My Thoughts: I liked that the girl cared about her art in the end because it made money and helped someone.
My Favorite Part: I liked that her dad watched her paint the picture and treasured it so much. He did and didn't support her at the same time.
My Suggestions: It would have been nice to find out how much the man paid for the painting. I wanted to know if the other paintings were displayed in the house or if it was just that one painting.
I enjoyed reading this story very much. Thanks for sharing it.
Write On!!
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My Thoughts: This is an interesting look at how major events change the population and how easy it is for people to forget history before their time. The image of how people aren't allowed to show their hands because of contageons is quite scary.
My Favorite Part: I like how the artist described the painting to the girl. It helped me understand why she was so curious about it.
My Suggestions: I have no suggestions.
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing it.
Write On!!
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My Thoughts: This is a beautiful tribute to the web of life in the wild. This is nature at work.
My Favorite Part: I love the title. Yes, this does go on with or without us.
My Suggestions: I have no suggestions for this piece, except to wonder what tight rope of nature the creature is on, since spider webs are supposed to be sticky.
I enjoyed this piece. Thank you for sharing it.
Write On!!
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My Thoughts: This is a great reminder of why reviews are important.
My Favorite Part: We teach, we seek, we share, we critique is my favorite line. It feels like it sums up the value of reviewing. I especially like the concept that reviewing helps both parties.
My Suggestions: Maybe it's just me, but I thought every line of a poem is supposed to be capitalized. I think it makes a poem stand out more in importance.
I very much enjoyed reading this poem. I never thought about writing a poem about the art of reviewing. You gave me ideas for my writing. Thank you for sharing.
Write On!!
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My Thoughts: This piece painted an intetesting picture when you said they gathered in bagle shops, rather than coffee houses as I had imagined. Now I picture these people hanging out in bakeries.
My Favorite Part: Dungarees... I love that word. I didn't know this item about Beatniks. Thank you for educating me on this point.
My Suggestions: They must have done a little more with their lives. Weren't they into things other than bagel shops? What else did they do? I'm just curious because I thought of these people as more deep than that. I expected them to have more in their lives.
Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed it very much.
Write On!!
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My Thoughts: This poem captures a feeling of the masses. Pele is so famous around the world.
My Favorite Part: They were feared in all corners of the globe is a very powerful line in the poem. I also liked the note that every line had ten syllables. That takes a lot of effort to meet that requirement.
My Suggestions: In the last stanza, till needs an apostrophe to show it it shortened from untill ('till). Other than that, I didn't see any other things to be fixed. I don't know about the defeat seventy years ago and I felt left out because of it, but the rest of the poem was so vivid, I put this thought away.
...but are they true. - There should be a question mark at the end of this.
Are (they) fictitious? Sp?
...learnt should be learned
It looks like several question marks are missing.
I liked reading this theory, but it was difficult to understand at times. Read it out loud and maybe it will be more clear where the difficult spots are. Thanks for sharing.
Please put a blank line between paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes to read.
I like this a lot. There is a ton of opportunity for these two to have a long relationship with many adventures and obstacles to overcome. I wonder if she is with another man at the moment, since it seems some time has passed since they were together. It seems like an enduring relationship. I found this by using the random re iew feature.
This is lovely. Please put a blank line between paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes to read. I think the last sentence should have a period, instead of a question mark. I'm guessing there are other letters going the other way because of what was said, but it would help if you made mention of receiving the letters and make note of them more in these letters. I think it would make it easier to follow. This is a great piece of work and I would love to read follow ups to it. Thanks for sharing.
Wow... This is quite a piece of writing. You need to fix the line breaks that came from your word processor or text editor. But other than that, this was quite intense. I would love it if you added a note about what job she has where she can handle it successfully with her condition as bad as it is. I'm glad I was able to help you get it posted. Click on the tiny menu to the right of your title in your portfolio to choose edit item to get back to the screen where you can fix the line break issue.Good luck. Keep posting.
Very nice. The pounding gets to everyone. I think your missing a word in the second line of the third stanza. I think people might fit in there to make it sound better. I really like the sense of urgency because he has three sets of twins. That is a wonderful picture.
...where at least a moderate amount - It looks like it's missing some words, perhaps where there is at least a moderate amount.
...strength of there bones - It should be their bones because they belong to them
This is an interesting piece. I like the part about the skeletons not wanting to be disturbed from their slumber, so people should be careful of waking them. I think there are more entries needed for the other undead creatures.
Welcome! This is wonderful that you have taken a new direction with your life. I have been on this site for a couple of weeks now and it does make a difference to put your writing out there and have it reviewed. Why not put some of the pieces from your class in your portfolio for the group to review? If you're doing well in class, then you might want to hear what others have to say.I think it's an online class, instead of a online course.
I like this. It's a nice idea to realize you are someone's lost love, because that means you are loved. It sounds like you don't like that you aren't in love at the moment and that you're old. Even though I like where this ends, what if it continued with a way to unite with this petson who is in love with you? Wouldn't that be cool?
After some years, the two of us - I think it needs a comma.
...'cause even though we're close - I think it's the wrong spelling for because and I think it needs though in the sentence.
...I cannot stand this anymore - I don't think last is the correct word.
...know each other deeper - I think having deeper coming earlier is difficult.
...let these emotions out - I don't think this is the correct word to use.
This is an interesting story. I feel like there is a lot of slang used that makes it difficult for others who don't know this slang to understand. I really do think letting this guy know your feelings is a good idea. You're the ones spending time together. Thanks for sharing.
I like the line about treasuring each moment to talk. This was a very nice poem. You show how much you cherish all good relationships. It's a pleasure to read such nice sentiments. The line about conveying healing and restoring is so positive and supportive, it goes to show what kind of person you are. Thank you for sharing this.
Hmmm... I can't tell what made her start to act differently. Is she pregnant? Obviously things did not go slowly. Did she become all about sex and nothing else? I wish I understood more of the problem. I did enjoy reading it. Thank you for sharing this piece of writing.
This is interesting. It paints a nice picture of sexual bliss and romance. It was an odd comment that the guy couldn't tell if she climaxed. Men don't always understand female pleasure. It felt like the guy in the poem didn't care if she came or not. Thanks for sharing.
This is an interesting take on the prompt. I didn't grow up with religion, so it didn't occur to me this would have this kind of response as death being the way to have a new beginning. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading it.
This is a very nice picture of a story. It begs for follow up stories. It's like a teaser story or what would go on the back of a book to get people to buy it. You seem to talk of the horse spirit having another life as a human. That's a fun perspective in this story. Thanks for sharing.
It would be nice to have a blank line between paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes.
And, and what? I think it should be a question mark.
...relax in a nice warm bubblebath - I think it's missing an a.
It was as if a mask - I think this is supposed to start with it.
I'm guessing they lived happily ever after... I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.
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