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3,276 Public Reviews Given
3,324 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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376
376
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Dorianne,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a cute poem about a caterpillar's metamorphosis to a butterfly. The rhyming is good, but the rhythm really suffers a bit. Some lines are pretty long syllable wise, while others are short compared to those. It did take away from the read a little too, but it didn't stop me from enjoying it. There are a couple of minor things you may want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. And began his home of refuge, from birds who'd seek a pray. As written, it seems like the birds would seek to say a prayer. What you meant was prey, the caterpillar being their prey, or dinner.

2. To the music of the garden, that was the sweetest of lullabies. To me, this line should be lullaby's. Lullabies implies multiple lullaby's being heard, where lullaby's seems to be what you meant, the sweetest lullaby he could hear. Is that enough lullabies for you????


         As I said, a cute poem to enjoy, especially children. Thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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377
377
Review of Weather Cat  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Typingrhyme,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         This is pretty cute and makes an excellent story if true. *Smile* (Not that I'm doubting your word).

         I think it would love much better centered on the page though. Also, it would be nice to see a little more contrast between the major storm, and Mariah being calm. What about a 'minor' storm? Does she not get upset at all? I think it would be the change in the air pressure that she'd detect, so a decent storm would set her off. My whole point in that comment, is that you devote three verses to her actions when a storm is coming, and only one to when she's calm. Does she do this only for major storms, or a storm of any kind? Maybe she's not so upset by smaller storms, but is still not quite herself. Know what I mean? A little more contrast would really help this stand out from others.

         A nice poem, good flow and rhyme. Thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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378
378
Review of Stake Deal  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Metu,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         A Haiku (or Robert Kelly Lune) is so difficult to write. Well, I should qualify that by saying, to write well. With only 13 syllables to work with here, it can be daunting to write something that makes sense. You've done well here overall, but I have to say, it doesn't fit the 5/3/5 format. The last line has six syllables. Foul play-ers will cast out. I think that being from Tarawa-Kiribati area of the world, maybe you pronounce players with one syllable. But it's really two. However, if you just drop the word 'will', it still makes sense, and meets the required format. Just a personal comment here too. I think the last line would be better worded as 'Good players cash out". The reason is that a good player would cash out once the game was finished, whereas a bad player would quit due to lack of funds....

         This is a cute poem, thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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379
379
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hey Lexi,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         How could I not review something that raised funds for a forum so close to my heart? I always thought this was a wonderful, generous thing you ran, and could not believe the amount of GP's raised. It's something I'll never forget, and always hold close to my heart.... Speaking of auctions, I'll be running my first one next month to help the Power Reviewers Group. Look for it soon, right now it's under wraps... *Smile*

         Thank you for running this, you won't believe how much this affected me. I hope you are well, and living life happily.





Sum1

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Review of Girl Watching  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hey Jace,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         I see we have something in common. I feel the same about a girl's (I prefer woman's) walk, and the way their derriere moves. And yes, a bigger woman, a plus size one, is much more desirable than a thin one any day of the week!

         What I find the hardest to do, is concentrate at work when I see one. Teaching classes as I do, I sometimes get female students. Not many, since radio's don't interest a lot of women. Still, it's tough to deliver a class, or take a break and not look stupid when one walks away. Another thing though, is little quirks they may have. For some, it's a smile. Others, the way they twirl their hair. Not like a young girl, but a woman who absentmindedly does it while thinking. Yet the over-riding attraction is how their posterior looks, especially when walking. And if it's thin, no cheeks at all, forget about it....


         Interesting article, I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing.




Sum1

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381
381
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Giselle,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         There is no way the month of May can go by without me sending you a little bit of love, in the form of an Anniversary Review!Trinket addict, I appreciate anything to do with these little things, and I'm not sure why. Why I'm addicted to them, etc....

         I've collected all of yours, except for the ones I don't qualify for, like "I write in December-January-February" one. I love that you explain a little about them, much as I do with mine.

         Giselle, you are quite special to this wonderful site, I hope you know that. Continue spreading the love and the writing encouragement. Maybe one day I will qualify for that one Trinket too! (As soon as I get the writing bug back, right now it's on hiatus.) Thank you for sharing, and for all you do.




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Review of Fluffy  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Kittiara,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         I really enjoyed this small pure dialog story. The comedy genre fits it perfectly. Fluffy huh. Typical of parents not to believe a child about something like this.

         Not sure what all to say about this, it's good, well written, and very enjoyable. Really enjoyed the dialog only. It's so hard to tell a story in dialog alone, and you did well with this. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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Review of "UNGH!"  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Angus,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         You and I have the same love of horror, except I don't (can't?) write it. I do love a good horror story, and this one is very good. I loved the twist involving the new drug Constrictorcin. Very Stephen King-esque shall we say. A little short but I'm not sure how you would make this much longer, and being written for a contest, I bet you were under a character limit.

         The only thing about this, is two brothers doing this to each other, holding a grudge. Then again, I've seen a lot worse in my time really. Sometimes, blood isn't thicker than water. But you left me wondering what Mike was going to do with Jill.... He's killed his wife and brother, Jill is a witness. Would he poison her too, or did the two of them have a liaison you didn't mention?

         Well done here, thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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384
384
Review of The Walk  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hey Susan,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         Your story caught me in the first paragraph, and wouldn't let go. Karen's plight is like so many others in the world. Caught up in every day living, doing what needs to be done, with little to show for it. Her walk was stupendous, long, arduous, and necessary. It helped clear her mind and sort of bring her back to reality. Then Carl arrived, and the story skewed a little. Still excellent it still held me, but I wondered where it was going. And of course, I found out. *Smile* I wanted to read more, to learn that her husband and children appreciated her after realizing what they almost lost.

         This is well written, flows very well as you might tell from my comments. If I may make one small suggestion, and it's a suggestion only, I am not noting a deficiency here. Carl couldn't have been fired, or shall I say, he would have a prefect case for a lawsuit against them, and he would win. No question about it, and I'm not even a lawyer.... He would have been laid off, not fired. In order for the plant management to fire him, he would have to have done something illegal, or against their rules and regulations. But if the plant outgrew him, if they no longer needed his services because they were outdated or archaic, then they could lay him off, and be justified in doing so. Of course, they would have to pay his unemployment wages through the state, but it could be done. Long explanation, sorry I took so long to do that.

         Overall, this is an excellent story. Thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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385
385
Review of Deserted island  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hey Maryann,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         I bet this was an interesting one to write, and fun in a way. There were several things I found interesting too, as well as a few that made my jaw drop. The jaw dropping was due to my technical background though, not your writing.

         This is well written, flows well, and entertaining. I myself would love to find an island like this, but doubt I'd survive long, lol. I'm not an outdoors-man at all, but am a quick learner. Sadly, in a situation like this, on a deserted island, I'd probably learn the hard way.

         Here are my comments on things I read/saw in the story that you may want to look at.

1. Early on, you seem to change tenses in the story. An example would be the second paragraph. Lara, twenty four years old, still danced on her tip toes when she gets excited just as she did when she was a little girl. Danced is past tense of course, where gets is present tense. A simple changing of gets to got would correct this very minor comment.

2. Your deserted island sounds a bit like a Gilligan's Island. *Smile* Storms move across the oceans frequently, so it seems that the 'perfect setup' of the camp would not be perfect after a few months. Remember what I said about my technical background? *Frown* At times, it makes it hard to read something and just go with the story. Even harder watching movies.

3. A radio? In the middle of an ocean on a deserted island? Maybe if you specified it being a satellite radio that received XM or Sirius, I could believe it. But if this island is that deserted, that unknown, I doubt there would be a signal strong enough on any frequency for them to receive.

4. I liked the Nuclear War idea, I could see that happening. But the nuclear missiles you described being launched would (could) not intercept other ICBM (Inter-Continental Ballistic Missiles). They are ICBM's themselves, and designed to deliver a payload to a target. I know, I know. Did I mention my technical background? *Smile* Sometimes it really pisses me off, my background that is....


         I liked the story, the flow, the idea of it all. Just this technical mentality gets in the way often.... Thank you for sharing.




Sum1

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386
386
Review of Ellipses Eclipsed  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hey Ben,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         Very short, very cute, and very original. Did I use too many very's there? *Smile* I started using ellipses in chat a long while ago, and am slowing breaking the habit. I think ellipses get a bad rap, for no reason at all. Oh well, I don't make the rules.

         Nice work here, thank you for sharing.





Sum1

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Review of A Winter Morning  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         I am not sure what to think of this, to be honest. It's well written, but lacks what I would call depth. Of course, being as short as it is, it's hard to build it much, hard to bring in that depth. I don't know if you're old enough to have read them, but this reminds me a bit of a series of books for children from the 1950's and 60's, Dick and Jane. They were used to teach us to read back then, and flowed much like this. That's a compliment by the way. *Smile* I liked it, but felt it could have been a bit better. Perhaps if you applied the genre children's to this, it would help readers know what to expect.




Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey BubblegumJones,
         I think this item is fantastic! I say item, because it's not really a review. If it was a review, someone else's work would be the topic of it. This is an article about reviewing, but excellent just the same.

         You don't seem to know how to embed things here on WDC, so if I may, how about a quick lesson? You mentioned many people on WDC who have sent you reviews, but when you did, you used their 'handle'. A handle is what is displayed for a persons name, and can change often. Mine is usually simply 'Sum1', but it does change some around the holidays. An example would be the first person you mention, Dr. MC Gupta. That's his handle, and his doesn't change often either. If you want people to know you've recognized them though, you need to use Writing.com ML (Meta Language, I think). This tags the person, and they get a notification that you've tagged them. So, for Dr. Gupta, you would type the following. {Suser:mcgupta44}, brackets and all. The 'S' at the start will show his suitcase, but if you want his complete name and more to display, just type {user:Mcgupta44}. In the first example, you would see Dr M C Gupta Author Icon, and in the second example, you would see Dr M C Gupta Author IconMail Icon. Small difference I know, but still. This example of their name is what is used to send a person an e-mail. So if you wanted to just send Dr. Gupta an e-mail, in the address bar, you would type mcgupta44@writing.com. *Smile* See, their e-mail address will probably never change, but their handle can. If you don't know a person's identity, simply hover your mouse over their name (not their suitcase). Their identity (e-mail address if you will) will pop up. If you wanted those you honored by mentioning them to automatically know of this article, simply change their name as it is now, to their handle, like I showed you for Dr. Gupta.

         I do think it's a shame that you've received so little reviews while sending so many. It's one of the reasons I'm reviewing this. Another way to be reviewed more, is join a group, or enter contests. I do little on the contest side now, I just don't seem to have time to write much right now, but I do affiliate my reviews with the Power Reviewers Group.

         Again, this is an amazing piece, made so by you mentioning each person how has reviewed you in the past. By the way, when it says 'past member', that person has deleted their account with Writing.com. So when you see 'bobric', that was his/her e-mail address. I remember them, and most of the time, they went by Bobric.

P.S. I showed you how to tag someone by using brackets. To give you the example, I used double brackets on both ends. This allows the person receiving the tag or e-mail to see what they need to type. If you want to know more about embedding things, let me know. I would be happy to help.




Sum1

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389
389
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Sairyn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         I really like children's stories, but find them hard to write, and read. I think I'm getting too old in my thoughts and such. This is well written, has a good flow that a child between five and ten years old would like. The dialog was good for that age group I think. Of course I would have liked to see more depth to this, more development of the characters and the story. But then, it wouldn't be suitable for a child, huh! *Smile* Well done with this, thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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Review of Quick-Draw Woody  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hey Sharon,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         Ahhhh, the things men will do for fun when they are young, have guns available, & the testosterone's flowing in their blood. I've never had much to do with guns, but I did qualify as a Marksman while in the Navy. *Smile*

         This flows well, I liked your dialog and the references to how it was back in the early 70's. I can't imagine how hot it was, all the while trying to help Woody get back to the car. You know, in today's world, 280 doesn't seem all that heavy (and far more than I weigh). But try moving that when it's essentially a dead weight. I've been to Fort Lauderdale a few times on business, and have ventured a little ways out on Alligator Alley, but never all that far. Of course you chose to take Woody to Naples, fifty-fifty chance and all that..... You know what I mean. Enjoyable read, thanks for sharing.




Sum1


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391
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Review of Shipwrecked  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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Hey
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         This is an interesting story you've written for the contest. A bit if Robinson Crusoe, combined with Swiss Family Robinson at the end. It flows well, but lacks a bit in details at points. The dialog is good, a little strained at times, but good overall.

         There are several places of incorrect wording or misuse of the English language. I've detailed them below. One of the biggest concerns I had with this, was the lack of detail at the start. Two men stranded on an island. They didn't seem to know each other, so how did both get there? Were they on a cruise ship that sank in the storm? A smaller vessel than a cruise ship? My other major concern with this, is that Derek seemed to have a lot of energy for someone who just woke after being stranded on a desert island. He climbed a coconut tree and knocked some off for example. This would imply they weren't at sea all that long after the ship sank. The proof is in the pudding, or the devil's in the details, both old sayings. You leave a lot out, causing the reader to assume a lot of things. My last concern, was at one moment he's just finished sharpening a bamboo stick, the next they are eating fish, then suddenly they hear females giggling. You may have been under a word count limit when you wrote this, but that's long gone I bet, so tell us more!



1. With my eyes still shut, I tried to take in my senses and get my barrings. Barrings should be bearings. You did this on at least two occasions.

2. He still looked drawn, salt staining is day growth of beard. Is should be his.

3. As he hammered his way in, I could feel my stomach rise and weave wanting something to calm the ache that gripped the tender lining. First, you need a comma after weave. Secondly, have you ever tried to crack a coconut? It's a lot harder than it seems it should be.

4. Talking fell away as well concentrated our energies on moving and searching. It seems that well should be we.

5. Where ever we were, it was no doubt night would come quickly and press us back into blackness. Where ever should be one word. Wherever.

6. “We’re you in that storm the other night?” We're should be Were, since We're is a contraction, two words combined together to make one. As written, without the apostrophe, it would read, "We are you in that storm the other night?"


         Overall, it was a pleasant read, and I did like it, despite my comments. Thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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392
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Review of The One for Me  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hey NoMonster
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         I really liked this story of yours! I liked the idea behind the plot, your thoughts, the dialog, everything. Except one thing. The formatting. When you look at it, the story only covers half the page, the other half is blank. It looks like you used hard returns half way through a line. I have to say though, that you were consistent in this, and I wonder if it was intentional? Intentional in that on one side you have the story (or main characters life), and the other side, emptiness (your main characters life without Emma and the children). If that's the case, sheer genius for the idea, but you might want to explain at the end, as an afterthought to the story, why it's formatted as it is. This will keep people like me from commenting on it, and asking why.

         Excellent story overall, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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Review of The Swings  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Tracey,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14th WDC Anniversary!

         This story is a bit macabre in nature, but it was a little bit of a shock to reach the end like that. It was flowing so nicely, kids happy and all, then that truck came on the scene. As I always do when something is written in the first person, I have to wonder how this came to be written, since you were killed in the swings. Just the way my mind works....

         Was this originally a poem? It has a lyrical, rhyming quality to it as you read parts of it. Some of your grammar usage is off it seems. That, or some of your sentences are a little bit run-on. Example: The man running the swings pulled the lever hard, but nothing could stop this swing, where it was swinging.

         A couple of things for you on this though. In the last full paragraph, your second line reads "The soldered, silver chains, linked nice and tight." The word welded, not soldered should be used. If those chains were only soldered, your swing would have flown off on its own since solder isn't strong enough for that kind of stress. There are a couple other things you might want to consider, should you decide to edit this.


1. Now you know the story of my swing, and why they're are more waiting . . . waiting . . . waiting for me to fill them, forever more. You don't need they're coupled with are. They're are is they are are...

2. It flew higher and faster than I'd believe. Remove the apostrophe, and it reads, It flew higher and faster than I had (would, could also be substituted in place of had) believe. It just doesn't read right to me is all.

3. One of those huge trucks was visiting the park, there for deliveries, were the remarks. I don't understand using 'were the remarks' in this sentence.


         Overall though, I thought this was very nice. The end is a little shocking, intended to be I am sure, but a little shocking nonetheless. Well done, thank you for sharing!



Sum1



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Hey Mumsy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         I can't write something 55 words in length, lol. I always end up with more. I once wrote a short story, intending it to be 300 words in length so it could be flash fiction. Uh huh. 1000 words. *Smile*

         You did very well in describing the sundae. Made my mouth water! Then you spoiled it all, and told me it was only in a magazine.... Still, very nice! Thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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Hey Elby,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         I found this to me more cute than threatening. *Smile* I know you intended it to be, based on your description of it, but I thought I'd tell you that you succeeded in that endeavor!

         The rhyme is very good, but like many of my poems, the rhythm is a little off in places. It wasn't a game breaker for me, just something I noticed. There was one line that is a little off in wording, just because of a word misplacement, at least in my opinion.

1. Both men of land and sea The way it is currently worded, there are only two men in your family. A slight change of wording says what I think you meant to say. Men of both land and sea


         I did enjoy reading this, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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Hey NJames
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         I'm a sap for beautiful prayer poetry, this one is very good. No, I'm not overly religious, nor do I attend church regularly. But there's something about a prayer poem that hits me....

         I really liked the repeated line, a refrain of sorts. I could see one on their knees, praying that the Lord knows their heart today. Yet I believe he knows our hearts every day, but in days like this one, you especially want him to know your heart. The flow is excellent, yet the rhythm is a little choppy. It ranges from eight syllables in most lines, to as few as five in at least one. This didn't throw me off too much though, often times words can sweep you away and help you ignore minor things like that. I did see a couple of things you may want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. Personal preference here, but center the poem on the page using WritingML.

2. Two lines use the word sweep in them. In a poem this short, it really stands out when you read it a second time, shortly after reading it the first time.

3. Yet hold in faith in faith remain This line seems to need a comma after the first usage of faith.


         Overall, it's a very enjoyable poem to read. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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Hey Magoo,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         I really liked this poem of yours. It flowed well, with a nice rhythm and rhyme to it. The abab rhyme scheme was consistent, as was the syllable count with each (8-6-8-6). My only comment on it, and this is not meant to be a detracting one, but more of a questioning one, is this. In the first verse you mention a young girl losing her father, seemingly overseas while serving his country. The rest of the poem is about the girl rescuing a dog that seemed to have been abandoned by its owner. It may be me having a gray hair moment here, but I don't see the connection in the last line, about the 'mom now understood'. Excellent poem, really enjoyed the read. I just didn't get the connection between the last line, and the content.




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Hey LadyOz,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         Sometimes, the best laid plans of mice and men just don't come through, huh. That's the moral I'd take from this story. Well told, well written.

         Being an American, I'd love to spend a night in the outback. But I think I'd like something a little freer or insects and frogs. I'm okay with most things, but you mentioned two things in your story that make my backbone turn to Jello. Spiders. Cockroaches. If we were a couple, you'd be the one killing them while I stood back and offered support.

         You described your honeymoon cottage well, but I think I would have demanded a full refund and left immediately. I'd rather sleep in a car, as uncomfortable as that is, than sleep there. The best thing of the whole adventure though, was the starry sky. I'm envious.

         Like I said before, well done, well written. Thank you for sharing.




Sum1

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Hey Joe,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         I really liked reading this monologue of yours, even if it is seven years old now. Your sense of humor shone through; I think you and I are a bit alike in some things. Like the questions you asked the store clerk at the sports store. I would bet he's much younger than you and I. Maybe you should have asked where the ping-pong paddles are. *Smile*

         The poem that ended this also gives insight into your personality. I'm not sure what the title 'Brass City' has to do with it over all, but it was still a pleasant read. The first verse threw me for a sec, then I realized how you probably pronounce Cheshire, and realized Cheshire is not pronounced like the cat in Alice in Wonderland. You came across as a warm spirit who has a true love of things around you, and other people. Thank you for sharing.




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Hey RatDog,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         This is one of those short things one writes that just sit there on their own. Not too long, no character development. But it tells a story very nicely if you ask me. You did well in mentioning the plagues and such, but I'm not sure Pandora's box contained those. I'm not sure what it contained to be exact, but I know it was called 'the evils of the world'. You wrote this though, so it can contain whatever your mind conjured for the story. Just an idea. Have it contain something different than the "same ol' plague" stuff. The evils of the world don't necessarily have to be the traditional stuff after all. How about gambling habits, or betraying friends, maybe even smoking, drinking, etc.... No telling where you could take it. *Smile* I did love your ending though, it fit perfectly. I did see one thing you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.



1. An the box looked old, really old, like maybe even ancient old. There's a 'd' missing at the end of the first word.




Sum1

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