Another wonderful piece! I truly enjoyed this and thought you did a great job. I couldn't find a thing to make note of. I can't go into anything about poetry itself as I don't write it and don't know all the little technical aspects of it. I just go on what I thought.
This is something I would love to read when I was feeling down and depressed, knowing that someone out there cared about me and wanted to help me.
I hope you enjoy your stay here at WDC. WDC is packed full of great people, advice and friendship. If you should ever need anything, a hand, advice, a simple quesiton, please don't hesitate to email someone here on this site. If they don't know, they will point you in the right direction. Remember my email is always available.
Now, for your piece. I thought you did a wonderful job pouring your heart into this piece. However, I've made a few notes below. Remember these are simply my suggestions and you are under no obligations to take them.
"i" should always be capitalized when used alone.
be with you forever we never be apart (between we and never - there is a word missing. "would" maybe)
i dont (don't) understand why you make me feel this way what more do you have to gain I would break to the next line in between way and what and put a ? after gain
but for you i would have giving (given) anything even my blood to make you stay (you could break this line as well before "even")
but i guess it's over now nothing ever last (lasts)
There are some other punctuation that might also add to your piece, but remember these are only my suggestions. You don't have to take them if you don't want to.
I hope you enjoy your stay here. WDC is packed full of great people, advice and friendship. Please don't hesitate to email or ask for help from anyone here on this site. Everyone is very helpful and more than willing to give a hand. My email is always available.
I think you did a wonderful job pouring your heart and heartache into this piece. I honestly couldn't find a thing to make note of here. I don't write poetry, but I love to read it. So, some things I can't make note of.
I hope you enjoy your stay here. You will find WDC is full of great people, advice and friendship.
I found this piece and thought to read it from the Read A Newbie Page. I truly enjoyed reading this and thought maybe line 3 and the last line were a little long. You might be able to break them down a bit...not take out the words, but maybe at the commas break them to a new line.
Now, keep in mind that I don't write poetry and thus not always sure of how things should or shouldn't be. So, if you agree use my suggestion, if you don't, then by all means leave it as is. Remember this is your piece and you know best.
You put your heart in this piece and I thought you did an outstanding job.
Remember if you need a hand or a simply question, my email is always available and there are so many around here willing to give a hand.
I found this item on the Read a Newbie Page and I know I have run into one or two teachers over the years that are caring and not just out to get the day done. When I read this, you brought a smile and a tear to my eyes. You did an absolutely wonderful job on it. The heartfelt tribute is something I didn't expect and wish there were more teachers out there like this today.
I couldn't find a thing wrong with it other than I would suggest taking out the double spacing between each line. However, this is completely up to you and by no means do you have to take my suggestion.
I truly enjoyed reading this piece. I think you did a wonderful job sharing with us about your lives during that time and about you.
I did notice a space needed after a period to begin a new sentence but other than that, I thought you did wonderfully.
I enjoy meeting with young girls, during a monthly doll club also held at the Flagler County Public Library.I'm looking forward to having the girls work on the new project I have planned for them, a hat and purse to for their 18" dolls.
I've included this in the review for the space after your period.
Remember this is just my suggestion and you are welcome to take it or not. It's completely up to you.
I thought this was very well written and a nice telling of a place that burned to the ground. It sounds like a warm and inviting place to go. I would have enjoyed such a wonderful place.
I did notice a couple of things. I would put a line space after your name and another line space after and before "The hope throughout..." because it's a new paragraph or thought.
But remember these are just my suggestions and you are welcome to use them or not. It's compeletely up to you.
Welcome to WDC! I hope you enjoy your stay here. The community is wonderful and full of great advice and friendship.
I found this piece and read it for the name and description. And I have to tell you that I thought it was wonderful.
You brought me to tears with your selflessness and warmth and loving. You poured your heart into this piece. I can't say that I know how you feel as I have 3 healthy children, but I came close to loosing my now 3 year old son twice within the first 3 months of his life. I wasn't as selfless. I was very selfish and couldn't let go. I don't know what I would have done without him and still don't to this day.
I wish you luck and courage and the strength. My heart goes out to you.
I couldn't find a thing wrong with this piece. I hope you keep up the beautiful and heartfelt writing.
Welcome to WDC! I hope you enjoy your stay here. The community is wonderful and full of great advice and friendship.
I thought this to be interesting and well written. I thought about your words and what my actions can be. I think you are right and did a great job.
I've made a few suggestions below. They are yours to take if you choose and if you don't, it's up to you.
Taking the above into consideration someone could thing (think) how can flirting be converted into a tool for communicating LOVE!
The quality of any action is based on the motive (emotional sub-conscious) if flirting is effected to uncover the brilliant human qualities in another person as a consideration for the well-being of other human beings then it is at that point that (in which) it starts to work as tool or a means for communicating LOVE from one person to another.
(I think this sentence is overly long. I think you could break it down a little more. Also the word "effected" didn't work for me in the meaning of your sentence. I don't know what you would want to change it to if at all.)
Its (It's) absolutely energetic and beneficial for everyone and hence its (it's) worth the trouble and time for each one of us to assess it and entail into it.
Again, please remember these are simply my suggestions, nothing more. If you choose to take them, it's up to you.
I am truly enjoying reading your work. I think it's great and I truly loved this one. I have two friends that fall into this category and think it's a great tribute to them. Friends don't always realize what they mean to you until you give them something special as this.
I found this piece and thought to read it as I love poetry and especially love poetry.
I think you did a great job. I'm not great at reviewing poetry as I don't write it. The best I can give you is what I thought and whether there were any grammar or spelling errors.
This one, I thought was great and didn't find anything to make note of.
Welcome to WDC! I think you're going to love it here. It's a great community and lots of great advice.
I read this piece simply for the name. I truly enjoyed it and think you could label this as poetry instead of other. But this is truly to up you.
I thought about your words and know in my heart that I share those feelings for the man I love. I think you did a good job! Hope to see more of your work.
Wow! This was truly interesting. I thought it was cute and great for a teen or younger reader. I thought you did a great job and I'm going to recommend that my daughter read this, she likes things like this.
Keep up the great writing!
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I thought you did a wonderful job on this. I am a mother of 3 and can't imagine loosing one of my children. I couldn't find a thing wrong and I like the layout.
I think this is a wonderful tribute to those lost.
Keep up the great writing!
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Oh MY! I would have been sooooo embarrassed! Gotta Love Kids! I'm sorry I had to laugh and think of what my nearly 3 year old son would have done and I can imagine him doing the same thing or nearly.
I thought this was awesome and you've done a wonderful job sharing your family with us and I love it!
I thought you did a wonderful job on this. I thought it was a nice telling of a moment with your family. You had me smiling.
I made a few word corrections below. If you want to use them, it's up to you, if not, no problem. Remember these are simply my suggestions.
My son Jordan comes flying toward's me and shoots be (me) right upside the head. My husband;s (husband's) sees this from the corner of his eye and replies,
"Ah-ha!" (space needed) I had different plans long learned from experiences in our active family and be so gender out numbered.
I wasn't letting up when we were intervened. (interrupted)
I prevailed with alot of determination and sqerming (squirming).
I've read some of your work in the past and thought to read this out of curiosity. I found it interesting and honest. I found myself smiling at some of the comments you've made and remember a couple of the items I've read and reviewed of yours.
It's nice to know more about the person I'm R&Ring. It gives me a better insight into the reasons behind your writing and you yourself.
I honestly loved this one. I truly enjoy your writing and hope to see more of your work in the future. I thought this was wonderfully done and I couldn't find a thing wrong.
Although I don't write poetry, I truly enjoy reading great poems.
I thought to read this piece as well of yours and I loved the second ending. I laughed picturing this weird looking animal.
I did find that towards the top where you had some speaking it was clumped together. I think you could break that down into their own paragraphs. It simply makes it easier to follow.
Other than that, I loved this and thought it was an adorable story.
I came across this piece and thought to read it as I'm in the Christmas mood and thought a nice Christmas story would be good today.
I thoroughly enjoyed your tale. I had to laugh towards the end, although I felt guilty, I couldn't help it. I could picture this elaborate Christmas scene all set up and thought that he's no better than most people I know. Trying to outdo the other.
I liked the message you conveyed and think that you could break it down and maybe make this a little longer. You lost me a couple of times while I was reading.
I think this has great potential for becoming something longer.
I thought this was very heartfelt and well done. I enjoyed reading it and thought of the times when I had felt the same way.
I have made note of a few things below. They are my suggestions and up to you whether you want to use them or not. I don't write poetry, but I love to read it.
Something a(I) can barely describe,
Its (It's) torture not knowing
I hope to read more of your work in the future.
Keep up the great writing!
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