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4,255 Public Reviews Given
4,384 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of A Villain's Game  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Falling Ocean

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

This story was a quick read, entertaining, and did a great job of capturing the essence of the classic Disney villains portrayed in the story. I thought it was a creative take on the prompt and, generally speaking, an enjoyable narrative.


*Firework* Suggestions

Typo: The air feels different when I breathe it in...

Typo: But I guess I'm not faring much better.

Typo: Sebastian even became Ariel's sacrificial lamb...

While it's clear that you have a good understanding of the Villainous board game, the mechanics of what were happening felt a little confusing for those that weren't familiar with the game. It would be great if there were a way to find that sweet spot where you're able to convey the game mechanics for those who are familiar with the game, but still make it read like a compelling narrative to those who haven't played before.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was a fun read and a great take on the prompt. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review of The Sorcerer  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Starmic Suebear

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I really liked the sense of mystery and mysticism to this story. Every time the reader thinks they might understand who Wormaw is, he does or says something that changes what the reader likely had previously been thinking about him. In such a short piece, the ability to lead your reader on a journey of discovery is a difficult (and very impressive) feat!


*Firework* Suggestions

There didn't appear to be much of a beginning or ending to the story, leaving it feeling like a bit of a vignette or anecdote rather than a part of a cohesive story. It's also a little unclear, after what he did to Leah, whether Wormaw is a sympathetic character worth investing in as a reader.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this piece. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed this essay. I thought you did a great job opening with a personal anecdote and using it as an example of your theme about imparting meaning in fiction. The piece was engaging, well-rounded, and entertaining to read.


*Firework* Suggestions

I don't have any specific suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought this was a great read and a poignant essay for anyone looking to infuse more intentionality to their writing. Great job!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Bob DeFrank

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

This was a well-presented item that you clearly put a lot of thought into. Imagining the "what ifs" and "how I would do its" is a popular pastime for those that really love a particular intellectual property franchise, and it's really clear from reading through this document that you are passionate about Star Wars and have spent a lot of time thinking about how the franchise could be improved (as have many of us! *Laugh*).


*Firework* Suggestions

While I don't necessarily agree with all of your creative choices (which is okay), I would point out that some of them would result in not just a fundamentally different Star Wars prequel trilogy, but might have far-reaching impacts for the franchise itself.

For example, one of your suggestions is "no green screen" and, while I think there's a completely fair argument for the fact that it was overused in the prequel trilogies (as well as a number of other movies), banning it entire would have meant very different choices would have to be made about what could even be shown on screen, due to the limitations of visual effects technology at the time.

Similarly, "no supplemental merchandising" would have had the effect of possibly never getting the franchise to the point where prequel trilogies could even be made. George Lucas famously retained a number of merchandising rights to the original Star Wars films, which is what allowed him to build Lucasfilm and Industrial Light & Magic to the point where they could make additional films in the Star Wars franchise. Alternately, if your idea was to have no supplemental merchandising of the prequel trilogy itself between 1999-2005, that would similarly be problematic for the studios who agreed to distribute the films, since ancillary merchandise is a major revenue stream and part of the reason they agreed to distribute the movies in the first place!

That may very well have been your intention (i.e., to restrict the franchise to what it had available to work with in the original trilogy), but it creates an interesting hypothetical because some of the suggestions you've proposed implementing don't just affect the storytelling of the prequel trilogy produced in between 1999 and 2005... they could potentially affect the franchise as a whole to the point it would have never taken off or become popular the way it did.

I suppose that's ultimately my biggest critique of the piece. The premise posed at the beginning is, "Imagine George Lucas let you write the scripts for Episodes I-III" and it seems that your critique actually answered a different premise: "Imagine George Lucas let you completely control the Star Wars franchise and make all its creative AND business decisions" which, I think, is a very different question.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I found this a really engaging and entertaining read. I'm always interested in how popular franchises would be handled by other creatives (I love it when writers write in other author's worlds), and I thought you did a great job putting serious thought into what you would have done differently. Nicely done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review of The Lost Summer  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi PriscillaKing

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

There were a lot of great details and description about the things you did ever summer between elementary school and high school. I like the fact that it was organized by year and included just enough details to give the reader a clear picture of all the things that you did every summer, but it was brief enough to keep it engaging and interesting.


*Firework* Suggestions

I'm a little curious why the piece started with an anecdote about a new teacher asking what their students did over the summer, and explaining that it wasn't common for people to share their summer activities with anyone other than friends... and then proceeding to share all of your summer activities over the course of ten years. *Wink* If the implication is that your readers are more trusted than your classmates, I'd add something to let them know that's why you're entrusting them with the information that you wouldn't typically share with classmates. Or, if that anecdote isn't germane to the rest of the item, it might be better to start with a different introductory paragraph that doesn't contradict the really great piece that comes after it.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought this was an enjoyable piece to read. There was a little confusion about the introduction of the item, but the rest of it was excellent. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review of Dreaming  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Rhyssa

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed reading this piece and hearing a bit about your experience with words and how much they've made an impact on your life. The essay was short, engaging, and managed to give the reader a sense of who you are as a person. That's not easy to do in just a few hundred words!


*Firework* Suggestions

The title of the piece and the introduction of the essay led me to believe that it was a piece about dreams, but I think it's more aptly about your relationship with words, especially since you dedicate a considerable part of the middle of the essay to your relationship with words outside of dreams. I think the reader might connect to the piece better if they have some indication (perhaps in title or in the intro description or first paragraph) that, as much as you're writing about your dreams, you're writing just as much about your relationship with words.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought it was a really enjoyable read. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi AbbyOlson

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

Nice job with this short flash fiction story! I thought you were really effective at including a lot of details and information in comparatively few words.


*Firework* Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was an enjoyable read. Nice job with this!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review of Cloak and Flame  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi James Erikson

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed the details and the narrative of this story. I thought you did a great job incorporating fantasy elements into the story and making it compelling.


*Firework* Suggestions

It was a brief piece and, as such, read a little more like a vignette than a short story, but that's a relatively small quibble with an otherwise enjoyable piece.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was well done. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review of Master  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi April Desiree-I'm back!

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I really enjoyed this poem. I thought you did a great job with the imagery and the structure; it was an effortless, evocative read. Nicely done!


*Firework* Suggestions

No suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought this was a great item. Thanks for sharing it!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
Review of Broken Ring  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Lani

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I really love the imagery in this piece. I thought you did a great job with packing a lot of meaning and visuals into just a few short stanzas. I particularly liked the internal rhyme of the "white lace, sullied grace" line, which was my favorite moment of the poem.


*Firework* Suggestions

No particular suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I enjoyed this poem and thought you did a great job with it. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review of (immoral) Love  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Tyler McCray

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I really liked the imagery in this poem. I thought it was vivid and evocative and the emotion in the piece really came through loud and clear.


*Firework* Suggestions

The structure, for me, felt a little disjointed. The first stanza really jumps into specifics of the relationship while the second two stanzas felt a little more general in their emotions and content. As I was reading, I couldn't help but feel like that specificity of the first stanza would be better imparted to the audience once they were introduced to the more general emotions expressed later on in the poem.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I enjoyed the read and thought there were some really great visual moments in the piece. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
for entry "Number Riddle" 
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi KingsSideCastle

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write in 2024" .


*Train* Positives

This was a really fun poem, and I love the fact that it also included a riddle! It definitely took me a few minutes to figure out, mostly because I had to look up the definition of what a composite number was (math is definitely not my strong suit! *Pthb*). I particularly like the fact that the ending rhyme of the poem could have been any of the "teen" numbers and didn't help narrow it down at all.


*Train* Suggestions

I don't have any suggestions for improvement. I usually try to find something, but this is a situation where I not just came up empty when looking for things to suggest, but I actually think it's perfect just the way it is. Well done!


*Train* Overall

Overall, I was delighted to get a chance to read this poem this week and I thought you not only did a great job creating something for the activity it was submitted for, but you created something that can stand alone as a fun little exercise for anybody who likes riddles and has at least a mild interest in math. You did a really great job with this poem!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 


Banner for Winter I Write


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi HollyMerry

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I really enjoyed this item. I definitely learned a lot more about butterflies than I knew before, and you offered some great tips to take care of them well. All in all, this was a thoroughly enjoyable read!


*Firework* Suggestions

I don't have any specific suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was a solid read. nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi KingsSideCastle

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write in 2024" .


*Train* Positives

This poem was a really great take on the prompt. I normally am not a fan of absurdist or nonsense type compositions, but I thought this one was great because there was still a bit of structure to it, and the individual lines were all thought-provoking and humorous.


*Train* Suggestions

I would have liked to have seen a little more cohesiveness between the lines of the piece. While they all worked really well on their own, the fact that each one felt like a different thought or concept made it difficult to appreciate the completeness of the piece. If you were to ever revisit this poem with an eye toward revising it, I wonder if it would be made stronger if some of the preposterous lines were somewhat related to one another and there were a loose framework to follow as far as the content is concerned.


*Train* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this piece. It was a thoroughly entertaining read and I really enjoyed the GIF at the end which added a little extra enjoyment to the experience of reading it. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 


Banner for Winter I Write


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40
40
Review of We Stand Together  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Lorelei

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed the creativity in this piece. The class format told from the perspective of pets was a great idea and really engaging.


*Firework* Suggestions

I was a little unclear what the purpose of the narrative was. The class has dogs and snakes and ferrets in it, and the objective of the class (outside of "dealing with humans safely") wasn't fully articulated, leaving this reader a little confused about what the larger themes or intentions of the narrative might be.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, it was an entertaining, interesting story. I think a little more work on the backstory and/or clarifying the intention of the narrative would be useful, but even as is, it was an enjoyable read. Nice job! *Smile*


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Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
41
Review of This is me  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi knight life

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

This was a really nice introduction to who you are and the things you value. I like the fact that you went more in depth that just the surface level material things in your life, and explained some of the personality traits that are important to you, as well as how you like to spend your time. It was a concise, well-rounded presentation.


*Firework* Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this piece. If your goal was to give people a little insight into your mind and personality, then mission accomplished! *Smile*


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Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
42
42
Review of Earl Grey Tea  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Steve

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. As a fan of Edgar Allan Poe, I could immediately slip into the cadence and style of his famous "Annabel Lee" as I was reading. That's a really underrated skill when one is writing satire, and I thought you did a great job with it.


*Firework* Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was an excellent poem that I really enjoyed. You did a great job of capturing the essence of "Annabel Lee" while still making it almost entirely your own. Well done! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
Review of Customer Care.  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Petra Pansky

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

The two scenarios you selected (difficulties with your landlord or property management, and technical issues with online orders) are near-universal experiences that I think were a smart choice here to include along to exemplify the kinds of ridiculous things that many of us have to deal with every day. I also think that disclaimer at the top of your piece was a really smart, important element of the piece, so that the reader has context for your perspective.


*Firework* Suggestions

For me, the comedy in the situation didn't come through quite as well as I had hoped at the outset of the piece. Reading it felt a bit more like general complaints about the inconveniences of the events described, rather than inherently comedic scenarios or a humorous perspective on them. If you're looking to increase the humor in the piece, I'd recommend tweaking the tone of the piece a bit to be more tongue-in-cheek or witty rather than incredulous and cynical.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this piece. It was an entertaining read with some real potential to be a very funny piece with a little workshopping of the comedy elements. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44
44
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Serene Vanity

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

This was a thought-provoking piece. I thought you presented your ideas well and got your point across clearly.


*Firework* Suggestions

Given the complexity of the content, I'd suggest varying the format a bit to break the presentation into smaller, more digestible chunks of text. With so many ideas and concepts packed into each of two paragraphs, I found it a little hard to follow along with from time to time.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I enjoyed the piece. Nice work!


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Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
45
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi ~Sue~

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

This was an entertaining story that I thought was a really fun read.


*Firework* Suggestions

There were quite a few places in the story where you added necessary context, but stopped the narrative in order to do it (e.g., "I should stop the story here to tell you"), and each time that pause occurs, it halts the forward progress of the narrative. I'd recommend finding more organic ways to work that information into the narrative.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was an enjoyable read and I thought you did a good job with it. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
46
46
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for inviting me to check out your portfolio! I really enjoyed reading this statement of faith; in a religious tradition as varied as segmented as Christianity, I always enjoy learning about fellow Christians' individual beliefs and guardrails. Thanks for sharing this statement of faith with the community! *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
47
47
for entry "Fury" 
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi KingsSideCastle

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write in 2024" .


*Train* Positives

I really liked how this entry alludes to a much larger narrative. It takes the already visceral, dramatic imagery of the picture prompt and promises that it's far from a climax to the story, but rather just the beginning. I also liked the fact that you also hinted at a much greater backstory in mentioning that this violent act visited upon the car was retribution for some unknown history. By the end of this story hook, it's clear that the scene depicted in the photo prompt is merely one piece of a much larger narrative, with plenty of story to be delved into on either side.


*Train* Suggestions

If I were being really nit-picky, I would probably recommend slightly tweaking the character element that says Jenna's "dark expression revealed this was far from over" and "her revenge was just getting started." As a standalone hook for this contest, I think it works great. But in terms of a larger narrative, it hints at Jenna being pretty cold and unlikable. Knowing that you can't fully disclose enough backstory in an item this short to fully explain her reasoning, you might consider softening the way you describe Jenna's demeanor, potentially shifting it from purely dark and sinister to perhaps something a little more resigned, or even a hint of reluctance or regret.


*Train* Overall

Overall, I thought this was a great entry for the contest. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 


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48
48
Review of A Final Meeting  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi werden

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I think you did a really great job with this piece, particularly your ability to capture the feeling of interacting with someone who struggles with Alzheimers or general senility. It can be a really devastating experience, and you captured that well through Bill's experience. I also like that you tied the story into a greater sense of obligation and a debate about regret, so it felt more significant and weightier than just an anecdote about the last time a character visits their grandmother.


*Firework* Suggestions

There was a part early in the story that threw me as I was reading:

"You have grown so tall and handsome," she said, beaming up at him.

"I knew you would," she continued, as he guided her stumbling steps into her room. He helped her take a seat and sat on a chair right beside her.

"I remember you as a little boy, how everyone liked you." she beamed at him.

I think it was the combination of using the "beaming at him" stage direction twice in a row, combined with the non-sequitur where she remarks on his appearance then immediately changes course. Because of the repetition of phrasing, I wasn't sure if that non-sequitur was intentional (i.e., grandma just changed the subject like she's prone to do), or if there's actually a piece of the narrative missing there.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought this piece was well-written and really touching, especially for anyone who's experienced this kind of loss with a loved one. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
49
Review of Us(Us)  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice job with this! I thought the piece was concise, to the point, and well articulated. I thought the rhyme scheme in particular was really effective and worked well for the piece. Overall, I don’t have any suggestions for improvement. Well done on this!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
Review of Decisions  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Amethyst Angel🍂🧡

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

Since you went to the trouble of writing a poem for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" , I figured the least I could do was send you a review. *Bigsmile*

I really liked the structure of this poem and the way it reflected many of the ideas and emotions present in the original song. I thought you did a good job with the imagery, the content, and the hourglass structure was really inventive and intriguing. Nice work!


*Firework* Suggestions

Based on the length of the poem, if this were an official entry and I were judging it, for me there was a little too much of the original in there for my tastes. While the structure was unique and you did use the song content to good effect, there was so much of the original song's imagery present that there wasn't as much of your own original work that I would have hoped. Again, from a strictly "if I were judging this for a contest" perspective. As a standalone piece, I think it's excellent.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a really job with this poem and I greatly enjoyed the read. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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