Sum1's (jim-d) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

3,345 Public Reviews Given

3,393 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.

I'm good at...

I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).

Favorite Genres

Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense

Least Favorite Genres

Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.

Least Favorite Item Types

I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.

I will not review...

I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.

376

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4416284

Review of Greeting the Ex-

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Schnujo,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your SECOND WDC Anniversary!

There is so much unsaid in this short piece. So much we don't know, and have to assume. It sounds like your ex has already been there once, leaving you with a lump on the side of your head. Now he returns to finish this task. At least that's my take.

Early on, you state "Tonight he’d tried to make good on his promise, that if I he couldn’t have me, no one would. As I said before, it sounds like he's already been there once. So is he back to make good on that promise? I know this is intended to be short, you don't want to provide a lot of backstory. If this was written for a contest, it may be over now. If so, you might want to lengthen it a little. Tell us what's going on! I need to know! (Actually I don't, but you know what I mean). I did see one small thing you may want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. Knowing the inevitable, I set me peas down and sit on the edge of my single bed. I think 'me' should be my.

An interesting story, a little short, but very good!

Sum1

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377

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14 days may be credited.

#4411815

Review of The Apology

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Graham,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your FIFTH WDC Anniversary!

This is a nice take on an old subject, man meeting aliens for the first time. I really enjoyed the dialog between Al and the Avatar, loved how the Avatar learned to speak English so fast.

The story is well written, I saw no errors that were very obvious, nor small ones on a second go-round. Your scenes were set well, but having served in a confined space (underway on a submarine for 70 days at a time), I have to tell you that noise travels well, so Scott's first yell to Roh would most likely have been heard, even if a hatch had been closed between them.

While your story flowed well, it did leave me with at least one question. If the Bouth Republic could send both the cube and the Avatar to the space station, why couldn't it be recalled? I do have one comment for you that you may want to consider, should you decide to edit this.

1. They didn't look like any equipment he was aware of aboard the space station. Again, I will draw on my past for this next statement. I can guarantee you that Scott would know every detail of the space stations contents/equipment, there would be no doubt in his mind that the cube and cylinder did not belong there.

A very good story, I would love to have seen it a bit longer, but I do think lengthening it would not necessarily make it better.

Sum1

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378

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14 days may be credited.

#4410886

Review of The Ghost

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Sean,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your NINTH WDC Anniversary!

This is pretty good, the ending sealed it for me. I would love to have this have a consistent rhyme scheme to it, but that would be your choice of course.

Be careful using the same word consistently, it can distract a reader. You used 'that' in each of the last three lines. In the fourth verse, last line, I think if you add the word 'an' before abyss, it would help a bit. Interesting poem, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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379

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14 days may be credited.

#4410381

Review of Memories of Past

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Teresa,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your FIRST WDC Anniversary! Actually, running the Anniversary Reviews forum helps me know when it's someone's Anniversary, and of course I'd know yours, since you are the featured reviewer this month....

How can I find fault with this? Truer words cannot be written. It tears me up to know that someone I know (at least as well as I can know someone from being on a website with them) has the problems you have. I've had my share of financial problems, but nothing like yours. Nor have I ever been homeless.

I think your Father was a stingy man to not send money home consistently. Shame on him! I would go hungry and dress as a beggar before my family would! But I always say, "I'm just me, and this is how I am. I never expect anyone to be like me." But I do expect a man with a job to support his family properly. Enough ranting...

Well written, the story is heartbreaking, but lovely. Thank you for sharing, and Happy Anniversary!

P.S. I rarely give five star ratings....

This one deserves it.

Sum1

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380

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#4406995

Review of Australia Pics & Other Photos of Mine

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Maryann,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

First, I couldn't let your Anniversary slip by without sending you a review. Second, as Sum1 with 174 photo's in his photo album on WDC, I felt it only right that I send you a review of this!

I was in Melbourne in 2004, but took few photos. I had just started digital photography that year, and was still new to it. Not a great camera, not a lot of memory to store photos in. Still, my photo's are near as captivating as yours! I love the photo of the Tram, I've been on a couple, and love them. The flying foxes of Sydney make an interesting photo also, but the one that tops the collection, is that last photo in it, the one of you! Very cool!

Sum1

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381

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14 days may be credited.

#4406392

Review of U.A. Flight 93

Review by Sum1

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Shannon
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

This will be short because I want no GP's for this review. Absolutely fantastic! I would not change one word. Thank you for sharing, for allowing me to read it.

Sum1

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382

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#4406378

Review of Evil Teacher

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Kaie,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary!

Wow,your 13^th Anniversary celebrated on Friday the 13^th!

This is very cute, I loved the teacher eating their words at the end! While the rhythm is a little off in places, the story you tell is very good. It's not really easy to come up with four lines that rhyme in one verse and still relate a decent story. You did quite well here, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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383

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14 days may be credited.

#4406052

Review of The Legend Of The Phantom Of The Hallows

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Shishad,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11^th WDC Anniversary!

Your story is very good, but I was wishing it would scare me more. I can't write horror worth beans, but love reading it. I think providing more details about your main character's death would have helped. A few more details during the trial would have really enhanced the story. What I mean is, details about the crimes Nathan and Jamie committed. It was all glossed over, and you could have added details without making it too gross or too full of sex for most people. Maybe you wanted to keep it rated E though, and that's the reason. But you can't really have an excellent horror story and keep it rated E.

A nice read though, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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384

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#4404141

Review of Take That, Ya Punx!

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Whiskers,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7^th WDC Anniversary!

I really liked this story, told from Phil's view. It is cute, cleverly written, and flows well. Loved the idea of Phil being a muse, affecting the artists concepts of him. The link at the bottom was excellent. I've been through Punxatawney, but was hurrying home to Illinois, and didn't have time to stop for a visit. I tried to look for small errors, but got caught up in the read, and failed to do so. Nothing obvious jumped out at me though, so it's easy to see it's well written. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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385

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#4399967

Review of Aston and the Astrotravel Bureau

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Lezismore
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3^rd WDC Anniversary!

This is very cute. I hope you found a dialog only contest and entered this! The dialog really carried this, as did your use of Astrology to emphasize who was compatible, who could do what, etc. I loved the circle he was in when it came to purchasing his ticket. Having to press CSP first, but wouldn't know that until he'd purchased his ticket... I see the future is no different than today, huh!

I did see one very minor thing you may want to look at, should you choose to edit this.

1. If it’s all the same to you I think I might just flag it and try rent a craft instead.” You need the word 'to' between try, and rent. Or, change rent to renting.

An enjoyable read, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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386

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#4398895

Review of An Unexpected Santa

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Jill,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

I find stories like this to be so special. You meet someone you never expected to meet, and learn they are really someone special. Your story made me look this man up using Google; I was surprised and pleased to learn he did exist, and was the 'King of The Hoboes'!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maurice_W._Graham

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/23/us/23graham.html...

I have to confess, this is a person I'd love to have met, and had a cup of coffee with. Your story made him very interesting to me; I could see why toddlers would flock to his side. What an amazing man he must have been. I hope you still have that autograph. It's something I'd never get rid of intentionally. This is well written, loved the story you told. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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387

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#4397103

Review of Thoughts on Eternal Damnation etc.

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey KMH,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7^th WDC Anniversary!

This is an interesting article, and sort of follows the theme of a story I read long ago. Well, it doesn't follow it really, but it's a bit like it in my eyes. In the story, a man died, but was resuscitated. However, he 'woke' screaming', begging them to let him die, saying he has already spent his time in hell. So, 'living' on Earth is really being in Hell. Dying is having served your time, and being allowed to rise to Heaven. I agree with your idea, and wonder what's really there for us when we die. Well written, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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388

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14 days may be credited.

#4394383

Review of Alien Sock Robbers

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Bianca,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary!

This is a cute story about aliens who take your knitting to keep them warm. At first it was a pair of socks, then it was a note from them asking for help with baby items. Are you sure they were aliens, and not just ordinary thieves?

You have this listed as sci-fi and craft, but I think you should add comedy to it. It's a little funny, and very cute. At least I found humor in it.

A little of your dialog seems a little off, but considering you're from The Netherlands and English is not your native tongue, you've done well. So I won't comment on that.

As far as comedy goes, I loved the part about your children wondering what you were doing when you placed all the small items in a laundry basket on the table and left them there. If I was one of them, I'd have thought 'Mom's lost it!'...

You let us hanging with your ending, but I loved it. Fit in the story, and makes us wonder if they ever returned. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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389

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#4393612

Review of Down The Rabbit Hole

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Intuey!
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15^th WDC Anniversary!

An excellent take on a life after death experience.... I loved this, but found I want to know more about what happened to your main character. It sounds like she may have had an asthma attack or something similar.

I really liked the reference to the rabbit hole and how your character fell into it. Her guardian angel was nice, but the grandfather was the key for me. It seemed you sent her back far too soon though, at least for me. I would like to have seen her meet more from her past, more of her family. Just a thought....

Your character's return to the 'real' world was excellent and well paced. And the topper of it all, was the last paragraph. Excellent! Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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390

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#4392029

Review of Twas the Night Before NaNo 2017

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Amy,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11^th WDC Anniversary!

I love taking a famous verse and putting my own words to it. Love it when someone else does it too, and does it well, which you've done here. The flow of this is very good, the rhyme scheme spot on. At first, I thought the rhythm was a little off in a couple of places, but second reading revealed the truth.

The rhythm is 11 syllables per line for the most part, but never varying by more than one syllable from that. For me, that's almost perfect for a poem not following a strict structure, like a Kyrielle.

I also loved the theme of this, getting ready for Nanowrimo. I've never participated in Nano, mainly because I know I cannot type that many words consistently each day, unless I have something planned out. Maybe when I retire I can sit back and do it, we'll see. A well written poem with a nice flow, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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391

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#4391400

Review of A little Tale

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Tmy,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

This is an excellent start to a story, but you need to finish it!

I love the idea of a Phoenix, bursting to flames, then rising from ashes. You portray it well, but left me wondering why it chose to land on the windowsill near the small boy, only to burst into flames, its ashes scattering in the breeze. Excellent start, but then you left us high and dry, with no real completion to the story. I have one comment on it too, other than it needs to be completed. It's at the end, when you write, "(2 b contd). That is very amateurish, very inane. If I may make a suggestion, at the beginning of the story, tell the reader that it's a work in progress. It will come across to most reader much better.

Sum1

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392

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#4391332

Review of The God Complex

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17^th WDC Anniversary!

I really enjoyed this story! Your plot/storyline was a little new, at least it had a new twist. The flow was good, and your descriptions of President Anderson made me dislike him from the start! But liking or disliking a character means you've done well in writing about them, good job there!

I did think your early descriptions of President Andersen were a bit over the top. It was almost like you felt the need to get these out of the way early, so you could concentrate on telling the story. It would be better to bring them out gradually as you relate the story.

Though I enjoyed the story quite a bit, it is rife with misspellings and inconsistencies. I've noted them below in general comments.

Title:  Excellent for this story.

Description:  Very good, it drew me in to read this.

Grammar:  This needs quite a bit of work. I've noted things I saw in General Comments below.

General Comments:

1. He imagined the new problems such a role would bring with it and the new tones of voice required to explain his new initiatives to a sceptical public. Sceptical should be skeptical.

2. 'Mr. President? The Olivegrians are ready now.' Some intern said. Later in the story, you call them Oliverians. Which is it really?

3. The crowd were stunned into silence now, something Anderson had never thought he'd see in the Press Gang. Were should be was. If you wanted to use were, then crowd should be crowds.

4. He liked this guy's Style. Style should not be capitalized.

5. 'Questions will be answered later after we have had chance to brief our friends to the way our free press works.' He said. There's a small edit needed here. You left our the word the or a, between had chance. 'Questions will be answered later after we have had the chance to brief our friends on the way our free press works.' He said. Also, friends on, not friends to.

6. Lux forged on; aware he may have unintentionally offended his host. Earlier, the President called the alien Ux. If he had said his name was Uxel, there is no way the President would risk alienating a new relationship by shortening the name, even if he is a Southern S.O.B. And in this sentence, you call him Lux, another changing of the alien's name....

7. There was a whole universe of profits out there to be exploited and he was sure his big business backers, despite their protestations of religiosity, would rather loose God than loose a buck. Loose should be lose. The sentence does not make sense as written using the word loose twice. You use loose a few more times throughout the story.

8. believers simply would not want to be cured even if we could do it. Believers should be capitalized since it's the start of a new sentence.

Overall impressions:  An interesting story, it makes one stop and think. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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393

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14 days may be credited.

#4391144

Review of Fairy Place Ballad

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Melizabeth,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17^th WDC Anniversary!

For being written while in high school, this is very good. I like the flow of it, and especially the story it relates. But while I like the poem, I think it could benefit from a little bit of editing TLC. If I may offer a couple pieces of advice on it.

1. Center the poem on the page. A short poem like this would look better centered. Just an opinion.

2. You use the word 'always' five or six times in this poem. Again, being so short, it really calls attention to the word, and detracts from the read. Three out of four lines in one verse is definitely a bit much.

A good poem that just needs a little tweaking to allow it to be stronger, and stand out from others.

Sum1

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394

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#4389543

Review of The Dreamer

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Dreambeliever
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17^th WDC Anniversary! WOW!! SEVENTEEN Years!

This is a pretty short story, but you warned us in your description that it was short. I love the images you paint in the readers mind as the story unfolds. It can be a bit hard to follow though, because you mention reality in several instances. An example, is the second paragraph the flame flickers in reality, but then her dream creates a reality of its own. Your last line also includes a reference to a reality, so I was left asking which was the actual reality. Not a big issue really, but it could be confusing to some.

This is good story of a dream; it can really make you think about things....

Sum1

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395

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#4387914

Review of Elizabeth Sends Her Love

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hey Dragonbane,
Thank you for requesting a review of this story. I only hope my comments can help you improve this if improvement is needed.

This is a good story about a ghost hunter hired to investigate a haunted house.
Tom became a ghost hunter after losing his wife to cancer about five years previously. The flow and dialog work well to help the story flow. Your descriptions of the house and Eleanor were excellent. However, there are a few things you might want to consider, should you decide to edit this.

Title:  Excellent, I love the title, it fits the story well.

Description:  You have 90 characters to use here, give a reader a little more description about this. After all, your genre's already tell the reader that it's 'Ghost'and 'Supernatural'.

Grammar:  Your grammar is good, but your use of punctuation and run on sentences make this a laborious read at times. I will point out a couple instances of those below.

My Favorite Part:  The end, it fits, and makes one think a little.

General Comments:

1. You tend to use run-on sentences quite a bit. Most could be broken into two or more, some just need comma's to help them out. Here's an example. Tom looked around as he set his equipment down, the room was a large sitting come dining room, an eight sitter dining table stood in the middle of the room at the side wall a hearth with a log fire burned. This should be broken into at least three separate sentences. Here's an example of a modified form of the sentence. Tom looked around as he set his equipment down. The room was a large sitting room that merged into the dining room. The middle of the dining room was dominated by dining table that would seat eight. On one side wall, a hearth with a log fire burned.

2. Look at comma usage. There are numerous places where comma's are needed to break up a sentence.

3. Look at your use of quotation marks. There's at least one sentence that needs closing quotation marks. Additionally, this section really needs to be broken into several sentences. ‘What kind of manifestation is it you have been having, I mean is it rattling chains noises apparitions that sort of thing? Tom asked he couldn’t quite keep the scepticism from his voice; he hoped Eleanor hadn’t noticed she was a very gracious hostess and charming company. Here's my thoughts on this paragraph. "What kind of manifestation have you been having, I mean is it rattling chains, noises, apparitions? I'm just looking for a little more information here is all." Tom asked. He couldn’t quite keep the skepticism from his voice, something he hoped Eleanor hadn’t noticed. She was a very gracious hostess and charming company. You'll notice I changed it to double quotation marks instead of single (this usage depends on what part of the world you're from, and which grammar rules you adhere to), changed the spelling on skepticism (again, depends on which 'version' of English you use, and added comma's and other punctuation as needed. Kindly use punctuation as you would for your area of the world.

4. Your segue from Tom seeing the note from Eleanor to him being on the motoroway is a bit abrupt. There's no mention of him leaving the house, his thoughts on seeing the note from Eleanor that mentions his wife, etc. I would think that seeing that note would move him to tears, causing him to sit down momentarily and reflect on things.

Overall impressions:  A nice ghost story. Not scary really, but I don't think it's meant to be. It does need a little editing TLC. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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396

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14 days may be credited.

#4387763

Review of Mystery of an Old Photograph

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Jeannie,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7^th WDC Anniversary!

This is a heartwarming story of a lost photograph, and how Jacqueline and Rhonda find the owner, and help her locate her birth family. The flow is good, but some of the dialog seems a little disjointed at times. Don't get me wrong, it's good, the dialog just doesn't seem realistic at times. Then again, as I read it, I got the impression it would be a nice children's story too. You don't have it listed as one, but it could be. I'd say it's more of a juvenile story though, not a true children's story.

You kind of jump into the story with Jacqueline finding the photograph on the street. It's not until a bit later that we learn Jackie and Rhonda work together at the local newspaper. A little background might help here. You may have written this for a contest, and were under a word count limit. Or maybe you just didn't consider providing a background for them. It's not a necessity, just something I thought would help.

There are a few things you might want to look at though, should you consider editing this. I've listed what I saw below....

General Comments:

1. Okay, is it Allen Wiese, or Alan Wiese? You use both versions of Alan/Allen in the story.

2. "I have to say, I was quite a surprise and shocked to see our family's picture in The Daily Star! Surprise should be surprised.

3. Rhonda hung up, then punched in Jackie's number. This part confused me at first, because I didn't remember a Jackie being in the story. Then I remembered one of your characters was named Jacqueline. You might want to consider mentioning that Rhonda calls her Jackie at times....

4. Early on in the story, R.L. Knight tells Jacqueline how still the children sat for the mysterious photo, later one when Susan, Rhonda, & Jacqueline meet with Emily and Alfred, Emily tells them that their mother took the picture, then followed that with a trip to a beach and ice cream. So, who snapped the photo?

5. Jacqueline go up with Rhonda following suit. I think go should be got.

This is a good story, with a nice flow to it. It does flow fast, then again, it is a short story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

397

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4383833

Review of INTO THE BONEYARD

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Bear,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10^th WDC Anniversary!

I like stories that make you think. And while this one didn't get me really thinking, I enjoyed the flow of it. I had a good suspicion where you were going with this, but that didn't stop me from enjoying it.

The story flows well, but you might want to look at your dialog some. There are points where it's unclear who is talking. The part highlighted below is one, and the paragraph right after it also. Some of your descriptions about Tracy and Billy leaving in the car seemed a bit off too. I don't want to pick it apart, I liked the story too much to do that. But look at it with a critical eye, you'll see what I'm talking about.

1. Perhaps he was more mature then the others or just more streetwise. Then should be than.

2. "The graveyard silly: you never heard it called that? She was making fun of Billy intentionally so as to not give up the control she had over him. That's what we call it from where I am from." This is two episodes of dialog from Tracy, with a short sentence in between. You're missing closing quotation marks on the first line, and opening quotation marks on the second.

Overall, it was a nice read on a dark morning.... thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

398

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4378613

Review of For Love of Money (2nd Place)

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Bill,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8^th WDC Anniversary!

I love Flash Fiction, I wish I wrote more of it. This one is excellent, you had me thinking along one train of thought, but you took it on another. The twist at the end is excellent, and just shows how technology can cause people to do things they probably wouldn't otherwise do. At least I hope so.

In reading your description, I thought George's grandson was a small child. Just goes to show what an assumption can do, huh. I loved the flow of this. Sometimes, flash fiction can seem to run too fast, the author trying to put too much in so few words. This one was excellent. However, I did see one small thing you may want to look at, should you consider editing this.

1. Jayden fidgeted with his blue tooth ear attachment. I think Bluetooth is one word....

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

399

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4375156

Review of Autumnal Awakening

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Nicola,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11^th WDC Anniversary!

I have to admit, you had me wondering where this was going, and it kept me reading. But that's the point then, right? Get the reader to reader it completely, and enjoy it. I did both.

Well written, the plot was good, the flow a bit slow at times, but it needed to be in my opinion. We've all been in a rut, where we can't write, or maybe our must is sitting silently letting us pine the days away. Mine is doing that right now, with a long story (book/novel?) that I started. Real life, in the form of work and just being me hasn't helped either.

I think the thing about this story, is that it teaches us once again, to think outside the box. Write something we've not written, start a new project, do anything, as long as it's a writing task!

Maybe I can work on something new, we'll see. Anything is better than technical writing, or sending reviews. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

400

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4374862

Review of A Night at The Circus

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Pennywise
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

With a name like Pennywise, and being a big Stephen King fan, I had to stop by to wish you a Happy WDC Anniversary, and see if you wrote horror at all. I wasn't disappointed.

A good story, good premise, but for me, the plot flowed too fast. I would like to have learned more about Beverly, more interaction between her and Karamazov. But then, I didn't write this, huh.

If I may offer a couple of suggestions though, in case you want to lengthen it a little. First, a little more with Beverly. The initial interview, her feeling troubled by Karamazov's answers, perhaps a second and third interview. The PI is brought in by her to watch over her, because she's fearful. A third interview and it picks up where you have it now. Just a little build up is all. But, that might ruin the quickness of this, how it flows so fast and well.

I did see one time though, where you spelled Karamazov as Karamzov. Intentional? It's at the end, as the zombie Karamazov's are dancing towards him as he fires the Ruger....

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .