You did a very good job describing a beautiful setting.
The only problem I had was that the last line left me not satisfied with the ending. I don't know what it is, just that maybe it should have been something else or something more. To me it doesn't completely suit the title or the Description you have listed for it. The rest is perfectly fine for me.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful than that. This is simply my feelings on it and please don't change it or even take my comments to heart if you find that this is perfect the way it is.
I honestly found this to be a cute piece. You brought a smile to my face as I felt you were ranting when you wrote this, defending yourself. Maybe due to the final line. I don't know, but I enjoyed the piece irregardless. I thought you did a great job and hope you keep up the great writing.
Oh How true these words are! I loved every word and every second I spent reading this. I laughed and shook my head simply because this is what our society has become. It's sad when someone breaks into your house and gets hurt and you get sued. It's truly sad and ridiculous. I am one of those that figure if I get cancer from smoking, it's my own fault for lighting up. If I slip and fall, it's my fault for not being careful and watching where I was walking. Of course, I'm one of the poor and hard work is what I do.
I thank you so much for this piece. I thought it was perfect! You did a wonderful job and I apologize for my ramblings. Simply a subject that irritates me to no end because of the unfairness and unjustness of it all.
First, I would like to state "Welcome to WDC" this is a wonderful place to be. I personally love it here.
Second, I would like to comment about the comment you made about "stacking up"... Don't ever feel that you have to compete with anyone here. Unless of course it's a contest...!
Other than that! I thought this was great! Very insightful of her thoughts and feelings of being pregnant. Interesting to say the least. I honestly couldn't find anything wrong that I would make note of.
I think you did a great job and hope you keep up the great writing. Have fun and enjoy yourself at WDC and if you ever need any help give a shout, someone will be more than willing to point you in the right direction!
This I found interesting and had to stop and think about some of the things you quoted. Not because I didn't understand, but because it made me think. I thought this was great and hope you continue with it.
I did however, find a few typos here. Nothing major, just minor things. I've listed them below and my corrections are in green.
Looking at the world through our eyes is an eye opening experience, the more you look(,) the deeper you will see.
(M) mundanity is a ritual of ignoring the events that occur because of the waves we create.
(T) tonight is a blessing (...) (T) tomorrow is a hope..... (...(3 not 4))
We all have one and many times the scent isnt (isn't) to our liking...
Women, no matter how long I live (,) for the life of me, Ill (I'll) never understand them only underestimate them...
Everyday is a test- Its (It's) how we deal with these tests that either makes us a character or shows character!
Middle age is when you're surfing the cable channels (and) you find yourself watching CNN.
(B) because I can still hear you...
Now, these are simply suggestions. You don't have to take them and you can if you like. It's completely up to you. I would also recommending breaking up some of the color. I love color when I read, but there are places where you make a note or correction and the color for that section could be different. My opinion only. Again, use it if you like.
Thanks for the great read. You have a lot of good ones there. "I say what I think... And I think what I say" This one I think is my fav.
I thought you did a great job on this. I know, I enjoy thunderstorms a great deal and this put it into words. Made me think of the short thunderstorm we had last night. I found nothing to make note of in way of typos, spelling.
Although I am not experienced in writing poetry enough to thoroughly review it on the more technical aspect of things, however, I can tell you that I enjoyed reading this piece. It is well written and no mistakes found in spelling or grammar.
"So why are so many who go through life in perpetual sadness the biggest dreamers of us all?"
I especially liked this line and know myself the truth of it. I am a very big dreamer and find myself sad more than I can count. Maybe because I long for my dreams to come true and have yet to accomplish that.
I thought this was a very well written piece. I don't know what your intentions were when you wrote this, but I felt it as a reminder that no matter what happens, you'll get up and go on.
I enjoyed reading this and hope yoiu keep up the great writing.
I thought this was perfect. I couldn't find anything wrong with it. I think it describes the moving on after a heart break, and done quite well, I might add. Made me think of my past and feelings I had felt so long ago.
I thought this was great. I truly enjoyed reading this and know what it's like to dream. I spend a lot of my time day-dreaming too.
I did find you could split the first paragraph into two.
Whisk me away into another world she dreamed. She longed to live in a far off land she only read about in books. She dreamed of escape from this monotonous existence she called life. She hides behind school and books and daydreams the daylight hours away. At night her world comes alive, myth becomes truth and truth becomes myth. Things that stir in the shadows come out to play, while she dreams the night away. (I would make this a separate paragraph ) This is her escape, her freedom, her joy in life. She reads a book and the people illuminate on the page for her. She dreams she was special, that there was some spark about her. If that spark would only light then her life would be magical. But that spark remains unlit and when the alarm clock rings she is forced to face reality.
Other than that, I didn't notice any grammar or spelling errors. Everything flowed smoothly for me.
I thought you did a good job with this. You made me stop and think for a moment while reading. Perfect.
The only thing I would recommend, I would line it up like this...
What is to await me in my dreams yet unearthed?
What mystery hides behind my secrets' veil?
What words does my pen long to write?
Will I ever know these questions left unanswered?
When will death take me?
Etc....
Just a suggestion. To me it would make it easier to read. Everything flowed together when I read it as is.
Other wise I think you did a great job!
Keep up the good writing!
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