I wish I knew more about poetry but I don't. What I do know is that I liked your poem. What i didn't like was the repeating of the same sentence. It seem out of place and yet as I read it again it was right. So, leaving it at that. I like your poem. Good luck in your writing and always keep it up.
Well, I loved your story and wanted more. You have quiet a way with the words. I have a few suggestions but take them or leave them.
2nd paragraph I would remove the "the road" - and would read like this: The carriage rode in a smooth continuous motion. Second sentence I would use it instead of the carriage again.
I would put; the journey had been long, but without : a comma needs to be there.
Last sentence: I would remove She was cold and unhappy to read Cold and unhappy. We already know it is the princess.
6th paragraph: The sun drove the dew the away should be drove the dew away. I am sure it was a typo like the many hundred I have done.11th paragraph/sentence -The King was obviously in rage. I would use "The King was obviously in a rage. Or enraged.
!@th paragraph/sentence You need quote marks after the Kind said, "His rage
This isn't very many errors, but I wanted you to know them. I like it when I am reviewed and someone points my errors, especially when I am tired and still writing, I tend to become very sloppy.
Anyway I really like the story, I was not satisfied with the ending because I wanted to know more.
Ken, even if this is short or a haiku, it is wonderful and has a presence about it. Lovely and the picture gives it the depth that you need.
Wonderful. Keep up the great writing.
This is wonderful! I don't know enough about poems to break all of it down and say, blah, blah about it, but I know what I like to hear and this is great.
I love it. Keep up this wonderful writing of yours.
I am still laughing as I think this was cute. I would like to hear this in its melody. Although, I think I can almost hear it now. Keep up you r limericks as they are wonderful.
I can feel the absoulute emptyness that you feel. You project this in your writing. It is the feeling of "What's next?" I think you did a good job of writing your feelings. I could see you adding what you expect next or that you are scared of what is next to come. What job you will have or will you have one at all. I feel like you have left something out. but, again, you let us know the emptyness that you feel or I should say the butterflies in your stomach kind of feeling that you have.
This is one of the best stories I have read. I liked the way you use the horror movies in your dialogue. I saw maybe two misspellings but we all do that sometimes.
Aww, I loved this. I have to say that I did not feel it was a poem, but a story.
A beautiful story of love and hardship. I can attest to the factl that children did not know they had nothing. They thought they had everything, And they did. Not like today whre everything is expected.
Great story even if it is an old one. I dont't think I would change one thing. Brings back memories for me. Don't change any of your writing. I am looking forward to going to your portfolio and reading more!
Lynda with a Y
The only reason I did not give you a #5 is that this should have been a story and not a poem.
Well, this grabbed me right off. Not to put a damper on this, but I had figured it out. I read a lot of mysteries. Either way, it is well written.
I think the person he fought is hikmself, but that is why you left it that way and that is why I think it is superb. Keep on writing, especially those mysteries!
WOW! and double WOW! Good job. I want to read more. YOu heldmy attention from begining to end and left a cliff hanger. ARe yo going to write more? I certainly hope so. A few grammer erros, but all in all it was perfect.
Thank you for the four articles on Google. I too like to use it. If you are not a teacher, you should be.
I did not think any of your articles were to long. You write in a very pleasant way. Keep it up. I will buy a book of yours and read it. I look forward to it.
Actually, this is a good start of a story. Im really like it. I would like to read more on this story.
A few things I would change - Last p[aragraph - Put Many hours later in front of the first sentence or delete it. -
You need some commas in your paragraphs.
All in all, this is good writing and, as i said, I really like it.
I hav enot read your first writing, so I cannot comment on that. However, I strongly agree with this writing. Children, win or lose, are all special. We need to tach them, you pick yourself up, shake your self off and start all over again. (I think that is part of a song, but is so true) Great article. Good research, especially since you do not have children. If you had not said so, we would have thought you did.
First, I have to say, you never give up, even when the feeling of loneliness overcomes you. You fight your way out of it. I know, Ihave beent here many times.
Your article is fantastic. It happens to all of us and your description is on the mark. I would venture to say, maybe you need to embelesh on this. Ex[and it. There is so much that can be said.
This is a beautiful poem. I can feel the emotion as you write it. She must have been a very special and close cousin. I have had one or two just like that. They too have passed and I miss them very much.
Ther ei sonly two comments I have. SEcond stanza you say never seized, when it should be ceased, to amaze me. Third stanza, life isn't very long, would sound better. Your writing is wonderful. Keep it up and keep learning.
OH so cute! Well written. You do need to use commas and various punctuation though. It will read better.
Example: Last line - To fall fast asleep, to dream of something so juicy that he might get to eat, the next coming of night.
Keep up your very good writing. Look forward to seeing more of it.
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