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3,345 Public Reviews Given
3,393 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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451
451
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Bubblegum,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a very nice poem, but it relates such a sad story. It's a typical poem though, one we've all read many times in the past. While the story in it is pretty sad, the flow is a bit bumpy. What I mean by that, is the rhythm changes quite a bit throughout this poem. I'm not one who pounds the drum about every line needing the same syllable count, or one who thinks you have to have proper punctuation in each line, etc. But for a poem to really work and capture a reader, the rhythm or flow must be good. This one is okay. Let me show you, using a syllable count line by line.

13/13 14/12 15/14 13/14 14/15 14/12 16/14 15/17 15/18 15/16

         In looking at this you might say, "But Jim, the syllable count is pretty close line to line, it's fine." I agree. But it does flow from a low of 12 syllables to a high of 18, which is quite a lot. I think the biggest issue I see in this, is the wording. Many times in poetry, less is more, or better. If I may be so bold as to provide an example.

It's hard to comprehend or even try to understand (14 syllables)
why the Lord would take a life that now just began. (12 syllables)

         A minor edit yields this.

It's hard to comprehend or try to understand (12 Syllables)
how a life can be ended, one that just began. (12 syllables)

         It's not much, it's a rush on my part to provide an example. My suggestion it to just read this aloud. See how it flows, see if you stumble or falter as you read it. Is it smooth? Or do you find yourself pausing in the read to get the flow right.

         All in all, it's a nice poem. Thank you for sharing.





Sum1

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452
452
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Harper,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         You know, English was my worst subject in school. I could never wrap my head around all the rules of verbs, adverbs, pronouns, adjectives. The list endless if you ask me. *Headbang* I believe I'm a decent writer, and if you read anything of mine, I'm sure you will find plenty of errors in grammar or punctuation. There just seems to be a mental block when it comes to understanding all the nuances of the language.

         Your examples here are excellent, your point is nicely made. All it does for me is put my head in a spin.... *Smile* However, I do have a comment on this, about your formatting of it. The first two areas, where you provide examples of adjectives and adverbs appear to be indented. The rest of the article that provides examples does not use indentation. Was that on purpose? Just a question is all.

         Thank you for the examples, and helpful article. Most of all, thanks for sharing!



Sum1

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453
453
Review of Champ  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Pico,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         This is pretty cute, but are you sure Champ needed a firm hand? Maybe he was a comedian, and wanted to give everyone a laugh. *Smile*

         Seriously though, well written, flowed well. I haven't a clue about horses, so my comment above was meant in fun. If that was me, I'd need to have someone lead the horse by the reins to make sure I didn't fall off....

         I loved your alternate names for Champ, they were cute. I did have a hard time imagining how you took a tree trunk to both knees, and fell forward. Seems to me you'd have fallen backwards. Oh wait, never mind, I see it now. *Smile* I'd have laughed too, if I was still on my horse. But then, there would be that person holding the reins, leading it wherever we went, huh. Well done here, I do think you might want to add comedy to the heading though....




Sum1

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454
Review of Ode To My Horse  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hey Milkman,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         It is so tough to love an animal of any type, and have them pass all too soon. Four month's is not near long enough, but I can see that you loved this horse deeply. Non-ordinary or not, your love shines in this poem. I would prefer a rhyming poem, but I didn't write it, you did. *Smile* Though you didn't describe Midnight Flame for us, a reader's imagination can carry the poem, and help them see the horse you loved. I love this tribute; simple, but moving. Thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Fireexi,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         Y'know? I was about to tell you that this story was incomplete, I didn't understand where it was going, or what you were trying to say with it. After all, TDB seemed to meet a lot of people over this one day period, and none seemed to be connected. Then I came to the last paragraph, and that magnificent twist. Loved it! There is one minor thing that you might want to consider, should you decide to edit it.

1. At the point where the sheriff takes TDB off the table, you write, When the sheriff came back into the room where I was, I saw him take a lot of the money out of the bag that Jack had with him. Knowing TDB's true identity now, this seems a little off. You make it sound like TDB can walk, yet that's far from the truth. I know you were hiding his true identity, but still. It seems that you could word it in such a way that the Sheriff grabs him and makes him come with him. No need to delete that line, but you might want to re-word things a little. Here's a minor suggestion. The sheriff grabbed me; we left the room together went to the evidence room where one of his deputies was behind the counter. To me, this seems a more 'normal' flow, and still hides his identity.



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey J.A.,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, I really like this poem! I read it twice, then a third time out loud. It is even more beautiful when read aloud if you ask me. I can really relate to the scene you paint with your words. It would be nice to know more about the love the two of you shared, but that may be for another poem. I wouldn't touch this one. The format and wording are excellent.



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Nicola,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a rather unnerving story of madness and despair. But as you allude to in your description, is it really madness? Her description of what happened sounds like madness, but it could have been real. Things go on in this world that we can't explain, and science often refuses to accept.

         The flow of this is pretty good, but the doctor's reaction to the telling of the story seems almost unbelievable. Then again, you set this in 1942, our beliefs and attitudes were far different. I took issue when the doctor said, While you women are indeed prone to being excessively emotional.... But like I said, you placed this in 1942, things were far different. I did see a couple of very minor things you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.


1. While a hundred horrified thoughts somersaulted through her mind, Charlotte suddenly heard the jolt of the lock and felt her breaths quicken as the doorknob turned. Breaths should be breath.

2. Her breaths audible, Charlotte rubbed her recently freed wrists and focused her eyes on the third man in the room who seemed to be waiting patiently. Breaths should be breathing here. Her breathing audible....


         A disturbing, but very interesting story. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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458
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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         Well said, though you did tend to repeat yourself a few times. To me, the media today is more interested in 'making news', not reporting it. I've almost given up on them providing us with any real news. To make matters worse, they beat a story into the ground, until no one wants to hear it anymore. Thank you for sharing this.




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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Deborah,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         You provide some good information and advice with this article. I love using twisted endings myself. In fact, I have trouble writing something that doesn't have a twisted ending. *Smile*

         You did make one statement in this that I have to disagree with. You wrote There is one thing wrong with this ending however – it breaks a major rule in writing – always leave the reader happy. I disagree with this because one man has shown himself to be the master of twisting things, ending included. Stephen King. When you read one of his book or stories, you never know where it's going to end up. His endings are not always happy ones either. In fact, I think they reflect how things go in real life, instead of a fantasy life.

         Again, nicely done, good information and advice given with this.





Sum1

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460
460
Review of Gate 11A  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey Blake,
         Thank you for requesting a review of this, it's an honor to be asked that favor.

         This is well written, but I'm afraid you lost me somewhere. Don't get me wrong here, I'm grading this on how well it's written, but also on the story itself. The plot, the flow, its ability to keep a reader interested, the dialog. Everything that makes it a story that will stand on its own. And that's a small issue here.

         Every story has a beginning, a middle area where the plot is exposed, and an ending. If I'm correct, Paul is an alcoholic who spends time at the airport watching people. Why? You never let us know, but it's just a past time for him. He seems to smell bad, and must look awful. But the plot is lost on me. Paul seems to crave attention, but we aren't sure why. That may be your plot, but I have to confess, I fail to see how it will keep other readers really interested. Though it has been rated ten times already, so someone's been reading/rating it. Here's a few things I saw that could have made this a little better.

1. Your story does a lot of telling, very little showing. What I mean is, you tell us about his 'bottle', his desire to be noticed. But you don't expound on it, don't show us how he got this way. When you 'show', you pull a reader in emotionally, making them not want to put the story down. So show us by describing things. Paul refers to 'the bottle', blames it for a lot of things, but misses it when its gone. What's in the bottle? It seems it would be alcohol, especially based on the ending of the story. What kind of alcohol? A lot of alcoholics have a drink they prefer, and stick to that. Gin? Vodka? Whiskey? Tequila? You get the idea. So describe what he keeps in there, tell us why he loves that particular one. Maybe something in his past. What drove him to drink in the first place?

2. He also seems to have a bit of a mental issue. What type? Has he ever been diagnosed by a Psychiatrist? Has he been to counseling? How did he get to this point in his life?

3. He bought a bagel at Einstein Brothers Bagels. What kind? He threw it at a boy thinking that would get him attention. It did, but the wrong kind of attention. Why does he desire attention? What in his past caused him to live alone, to become alcoholic, to exist instead of live?

4. One thing that sticks with me about the story, is you have him positioned at Gate 11A. You're from Houston, so you may know that in the United States, you can't get past security without a boarding pass. So how is it that Paul was able to get to Gate 11A? He would never have gotten there without that little piece of paper.


         Again, decent story, well written, but lacking in depth. I think that's my major issue with this. I read it, and don't think I know Paul at all, and never felt a connection to him.





Sum1

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Review of love rips  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey King Arpod,
         You asked me to take a look at this, and I'm only too happy to oblige. Thank you for asking, it's always an honor to be asked to review something.

         I'm sorry sir, but I can't rate this as high as I'm sure you would like me to. I will start by saying that while I really like the premise behind this story, it needs a lot of work. There are several basic things in this that need attention, each would allow this excellent grades from future reviewers. I see it has a 4.5 star average rating; I always try to be honest in my reviews, ratings, and comments, and there's no way I could rate it that high.


Title:  I'm not sure how this ties in with the overall story.



Description:  A description is meant to entice readers in to read this. Tell them a little bit about this to do so! It may have been written just for fun, but will that really attract readers?



Grammar:  Your grammar usage needs some work. If I may, here's a couple of examples to show you what I mean.

1. A panache plop, echoes from his toe tapping foot. First, you don't need a comma after plop. Secondly, I'm not sure you know the meaning of the word Panache. I had a good idea of it, but looked it up to be sure.

         a grand or flamboyant manner; verve; style; flair:

         an ornamental plume of feathers, tassels, or the like, especially one worn on a helmet or cap.

          Architecture. the surface of a pendentive.

         You can see my dilemma here. A Panache plop? Maybe I'm being old here, but I don't see how a tapping foot can be flamboyant....

2. "Please cease, do you wish to kill the old fool" Cease? A word most people would use, is stop. Punctuation wise, you are missing a period at the end of this sentence.

3. With a manically laugh all will know you were but playing the fool and the house will feed on all those who will surely follow. Not manically, the correct word would be maniacal.

4. There are numerous places where a comma is needed but missing. Other places a comma is not needed, but it's there. I will not point them all out, I don't want to seemingly tear this apart. However, I need to point this one out. Your sinister laugh you used me, I could never love you never!" First, you are missing opening quotation marks. But the whole sentence is worded very awkwardly, and made me ask myself what were you really trying to say? I have no idea from just reading it. I could guess, but a reader shouldn't have to guess at what a character is meaning to say.



General Comments:  

1. Every story has a beginning, a middle (where the plot develops), and an end. This one seemed to start somewhere near the beginning, has a decent plot, and an ending that left me pondering things.

2. It wasn't until I was over halfway through the story that I had a small idea of what this was about. I knew ghosts immediately. But no inkling it was about an older man spending the night in a haunted house. A man that the young ghost meant to kill by ripping his heart out as he left the property. This was no done because Timothy (young ghost)failed, yet the reason he failed was not clear. "Without the power to scare what could you do? You couldn't rip out his heart that would be far to scary wouldn't it?" She laughed This whole section didn't make sense to me at all.

3. She nicely declined, "no the leprechaun's head is enough for now." She looked out the wind and the old man was 29 again. He want to boast . Not seeing the truck he met them sooner than anticipated, becoming a speed bump for one of their trucks. "Worked out better than I planned. May I have him?" I had to read this 2-3 times before I figured out that the old man was run over by a truck, and became her new apprentice.


Overall impressions:  I have to say that I was confused as I read this. The flow is jumbled, almost incoherent, meaning it's not easy to follow. I'm a little bit of a stickler for English usage & punctuation. Maybe that's one reason I couldn't follow it very well. I would like to rate it higher, we all appreciate good ratings. But I can't do that, and be honest with you, and myself. I will gladly return and re-rate this should you choose to edit this.


Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Thea Marie
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         I think this says what everyone feels frequently in life. We all want to be remembered, appreciated, or missed once we're gone. Everyone, at one time or another, feels they are insignificant, and won't be missed if they were to disappear. But it's not true. Someone, somewhere, will think of you, want to see you. You won't be there, and they'll be crushed. You are so right in what you say here. Best of all, you say it very well.... *Smile*





Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey RJ,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         It's difficult to review a poem this short, difficult to say enough about it when it's well written. I love this, love the form. Not quite a heart, but very close. Everything word is about love, about being the best you can be. At the end, it stresses the one thing the world needs more of, beside love. Peace! Well done! Keep on keepin' on...



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hey Phydeux,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, this... this... Most stupendous. It has one tiny little glitch that keeps it from getting a 5 star rating (Mentioned in a minute.)

         Seriously, I really love this poem, and can see why it's received 2 Awardicons. Now you need a Trinket made to embed in it! *Smile*

         That one small glitch I mentioned? It's here, and easily edited I'm sure.

And neither ventured from post that day
And neither bishop nor knight guarded the way . . .

Using the same three words to start consecutive lines really throws this off. If I may be so bold as to offer a suggestion.

And neither ventured from post that day
With nary bishop nor knight guarding the way . . .


         One very minor personal preference. Center the poem on the page, with the title in the body of the poem, below your 'ode to a glass chessboard'.


         Excellent job though! I look forward to coming back and finding something else to read.



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
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Hey Chris,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1st WDC Anniversary!

         Your story is interesting, but basically runs along the same lines as Independence Day. It has potential, but needs more from you. This is more of an essay than a story though. There is no dialog (necessary for a story), and a lot of telling, with very little showing. Your main character who's writing this was an epidemiologist, so he/she should be able to describe the flu type illness that overcame mankind in pretty good detail. A lot of this is a summary of what's gone on, but give us details! If you want this to be a good short story, you need more detail. An old saying, "The Devil's in the details". Describe the aliens, their habits. Show us (don't tell, show) why they want humans. And they're here merely for gold? Surely there's an element much more valuable to a race that advanced.

         This is pretty well written all in all. I won't point out details about it, because I think it more important to get the general ideas across to you. Edit this, make this a story that shows us what's going on. Then watch the reviews & grades improve!




Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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Hey Thaddeus,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         This is an interesting essay you've written here. I know you classified it as a short story, but it really is an essay. It has a lot of 'telling' in it, with little to no showing. An essay does that. It tells people facts about something, just like this does. A good story will do a lot of showing, pulling the reader in as their mind pictures the scenes you paint with your words. My specific comments on it are below....



1. It contained all of my trinkets, baubles, sparkling stones, and shiny rocks. As well as a few trifle doodads and gizmos. The second sentence here is not a complete sentence. An easy correction would be to change the period to a comma, making it one complete sentence.

2. It also had a broken Hot Wheels watch that I had over wound and seized up. I also liked the odor of tobacco that was emitted every time I opened up the lid. This is pretty short story, and that's fine. But be careful using the same word, especially in the same context, in consecutive sentences.

3. It held a lot of promise and dreams I made to myself. In this sentence, promise should be plural, since you say it held a lot of them. However, you might want to re-word that a little. Perhaps something like this... It held many of the promises and dreams I made to myself.

4. Not until recently, I wondered what happened to that little cigar box? This sentence/question is worded awkwardly. It wasn't until recently that I wondered what happened to that little cigar box.

5. As I reached the middle of your essay/story, I saw quite a few exclamation marks. In your description of it, you have this labeled as a short story, but it really is more of an essay. That may help some reviewers, because they may be looking for a story, and get an essay. Reviewing it as a story will result in a lot of comments like the ones I've made so far. Changing it to an essay may alleviate some of those.

6. After pausing a few minutes and sitting up in bed. This is another incomplete sentence.

7. You tend to wander in your writing. One moment you're telling us why/how you lost your cigar box, the next you describe how people can be cruel, such as slapping your face. Please read through this yourself, and look for a coherent thought process, one that tells a story. This one bounces around a lot.

         Don't take my comments wrong about this. I like your essay. It bounces around a bit, and has a lot of telling in it, with no showing at all. Immerse us in your youth. Have us join you as you open that cigar box and examine your treasures. Showing us these things will do that. Right now, you only tell us what's there, and how you lost it.



Sum1

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Hey Justme,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         Life can be tough in trying to raise children. Being a mother or a father requires a lot of energy and stamina. Your poem does quite the job describing the happenings of a 'normal' day in the life of a parent. I loved some of your descriptions, I've been there, done that long ago.

         My only comment on this, is that towards the end there are two verses much longer than the rest. It was right after the I Love You verse, at least that what I called it. I was reading this, enjoying it, the flow was excellent. Then those two verses appeared, and bang! The flow changed, almost stopped. You might want to look at those, and see if you can get them to flow the same. It will require a bit of re-wording to do so, but it needs to be done. I love what you're saying there, the flow is just way off.



Sum1

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Hey tHiNg
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         Just a quick note this morning, for a short, quick, limerick. I love playing with words, limericks are good for that! This is very cute with references to the history of Caesar and Cleopatra. Each verse blends well with the next too, making me smile as I read this. Well done!



Sum1

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Hey T.J.,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a good story you have here, but I have to be up front and say it does a lot of show & tell, but somehow never got me involved emotionally. I can't put my finger on it, but it may be the lack of dialog, or maybe just the style of writing. I mentioned show & tell, and that may be at the center of it. It feels more like you reciting it to me, than me reading it and being involved, being a part of it. There's a few things you could do to correct this, should you decide to edit it.

1. You tell us a lot about the 'old man'. This is the telling part, and it dominates the story. The way it's written does not reach out and pull a reader in; at least this reader. I know you can't get more dialog out of the old man, doing so would not keep it in the same vein. But describe more to us. I know you described his clothing and looks, but is that all there was? Here's an area I'm thinking of....

         When he first showed up, I tried numerous times to spark up some conversation with him, but as I already stated, the old man had very little to say. Even when he talked, he seemed so far away, like his mind was off, some place else far away. Sometimes, at first, I too, thought him a bit crazed; sometimes when I asked him questions, he would absent mindedly answer, his mind still off in another place and time, with something so unexpected that it was difficult to think him sane.

Here's an thought about this passage...

         The first time I saw him, I thought he was just another old man who might need someone to talk to. Grabbing a couple of cold sodas from the cooler, I walked outside and sat next to him.

         "Good morning sir! A fine day it is out here. May I offer you a cold soda?"

         "No thank you son, I am fine sitting here."

         "Well, the soda might help wet your whistle some."

         He turned to look at me; it was then that I realized he was completely blind. While his green eyes shone with a light in them that I had rarely seen before, I could tell he was only looking in the direction of my voice. His eyes never focused one me.

         I tried to elicit more conversation from him, but to no avail. Finally, I sat in silence with him for a few minutes, before going back in the drugstore.

What throws a reader off some, is the spacing/formatting of this. When using dialog, you need a new paragraph each time a different character speaks. This helps a reader determine who's speaking, and helps with the flow of the dialog.

2. In at least two places, you mention cloths. In each case, the correct word would be clothes.

He was poor, dressed in old ragged second hand cloths; he lived in a cramped, sparsely furnished, two-room apartment above the towns garage.

They sometimes brought him used cloths and it was rumored that he washed them in his sink and dried them by hanging them over chairs.

         Please don't take my comments wrong, I really like the story you tell here. I just feel you can involve the reader far more by immersing them in the story. Show us more about the man, don't tell the story. Show the story.




Sum1

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Hey Catty,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         Your sense of humor shines throughout this essay. You had me smiling the entire time I was reading this. I'm not a horse person, have hardly ridden one at all, but I can relate to the size difference, and their temperament. Your descriptions of their personalities was spot on, again causing smiles as I read. I love your photos though, it really helps one to relate to the story-line.

         What helped make this thing work for me though, was the tone you wrote this in. It was like we were sitting around a campfire having a bite to eat, with you relating the days events. Once done with this, you related other things to help build images in my mind. Excellent job! But the one thing you didn't bring out in me, is a desire to ride a horse any time soon! In fact, you convinced me that horse riding is not something I should try to do. Nope, I'm old(er) now, and know that's not something meant for Jim. My loss, but that's the way life is.

         Excellent essay, I felt like I was there watching the whole thing as this all happened to you. Thank you for sharing, and making me smile this morning. *Smile*




Sum1

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Hey Ann,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         As I read this, I thought it was a nice poem/song, a tribute to her husband who she had loved for many years. Then I played the recording, and everything changed. Of course it could be better, I thought the melody and such were a bit on the 'simple' side, but I loved it just the same. This is not a rock star singing to someone, this is a woman singing to her husband who can't remember her anymore. This is absolutely beautiful; I'm sure it is precious to your sister in law too.




Sum1

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Hey Roscoe,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         This is an interesting story you've written. I've read others like it, but I like your take on the man receiving a 'package' and keeping it chilled for use. The idea of a small contest is excellent and helped move the plot along. The final paragraph tied this all together nicely, but let me pondering one thing. Is he talking to a ghost on the phone? Brian said that zero three zero five zero eight was the day he committed suicide after losing the things he held precious. I know you essentially tell us he's a ghost, but you don't come out and say that. In a way it tied with the story, but then again, it didn't. And the parasitic wasp that 'usually' lays its eggs in the egg of a caterpillar... How did Brian know the wasps eggs were in the Caviar. For me, it's just a couple of loose ends that should have been tied up.

         Overall, well done though! A nice short story that flowed well to an ending that came all too soon.





Sum1

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Hey Hooves a.k.a. tHiNg,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         I found this to be very interesting, and very sad. A quick check with Google revealed a few things, most of it shocking. We think we know a lot about the past (I myself have read a lot about WWII on both fronts), but in recent years, I've come to the conclusion that we only know what major corporations, including the news, want us to know. The truth is hidden behind so many lies and deceits that it's impossible to find. Your story is fictional I know, but man, it has such a ring of truth to it.

         I have no suggestions on this. It has a few minor errors that I noted while reading, but dang if I could find them when I started writing the review. Well done!



Sum1

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Hey
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         I found this to be extremely interesting, almost fascinating. When I first read this, I didn't understand why you wrote the background first, giving us information on the breakup of India into India and Pakistan. Not to mention the later events that led to the formation of Burma, Punjab, Bangladesh. Yes, I had to do a little searching to learn just that little bit. While we didn't have people moving based on religion, we had the same thing in the US in our Civil War. But it was on a microscopic scale compared to this. All because men in power wanted to do things their way.

         I think you hit the nail on the head too, when you mentioned your leaders, and their failings/short-sightedness. I'm 62 now, and have come to feel this way about the world. Man in general, is not evil. I've traveled quite a bit, not near as much as you, and mostly in the USA, but everywhere I've been, I find the people to be well meaning. I've briefly been to Kuwait, Australia, Japan, and other Pacific islands, and everywhere I've gone, it's been the same. That's why I came to this belief. But, put a man (or woman) in a position of power, and suddenly, they act differently. As the old saying goes. Money corrupts, as does power.

         Like I said, at first I couldn't understand how your first part connected to the second, where you flew to Bahrain. But the discussion you and your seat mate had quickly made it clear. The closing third part tied it all together very nicely! Great job.

         What I found most fascinating, is if I hadn't read your bio, and read only this, I would never know you are from India. Your use of the English language is almost perfect, better than most English speaking people I know. Asterix Author Icon is from Germany; I've met her, and she does not have a German accent whatsoever. Ah, if I could speak another language. Sadly, I torture English often when speaking. *Smile* (I have a hard time pronouncing some words and stutter a little). By the way, I knew I had read something of yours before, so re-read it, and again enjoyed, On The Trail of The Rhino. Great job sir! Thank for your sharing!



Sum1

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Hey Kerri,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1st WDC Anniversary!

         I'm always in awe when someone writes a story in 100 words. I like this, but I would also love to see it become a longer piece. Of course, you can't tell us much about Injah in this short a story, but I found myself wondering what/who she was. Human? Is this an alien planet? You don't say she blew her horn, you say a loud cry rang from her horn, so I wondered if her horn was part of her body....

         There is one thing you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. Injah felt her breathing flow out of her lungs. The way this is worded, breathing is something she's doing, so she wouldn't feel her breathing flow out of her lungs, she'd feel her breath flow out.




Sum1

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