She had given up hope of saving the others; there appeared to be five, their little heads going under. - this should be two sentences.
I think you should change the title to 'Tempest in a Coffee Cup,' as your title implies that you are dealing with tea instead of coffee. And it also isn't very original.
This is an interesting little blink. It has a good beginning, middle and ending. I found not grammatical or other errors to distract the reader. And I am happy to see that you have punctuated your conversation properly.
This is a great little blink. I wasn't expecting that ending. You have done a great job with punctuating your conversation properly. What a breath of fresh air.
"Well that's no consolation. you better - 'You' should be capitalized. Just a typo I am sure.
I enjoyed reading your little blink. And how true it is. Your very short story had a good beginning, middle and ending. There are no grammatical or other errors to detract from the work.
I hope you did well in the contest.
I saw your story featured in the "Newbie Newsletter." Welcome to writing.com.
I think this is a pretty good very short story. It does have a good beginning, middle and ending. You need to practice the proper way to punctuate conversation.
That kids head - it should be 'kid's' to show possession
“What did you say” - you need a question mark after "say"
This is an interesting little mystery story. I saw it featured in the Mystery Newsletter. I liked the way it leaves the reader wondering if this is the same girl, or a different one? It has a good beginning and end. I think the middle could use some work. I would like to see your writing flow more.
This is an interesting beginning to what I assume will eventually be a whole story. It has a good beginning, middle and end. Just a few little things that need to be corrected.
door way to study her nails. - I think it should be door jamb instead of door way.
Access Denied the computer - should have single quotation marks around it : 'Access Denied'
The computer gave a chime, Access Granted. - there should be a colon after chime, not a comma, and also Access Granted should have single quote marks around it.
Welcome to writing.com. I see that you are a newbie here. Really like the sentiment of your poem. And I can see the musician in it. It has a beautiful rhythm and flow. I too love to write. Playing the piano and writing are probably the biggest passions in my life. Have you ever done NaNoWriMo?
Just a couple of corrections:
you're the reason sing, and my love without reasoning - did you mean reason "I" sing?
What is the meaning of my life, there is no you - I think you want "If" there is no you
Other than that, no grammatical or other errors. You have great potential.
I enjoyed reading your little one hundred words of 'pleasurable naughtiness.' LOL. Why is it always chocolate? I personally prefer vanilla. Anyway, congrats on winning an award for this piece.
Only one little typo:
gotten my first taste I wanted more. - there should be a comma after 'taste'
This is an interesting group of very short stories. They do have potential, but there are many grammatical and typographical errors in them. And if you are a writer, why are you writing crap stories? You do have a lot of good ideas. I think you could do a much better job, and not just try to fill up your portfolio. Well, I was going to point out some of the errors, but I think you can probably find most of them on your own.
This is an interesting little piece of flash fiction. You have done a good job with it. I liked the way Akmed speaks. You know he probably speaks perfect English and was educated at Harvard, but he tries to sound like an innocent and bumbling, although honest, idiot. And I really enjoyed your portrayal of the TSA agents. Having worked briefly in the law enforcement field, I really appreciated the donut references. This whole piece made me smile.
I saw no obvious grammatical or other errors to detract from your work. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
I enjoyed reading your little flash fiction story. Even though the outcome is pretty obvious, you did a good job of building suspense and keeping the reader entertained until the end. I found no obvious grammatical or other errors to detract from your work.
This is an interesting little story, and it certainly does have a lot of action and elements of adventure in it. There are also quite a few grammatical errors which should be corrected.
this small isolated island? - there should be a comma after 'small.'
Four months the tiger kept him from the small and only fresh water spring for days, not until he'd killed - there should be a period after 'days.' Then start a new sentence with 'Not'
A scrap of iron barrel, the resulting crude sword he fashioned kept him alive if not thriving. - this sentence does not make sense. Try - 'he fashioned a crude sword from a scrap of iron from a barrel, and while he did not thrive, it did keep him alive, ' I am pretty sure barrels are not made of iron.
Using the sheeting as a mirror he might just have a chance, a slim chance, but better than none at all. - There should gee a period after 'chance.' Then start a new sentence with "A slim chance
of the tigers watchful eye. - 'tiger's' - there needs to be an apostrophe in this word, as it is possessive.
Just two more seconds is all he needed. - 'was' all he needed.
I think you should re-read all of your writing. You would pick up many of these things if you did.
I will be happy to come back and re-rate this once it is cleaned up. But I don't feel I can give it a better rating with so many errors in such a short story.
This is kind of a funny little piece of flash fiction. I liked the way you build the drama, and then you just find that the problem is something 'simple,' and that there aren't any monsters around. Nice twist to your story.
Just one little typo:
But then, alas, finally, after such agony, - should be after "much" agony
Other than that, I found no grammatical or other errors to detract from your work.
This is an interesting little piece of flash fiction. It has a lot of good sentiments, and a good beginning, middle and ending, but I think it could use a lot of work.
He looked around, trying to sense whatever had disturbed him. - This sentence should be changed. He has already sensed that there is a problem. You might try "trying to discover what had disturbed him." Also, it should be 'what', not 'whatever'
He gasped as he heard a voice in his head, but not with his ears. - you do not need to say, 'but not with his ears.' Obviously if you hear a voice in your heard, it is implied that you are not hearing a sound with your ears.
I will assume for this discussion that you are fairly new to writing conversation. You did an okay job, but I think it could be improved. I would suggest reading. Read the classics. Read the current best-sellers. The more you read, the more your writing will improve.
Okay, other than that, I really did like the story, and think that it has potential.
And one final thing. Double space between your paragraphs. It looks neater on the page, and also makes it a bit easier to read. However, it is not something that is critical.
This is an interesting little piece of flash fiction, and it does have its merits. It is a good story. But when you have grammatical errors in the first two lines, it is always something that bothers the reader. Especially one who is a stickler for using proper and correct grammar.
Tom was pushed, nearly thrown, into the maintenance room. - It should read pushes AND nearly thrown into. - Okay, I know this is flash fiction, and you are trying to use a minimum of words, so I will give you this one.
Inside, stood two more men. - You do not need a comma in this sentence.
This could be a really nice little piece of flash fiction, but it contains many grammatical errors. For example, in the first paragraph, it should read 'That "ISN'T" so bad, is it?" The action is taking place in the present tense, and should therefore reflect that tense.
In the third paragraph, there should be a comma after 'dead, Also, I am not sure that it is logistically possible for his cat to be stuck in his mouth.
This is a nice little flash fiction story, but I think it needs a lot of work. There are many grammatical and other errors in this piece.
For example:
From the window, she saw thick grey smoke filling her lungs and choking her. .
- One would not see thick grey smoke filling her lungs. It should read "thick grey smoke WHICH filler her lungs"
I think if you re-read this you will find other, similar problems. I am sure you can do a better job.
I enjoyed reading your little Blink. I think you have done a good job of wreaking vengeance, and your title really adds to the tale. I saw no grammatical or other errors to detract from your work. You did a good job punctuating the conversation properly.
This is a very interesting little blink. I liked the sentiment of your short story very much. I found no grammatical or other errors to detract from your work.
Good luck in the contest. I am encouraged to try some of these.
I liked reading your little poem about Springfield. It doesn't sound like a place I would ever want to visit. This is a good free-form poem, with a nice rhythm and flow.
Shoving pass angry strangers. - should be 'past', here and also in the last line of the poem.
Other than that, I saw no other grammatical to distract the reader.
I am not sure why you were writing such a super short story, but it does have some merits. It has a good beginning, middle and end. I don't think the title goes along with the story.
Also, there are some places where punctuation needs to be addressed.
Kaylee's day started out like every day of her life, - This should be one sentence, ending in a period.
she said bye to her mom, her mom ignored because she was staring at a book, - 'but' her mom ignored her. Also needs a period after book.
and Kaylee walked out the door - start a new sentence here, and no 'and' is needed.
Especially in such a short story, one needs to pay careful attention to grammar and punctuation
Best Wishes, Cynaemon
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