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4,255 Public Reviews Given
4,384 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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51
51
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed the detail and description in this piece. I thought you did a great job painting a vivid scene in comparatively few words, although it did feel like more of a vignette or anecdote as opposed to a cohesive narrative with a beginning, middle, and end. That said, I enjoyed the read. Nice job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review of Failed love story  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi soliloquy

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I'm really impressed with the way you were able to pack so much information and context into so short a piece of writing. You managed to give the reader a complete picture of the protagonist's perspective and emotions in only a few hundred words, and that's not easy to do!


*Firework* Suggestions

There were quite a few technical errors and typos in the piece, from the wrong word tense ("admire" instead of "admiration" in the first sentence), to improper capitalization (a lot of the "I"s in the piece are lowercase when they should be uppercase), to missing punctuation in contractions and elsewhere. A thorough edit to catch all the various typographical errors would help improve the readbility of the piece.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I enjoyed the read and thought you managed to fit a lot into a comparatively short piece. Nice job!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi ruwth

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write in 2024" .


*Train* Positives

I like the way that you organized this blog item into different sections of experience, from your initial attempts, to visiting local churches both large and small, to trying a church in another town. You clearly laid out your plan, and the steps you took to try to become more fluent/conversational in Spanish, which was a great way of highlighting your commitment to developing a very hard to learn skill. Languages can be very difficult for some people to learn... myself included! *Smile*


*Train* Suggestions

This isn't so much a suggestion for the written piece itself as much as a suggestion for how to improve your conversational Spanish as a whole, but I think there are a variety of other options beyond just attending a Spanish-speaking church and hiring a private tutor. There are potentially local classes to take advantage of (lots of developed areas have adult/community education and learning a foreign language is one of the most popular offerings at those continuing education organizations), apps on your phone (Duolingo or Babbel, for example), independent study courses (Rosetta Stone), and a wide variety of other immersion activities. Church is a great one, but I've also heard of people having success with watching television with the Spanish language and/or subtitle option enabled, and placing yourself in other immersive environments such as conversational groups (especially with the prevalence of Spanish, you can often find a small group of both Spanish and English speakers willing to converse on a regular basis to develop the language skills of both).


*Train* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this item itself. It was well-organized, and detailed enough to give the reader a clear picture of the steps you've taken to try to learn Spanish. While a private tutor is an excellent (albeit expensive) option, I think there are some other opportunities still available to you as well. Whichever one you choose, I wish you the best of luck in learning to speak Spanish! Language skills are definitely some of the most useful skills you can have. *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 


Banner for Winter I Write


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Unknown Icarus

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I really enjoyed this poem. I thought the imagery was excellent, and the reminder of how powerful and comforting the rain can be is a really poignant one. As someone who has always loved the rain, I feel like you really captured what it is I love most about that kind of weather and what is has the potential to accomplish. Nice work!


*Firework* Suggestions

I don't have any suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem and thought you did a great job with it. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Vaish

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I thought you did a good job articulating a definition of what success means to you. I appreciated how you steered the reader away from some of the common pitfalls of perceived success, such as measuring yourself against the success of others and depending external validators rather than your own metrics.


*Firework* Suggestions

While I think this is a good top-level look at the general concept of success, I think there's a lot more about the topic of success that was left unsaid. For example, while general success (e.g., in terms of whether you have a happy life, or enough money to make a living, etc.) is covered here, I think there are more specific types of success (e.g., achieving a very specific, limited-in-scope goal... or expanding into a domain you aren't currently familiar with) for which just advising people to "explore" and "engage in tasks that are within your reach and you feel confident about" could actually be detrimental to one's success.

For example, if I'm someone who is extremely overweight and trying to lead a healthier lifestyle, there might necessarily be some aspects of a diet and weight loss regimen which are uncomfortable and outside one's initial reach. Similarly, someone who dreams of one day being an astronaut, or becoming an Olympic athlete, or a surgeon would most likely have moments where they're not confident in their abilities, and might be coming from a place where that ultimate goal is (at least initially) well outside their reach.

If you were to ever look at expanding this piece, I would recommend augmenting it with advice to address different types of success (or success and different types of things) rather than just one particular general philosophy.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this essay, and offered some solid advice to the reader about not letting success be defined by what the world says you should do or be. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought you did a really good job with this item. I particularly liked the repetition which I thought accentuated the effect of the piece. Overall it was a short, engaging read and I thought you did a great job with it. Thanks for sharing your work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
Review of The Long Walk  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi phoenixrises

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

Overall, I really enjoyed this item. Having lost a few really important people in my life myself, I definitely empathized with your experience and your perspective. Nice work!


*Firework* Suggestions

The only two suggestions that I have are technical ones. About partway through the item the font size changes and gets noticeably bigger, and there's also a large amount of white space between the end of your item and the bottom of the page. I'd recommend deleting that extra space, and finding a uniform font size (I actually prefer the larger one for readability). Other than that, I thought you did a great job!


*Firework* Overall

I thought you did a great job with this item!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review of A Traitors' Tale  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Epic Fail

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I really enjoyed this poem. I'm a big fan of alliteration and I think you used that literary device to great effect in this poem. It made the piece read with a quick, staccato rhythm that I think really worked well with the subject matter.


*Firework* Suggestions

I can't think of any suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a great job with this piece. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Adherennium Dr of Phoolishness

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed this essay on the topic of retail and main shopping areas in metropolitan areas. I thought you laid out your position well, and illustrated it with effective statistics and details that kept the reader's interest.


*Firework* Suggestions

No particular suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a really solid job with this essay. It was a quick, easy, and informative read. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
60
60
Review of Midnight Light  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Dec-of-Glory

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed the structure and pacing of this piece. I thought both really accentuated the themes of this poem and you did a great job of putting everything together into an appealing, well-organized piece. Nice work!


*Firework* Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a great job. Well done! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review of Homesick  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi ~Camrin~

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I thought this was a well-written and thought-provoking piece of writing. The periodic questions you pose to the reader in the poem helps keep the reader engaged and contemplating throughout the reading experience. I also thought the second person point of view was a good choice for this type of item.


*Firework* Suggestions

No specific suggestions come to mind.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this poem. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
62
62
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Soul sister

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I liked the overall message of this letter. You did a great job of covering the basics of how one goes about achieving salvation from a Christian theological standpoint, and emphasizing some clear steps that individuals can take to accept Jesus.


*Firework* Suggestions

In my experience, just telling people that they are sinners and in need of repentance is a difficult way to reach the lost. Given the brevity of this piece, I think it would be better to focus on why Jesus is worth following or learning more about. Getting someone to accept (or even see) their own faults can be really complicated and, while this piece may speak to those who know they fall short, it might have a difficult time reaching those who think they're already good people and don't have a need for salvation.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I enjoyed the read and thought you did a great job with this letter. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
63
63
Review of On Reviewing  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi spidey

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

This is a great essay on reviewing, with some excellent tips and advice for how to improve the quality of one's reviews. I particularly like the advice that recommends approaching a review as not just a writing critic, but also a reader. I think that's an under-utilized perspective in reviewing, and it's great advice.


*Firework* Suggestions

I don't have any particular suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

You did a great job with this essay. It was clear, concise, and informative. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
64
64
Review of Cowboy Roam  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Smee

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed this poem. It felt like reading one of those American tall tales that relays the folklore around a particular legend. I thought the structure of the poem was great and it was an effortless, entertaining read.


*Firework* Suggestions

I don't have any specific suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

This was a fun, enjoyable poem to read. Nicely done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi super sleuth

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed this poem. I thought you did a particularly good job of using the prompt words and working them into the poem in a naturalistic and eloquent way. Given the number of words and the brevity of the poem, that's really impressive.


*Firework* Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


*Firework* Overall

I thought you did a great job on this poem. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
66
66
Review of Yesterday  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Amay

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I really loved this poem. I thought it was a really eloquent, beautiful tribute to the principal you knew. You did a great job of highlighting some of her best features and memorable details in comparatively few words.


*Firework* Suggestions

I don't have any suggestions for improvement. This was a really excellent poem!


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was a touching tribute to a principal who so clearly had a positive effect on you and others. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
67
67
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write in 2024" .


*Train* Positives

I really enjoyed this poem and the sentiment you conveyed. I think it's easy for a lot of people to see the negative connotations of concepts like "worthless" and "useless" and think that the world would be better off without such concepts in them. But it's only through the experience of things that are truly worthless or useless that things can be seen to have worth or have use. And whether something is of worth is definitely in the eye of the beholder.


*Train* Suggestions

I don't really have any suggestions for improvement. I thought your poem was straight to the point, clear, and effective. If I were going to nitpick (and I have to because I need to get this review up to 1,000 characters! *Laugh*), I would maybe suggest finessing the claim that there is "no such thing" as normality or worthlessness. While the point that someone can find value in anything, and that there is no one definition of what it means to be "normal" are well taken, it's also true that some things are by definition in the spectrum of normality or widely recognized as having essentially no discernible value. It might be worth exploring how to make your overall point without a blanket assertion that normality and worthlessness are completely subjective constructs.


*Train* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a great job with this poem. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 


Banner for Winter I Write


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
68
68
Review of Wishing Well  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Orion69

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

The tension and sense of urgency in this piece is really great. You did an excellent job setting up a dramatic and tense narrative where the reader is always guessing what's going on.


*Firework* Suggestions

I was hoping for a little more clarity on how the different elements of the story tied together by the end. In such a short piece, there were so many different elements (e.g., Jack visions, visiting his old cabin, his family is there, the fact that his injuries seemed to have healed themselves, the significance of the well, Jack's experiences right before he leapt into the well, etc. I wanted the story to have a little more of a connective throughline for all these disparate elements.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was a really engaging, entertaining read. You did a great job!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
69
69
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi G. B. Williams

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed this item. I thought a lot of the semi-rhetorical questions that you asked were thought-provoking and interesting, and really challenge the reader to think about where they place their attention, desires, etc. I thought the structure was really nice and the brevity worked well for the piece.


*Firework* Suggestions

There were a couple of statements that I thought could use a little more explanation. Particularly the assertions that "the government has become the primary provider" and "churches are practically empty, while schools are packed."

This may likely just be my own opinion and experiences speaking, but there seems to be a lot of discontent lately with what the government does (or does not) provided to its citizens, and that of course differs depending on which government you're subject to! Given the level of discontent with what the government provides, it might be helpful to explain what you see it as the primary provider of, specifically.

Similarly, the visual of empty churches and full schools is a vivid one, but based on the juxtaposition it seems like you're implying that children can only go to one or the other; that churches are empty because schools are full. I'm not sure I see the connection there. It might be a good idea to further elaborate on the connection or causation you see between church and formalized education.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought you did a great job with this piece. It was thought-provoking and inspirational. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
70
70
Review of Sleepless Sunday  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Purple Wishing WDC Happy 24th

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write in 2024" .


*Train* Positives

I really liked the use of onomatopoeia in this piece. It gave everything a sense of dynamism that really kept my attention as I read through everything. I also thought you did a great job with the amount of detail in the piece. There was just enough to create vivid imagery without dragging down the pacing or making it feel overly long. You also did a great job working the three prompt words into the story in a natural way.


*Train* Suggestions

With such a short word count, it can be difficult to tell a complete narrative story, and this one felt like it was lacking a bit of a defined beginning, middle, and end. It read as more of a vignette or anecdote than a narrative. That may well have been the intention, but I found it a bit difficult to tell whether I was reading an actual short story (as the item labels imply) or a nonfiction accounting of just a routine day.


*Train* Overall

Overall, I found this piece well-written and engaging. It was a clever way to address all of the words in the prompt and the fact that you were able to describe a morning routine in such detail with so few words is really impressive. Nice job!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 


Banner for Winter I Write


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
71
71
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi Lana

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed the action and the sense of urgency in this piece. You did a great job of keeping the tension building and the story moving along at a brisk pace. This was a fun, quick read.


*Firework* Suggestions

There's a tendency in this story to alternate between past and present tense, with descriptions like, "She pushes through the crowd" followed by "She struggled and then slipped out" which made the flow of the read a little difficult. There was also a point where the POV changed from third person to first person. I'd recommend sticking with one tense and POV throughout the story.

Typo: "She pushes through the crowded aisle of newly boarded passengers..."

I'm a little unclear on where she pulled the gun from. The narrative says that "her hand darted into her shirt and produced a small gun" but earlier in the story it's mentioned that she's wearing "a skimpy white top that was so tight you could tell the bra color" (which seems like a tough garment to hide a gun in, even one of a small caliber.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was a fun, entertaining read. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
72
72
Review of Car Confessionals  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi SIC

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I thought you did a really great job with this item. It was really evocative and well-presented.


*Firework* Suggestions

I was a little confused by the intro, which said "a glimpse into [your] writing style." Based on that description, I assumed it was a poem about your writing style rather than a poem that is simply an example of the types of poems you write.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, I thought this was an excellent poem and it was an engaging read. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
73
73
Review of Go Big or Go Home  
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi nomlet

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I really enjoyed the amount of detail and description you managed to fit into such a short item. With less than 300 words to work with, that's not easy to do!


*Firework* Suggestions

The extent of the injury felt a little off in terms of intensity. From the way it's described, it sounds like a really grievous injury, but the language of the story, as well as Kyle's reaction to it (i.e., just deciding that maybe he'd try the bike trick another day) kind of shrugs it off as routine.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was an enjoyable, well-written story. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
74
74
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi ruwth

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write in 2024" .


*Train* Positives

As always, you do a great job of setting the scene in the reader's mind. Your use of description is detailed enough to give the reader a clear picture of the scene, without weighing it down with unnecessary description that slows down the read or detracts from the actual story you're trying to tell.


*Train* Suggestions

In the second paragraph, "wheelchair" is two words, and the word "slamming" is repeated twice in a row which seems to be a typo.

I'd also recommend varying the structure of this piece a bit to create some more variety for the reader, as there were a lot of similarly structured elements (e.g., starting paragraphs with "Susie" and repeating "loud angry noises" several times. While repetition can be really effective for making a point, it can also cause the reader to lose interest if it's overdone, and in this case I think some diversifying of the language will help maintain reader interest.


*Train* Overall

Overall, this was a short, easy to read item that definitely clearly communicated your intentions to the reader. Nice job!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
75
75
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloongo* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloongo*


Hi writer

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion. *Party*


*Firework* Positives

I enjoyed this poem. I particularly liked the structure and the easy flow of the read, as well as the theme of someone you're attracted too hacking your attention and focus. That was really unique and kept the poem engaging throughout.


*Firework* Suggestions

In the second line, I think you're missing an article "I am not an/your/etc. attacker." That was the only small issue that I noticed in an otherwise solid piece.


*Firework* Overall

Overall, this was a fun read and I thought you did a great job with it. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff masquerading as Deadpool
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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