Sum1's (jim-d) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

3,345 Public Reviews Given

3,393 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.

I'm good at...

I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).

Favorite Genres

Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense

Least Favorite Genres

Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.

Least Favorite Item Types

I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.

I will not review...

I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.

426

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4321510

Review of Lucina and Marth trinket

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Giselle,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

There is no way the month of May can go by without me sending you a little bit of love, in the form of an Anniversary Review!Trinket addict, I appreciate anything to do with these little things, and I'm not sure why. Why I'm addicted to them, etc....

I've collected all of yours, except for the ones I don't qualify for, like "I write in December-January-February" one. I love that you explain a little about them, much as I do with mine.

Giselle, you are quite special to this wonderful site, I hope you know that. Continue spreading the love and the writing encouragement. Maybe one day I will qualify for that one Trinket too! (As soon as I get the writing bug back, right now it's on hiatus.) Thank you for sharing, and for all you do.

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427

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14 days may be credited.

#4320266

Review of Fluffy

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Kittiara,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary!

I really enjoyed this small pure dialog story. The comedy genre fits it perfectly. Fluffy huh. Typical of parents not to believe a child about something like this.

Not sure what all to say about this, it's good, well written, and very enjoyable. Really enjoyed the dialog only. It's so hard to tell a story in dialog alone, and you did well with this. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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428

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14 days may be credited.

#4319801

Review of "UNGH!"

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Angus,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6^th WDC Anniversary!

You and I have the same love of horror, except I don't (can't?) write it. I do love a good horror story, and this one is very good. I loved the twist involving the new drug Constrictorcin. Very Stephen King-esque shall we say. A little short but I'm not sure how you would make this much longer, and being written for a contest, I bet you were under a character limit.

The only thing about this, is two brothers doing this to each other, holding a grudge. Then again, I've seen a lot worse in my time really. Sometimes, blood isn't thicker than water. But you left me wondering what Mike was going to do with Jill.... He's killed his wife and brother, Jill is a witness. Would he poison her too, or did the two of them have a liaison you didn't mention?

Well done here, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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429

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14 days may be credited.

#4318471

Review of The Walk

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Susan,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

Your story caught me in the first paragraph, and wouldn't let go. Karen's plight is like so many others in the world. Caught up in every day living, doing what needs to be done, with little to show for it. Her walk was stupendous, long, arduous, and necessary. It helped clear her mind and sort of bring her back to reality. Then Carl arrived, and the story skewed a little. Still excellent it still held me, but I wondered where it was going. And of course, I found out.

I wanted to read more, to learn that her husband and children appreciated her after realizing what they almost lost.

This is well written, flows very well as you might tell from my comments. If I may make one small suggestion, and it's a suggestion only, I am not noting a deficiency here. Carl couldn't have been fired, or shall I say, he would have a prefect case for a lawsuit against them, and he would win. No question about it, and I'm not even a lawyer.... He would have been laid off, not fired. In order for the plant management to fire him, he would have to have done something illegal, or against their rules and regulations. But if the plant outgrew him, if they no longer needed his services because they were outdated or archaic, then they could lay him off, and be justified in doing so. Of course, they would have to pay his unemployment wages through the state, but it could be done. Long explanation, sorry I took so long to do that.

Overall, this is an excellent story. Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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430

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14 days may be credited.

#4316757

Review of Deserted island

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Maryann,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15^th WDC Anniversary!

I bet this was an interesting one to write, and fun in a way. There were several things I found interesting too, as well as a few that made my jaw drop. The jaw dropping was due to my technical background though, not your writing.

This is well written, flows well, and entertaining. I myself would love to find an island like this, but doubt I'd survive long, lol. I'm not an outdoors-man at all, but am a quick learner. Sadly, in a situation like this, on a deserted island, I'd probably learn the hard way.

Here are my comments on things I read/saw in the story that you may want to look at.

1. Early on, you seem to change tenses in the story. An example would be the second paragraph. Lara, twenty four years old, still danced on her tip toes when she gets excited just as she did when she was a little girl. Danced is past tense of course, where gets is present tense. A simple changing of gets to got would correct this very minor comment.

2. Your deserted island sounds a bit like a Gilligan's Island.

Storms move across the oceans frequently, so it seems that the 'perfect setup' of the camp would not be perfect after a few months. Remember what I said about my technical background?

At times, it makes it hard to read something and just go with the story. Even harder watching movies.

3. A radio? In the middle of an ocean on a deserted island? Maybe if you specified it being a satellite radio that received XM or Sirius, I could believe it. But if this island is that deserted, that unknown, I doubt there would be a signal strong enough on any frequency for them to receive.

4. I liked the Nuclear War idea, I could see that happening. But the nuclear missiles you described being launched would (could) not intercept other ICBM (Inter-Continental Ballistic Missiles). They are ICBM's themselves, and designed to deliver a payload to a target. I know, I know. Did I mention my technical background?

Sometimes it really pisses me off, my background that is....

I liked the story, the flow, the idea of it all. Just this technical mentality gets in the way often.... Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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431

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14 days may be credited.

#4315852

Review of Ellipses Eclipsed

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Ben,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

Very short, very cute, and very original. Did I use too many very's there?

I started using ellipses in chat a long while ago, and am slowing breaking the habit. I think ellipses get a bad rap, for no reason at all. Oh well, I don't make the rules.

Nice work here, thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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432

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14 days may be credited.

#4313827

Review of A Winter Morning

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4^th WDC Anniversary!

I am not sure what to think of this, to be honest. It's well written, but lacks what I would call depth. Of course, being as short as it is, it's hard to build it much, hard to bring in that depth. I don't know if you're old enough to have read them, but this reminds me a bit of a series of books for children from the 1950's and 60's, Dick and Jane. They were used to teach us to read back then, and flowed much like this. That's a compliment by the way.

I liked it, but felt it could have been a bit better. Perhaps if you applied the genre children's to this, it would help readers know what to expect.

Sum1

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433

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14 days may be credited.

#4312113

Review of My Biggest Milestone Ever Here

Review by Sum1

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hey BubblegumJones,
I think this item is fantastic! I say item, because it's not really a review. If it was a review, someone else's work would be the topic of it. This is an article about reviewing, but excellent just the same.

You don't seem to know how to embed things here on WDC, so if I may, how about a quick lesson? You mentioned many people on WDC who have sent you reviews, but when you did, you used their 'handle'. A handle is what is displayed for a persons name, and can change often. Mine is usually simply 'Sum1', but it does change some around the holidays. An example would be the first person you mention, Dr. MC Gupta. That's his handle, and his doesn't change often either. If you want people to know you've recognized them though, you need to use Writing.com ML (Meta Language, I think). This tags the person, and they get a notification that you've tagged them. So, for Dr. Gupta, you would type the following. {Suser:mcgupta44}, brackets and all. The 'S' at the start will show his suitcase, but if you want his complete name and more to display, just type {user:Mcgupta44}. In the first example, you would see Dr M C Gupta

, and in the second example, you would see Dr M C Gupta

. Small difference I know, but still. This example of their name is what is used to send a person an e-mail. So if you wanted to just send Dr. Gupta an e-mail, in the address bar, you would type mcgupta44@writing.com.

See, their e-mail address will probably never change, but their handle can. If you don't know a person's identity, simply hover your mouse over their name (not their suitcase). Their identity (e-mail address if you will) will pop up. If you wanted those you honored by mentioning them to automatically know of this article, simply change their name as it is now, to their handle, like I showed you for Dr. Gupta.

I do think it's a shame that you've received so little reviews while sending so many. It's one of the reasons I'm reviewing this. Another way to be reviewed more, is join a group, or enter contests. I do little on the contest side now, I just don't seem to have time to write much right now, but I do affiliate my reviews with the Power Reviewers Group.

Again, this is an amazing piece, made so by you mentioning each person how has reviewed you in the past. By the way, when it says 'past member', that person has deleted their account with Writing.com. So when you see 'bobric', that was his/her e-mail address. I remember them, and most of the time, they went by Bobric.

P.S. I showed you how to tag someone by using brackets. To give you the example, I used double brackets on both ends. This allows the person receiving the tag or e-mail to see what they need to type. If you want to know more about embedding things, let me know. I would be happy to help.

Sum1

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434

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14 days may be credited.

#4311962

Review of Lily's Mysterious Trip

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Sairyn,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8^th WDC Anniversary!

I really like children's stories, but find them hard to write, and read. I think I'm getting too old in my thoughts and such. This is well written, has a good flow that a child between five and ten years old would like. The dialog was good for that age group I think. Of course I would have liked to see more depth to this, more development of the characters and the story. But then, it wouldn't be suitable for a child, huh!

Well done with this, thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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435

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14 days may be credited.

#4309526

Review of Quick-Draw Woody

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Sharon,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10^th WDC Anniversary!

Ahhhh, the things men will do for fun when they are young, have guns available, & the testosterone's flowing in their blood. I've never had much to do with guns, but I did qualify as a Marksman while in the Navy.

This flows well, I liked your dialog and the references to how it was back in the early 70's. I can't imagine how hot it was, all the while trying to help Woody get back to the car. You know, in today's world, 280 doesn't seem all that heavy (and far more than I weigh). But try moving that when it's essentially a dead weight. I've been to Fort Lauderdale a few times on business, and have ventured a little ways out on Alligator Alley, but never all that far. Of course you chose to take Woody to Naples, fifty-fifty chance and all that..... You know what I mean. Enjoyable read, thanks for sharing.

Sum1

Image #1945137 over display limit. -?-

436

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14 days may be credited.

#4308825

Review of Shipwrecked

Review by Sum1

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4^th WDC Anniversary!

This is an interesting story you've written for the contest. A bit if Robinson Crusoe, combined with Swiss Family Robinson at the end. It flows well, but lacks a bit in details at points. The dialog is good, a little strained at times, but good overall.

There are several places of incorrect wording or misuse of the English language. I've detailed them below. One of the biggest concerns I had with this, was the lack of detail at the start. Two men stranded on an island. They didn't seem to know each other, so how did both get there? Were they on a cruise ship that sank in the storm? A smaller vessel than a cruise ship? My other major concern with this, is that Derek seemed to have a lot of energy for someone who just woke after being stranded on a desert island. He climbed a coconut tree and knocked some off for example. This would imply they weren't at sea all that long after the ship sank. The proof is in the pudding, or the devil's in the details, both old sayings. You leave a lot out, causing the reader to assume a lot of things. My last concern, was at one moment he's just finished sharpening a bamboo stick, the next they are eating fish, then suddenly they hear females giggling. You may have been under a word count limit when you wrote this, but that's long gone I bet, so tell us more!

1. With my eyes still shut, I tried to take in my senses and get my barrings. Barrings should be bearings. You did this on at least two occasions.

2. He still looked drawn, salt staining is day growth of beard. Is should be his.

3. As he hammered his way in, I could feel my stomach rise and weave wanting something to calm the ache that gripped the tender lining. First, you need a comma after weave. Secondly, have you ever tried to crack a coconut? It's a lot harder than it seems it should be.

4. Talking fell away as well concentrated our energies on moving and searching. It seems that well should be we.

5. Where ever we were, it was no doubt night would come quickly and press us back into blackness. Where ever should be one word. Wherever.

6. “We’re you in that storm the other night?” We're should be Were, since We're is a contraction, two words combined together to make one. As written, without the apostrophe, it would read, "We are you in that storm the other night?"

Overall, it was a pleasant read, and I did like it, despite my comments. Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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437

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14 days may be credited.

#4308340

Review of The One for Me

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey NoMonster
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15^th WDC Anniversary!

I really liked this story of yours! I liked the idea behind the plot, your thoughts, the dialog, everything. Except one thing. The formatting. When you look at it, the story only covers half the page, the other half is blank. It looks like you used hard returns half way through a line. I have to say though, that you were consistent in this, and I wonder if it was intentional? Intentional in that on one side you have the story (or main characters life), and the other side, emptiness (your main characters life without Emma and the children). If that's the case, sheer genius for the idea, but you might want to explain at the end, as an afterthought to the story, why it's formatted as it is. This will keep people like me from commenting on it, and asking why.

Excellent story overall, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

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438

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14 days may be credited.

#4303740

Review of The Swings

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Tracey,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

This story is a bit macabre in nature, but it was a little bit of a shock to reach the end like that. It was flowing so nicely, kids happy and all, then that truck came on the scene. As I always do when something is written in the first person, I have to wonder how this came to be written, since you were killed in the swings. Just the way my mind works....

Was this originally a poem? It has a lyrical, rhyming quality to it as you read parts of it. Some of your grammar usage is off it seems. That, or some of your sentences are a little bit run-on. Example: The man running the swings pulled the lever hard, but nothing could stop this swing, where it was swinging.

A couple of things for you on this though. In the last full paragraph, your second line reads "The soldered, silver chains, linked nice and tight." The word welded, not soldered should be used. If those chains were only soldered, your swing would have flown off on its own since solder isn't strong enough for that kind of stress. There are a couple other things you might want to consider, should you decide to edit this.

1. Now you know the story of my swing, and why they're are more waiting . . . waiting . . . waiting for me to fill them, forever more. You don't need they're coupled with are. They're are is they are are...

2. It flew higher and faster than I'd believe. Remove the apostrophe, and it reads, It flew higher and faster than I had (would, could also be substituted in place of had) believe. It just doesn't read right to me is all.

3. One of those huge trucks was visiting the park, there for deliveries, were the remarks. I don't understand using 'were the remarks' in this sentence.

Overall though, I thought this was very nice. The end is a little shocking, intended to be I am sure, but a little shocking nonetheless. Well done, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

439

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14 days may be credited.

#4302790

Review of Dessert

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Mumsy,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10^th WDC Anniversary!

I can't write something 55 words in length, lol. I always end up with more. I once wrote a short story, intending it to be 300 words in length so it could be flash fiction. Uh huh. 1000 words.

You did very well in describing the sundae. Made my mouth water! Then you spoiled it all, and told me it was only in a magazine.... Still, very nice! Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

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440

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14 days may be credited.

#4298261

Review of Celtic Curses

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Elby,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary!

I found this to me more cute than threatening.

I know you intended it to be, based on your description of it, but I thought I'd tell you that you succeeded in that endeavor!

The rhyme is very good, but like many of my poems, the rhythm is a little off in places. It wasn't a game breaker for me, just something I noticed. There was one line that is a little off in wording, just because of a word misplacement, at least in my opinion.

1. Both men of land and sea The way it is currently worded, there are only two men in your family. A slight change of wording says what I think you meant to say. Men of both land and sea

I did enjoy reading this, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

441

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14 days may be credited.

#4296855

Review of My Heart Today

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey NJames
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

I'm a sap for beautiful prayer poetry, this one is very good. No, I'm not overly religious, nor do I attend church regularly. But there's something about a prayer poem that hits me....

I really liked the repeated line, a refrain of sorts. I could see one on their knees, praying that the Lord knows their heart today. Yet I believe he knows our hearts every day, but in days like this one, you especially want him to know your heart. The flow is excellent, yet the rhythm is a little choppy. It ranges from eight syllables in most lines, to as few as five in at least one. This didn't throw me off too much though, often times words can sweep you away and help you ignore minor things like that. I did see a couple of things you may want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. Personal preference here, but center the poem on the page using WritingML.

2. Two lines use the word sweep in them. In a poem this short, it really stands out when you read it a second time, shortly after reading it the first time.

3. Yet hold in faith in faith remain This line seems to need a comma after the first usage of faith.

Overall, it's a very enjoyable poem to read. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

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442

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#4294789

Review of A Needed Friend

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Magoo,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10^th WDC Anniversary!

I really liked this poem of yours. It flowed well, with a nice rhythm and rhyme to it. The abab rhyme scheme was consistent, as was the syllable count with each (8-6-8-6). My only comment on it, and this is not meant to be a detracting one, but more of a questioning one, is this. In the first verse you mention a young girl losing her father, seemingly overseas while serving his country. The rest of the poem is about the girl rescuing a dog that seemed to have been abandoned by its owner. It may be me having a gray hair moment here, but I don't see the connection in the last line, about the 'mom now understood'. Excellent poem, really enjoyed the read. I just didn't get the connection between the last line, and the content.

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

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443

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14 days may be credited.

#4294062

Review of Outback Honeymoon

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey LadyOz,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10^th WDC Anniversary!

Sometimes, the best laid plans of mice and men just don't come through, huh. That's the moral I'd take from this story. Well told, well written.

Being an American, I'd love to spend a night in the outback. But I think I'd like something a little freer or insects and frogs. I'm okay with most things, but you mentioned two things in your story that make my backbone turn to Jello. Spiders. Cockroaches. If we were a couple, you'd be the one killing them while I stood back and offered support.

You described your honeymoon cottage well, but I think I would have demanded a full refund and left immediately. I'd rather sleep in a car, as uncomfortable as that is, than sleep there. The best thing of the whole adventure though, was the starry sky. I'm envious.

Like I said before, well done, well written. Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

444

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14 days may be credited.

#4293253

Review of Christmas Greetings 2009

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Joe,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary!

I really liked reading this monologue of yours, even if it is seven years old now. Your sense of humor shone through; I think you and I are a bit alike in some things. Like the questions you asked the store clerk at the sports store. I would bet he's much younger than you and I. Maybe you should have asked where the ping-pong paddles are.

The poem that ended this also gives insight into your personality. I'm not sure what the title 'Brass City' has to do with it over all, but it was still a pleasant read. The first verse threw me for a sec, then I realized how you probably pronounce Cheshire, and realized Cheshire is not pronounced like the cat in Alice in Wonderland. You came across as a warm spirit who has a true love of things around you, and other people. Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

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445

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14 days may be credited.

#4292551

Review of I Shouldn't Have Opened It

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey RatDog,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

This is one of those short things one writes that just sit there on their own. Not too long, no character development. But it tells a story very nicely if you ask me. You did well in mentioning the plagues and such, but I'm not sure Pandora's box contained those. I'm not sure what it contained to be exact, but I know it was called 'the evils of the world'. You wrote this though, so it can contain whatever your mind conjured for the story. Just an idea. Have it contain something different than the "same ol' plague" stuff. The evils of the world don't necessarily have to be the traditional stuff after all. How about gambling habits, or betraying friends, maybe even smoking, drinking, etc.... No telling where you could take it.

I did love your ending though, it fit perfectly. I did see one thing you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. An the box looked old, really old, like maybe even ancient old. There's a 'd' missing at the end of the first word.

Sum1

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#4291898

Review of The Scarf

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Lorraine
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

Wow! I was not expecting this when I clicked on the title! What a beautiful love story!

I'm a pushover for a good love story, I think all this one needed to push me over was hit me with a feather. You left so much to the reader's imagination, so much of the dinner dialog between Tom and Kat left unsaid. Then again, it wasn't needed. I loved that.

Yes, I do believe in love at first sight. But I'm wondering where the other stories in the Scarf Short Story series are? (Your description says there were more).

Very well done here. You had me from the get go, and never let go. Thank you for sharing.

1. You may want to do a couple of things formatting wise with this story. Double space your paragraphs, it makes for easier on line reading. Use two spaces between sentences, that too makes it easier to read on line.

2. Please have a seat in the living room and I will inform my parents our dinner quest is here. The way this is worded, the family is going on a quest to find something. Quest should be guest.

Sum1

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#4290359

Review of The Bloody Face

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Arakun,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10^th WDC Anniversary!

This is an excellent story of premonition! Like you, I love a story with a twist, taking the reader in a direction opposite of where they thought the story was going. I do believe in premonitions, but have never had one myself. Definitely wouldn't want to have one like Sarah was having.

The flow of this was very good, with a dialog that carried the story. With the twist, you showed us the true Dr. Hammond, the psyche she hid from everyone. I would think that she would eventually be caught when authorities realized each of the murdered girls had been seeing her. Of course, none would believe at first, but after a while, things would change. That's beyond this story though....

I did see one small thing you might want to correct should you decide to edit this.

1. * Image ID #1482338 Unavailable ** I think you originally had an image in this story much like the one Sarah saw.

Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

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448

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#4289495

Review of The Last Ship to Kendra

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Stowe,
I found this on the random review page, and when I saw it's your 1^st Anniversary, I thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion!

First, I am not a hater (saw that in your profile), and if you are ignoring people who do not praise your work, then you are not looking to improve your writing, are you....

Your story is very interesting, but confusing. It starts out quickly, making the reader work to grasp an understanding of what's going on. You introduce us to Corbin, Dual, Grandma Syngey, and Orr in a space of a few pages of story line. That is a lot to take in quickly and understand. I like your story, but it does need quite a bit of editing. If you want to improve it so it will receive higher ratings and reviews, or be considered for publishing, then it needs to be reviewed by a professional editor. I am willing to bet that English isn't your native tongue, based on some of the wordings used in the story. If that's the case, then you deserve a major pat on the back for writing in English so well. It's the only language I know, and I have trouble with it at times.

Below, I've noted a few things you may want to look at should you decide to edit this. Overall, the story line is very good, but the flow is off. You switch between past and present tense on occasion, as well as point of view. These two items are major flaws in a story if you are considering publication. I have to admit that I couldn't finish the story. While I like the storyline, the writing, plot, and flow is so jumbled that I lost interest.

1. One Donticonti per ship per hour, a steady flow off planet to get the chance to become something more that owned. Should 'that' be 'than'?

2. A male human appears from above Corbin's station and dropped into the small space next to her. So far, event have occurred in past tense. This present tense. Be careful shifting tenses in the middle of a story.

3. The male smirked as Corbin. It seems that 'as' should be at.

4. "You really buy that don't you?" Dual asked surprised by my reluctance. This shifts the story from third person to first person. You need to remain consistent in your POV in relating the story.

5. The sample wasn't entered into a computer or a core anything it filled his doughnut." I'm not sure what you mean with this sentence. Further reading of the story explained this to me, but as written here, it's confusing.

6. Unless I'm mistaken and you race likes cold storage?" You should be your.

Like I said, I like the story, the plot, but this needs quite a bit of editing to allow it to receive much better ratings.

Sum1

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#4287858

Review of 1994

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hey
I thought I'd drop by to see what you have to read.

This is very good, the rhyme and rhythm flow very nicely. But it could be a bit better. (Isn't that always the case?) Let me explain.

I found this to be pretty sad, there's no way I will ever consider Death to be a happy occasion, even if it's someone I think very little of. (I dislike using the word 'hate', it's such a powerful, overused word). But tell us more about your friend and what happened to them. Let us know why you loved them so much. What was it about them that made you fall in love with them? Get my idea? In my humble opinion, anyone can write simple poems. As written, this is a bit simple. Yes, it does pull the reader in, I did find it sad and emotional. But if you included a little more about this person, imagine how shattered a reader would feel when they read about their death? You've drawn readers in, no that the hook is in place, SET IT. You do that with details, words that weave around the reader, drawing them in to the story until they are completely immersed. To me, that's a very tough thing to do.

Again, I really liked this. I just see so much potential in it, potential where it could really shine! Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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#4287386

Review of Meeting Simon . . .

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Ruwth,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8^th WDC Anniversary!

Actually, I knew this month was your Anniversary, and being that you are the featured member in the Anniversary Reviews forum, you should get quite a few reviews this month. So, I had to drop by and read something of yours.

I chose this one because of the title, it seemed very interesting. It's funny how people find solace in the simplest of things when troubled. I know that in my past I've looked inward and found what I needed there. I'm not near as religious as you, but I would say I found God when I looked inward. I talked about my troubles, he would listen. I'd like to think I heard him in a different way, and improved my life some.

I really like your idea of Simon, though I have no idea if he's a fictional character, or someone you would love to meet. The flow was very good, keeping me involved in the read throughout. What I really liked, was the dream within the dream. You waking to a knock on the door, only to find Simon there. He reminds you of a few things, and recites a poem to you. You wake to the sound of a knocking on the door, waking for real this time. No one is there, but you remember.... That's what I found excellent about this.

This is really good, thank you for sharing, and allowing me to read it today. And of course, Happy 8^th WDC Anniversary, and Happy New Year!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .