Great dream! And a great begining of the story. Read this out loud so you can pick up some of your errors. Example: Pa says it looks greatr though, because it makes out house look even better. Should be OUR, Lord I hope so. LOL! OK, going on to Chapter 2
Keep up those dreams, oops,, I mean keep up your writing of those dreams. This is good.
Whoa, great lines! Haven't we all been there before? Two sentences and you have done well my friend. I would not change anything. Now, add to this and I want to read it.
I like your poem. You started out rhyming and then went without. That was a little confusing. However, I find that sometimes I do the same. It is a very interesting subject that you chose to write about. I really liked tha Keep up your writing as it has a lot of potential.
OK, you have a good story line going here, but it is confusing. What blue ball and how is it she has it now? How did it start ot roll and where was it going? Did he leave her or did he die?
Do you see what I mean? It is difficult to follow and yet some of it rings true. I think you should rework it. Explane more so the reader can understand what is going on. I would love to read it again when you make cheges.
Really cute! And, so true. You have a great begining, middle and end. I stumble a bit on the "Some grow you believing it will bring luck" but all in all well put together. Good job.
I think I am confused......Just kidding. I like the way you "show" and not "tell" it all. If this was assignment, it was a tough one and you pulled it off. Good thoughts put on paper.
I really like your story. I do not know why but I was a little confused with the back and forth of the writing. I reread it and do understand what you are doing. It is a wonderful piece. Is there anyway to present it a little bit different? Either way, this is very good writing and I say write on!
WOW! How very powerful this writing is. Are you sure you are not a teacher of English? There is nothing I would change. It is written and it is wonderful.
Lynda with a Y
I have to laugh because you nailed it right. I had cousins that lived in Vegas and I can remember when we would be talking and they would express how cold it was, then only to say idiot people running around in their shorts and sleeveless tops. One thing about Vegas, when it's hot, it's hot and when it's cold, it's cold. Good job! Great writing. Keep up the good work.
Well Len Kane, you have something for everyone to think about. Interesting thoughts on paper. I like what you have to say. I do think you need to reread and rework these thoughts. Maybe condense some of them together. You have some errors that you need to fix. Example: "My questions is simple, is it yes or no. Lets look at no first."
There are more that needs to be reworked, but once that is done it will be a fine piece. Keep up your writing as it will be fantastic.
I think you have something going for you. I am a little confused with the beginning as I do not think it matches with the rest of the poem. Take another look and read it out loud.Try reworking some of it . I would like to see it when you do. Keep up the good writing!
This is so cute! Personally I hope this is a true story because I am ready to pack-up and go there! I wouldn't change one thing about this down-to-earth story. Great writing. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
This is so lovely. Do yo remember when German Shepard's were the enemy? I do. OR the Doberman Pinchers. Each dog that has been bred to fight has such a bad reputation, but with the proper handling, when they are pups, they are very good dogs. It will take forever before people give these dogs a chance.
I liked your story. Well written and understandable. Well done!
A very touching poem. I cannot say if the stanzas are perfect or is it needed to be another type as I do not write poetry, but I do know what I like and this poem gives an emotional feeling to me.
I did, at first, think this was a small child, but at the end, of course, realize it was a father she was talking about. This is the only thing I would clear up in the poem.
As I am crying now for you. It is so hard to lose a dog that has been your friend, guardian, angel and "son" as you so rightly put it. What a wonderful tribute you have written to him.
This is good. When I was reading it I felt as though I was weightless and floating with the flakes. I do not know much about poems, but I do know what I like. Great writing!
Lynda with a Y
WOW! What an incredibly fantastic horror story you have here! It scared the pants off of me and I probably won't sleep tonight. The only thing as suggestions that I have to say is , there are some misspelled words that need to be taken care of. Other wise, I would not change one thing. I hope yo submit this somewhere.
I thought your story had a good beginning, but I found myself lost as I read on. It was difficult to say who was who. The story needs a lot of work but but will be a good one when you reread it and make some changes. Don't hive up as it could be funny and intriguing at the same time.
Lynda with a Y
OH my gosh. I cry for you. I have had many dogs and when I lost one it took forever to get over it. Your dogs are so special and I can't imagine having one to help e and losing them so soon. I cry for you, but I know that you have a great dog with you. God Bless,
Lynda with a Y
Very nice. I am glad that I read it on the eve of Valentine's day as it is so appropriate! I can feel the cabin and the fire. I can hear the strange noises outside but am totally aware s I am with the one I love. I would not change anything. Beautiful
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