This is a cute piece to which I'm sure many of us can relate.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'you find your self(yourself) staring at the calendar '; and, 'Our dog(,) Jack(,) thinks his name '.
This is an interesting tale that, in a way, seems to foretell our future.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'stuck on like paper machete(papier-mache) (pieces-Another word?), '; ' "Don't play games with me(,) Buck. '; ' All (have) been written.'; 'Individuals. . . to hurl detested manuscript(manuscripts) at the witch-fire.'; 'No(,) it was the others, '; 'Yes(,) they found them all eventually'; ' "They're closing in on us,("-delete) Bucky. ("-delete)I can feel it. I got an offer '; and, ' "It was a him. . . . I told her to forget it.' (Is there a discrepancy here - the 5th and 2nd to last paragraphs.).
This is a really cute story that I believe is typical of the era.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'blanket of hummidity(humidity) against the skin.'; 'Sat(Sitting) on the roof of the boarding house'; 'Summer made our hummanity(humanity) take a back seat '; 'watched the reident(resident) RAF boys'; 'charcoal in to(into) my cider ready to run a(the) seam(seams) down her legs.'; 'A look of bewildered confussion(confusion) '; and, 'A bright, pine(-)scented chin jutted in on me, '.
This is a delightful little story that well presents the sounds and smell of the Christmas markets.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Crowds smoother(smother) me as haggard Christmas shoppers '; 'overhear a young couple chatting to(with) a vendor'; 'proudly adorning(adorned with) a sticker, ‘Hand Crafted in Germany.” '; 'Wow, what I(a) coincidence, '; 'glee and wonder (at) happening upon such a delightful scene.'; and, 'anything from hand made(handmade) candles, . . . to hand knit(hand-knit) socks, '.
This is a beautiful story of the memories that haunt us, which are very well described.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'or the bitter(-)sweet aroma '; 'There(')s no footy on the telly,'; 'I can(')t hear the sound of my heart'; 'the man that I loved for ever(forever?), and ever'; 'and It's(it's) well past midnight! '; 'cleaning other people(')s houses'; 'scent of peach(-)coloured roses '; 'Around her sun(-)tanned throat'; and, 'they were her favourite's(favorite).'.
This is an interesting story with somewhat of a twist at the end. It is, overall, well written and flows nicely.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'a raised octagon(octagonal) platform of black marble '; 'but continued to spiral around(,) the different colors coalescing.'; and, 'period silence reigned(,) then the first magician '.
This is an excellent premise for a story, but there needs to be considerable improvement in the technicalities of the writing itself.
This is all one very long paragraph that needs to broken down into shorter ones. Also many sentences run on with punctuation or capitalization where they should be new ones.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider from the first half of this piece: 'It(')s half(-)past five and everybody is asleep except for me(;) I am a kid '; 'past six years(.) I am a sixteen(-)year(-)old boy '; 'you can never by(buy) anything '; and, 'I was upset by how many people came about 3 or 4 people came(upset that only about three or four people came) but they gave me a pretty decent amount(.) probably(Probably) enough to buy'.
This is a good story of a failiing relationship with quite a twist at the end.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'My in-credulousness(incredulity) was real.'; 'Number two, if you tell her(,) and then I confirm it . . . If I just go to her alone(,) I don’t think I’ll be able to stop my self(myself) from laughing. '; 'If so(,) he wasn’t very good at it, but(,-delete) let’s face it, '; and, 'she’ll think your(you're) just saying it because you found out.'.
This is a beautiful, and moving, story about a horrible accident and the love of an extended family.
This is well written and flows smoothly.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'An old but well(-)polished crucifix '; and, 'It was a very dirty, half(-)charred mass of brown fur. '.
This is an interesting piece that does a good job of describing the imagination and desires of a small child.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' while the task(-)master teacher lashes a whip,'; 'To offset the mind(-)numbing monotony'; 'Several narrow slit(-)like windows '; 'food to satiate it’s(its) seemingly endless appetite, '; and, 'entertainment for at least one six(-)year(-)old boy.'.
This is an interesting piece that, although I understand it is a dream, seems confusing and incomplete - as many dreams are.
It is, overall, well written but feels as if the actual "story" is missing.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Oddly I thought(,) “I can die now, '; 'atop the ebony feathersof(feathers of) the tarn,'; 'that I had no choice but to deny them(.) then(Then) a sense of dread '; and, 'I shut my eyes tightly(,) bracing for the impact I was sure was coming(,) and that was when '.
This seems to be a bit of an introduction of sorts. The current scene is not identified and though they speak of moving to Mars, there is no indication of what might be found there.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I was listening to two middle(-)aged women '; 'that went like this(,) “I think that man is listening to us.” '; and, ' “I promise I’m not(,)” I said'.
This seems to be a set up for, or a scene from, a longer story, as it doesn't feel complete.
The first paragraph is exceedingly long. Suggest breaking it up into shorter ones.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'land for (this-delete) whoever was doing this '; 'a 12(-)year(-)old farmer’s boy'; and, 'the man’s heart sat Skewered(skewered).'.
This is a better version of this story and you've done a great job with the ending. I liked the idea of Jack's "feeling".
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' “Calm down(,) Ben; stop shouting.(,)” He(he) said.'; 'fishing shanty was an after thought(afterthought).'; 'the fishing polls(poles) from the ground and handed each of his brothers their poll(his pole).'; ' “Oh. My. God.(Oh my God!)” Been(Ben) cried out.'; ' “What the hell(.) Ben.” '; 'He haunches(hunches) down to see if Jack(')s nose'; 'their four- years(year)-old ginger snap(gingersnap) Dachshund'; and, 'They arrived with in(within) minutes '.
This is a good story that accurately depicts a sudden winter storm and residents reaction to it.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'unknown speed during a week(-)long heat wave.'; and, ' The traffic cop must have a religious fallowing(following) or something like the future(-)telling weatherman. . . . It was to(too) cold to believe'.
This is a very good story of the development of a special relationship.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Normally (a) guy’s head didn’t turn when she walked by,'; ' He had chocolate(-)brown hair '; 'a list that you made?(") '; ' “Your(You're) straddling the state line, '; and, ' “No(,) you fulfilled four. '.
This is a delightful story that I found more than a bit comedic, yet very true to Nature.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'fiddles around with computer(-)related software '; 'he’s a gelding with a high(-)pitched whinny,'; 'farm an air of slow(-)moving southern charm '; and, 'potential symbolic sword(-)related possibilities.'.
This is a strange little story that seems as if it should have more to say. The ending is very odd for the setup. What you have here is well written and flows nicely.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'her plump coffee(-)coloured lips. '.
This is a good story that is well thought out. It does, however, need a bit of additional work.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'he did his best work in(as a) detective (work-delete).'; 'Himmerman St.(Street), '; 'The first person to speak(we spoke) to was the landlord(landlady?), Miss(.-delete) Halogen. '; ' "Miss. Halogen(,) did you hear '; ' "Well…let(')s see…'; 'I found that out when I shook them(with him).'; 'The only thing that didn't make since(sense) was'; 'Bennett at the airport heading for Mexico (on a plane-delete, unnecessary). '; and, 'told us the story back-words(backwards). '.
This is a very interesting, well-written story. However, I would have preferred a more conclusive ending; I feel sort of "hanging".
Suggest putting thoughts in italics to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'there had been an ill(-)fated love triangle'; 'an accident or cold(-)blooded murder.'; ' Sure are brave(,) aren't you, she thought'; 'Arial picked up the (rusted) chain and lock that were (rusted-delete) holding the gate together.'; 'light the candle with to her left(,) didn't it.(?) The first voice was right(,) wasn't it.(?)'; '"Amazing how brave I can be in the light." she thought(muttered?).'; 'old wooden steps do that(,) don't they?'; 'where are you(,) Mommie?" a heart(-)broken cry wailed.'; 'about half(-)way down the hallway.'; and, ' she felt herself disolve(dissolve) into the darkness in a heap on the floor.'.
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