Wonderful poem. I would get rid o a lot f the "that's" I tend to do the same thing and I have to go over and over my work to throw them away. The last stanza confused me because it doe not read well. Rewrite it. Everything else is great!
Lynda with a Y
This is good, really good! You hooked me at the very beginning and all the way through. I would like to know if she did indeed have the FLU. I supect so, but it was a great way to leave us hanging. Very well written. Write on!
Well, mean old Lucien! This was predictable but I loved the way you wrote it. Great short story. Keep up the good writing that you have. I like your style.
Lynda with a Y
Good story. I believe I would incorporate (5th line down) I set behind a wall and wrapped my arms. I would like to see you expand on what happen. How did it happen and how the mom died. It leaves me hanging. Keep up the great writing! Don't get discourage as this is very good.
Lynda with a Y
This brought too many thoughts into my mind. You gave an emotional story and laid it out pretty well. I was confused on the mother/daughter part. I thought the mother was thinking all to herself and then you went to the daughter. The transition should have been clearer. Not to worry, I would love to reread it when you rewrite that part. Good job!
Lynda with aY
Great story! I hope it isn't finished and this is just the beginning. I would like to know what happens in Jack and Mattie's life. You have a great beginning, middle and end and they transit very well. I like the way you talk about the characters because you bring them to life for the reader.
Add a sequel! LOL! NO kidding. God , solid writing.
Lynda with a Y
I think you have met my 11 year-old grandson. LOL! He knows it all too! Thanks for such a well written poem. It speaks volumes to the reader. It is very special and I can see why. Keep up the great writing!.
Lynda with a Y
WOW! Would love to have someone interrupt this dream! Guess you are working through something, you just can't figure it out yet. I like the way you handled the entire dream. It was written as a scary story. It could have been an episode of Rod Stirlings "Twilight Zone." Keep this up as you know how to put it down on paper to make it very interest! Great job!
Lynda with a Y
I like your story. Are dogs your favorite animal or one of your favorite animals. You don't say what some of the others are. You need to watch the tense in the sentences. Don't worry, I do the same thing myself. I wish there was an easier way for us to know what tense goes with our sentences. LOL! Read you story out loud to yourself or have someone read it out loud to you. You can hear what you need to change. The same with your footnotes. I would talk more about Abby and what she is like. We already know that the Boxer is your very favorite of the two. Keep writing! Rework this story. I would love to see it again when you are finished editing it.
Lynda with a Y
Predictable, but good. You keep my interest till the ending. You gave a good setting with a short story. Kuddos to you! Keep up your writing!
Lynda with a Y
I love this! I had the unique situation of caring for my mother when she was well and when she was ill. The last year was the hardest. Maybe I will write about it someday like you have. It might just let my soul rest.
Lynda with a Y
There is only one word to sum this up. Beautiful. I do not know what things have happened to you but you have written a very emotional poem that says a lot. I would not change anything.
Lynda with a Y
Honey, I wish I could give a review but I cannot understand anything that is written here. Please take a look a rewrite, in english, what you are saying. Then I will be happy to review this for you.
Lynda with a Y
Whew! And I am suppose to go to bed now. LOL! You have a good story here but you need to clean it up. It is like one run-on paragraph. Use commas and verbs. Rethink your story, sentence, per sentence. Would love to see it again after you tweak it.
Lynda with a Y
MMMM, it makes me want to know what's behind the door. What or who did this? Cute short story. I would take some of the verbs out and rewrite some of the sentences. Otherwise a great read. keep it up.
Lynda with a Y
Well, it is a cute poem, but I think it needs some work. I am not one to know that much about poems, but I do know what I like. Do a few tweets to it, clean it up a bit and it will run. No pun intended.
Lynda with as Y
You have a powerful poem here. I am not one that can critique you poem for stanza's, rhyming, etc. but I can give my thoughts on how I feel about your piece. I think it is wonderful. It says so much to everyone; the poor and those that have been through such tragedies and to all that can help make a difference. Keep up the good work and the very good writing.
Lynda with a Y
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