You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier readability.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'he heard the bell in(of?) a nearby church '; 'he had always been the risk(-)taker.'; and, 'through the valley of (the shadow of?) death…" '.
This is a gripping story in which I suspected the real perp, but you still got me with the last line.
Suggest putting thoughts in italics to differentiate them from regular narrative.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Just below this were three torch(-)shaped lamps,'; 'in limped the most hideous(-)looking man '; 'difficult to speak(,) as her mouth was so dry(,) but managed '; ' “Come on in(,) Miss Muse(,)” Mr. Frog said,'; 'first her long red(-)painted nails '; ' “Tell me(,) Melody(,) to whom is this aimed (at-delete)?” He nodded at the papers in his hands, “someone(Someone) with no brain?” (New paragraph) She sat up,(.) “No(,) of course not,” she said indignantly,(.) “I have written the story with teenagers in mind. I thought…” '; ' “No(,) you did not think,” '; 'very different to(from) Melody,(.)'; 'well not even a computer(-)playing, thrill(-)seeking nerd '; ' “you(You) want(ought) to be glad that ‘The Tormentor’ has been caught.'; ' have to walk to (the main-delete) High Street about ten minutes (walk-delete) away.'; and, ' “Help me, help me(,") she yelled. '.
This is a delightful tale, but it does need a bit of additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts in italics to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' but a few harried(-)looking officials sat around all arguing simultaneously to(with) no one in particular.'; 'she realized that sounded (an) awfully (lot) like a promise to a stranger.'; ' She make(made) up her mind to follow her heart '; ' I had an(a) hundred dollars in my purse, '; ' In no time at all, Pete was back with not only a receipt ' (Dorine had previously gotten a receipt on letterhead when she gave them the money.); and, 'I can't get used to the lonesome(loneliness?)." '.
This is a good story of a different type of New Year celebration.
Suggest putting thoughts in italics to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
Some of the paragraphs here are exceptionally long. Think it would benefit the flow to break them into shorter ones.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first paragraph.'comfortable position on the five(-)gallon bucket.'; ' It was a big(Another word? "bright" or "crystal"?) clear night '; 'he saw nor heard no other(another?) living thing.'; 'causes(caused) the hair to rise on his neck.'; 'It freed up one(')s mind '; and, 'It was New Year(')s Day.'.
This is a strange little story, but you had a difficult prompt to work with. It really does give one pause and makes you wonder just where would this "person" go.
This is well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: ' “Old man, on (the) highway, freezing to death,';
This is a terrifically chilling story of desire turned obsession.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Excuse me for a minute(,) Courtney.'; 'watched some stick-skinny red head(redhead) begin to flirt '; ' moved the treadmill to(into) her spare bedroom, '; 'she has a brother name(named) Alex'; 'By Tuesday, she has(had?) lost several pounds,'; and, 'For(To?) her credit, she tried to be interested in Alex.'.
This is a terrifically funny piece that I thoroughly enjoyed reading and can totally relate to your protagonist.
In this sentence, ' "Carrie, how does that make you really feel?” ', would it be more impactful to say "does that really make you feel?"? Considering that most of us hide, or gloss over, our negative feelings.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'I would jump into the fire with a smile singing “Burn, Baby, Burn” (and) doing the disco.'.
This is a beautiful, and moving, story that brought tears to my eyes. It seems that one only has to be exposed to realize and appreciate the awesome power of Mother Nature.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' plus the added feature of(that) the good earth provides '; 'my body shakes in fear (and-delete) from nature’s fury.'; and, 'Dad looks at me with that shit(-)eating grin of his '.
This is a good story of anger out of control and, perhaps, the inevitable ultimate conclusion - guilt.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' An in(inch?), two inch(inches), then SLAM! '; 'even though my brain new(knew) what was about to happen.'; 'but the tinkling of (of-delete) the tiny fragments '; and, 'her lips tightened has(as) if preparing for the hard words'.
This is certainly a tense story, with the tension growing line by line.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' it was my pain(-)racked body.'; 'my own sweat reeked(sweat-reeking?) self.'; 'right hand dragged ape(-)like over'; and, 'Adrenaline(-)fueled pain '.
This is an eerily strange story that has more than a bit of a twist.
It is well written and flows nicely.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' I can't leave he(her) like this.'; and, ' "What if having these phones is(are) just...' '.
This is an absolutely delightful story of modern-day detective work that is great for the shoe leather, though the same can't be said for the seat of the pants.
This is very well written and flows smoothly.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a very interesting story of a little boy who seems to not be very happy about anything. Not too sympathetic of a protagonist.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' “Mom and dad(Dad) should have given me'; ' three wishes,(”-delete) isn’t that what genies '; and, 'the Game Boy cart(card?) '.
This is a beautiful story that brings back memories of my own childhood pursuits.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' we contain (away from) ourselves (from-delete).'; ' I used to pick honey suckle(honeysuckle blossoms) off bushes;'; and, 'and filled with the most (with-delete) nectar.'.
This is certainly a sinister little story of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Some editorial suggestions, mostly punctuation, that you may want to consider: 'strapped it down like you were supposed to(,) we wouldn't be in this mess right now(,) would we." '; 'as well, "you(You) stupid bitch(,) the real problem '; 'Grabbing a glass(,) she poured an amber(-)colored liquid into it.'; 'I saw Mr. Peterson(')s smile as he watched you(her) drink the liquid.'; 'he said(,) "honey(Honey,) in my eyes it(')s your '; 'on us by morning and your(you're) just baggage. '; 'I continued to listen to the killers(') exchange.'; ' "You Bastard(,)" she said . . . hand, "you(You) can't get rid . . . going to do(,) kill me?" '; 'he said, "Why(,) my dear wife(,) that's exactly'; 'private conversation with my now(-)late wife?" '; 'I stuttered out a non(-)verbal answer. . . . he replied(,) "Hmm(,) well we have a problem . . . I can(,) of course(,) kill you, or you . . . would you choose(,) dear Mary?" '; and, ' no option, "just(Just) tell me what I can do(,) Mr. Peterson." '.
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