The story captures the atmosphere of a live concert with vivid detail. Terry Hanley’s character is thoroughly explored, making his journey from retirement to rejuvenated passion a compelling arc. The narrative effectively uses the crowd's reaction and the band's dynamic performance to reach a powerful resolution where Terry realizes his deep connection to his music and his bandmates. This pivotal moment is both emotionally charged and satisfying, highlighting the transformative power of music and performance.

For me, some descriptions, particularly of the band members entering the stage, could be streamlined to maintain narrative pacing. Also, I think introducing more dialogue among the band members could provide deeper insights into their relationships and add layers to the concert experience. I'd suggest potentially incorporating a bit of backstory about Terry’s career and previous challenges to make his final decision even more poignant.

This story is an effective exploration of a musician facing the twilight of his career, set against the backdrop of a live performance that reminds him why he fell in love with music in the first place. It successfully combines the sensory details of sound, sight, and emotion to create a memorable narrative. Terry’s realization that he is not yet ready to give up the life that defines him is handled well, making the story’s conclusion uplifting and inspiring.

This story effectively captures the tension and suspense typical of a thriller, using Halloween as a backdrop. The protagonist's gradual realization of danger, mirrored by her transition from a mundane party environment to a life-threatening situation, is handled well, creating a sense of dread. The narrative successfully blends the mundane with the terrifying, using a Halloween party as a familiar setting that quickly spirals into an unexpected nightmare. The twist ending is shocking and leaves a lasting impression, illustrating the story's descent from deceptive normalcy into horror.

While the story's climax is dramatic and engaging, I think earlier parts of the narrative could benefit from tighter pacing to enhance the build-up to the final revelation. Additionally, exploring the protagonist's emotions in greater depth, for me, could add layers of psychological complexity. Providing more background on the characters, especially Mr. Smith, might also enrich the story, offering insights into their motivations and making the final twist more impactful.

Overall, this story is a gripping and well-crafted piece that effectively uses the elements of suspense and horror to engage readers. The gradual escalation of tension, combined with the protagonist's initially dismissive attitude towards Halloween, creates a compelling narrative arc.

This story successfully blends elements of the supernatural with a human core. The protagonist's journey through the mall, underscored by a pervasive sense of mystery, is really effective. The transitions between her mundane reality and the encounters with enigmatic characters are handled with a deft touch, creating a seamless blend of the ordinary and the otherworldly. The dialogue between characters, especially in the latter part of the story, is poignant and loaded with emotional weight, effectively conveying the thematic concerns of love, loss, and the passage of time.

While the narrative is intriguing, I think there could be more clarity in the progression of events to help the reader better understand the shift from a realistic setting to a more metaphysical one. Exploring the emotional background and motivations of the protagonist more deeply could also potentially enhance empathy with the characters. Additionally, I think providing a little more context about the protagonist's past and her relationships could enrich the story's emotional impact and provide a stronger foundation for the themes explored.

Overall, I thought this story was a compelling exploration of themes related to mortality, memory, and maternal love. It successfully combines elements of fantasy with a strong emotional narrative to create a thought-provoking tale with an ending that leaves a lasting impression. Nice work!

This story delivers a compelling blend of mystery and noir, bringing Lou Ryan into a complex web of crimes and personal connections. The gritty atmosphere of the speakeasy and the urban backdrop of Chicago are vividly depicted, adding authenticity to the setting. The narrative is tense, with well-paced action sequences. Lou's hard-boiled detective persona shines through, especially in his interactions with other characters. The integration of a family element through Gloria and her brother adds nuance, makes the stakes personal and the resolution more impactful.

To further enrich the narrative, I'd suggest developing the secondary characters more fully (particularly the antagonists) to provide clearer motivations and make their actions more impactful. Additionally, exploring the psychological complexities of the characters involved in the crimes could offer deeper insights into their behaviors and choices, I think. Simplifying some of the plot twists could help maintain clarity and focus, ensuring that each narrative thread has enough space to be properly explored and resolved.

Overall, this story is a strong addition to the Lou Ryan series, marked by its sharp dialogue, effective character development, and a well-constructed plot that keeps the reader engaged from start to finish. I'm a huge fan of the noir genre and this Lou Ryan series has been a real joy to read.

This latest of Lou Ryan's adventures maintains the rich, engaging storytelling of its predecessors. The introduction of Zeke and the complex web surrounding his case makes for a compelling narrative, expanding the world Lou navigates with his gritty charm and sharp wit. The dialogue continues to be a strong point, capturing the essence of classic noir with a modern twist. The dynamic between Lou and Gloria is particularly well-drawn, offering moments of levity and genuine connection that enrich the story.

The narrative would benefit from deeper exploration of Zeke's background and his relationship with Lou, as I think this would provide more context for the emotional stakes of the story. Additionally, I feel like the pacing in the middle sections could be tightened to enhance the build-up to the climactic moments. Integrating more visual descriptions of the settings could potentially enhance the atmosphere, drawing readers deeper into the scenes. I also think that expanding on the motivations and actions of secondary characters like the judges and the antagonist would add depth and make their eventual outcomes more impactful.

Overall, the story is a great addition to the saga of Lou Ryan, packed with suspense, intrigue, and the charm that defines the series. The plot twists are well-executed, while the development of the relationship between Lou and Gloria adds a satisfying emotional layer. This tale continues to build on the strengths of its characters and setting, making for a compelling read.

Lou Ryan's latest venture into the world of private detective work is filled with intrigue. The narrative is expertly woven, with each thread of the plot meticulously laid out to maintain suspense and engage readers. Lou's characterization remains consistent and endearing, showcasing his down-to-earth charm and keen observational skills. The interactions between characters are particularly well-executed, with quick dialogue that keeps the story moving at a brisk pace. This story builds a vibrant scene of Chicago's underbelly through Lou's eyes.

While the storyline is engaging and the characters are well-developed, the plot could benefit from a bit more foreshadowing to enhance the twist involving Estelle's background. I think that would give the narrative a more cohesive feel and allow the surprise elements to integrate more smoothly with the story's progression. Additionally, some of the transitions between scenes felt a bit abrupt, similar to the last story, particularly in the latter half of the narrative. Smoothing these transitions would help maintain the flow and keep readers immersed without disruption.

Overall, this story is a good blend of classic detective tropes and modern storytelling, with Lou Ryan's character standing out a standout element for me. The narrative's strong dialogue and vivid descriptions make the scenes feel realistic, and offer a compelling view of the life of a private eye wrestling with morality. The story's conclusion is satisfying, tying up the various plot threads in a way that is both logical and emotionally resonant. This is a good story that captures the essence of the noir genre while providing fresh twists that keep it exciting and relevant.

Lou Ryan's late-night noir escapade through the streets of Chicago captures the essence of a classic detective story, complete with shadowy figures and a damsel in distress. The narrative has an authentic voice and atmospheric tension, conjuring a vivid picture of a world where danger lurks around every corner. The protagonist's first-person narration brings a personal touch, making the reader feel directly involved in the unfolding drama. The dialogue is snappy, enhancing the old-school crime thriller vibe. The moments of introspection and description blend well, offering both a compelling plot and a peek into Lou’s tough exterior to reveal a slightly softer interior.

While the story excels in building mood and character, I think the pacing might benefit from a slight adjustment to allow for deeper character development, particularly of Gloria. Understanding her backstory and motivations could add a richer layer to the narrative, making her more than just a plot device. Additionally, some transitions between the action sequences felt abrupt to me. Smoothing these out could heighten suspense and give the reader a better sense of place and time as the chase escalates. For me, the ending, while dramatic, comes off a bit rushed. Extending this final scene could provide a more satisfying closure to the high stakes that have been set up.

Overall, I think this is a gripping tale that does an excellent job of pulling the reader into its dark and moody world. Lou Ryan is a compelling character and a classic noir protagonist. The story's rich descriptions and engaging dialogue create a cinematic experience that's both entertaining and immersive. While there are areas where the narrative flow could be improved, the story remains a solid piece that offers all the thrills one would expect from a hard-boiled detective story. With a little more focus on character depth and pacing, I could see it truly shining as a standout homage to the genre.

I really enjoyed your take on this Writer's Cramp prompt. I particularly like the fact that you took the significance of the number twenty-three and showed all of the different ways that the number shows up or can be found in the composition or calculation of other numbers (two to the third power equalling eight, which is another number of mystical/spiritual significance, etc.). That was really clever and a great way to expand the poem beyond the prompt in a way that still pays homage to it. The point about the Mayan prophecy was also really well made; it feels like the reader will come away from this piece with a better understanding of the significant of the number twenty-three, in addition to having read a fun poem.

The only small suggestion I have is that you might want to consider spelling out the other numbers that aren't 23 (eight, two, third, five, etc.). I think it would make the number 23 stand out a little more visually in the poem. As it is, it gets a little lost in some stanzas with all the other numbers being mentioned.

Overall, I really enjoyed this item. I thought you did a great job working all of the symbolism and numerology into such a short item. Well done!

Always a pleasure to have the opportunity to visit your portfolio, Angelo! As always, I think you did a great job with this story. I'm always impressed with your ability to describe period pieces so vividly; no matter what the time period it always feels as if you're writing like you've had the personal experience of being there and can bring the reader along with you thanks to your nuanced descriptions. Your characters were also well-developed and the dialogue effectively helped to move the story forward.

I don't really have any suggestions, per se, but the one thing I did have a little bit of trouble with was following along with all the characters that were mentioned. In addition to the actual characters in the story there were also numerous character names referenced during the conversation, which created a bit of confusion about who was who as the story progressed.

Overall, despite the relatively minor note above, I really enjoyed this story. I think you did a great job with the characters, the dialogue, and the story, enough that you were able to keep the reader's (or at least this reader's!) attention throughout this short, compelling contest entry. Nice work!

The familiar, conversational style of this piece is excellent. It definitely feels like some local giving the reader directions and then, subsequently, a little backstory about Bubba's Corner BBQ. The pacing was excellent and it kept the reader's interest throughout with a unique and compelling narrative. I particularly like the excessively bizarre directions in the first half of the story; that was my favorite part of this short piece.

In the paragraphs where you're describing the hog's adventure, you use the phase "no one saw" a couple of times and it started to feel a bit redundant. I'm also not entirely sure about the explanation for why he's not on a corner. Is the idea that his original location burned down and then the business had to move (but still didn't change its name)? If so, I think that needs a little more clarification. If that's not what the story was trying to convey, then I missed it entirely!

Overall, this was a fun, lighthearted story to read and I thought you did a good job with the prompt. It reminded me of all the businesses that have unique names out there because there's a funny story behind it somewhere in their backstory. Nice job!

My favorite part of this story was the parallel with "Little Red Riding Hood" and a few other familiar fairytales/allegories. I thought you did a good job of depicting Sally and the Rabbit, and their interaction with the wolf.

It's a little unclear why Sally was still so difficult with the rabbit even after he saved her life. It's actually a little unclear whether Sally was even fazed by the wolf jumping out and threatening to eat her, because the rabbit told his lie before the reader even knows what her reaction is. But, assuming it's one of fear or anxiety, it's strange that she's still so focused on the rabbit's lying when the lie so clearly benefitted her in that scene.

Toward the end of the story, it felt like there was a lack of a resolution because there wasn't much conflict to begin with. I was hoping for a twist or a lesson learned or something, but the story resolved itself rather abruptly and without much conflict or friction.

Overall, this was an entertaining story with the familiarity of an old fairytale or children's myth, but the lack of conflict and the characters' single-minded focus on the lying made it feel like the story was missing a little something. Still, it's a great foundation to work from. Nice work!

I enjoyed your take on the prompt. I thought you were able to weave the prompt words into the narrative flawlessly, to the point where if they hadn't been bolded I don't think I would have even noticed. I also really like the detail and characterization in this story. From the car ride at the very beginning, it was a vivid, realistic scene you portrayed with enough description to make the reader feel like they're really present in the scene with the characters.

The only thing that didn't work as well for me was the Halloween scene before Jack had his first "chat". The "ghostly version of Davy Jones" costume was a little hard to imagine, and was a bit lacking in the same level of detail and description that you gave the rest of the story. For me, this is where the story needed that additional detail, when describing what exactly Jack was so intimidated by.

Overall, I thought you did a great job with this Writer's Cramp entry, and made the most of a prompt which I usually find really difficult for me personally... disassociated random words that you have to figure out how to string together. Nice work, although that's not really a surprise coming from you.

I love haiku as a poetic form, even more so when someone chains them together and includes more than one! I thought you did a great job with this haiku chain, each of them has really memorable, intense visuals which are the hallmark of the haiku form. I particularly liked your selection of adjectives, as they really helped create the vivid imagery of the poems in the simplest possible terms.

A couple of the lines felt a little incomplete to me. At the end of the first haiku, the line "soon the harvest moon" doesn't seem to have any connection to the rest of the haiku (which is focused on the imagery of leaves), or the haiku that follows it. For me, haiku are most effective when they follow the traditional structure of capturing a moment in time rather than being purely descriptive, and it was sometimes difficult to find the exact moment or feeling you were trying to capture in the stanzas, almost like you were looking for the poem as a whole to illustrate the point. Which is totally fine, but I think the piece could be even better if, with a form like haiku that thrives on vivid imagery, that imagery and focus was consistent both on a granular level (the individual haiku) as well as a macro level (the chain as a whole).

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this haiku chain about my favorite season of the year. Nice work!

I love this topic for a poem. Rain is something that I've already loved (probably because I live in Southern California where we don't get a lot of it! ), and there are few things I like better that wandering through a city when it's raining. You did a great job of capturing the essence of that feeling, and I particularly liked the personification you used in lines like "the rain imposed authority" and "the rain spread nail polish over the city" ... although I'm not sure I really understand that first metaphor, even though I did enjoy it.

I thought this was an interesting poetic form with a certain stanza repeated three times with slight variations. I do wonder if it would have been better to have had that repetition be around the rain rather than the traffic, since the rain seemed to be the focus of the piece.

I also didn't quite understand the "poetry's thrust / for some change / in focus" part of the second-to-last stanza. I had a hard time finding the connection of those lines to the rest of the poem.

Overall, I love the subject of this poem. It really captured the essence of the city in the middle of a rainstorm, which is one of my favorite experiences. Well done!

You did a really good job of giving the reader a clear sense of the personalities of the individuals in this story, and making the reader feel like thye were right there along for the ride with them. The activities in the car were amusing and I particularly liked the tongue-in-cheek wit of the opening paragraph, which I think set the scene really nicely for this short piece.

The only (small) criticism I have of this piece is that there didn't feel like there was a definitive beginning or end to this piece. It was more of a vignette or anecdote about a small moment in time, rather than a story, per se. I would have loved to have read a little more exposition and a little more conflict and resolution to fully flesh out this piece into a compelling narrative. The last sentence also seemed to cram in some additional details almost as an afterthought, and I would have loved to have those bits of the story expanded on as well.

Other than the relatively small critique outlined above, I thought this was an enjoyable and entertaining vignette with memorable characters and a good bit of humor woven in throughout. It was a fun read and I thought you did a good job with it. Nice work!

This was a fun and really entertaining story. As a fan of the old Coyote and Roadrunner Looney Tunes cartoon, I really appreciated all of the detail you put into this piece, including specific inventions that Wile E. Coyote used in the cartoon (and making the infamous rocket sled the centerpiece of the trial)! I thought the premise for the story was excellent and highly enjoyable. The ending was great too; if I were Home Depot, I'd also have thoughts about partnering with a litigious and questionable-competent customer!

This is a bit of a nitpick, but the legal procedure wasn't terribly accurate, specifically with the judge asking questions essentially after she determined the decision, and introducing questions as to motive at the end of the trial when that's typically something that would be handled by the defense counsel. It's doesn't have to be an exact reproduction of court process or anything, but given how many people watch legal/court shows now, a lot of them are amateur "legal experts" and might notice this deviation even from the creative license taken with the legal system as they've come to understand it through television series.

Overall, I thought you did a great job with this story. It was inventive, entertaining, and a really fun read for anyone familiar with the old cartoons. Well done!

I'm always impressed when people attempt challenges that add a degree of difficulty to their writing such as writing a story with no dialogue, or only dialogue, or other restrictions. I think you did a great job conveying interpersonal reactions even in the absence of dialogue, which is not easy to do. Nice work!

While the actual scene itself was well written, it felt a little like the detail and description was taking the place of actual narrative. The scene had more of a vignette feel without much of a beginning or end, and it feels like, if word count was an issue, some of those words could have been used to fine-tune the narrative a bit and give it more of a lead-in and lead-out to round things out a bit.

There were also a few passive phrases that seemed designed to get around the "no dialogue" element and felt a little clunky. For example, the sentence, "The subtle woosh of exhaled air from multiple mouths revealed the shock that went through the crowd" felt like a bit of an overwritten way to say that "the crowd gasped" and, to the larger point above, it feels like some of that word economy could have been allocated to the setup and payoff of the story.

Overall, I enjoyed the imagination of this piece and it was very effective at working with a difficult prompt restriction. I think there's a bit of room for improvement, but you've got a really strong foundation to work with in this piece. Nice job!

I really enjoyed this poem. "Everywhere" by Fleetwood Mac is a great song and I can definitely detect the influences while I was reading. When reading with that song in mind the cadence and style is familiar, and yet you also managed to create something completely unique that felt fresh rather than derivative. Really nice job!

Each of the stanzas were great on their own, but the order confused me a bit. The first one starts with the sentiment about "finding a guide" while the third stanza is about being "lost in the maze of my own mind." The second stanza opens with "[struggling] to resist". I wonder if a bit of restructuring would be more effective, with the stanzas in the order of 3-1-2-4 or even 3-2-1-4. The poem is already great as it is, the stanzas are individually excellent; they just read a little out of sequence to me in terms of a larger narrative.

Overall, I thought this was a well-written and elegant poem. The imagery was great, as was your word choice and the structure of the individual stanzas. It might be worth looking into reordering them, but that does change the fact that it was a great read, inspired by a song that I really enjoy and could see the influences of in the piece. Nice work!

I really enjoyed this post-apocalyptic narrative poem. That's not a genre I read too often but I might have to remedy that because this was great! I particularly liked the vibrant imagery you used, packing a lot of both worldbuilding and character development into comparatively few words and lines. My favorite line in the whole poem was the one about not hunting rabbits but rather "a chance to redeem". *chefskiss*

In the second to last stanza, there are imperfect rhymes due to the use of plurals in the second and fourth lines. Since this is the only place in the poem this happens, it stands out as a bit off compared to the rest of the poem which has perfect rhymes for each line of each stanza.

There's also a small typo in the second to last stanza; I think it should be a possessive creatures' rather than "creatures" in the second line, given the grammatical structure of that stanza of the poem.

Overall, I really enjoyed this narrative poem. I thought you managed to tell a lot of story in only a few short lines, and the level of setting detail and characterization you managed to fit into it was really impressive. Nice work!

This was a fun, entertaining story. I liked the theme of female empowerment, and how Mary managed to make the most of an opportunity when it presented itself. The idea of the American Dream is that anyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and this story really played into that idea where, when opportunity presents itself, those who are willing to take a risk and put themselves out there can rise to the top. It's easy to imagine that, were the story continue, Mary would get an earful from Mr. Livingston but also, in the grand American tradition, would capture the interest of someone who liked her reporting and give her an even greater opportunity. Nice job with this story!

The only part of the story that was a little confusing for me is hwo the assistant editor accepted the story (and Mary's byline) without question. Earlier in the story it's established that being a female journalist isn't exactly easy in this day and time, so it would help to know why the assistant editor helped her publish her own article when her boss was out sick. It could be something as simple as establishing that the paper needed content so they ran with the story that was presented to them.

Overall, this was an entertaining, well-written story with compelling characters that was a very enjoyable read. Nice work!

I loved the comedic take on insomnia presented in this poem. For me personally, I think I hate the 4am hour the most. It's far, far too late in the night to be staying up, and far, far too early in the morning to be waking up. You did a great job of capturing an appropriate sentiment for each hour of the early morning, and the last stanza at the end is what really pulled the entire poem together for me. I really enjoyed reading this. Nice work!

While I thought the 3am and 5am stanzas were excellent, the 4am stanza felt like a bit of a miss for me; skipping a nap and not feeling tired don't quite match up with the same sentiments as the 3am and 5am stanzas. I'm a little unclear what not having a nap earlier in the day has to do with 4am specifically, and would have loved to have had a little more connection to one of the times of night that feels the most removed and isolated from the daytime.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem and thought it was quite creatively structured. While I do think there's room for improvement here, I think you have a really solid foundation to work with, and there's a ton of potential here to make a compelling and relatable poem. Good job!

This was a fun story with an amusing twist at the end. I like the fact that Sandra ended up being Ted's mother, and that she seemed as amused as anything by his attempts to sow chaos in the world. Nice work!

In the first paragraph, there's a bit of a contradiction between the sentence that say Sandra "hoped that if she ignored Ted long enough he would go away," and the sentence immediately after which said that Sandra "knew there was no way she could be that lucky." If Ted had "never been the type to go away" it doesn't make a lot of sense that her just hoping Ted would go away would be effective, if all evidence points to the contrary.

Ted's scheme was a bit confusing to me, in how it would be executed. Almost every place that offers employee discounts processes the discount as part of the transaction, so I'm not sure how Sandra would be able to "keep the leftovers" with a customer because the transition would be rung up at the employee's discounted rate. Maybe I'm just not thinking of the way this would work, but it would benefit the story to have a clearer sense of how the plot would work since it seems impossible to have a paying customer pay an amount different from what they're actually paying.

Overall, I thought this was a fun, amusing story featuring a couple of entertaining characters that kept my interest throughout. Nice work!