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306 Public Reviews Given
1,051 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Tick Tock  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Tick Tock Open in new Window. (13+)
A young woman's emotional journey, coming to terms with her life and mentality.
#545011 by Jessie Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability

A very nicely flowing piece...your writing is poetic....wonderful use of language....

I would suggest that you either indent or space your paragraphs for ease of reading....

*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate....


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation

I noticed several sentence fragments...and in most cases, it didn't bother me...the technique didn't hamper the flow of the piece...but as in the following example, the second sentence seems to cry to be connected:
I realised that I couldn’t stay one more day in my stifling room with one small window. In my decomposing flat with damp in the walls, which had been my whole world of late.

The following is another sentence fragment--I would suggest a comma after "mile".

Much, much further than half a mile comma but I will go no further.


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
no errors noticed.....


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
This is an impressive read...thanks for the experience *Smile*.



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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2
2
Review of MY SAVIOR  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
MY SAVIOR Open in new Window. (E)
This is a poem for my savior Jesus Christ
#359634 by Shadow Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
Nice flow and rhyme...a piece with simplistic beauty.....


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate.....


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
Nicely done, but there are a couple of places I would add comma's:

When I was lost comma You were there,
You washed me clean comma white as a dove


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
I noticed no errors....


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
This is a beautiful piece! I thoroughly enjoyed it!



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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3
3
Review of Butterfly  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Butterfly Open in new Window. (E)
Poem about a butterfly.
#882792 by DstnyHope Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon4*Overall Impression
Another beautiful acrostic. I didn't even notice it was an acrostic when I was on your site. I think it would help your ratings if it were more obvious that it is an acrostic.....I was ready to tell you to place an apostrophe on "Yesterday's"...because I noticed it was missing on your web site--but I see you already had it correct here....*Laugh* You totally ruined my chance to give you less than a "5" *Laugh*...because you have another "5" in this!!
Keep up the excellent work!



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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4
4
Review of Timeless Memories  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Timeless Memories Open in new Window. (E)
This is a poem from my heart!
#884489 by DstnyHope Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability

There is wonderful flow in the marvelously descriptive piece....

*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate....


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
appropriate....


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
appropriate....


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
I enjoyed this piece....I love acrostics! I do have one suggestion...I almost missed that it was an acrostic...I would suggest that you make the first letter in every line bold, so that it is just a little more noticed. Acrostics are difficult, and it would be a shame if you didn't get recognition for completing this task so nicely.......



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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5
5
Review of Sleeplessness  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Sleeplessness Open in new Window. (E)
This is a poem for those who can't fall asleep easily.
#944999 by DstnyHope Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
there is a beautiful flow in this free verse piece...wonderful imagery


*Balloon4*2.Grammar

appropriate.....

*Balloon5*3.Punctuation


appropriate.....
*Balloon6*4.Spelling
I noticed no errors....


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
This is a very moving piece...I could "feel" your words....great job.....



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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6
6
Review of A BIT O' BLARNEY  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 A BIT O' BLARNEY Open in new Window. (E)
May the Luck of the Irish be with you all!
#636954 by COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME Author IconMail Icon

Written for: "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.
*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
A very cute Irish Limerick with fun rhyme! Good luck in the contest!


God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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7
7
Review of Irish Limericks  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Irish Limericks Open in new Window. (ASR)
Written for a contest by Adagio -
#941015 by COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME Author IconMail Icon

Written for: "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.
*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
Nice limericks--nicely written with good rhyme--the one about the "crappy" "pappy" made me laugh out loud! Good luck in the contest!


God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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8
8
Review of I Was Waiting  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


A MUST READ!

*Balloon2*Review for:
 I Was Waiting Open in new Window. (E)
These are the feelings that swamped me as I waited with my foster son and daughter.
#934892 by Ann Ticipation Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
The title of this piece grabbed my attention...this heart-wrenching piece kept my attention. It has wonderful flow and rhyme....


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate...

*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
skillfully done....


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
no errors noticed...


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
Man! I'm still bawling. You were able to convey your every emotion right to my heart. This is an intense piece...man, my heart is still hurting for those babies*Cry*....excellent job in relating these intense emotions.



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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9
9
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 TWIN GIRLS / POEMS about Gwin & May Open in new Window. (13+)
Itsby, bitsy spider went up the bedroom wall where two ladies sleep ...
#934432 by April Sunday Author IconMail Icon



A MUST READ! *Wink*

*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
Nice flow and rhythm in this cute piece *Smile*


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate....


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
skillfully done...not overly used, but used just enough for the reader to "hear" the piece as you intended it to be "heard"


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
I noticed no errors...


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
I had to read your poem twice to get the full impact! Too cute! You skillfully tell a big story in a few aptly written words. I greatly enjoyed this piece. Keep up the wonderful work!*Bigsmile*


God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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10
10
Review of Alone Again  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Alone Again Open in new Window. (13+)
Thoughts go through a young girl's mind, when she is alone. Flashbacks frighten her.
#929064 by ♥Flower♥ Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
beautiful flow.....


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate....


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
nicely done....


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
there is a typo in the description "whern" instead of "when"


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
another beautiful piece! I could feel the loneliness you so aptly decribed. Keep up the excellent work!



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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11
11
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 In Your Cappuccino World Open in new Window. (E)
Poem about this fast paced world. Written after a visit from my corporate-world sister.
#933836 by ♥Flower♥ Author IconMail Icon


A MUST READ!

*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
Oh...these beautiful words flow flawlessly...


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate...


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
skillfully done...I could hear your voice...


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
I noticed no errors....


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
I returned to your port to see if I could ease your headache by giving you a nice review or two--but this piece is so wonderful, I don't have to be "nice", only honest. This is a most fabulous piece. Your words of wisdom are penned so beautifully--they touched my heart. Keep up the excellent work and get well soon!



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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12
12
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloon1**Balloon1**Balloon1**Balloon1*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 His Angel of the Morning Open in new Window. (E)
Poems are inspired by my love this one is to and for her! read if you like.
#929580 by Raven2 Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
An absolutely beautiful poem with wonderful rhythm and rhyme....Your powerful words are full of emotion..


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate....


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
appropriate....


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
Nights gentle breeze,...it should read:
"Night's gentle breeze"


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
I loved this beautiful piece! I could feel your emotions! Keep up the excellent work!



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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13
13
Review of New Year,New Life  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 New Year,New Life Open in new Window. (E)
New Year = A hopefully new better life.
#921892 by Angela Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
This is my first review for 2005...and HOW APPROPRIATE! The title and description are certainly attention grabbers for today! Nice rhyme and rhythm....


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate....


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation

nicely done...

*Balloon6*4.Spelling
I noticed no errors....


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
This was a wonderful poem to start this new year off with! Thank you!



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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14
14
Review of Presence  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Presence Open in new Window. (13+)
Usuna, a beloved lord, searches for truth in the afterlife.
#818335 by Sage Author IconMail Icon


*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
This is a wonderful fantasy tale--you have awesome imagery. The topic is very imaginative, and the story kept my attention. You have a skillful way with words, and most of my suggestions will deal with punctuation.

*Balloon4*2.Grammar
You did an excellent job in staying with the verb tense. The one exception I noticed was this:
“Your army comes now, Usuna,” an older giant says as he points to the distance. "says" should be "said"

In the next example, it seems there is a reversal of words:
“Harnor, my friend, it is good to you see , too."

I think you meant: “Harnor, my friend, it is good to see you, too."

“She would never, mother.” "mother", in this instance, is used in the place of a name. When "mother" is used as an address, it should be capitalized.

One last grammar comment:
It was once considered grammatically incorrect to start sentences off with a conjunction (and, but, or...), but it is now considered okay if used occasionally--for effect. But, *Bigsmile*, it loses that effect if done too often. Just thought I'd mention it. *Bigsmile*




*Balloon5*3.Punctuation

Most of your punctuation was skillfully done. The following are a few exceptions:

“Forgive us Usuna! Forgive us!”
There needs to be a comma after "us"...and every time a phrase addresses a name...


That was all they were now. Memories. Memories of another life. you could tie this all together so as to avoid sentence fragments...


You did well comma my friends,” Usuna yelled to the crowd. “I saw your bravery and courage. I saw you comma warriors with your hammers and swords protecting our country from the Storm Giants and King Kriun. I saw you comma shamans wielding your magic of...

You smiled, and grabbed my shoulder. In this case, "You" continues to be modified by the next statement, so the comma can be deleted....

“I have missed you too comma my son,”


She is beautiful, and kinder than one would think of from her name.” Here is another instance when the comma is not needed (after beautiful). Instead of "kinder", I feel, "more kind" would sound better in this line.

There is so much to tell you comma mother. (and capitalize "m" in mother)

Further into the valley comma he saw the beautiful red flowers from his visions.

Farther along comma the dirt path faded, and all that was before him was the valley. As far as his eyes could see was the delicate grass, and past that comma the tall mountains of the Plane.

Usuna’s blade did not make it full way, though.
There is nothing wrong with this sentence, but I did notice the common use of "though" throughout your piece. After a while it starts sticking out like a sore thumb. I think every writer does that with some word--I know I do, but I think it would help your piece if you would try to replace "though" with other words occasionally.

The giant too did not make contact, This line sounds off...you could use a comma to clarify it, or you could say something like: Neither did the giant make contact or The giant made no contact, either...???


But what power would that be if all that lived in such a world did not behold it with beauty. Replace period with a question mark...

*Balloon6*4.Spelling
I noticed no errors! *Bigsmile*

*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
I loved the story! *Bigsmile* I'm impressed with your story telling ability. You have a wonderful imagination!

The meaning of life? Awesome ending! I loved it.

Please don't be discouraged by the length of this review. I picked through this for over 2hrs to find what I did *Laugh*. The things I noticed often involved the same type of errors that can be easily fixed. I am truly impressed by this awesome tale. Keep up the excellent work!

God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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15
15
Review of Fire  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Fire Open in new Window. (E)
trying to find strength of not doing what is usually expected...
#863528 by Dudewhere'smycar? Author IconMail Icon


The tile and description did a wonderful job in grabbing my attention....
This is a powerful piece...full of emotion. Very good! I would recommend a little work on the punctuation--punctuation helps the reader "hear" how the author intended the poem to sound. At the beginning of lines, where the former line ends in a period, question mark, or exclaimation mark--captitalize the first letter...for example:

What to do now?
the wall of security


It seems to me, "the" should be "The"....

Don't forget to use your spell check. I found two misspellings:

--rigth = right
--strengh = strength

I thoroughly enjoyed your poem. I could feel the emotion!*Smile* Keep up the excellent work!

God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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16
16
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Once Upon a Darkened Elevator Open in new Window. (13+)
Christmas Eve and stuck in an elevator...
#917835 by Amethyst Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability

You have a wonderfully romantic story for the prompt! Very nice! You did an excellent job in telling your story...there are just a few mechanical problems...


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate...you have very believable dialogue!


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation

--The line in Edit point 6: “Go to the store she says, we’re out of alcohol. I would put a comma after: store, and put the things he is mimicking her in saying in italics: “Go to the store, she says, we’re out of alcohol.
--edit point 7:As he waited for the car to reach his floor the lights flickered. You need a comma after a prepositional clause...place a comma after: "floor"
--edit point 8: Entering the elevator comma after: elevator and As it did so after: so
--edit point 11: twisted my ankle,” the next line merely describes the spoken words, there should be a period instead of a comma after: ankle
--edit point 12: On the ceiling? technically, this is a sentence fragment--it doesn't bother me, but to avoid having someone else count it against you, you could combine it with the prior sentence: Where else would she have fallen--on the ceiling?
--edit point 16: Well, I’m no expert on elevators there needs to be a comma after: elevators
--edit point 18: Each person lost in their own thoughts and neither remembering the presence of another person in the small, cramped space. As written, this entire line is a sentence fragment. Inserting the word: "was" after "each person" would be one way to make it a complete sentence.
--edit point 21: “It’s better then moping around at home alone "then" should be: "than" and there should be a comma after: alone
--edit point 22: Other than that comma after: that
--edit point 25: My wife and I and tried for them comma after: them
--edit point 32: “It’s okay,” period instead of a comma after: okay
--edit point 35: the ( " ) is left off the end of the line
--edit point 36: When he reached hercomma he removed his coat and lifted it to place it on her shoulders. As he settled the coat around hercomma It is also wise to avoid beginning too many sentences with prepositional phrases--that's something I do WAY too much*Laugh*!
--edit point 38: “Yes, it is, thank you, “Gloria replied. I just noticed a little spacing problem--the ( " ) is on: Gloria, instead of you.
--edit point 39: He still needed to get the alcohol for his ex-wife's party comma after: party

*Balloon6*4.Spelling

--edit point 9: Is that word allowed in an ASR rating?*Shock* Yikes!

*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
I thoroughly enjoyed your story. I love to review a piece with the edit points--it makes the reviewing process much easier.

I know it looks like I pointed out a lot of errors, but actually, it was mostly the same ones repeated. Just remember to separate those prepositional clauses with punctuation. *Bigsmile*

Let me know if you decide to make any corrections--I'd be happy to increase the rating! *Bigsmile*

Good luck in the contest!

God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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17
17
Review of Who am I?  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Who am I? Open in new Window. (E)
It just depends.....
#588788 by Cubby Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
There is wonderful rhyme and rhythm in this cute piece!


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate...


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
excellent...


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
I noticed no errors...


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
I enjoyed this cute little poem. By the title, I thought I was going to read a bio of sorts--I guess I did:
"Sometimes dark
but sometimes lighter,
I guess I am
the average writer."

I love it!*Bigsmile*


God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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18
18
Review of Polls  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 
FOLDER
Polls Open in new Window. (E)
Please vote...
#591961 by Cubby Author IconMail Icon


I've already taken all of your wonderful polls, so I'd better rate the folder! Thank you for the diversion and the insight!

God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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19
19
Review of Maudo  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Balloon1**Balloon1**Balloon1**Balloon1*


*Balloon2*Review for:
Maudo Open in new Window. (ASR)
A poem with a lesson
#881644 by Julian Author IconMail Icon


Written for contest: "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
There is a wonderful rhyming scheme in this Adventure poem, but I think the flow could be help with a more consistent punctuation....


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate...


*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
I couldn't understand the punctuation--in some areas it is used, and left out in other areas. Punctuation helps me to "hear" the writer's "voice"


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
I found no spelling errors, but:

‘til his sword was in the chest
This line is the only one that doesn't begin with a capital letter? I'm not sure if this was intentional or an oversight?



*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
I thoroughly enjoyed your poem. I could "feel" the action. Very nice! *Bigsmile*



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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20
20
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A great contest for people who love horror flicks!

Spidey's Horror Trivia Contest Open in new Window. (13+)
Win GP's for your knowledge of horror. Come inside!
#883299 by spidey Author IconMail Icon


*Balloon1**Balloon1*


Great forum! I love horror movies. Thanks for the entertainment! *Bigsmile*

God bless you and KEEP writing!
*Bigsmile*jacky

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*Balloon1**Balloon1*
21
21
Review of World's Image  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 World's Image Open in new Window. (E)
Sometimes you find yourself pushed into being somebody else. Read this!!
#920540 by CloverChic Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
You have wonderful rhyme and rhythm in this clever piece...


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate....

*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
appropriate...


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
I noticed no errors....


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
I enjoyed your poem...keep up the excellent work!*Smile*



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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22
22
Review of Immortal Pursuit  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Immortal Pursuit Open in new Window. (ASR)
This was a test for myself and ended up being picked up for publication.
#920537 by Tracie Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
nice flow--wonderful imagery....


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate...

*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
appropriate....


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
no errors noted....


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
wonderful word usage....I enjoyed your poem--keep up the good work! *Smile*



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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23
23
Review of Why oh why?  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Why oh why? Open in new Window. (E)
Children always like to question!
#920526 by hollypolly2 Author IconMail Icon


Don't forget to put a rating on this piece. It will help you get exposure...*Bigsmile*

*Balloon3*1.Flow of Piece/Readability
This is a cute piece--an easy read with nice rhyme...


*Balloon4*2.Grammar
appropriate...

*Balloon5*3.Punctuation
correct...


*Balloon6*4.Spelling
I noticed a typo: "th" instead of "the"


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression
I enjoyed this cute piece! Keep up the good work! *Smile*

God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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24
24
Review of " All the same "  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


WARNING: ENTIRE PIECE IN REVIEW...

*Balloon2*Review for:
 " All the same " Open in new Window. (E)
my lyrics,but let's call it poetry.
#920515 by mikeyboy Author IconMail Icon



*Balloon4*Overall Impression
This are cool song lyrics!

I have a few suggestions:

--I think it would be easier to follow the flow if you would write these lyrics in the form of a poem....

--I also noticed several spacing errors:

The stars fall gently upon you, (space) dancing. The moon shines a spell right through your eyes. The rain takes a break from persistance, you cut that cold,(space)cold wind right down to size. The trees,(space)they guard you like a father, the rustling leaves are whispering your name. The paperbark reads like the story of your life and yet you seem to love me all the same. The city sound seems to fade to a whimper, the town crier ain't got no one to blame, the dirty streets, (space)they shine up like silver and yet you seem to love me all the same. The raging sea, (space)it just returns to calm, the river spell has given up the game, the swan in the lake finally sleeps in peace and yet you seem to love me all the same. The faults of my own seem to rise and rise, the errors of my judgement spell my name. I seem to fall every time I get the call and yet you seem to love me all the same.

You have a nice rhythm and rhyme in this piece. The only problems I saw were mechanical--keep up the excellent work! *Bigsmile*



God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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25
25
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Heart**Heart*


*Balloon2*Review for:
 Symphony of the Sweet Open in new Window. (E)
A moment of pure loss, sadness, and longing put into three paragraphs.
#920602 by MadMadMe Author IconMail Icon


*Balloon4*5.Overall Impression


This is a most enjoyable read, but I do have a few suggestions:

These things I hold dear so close to my heart (comma) I cannot feel, taste, touch, or smell, (period instead of comma, then start a new sentence) given these circumstances it burns like hell. When she was so close (comma) I held her loose and now that she is so far away (comma) I wish to hold he close.

Even when I stand awake(comma) it is for her that I still wait.

Not to engage in foolish acts(comma) but to lie down beside her and rub her back.

Were ()Where dreams seemed sweeter with every kiss (comma) it is this that I long for, and really miss. dreams should be capitalized: Dreams seemed sweeter with every kiss (period, then start a new sentence)it is this that I long for, and really miss.

A shoulder to cry (comma) on a moment to pass, holding the doors, I exit last.

Memories(comma) now I hold in side, swept away by the weeping tides. I stand on the shores and gaze to the east, where seagulls noisily speak,(period instead of comma and start a new sentence) where her shadow still stands (--)which I try to grasp with my mortal hands. Alas, it’s just a memory, a flutter in the silence and a song in the sea. If I chase(comma) I may just drown in search of that single sound...

I love your choice of words--you have a lovely piece that says so much in so few words--I enjoyed it! *Smile* Thank you! *Smile*

If you decide to make changes, let me know so I can increase the rating on your wonderful piece!*Bigsmile*


God bless you and KEEP writing! *Bigsmile*jacky
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