb or adjective so close together. Find a synonym.

3)"You have been cursed for all of eternity creature!" --You need a comma after eternity. Always separate a term of direct address (creature) from the rest of the sentence. There's more of these errors also.

4)"creature" -- I wouldn't put quotation marks around creature.

5)"What's going to happen to me?"he wondered to himself -- thoughts do not need quotation marks. Italicize them.

6)It raised the sword above it's head -- use 'The creature' as your subject, instead of It. Also it's means it is. You need to use 'its' there.

If you'd like more help with the rules of commas, let me know.

You have a potentially great story here. Keep working on it, and I'll review it again.

Write on!

Mary



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Review of The QB  Open in new Window.
Review by MaryLou Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a very nice way to immortalize the Chat room! Ive done something similar with my and Steve Ellen's comments in various In and Outs.

Very humorous! I laughed sooooo much! *Smile*
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