This makes me think. I have a hard time understanding the deeper meaning. I wonder if this means the brother is an introvert. Is he dark and brooding? The love of the brother coles through clearly. I enjoyed reading this several times to get a better understanding.
This is very powerful. I like the repeated phrases for extra emphasis. It's an interesting look into the mind of a man who thinks of himself as a devil boy wishing he was dead. I wonder if the love of a good woman would pull him out of the depths or not. Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed reading it.
Raising the body temperature, instead of rising it.
Lyingnon the ground out in the field, rather than the floor.
This is an interesting story. It seems funny that the implant caused problems that make it very needed. It makes me wonder if this is a design flaw to sell more of them. Thanks for sharing.
This is very nice. It does a good job of painting a picture of a time of old. I would like to see some spacing between chunks to make stanzas. You seem to have it set up in sections for some of it. Maybe those parts can be broken off from the rest of the ppem for emphasis and a break for the eyes. Thanks for sharing this.
Okay. I was pretty much following this until the end when they were okay. Did they somehow survive or was it their ghosts? I agree this is an epic tale of these weapon on body people trying to put an end to the suffering. At least they know how to attack the harvesters and get the upper hand, so that gives some kind of hope. The next chapter should be interesting. I want to know if Mary will continue working with Sniffer as a ghost or back alive. I like Sniffer. Thanks for sharing this.
I think you need question marks in the repeated stanza. I think it's okay to have question marks in a poem. The poem is interesting. Calling hom the suicide kid when he actually commits suicide is kind of like foreshadowing. I also find it interesting that he looks at suicide as a new start. It shows a heavy belief in the afterlife. That gives it more meaning, so I think the last stanza makes the whole poem. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad I read it.
Festering would should be festering wound.
No one cared about anyone, save themselves. I think it needs a comma.
Down her by yourself should be down here by yourself.
This is an interesting story. This is justbthe teaser and the next part in the story will be more interesting yet. Good luck with this. It is a great start. Thanks for sharing.
This is a nice way for a mother to say goodbye to her son who lived a full life. It's very touching. I liked how you told highlights of his life through the marks on his face and ear. It's a biography as told through his face. It's a different kind of story. Thanks for sharing it.
This is a good story. I didn't expect Livi to actually have another man in her life and I also didn't expect the husband to be the one sending the deliveries. I can't imagine how they will manage taking care of the baby with the divorce. Thank you for posting this story. I enjoyed reading it.
...lost and frightened, instead of frightening. Surprisingly, it's, instead of its. Those are the only two nits I could find. I like how you describe Lonely as a place and how hard it is to get out. The very end sounds depressing when you talk about not wanting to try to get out anymore. But that is the way many lonely people feel, so it's appropriate. Thank you for sharing.
The instructor is friendly, he shakes my boy's hand... You need an apostrophe for the s on boys to show possession. Other than that, this is a really nice poem showing fatherly pride. It's hard to tell how old the boy is in the poem. I just want to know. Thanks for sharing this.
This is interesting. I would like to see more on why you chose that supreme court decision instead of the Christmas letter. You didn't say why it was less important for the history of the country.
Seized should be ceased I do believe. Other than that I thought this was a lovely way to remember someone. I'm glad you discussed trying to escape the memories, but came back to the idea that it's impossible to escape them since they're always with you. Thank you for sharing.
This is cute. They seem to have magical powers, but it's not good to show them off in public. I like how they are surprised by the call out from the neighbor. I also like how they are such old friends with each other. This looks like one piece in a series of pieces. In the first line Ryu has, it looks like a comma is needed after the word right and the than should be a then. Other than that, this is a cool story. Thanks for sharing.
I really like the calling out to remember this person. It has a lot of feeling in the yearning. I wish you wrote more about his magic and how it changed you. Thank you for writing this poem. I feel good for reading it.
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