Third and Final Review from Lightening Package Auction
Hooks:
You requested that I review this folder for your package. I have read both pieces.
"In My Mother's Memory" is a good title, and specific to your own life and memories.
The genre is listed at "other," and understanding that this is emotionally a hot spot, it may be difficult to decide, but as time goes on, and you decide the direction for your biography, putting a more specific "type" may help as far a searches go.
Descriptions:
"Invalid Item" , is a well written memoir, of a personal tragedy. I like the way you introduced your early geographical movements, including a bit about the States you were in.
A good description of your Mom's personality was given in a way that "shows" in a picture, an important bit about her; "...she lacked...the maturity to be the full-time mother that her boys needed..."
Your characterization of your brothers was well done, and even your own analysis of your personality, weaknesses and strengths are well done. You have packed good descriptions, laying visual markers along the way.
Characters:
In "Invalid Item" you show a mirroring of compassion from two strong female characters; 1. "Mrs. Leary was the fifth grade teacher at our Elementary School..., and “The class misses you and they are wishing you a fast recovery. They made you some cards,” she said as she picked them out of her purse."
2. Ms. Gena; the housekeeping person who woke you with her singing. "...She looks like Sleeping Beauty except with red hair. You know, God has mighty plans for you two. Yes, he sure does. The Devil tried to get you guys down, but our good Lord saved you both...”
You were just eleven years old, but show a lot of insight for that age.
Formatting:
You are talented at making your format easy to read and follow. Considering what a personal tragedy that you have shared, along with obvious recovery, you were able to keep this in chronological order.
Overall I have read and enjoyed several of your other works, and have been impressed with your "fiction." They have been good quality. In "Invalid Item" and "Invalid Item" , writing your own experiences, and with people you know, you have captured the descriptions and character traits exceptionally well. I may not know exactly what your Mom and brothers look like, but I am sure they all are red-headed, and your poor brothers come to mind, as rough and tumble characters, who desperately needed a good father's hand; instead your Mother had to try to do it all.
I am touched by these stories. Excellent work.
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