This is an interesting little poem. I am sure the person for whom it was written likes it a lot. I would like to see you work on it to give it a better rhythm and flow.
However, I found no grammatical or spelling errors. Good job with that.
You have made a good attempt at writing a cinquain. Only the third poem, about cars actually embodies the correct format. The first two poems are okay, but if they are to be true cinquains, they need some work. A cinquain must always have 5 lines. Your second poem only has four. There are a number of other inconsistancies.
I really liked your poem about the slow and misunderstood. I think you have done an excellent and beautiful job of making your point. This is an excellent free-form poem, and it has a good rhythm and flow.
we put kids when they act strange or unwise, - I think this should be 'we put kids IN, or IN WHICH we put kids - either way, it wouldn't mess up the flow of the poem.
needle,while - just a little typo, you need a space after the comma.
I really liked your little poem about time. It is well-written and has a lovely rhythm and flow. It reminds me of one of my poems, "Summer Calls Me Dreaming." Great job.
Welcome to writing.com. It is always such a delight to welcome one who can truly write. I loved your two poems. They are excellent. Both are well-written and have a lovely rhythm and flow. I really loved the way you compared the two totally different places, and found beauty and value in both. I have not been to Sugar Creek, but I have been to Capitol Reef, and I loved it there.
Welcome to writing.com. This is an interesting stories, and it does have possibilities. However it needs a LOT of work. I do like the way you have formatted your piece. You need to work on tenses, past vs present. Also, use a spell-checker. It will pick up a lot of little errors.
were i made my nest- should be WHERE
light morining - typo - morning
first place we use to play- - USED to play
- so we stop and she got her brass and i got my base- so we STOPPED , I got out my BASS
- and together we play - we PLAYED
down the prairie she said with a said face- typo - SAD face
we wipped our face- and headed for gate 8- - typo - WIPED
-we stop and again she open the trunk- - STOPPED again
- and out the blanket and the dish- TOOK out
- we set on the soft quilt and ate- we SAT on
finish our plates- - FINISHED
then back on way to gate 8- on OUR way
-we notice it has been a day that we went this long way- - NOTICED
once we notice that we made a mistake- - NOTICED
Best Wishes, Cynaemon
PS - I will be happy to re-rate this once you clean it up.
Loved your litte poem. It has a great sentiment and one to which most, if not all, writer's can relate. I especially liked the line 'his pen will spout verb and noun.'
Hope your Muse never becomes paralyzed. Thanks so much for sharing.
I really liked your little love poem. It is very romantic. You have taken clichés and woven them into a very good poem. It has a nice rhythm and flow, and good rhymes.
I enjoyed reading your little bit of flash fiction. You did a good job of using the prompt, which I assume was 'awestruck'. I liked the twist at the end, where the two characters think they are ghosts. I hope you do well in the contest.
I really enjoyed reading your poem. You have done an excellent job with a subject that many would not attempt to address. I applaud you for your courage. From a strictly writing point of view, the poem has an excellent rhythm and flow. I also found no obvious grammatical or spelling errors.
Welcome to writing.com. I hope you will enjoy being here. This is an interesting little ramble, and I did enjoy it.
I sit in this desolate house.
Realizing we made a mess of this. - These two lines should be one sentence, not two.
Your the one to blame. - You're - YOU ARE, is a contraction. There are numerous instances where this needs to be changed.
nothing but is. - should be 'nothing but it'
see it bc we wouldn't let you - bc, because. Needs to be spelled out, or annotated at the bottom of your piece. You may know what it means, but many of your readers will not.
I will be happy to re-rate this once you clean it up.
Hi, Rhyssa,
Congratulations on being featured in the Poetry Newsletter. I loved your poem. It has a beautiful rhyhm and flow. I especially liked the last lines:
new myths are being told
to explain ...
the stars.
Excellent job. Best Wishes on all of your writing. Cynaemon
This is a very interesting bit of rambling, and I enjoyed reading it. I think I would have broken it up into paragraphs, just to make it easier for the reader to read.
I enjoyed your short poem, but I am not sure it is a true cinquain.
I am using this format:
Line A: general one word subject or topic
Line B: Two adjectives describing the topic
Line C: Three '-ing' words that fit the topic
Line D: Four word phrase that captures a feeling about the topic
Line E: A very specific word that explains Line A.
Perhaps you are using a different format for this. It was still a nice poem.
I enjoyed reading your flash fiction story. I liked the twist at the end. I think you did a good job of using the prompts for this story. I found no grammatical errors or typos. I thought the title went well with the story.
I enjoyed reading your short poem. I wonder what you decided to do, and if you are still writing. This has some nice philosophy, but I think you could work on the rhythm and flow of the poem.
I enjoyed reading your little story. It has a good beginning, middle and ending, and that is hard to do in such a short space. I wish you had said what the prompt was. Anyway, I am sure you did a good job with it.
all his meticulous plans are useless now - should be WERE useless now, since the story up to this point is written in the past tense.
I really enjoyed your short poem about ice cream. It was quite yummy. I like the way you used the three prompts to build the perfect ice cream cone. Delicious free verse.
Of course I didn't see any grammatical errors or typos.
The only problem I can see is that now I want ice cream. And it is 11:20 P.M., and everything in this little town is closed. The sidewalks rolled up at 6.
This is a very interesting poem about your day. And what an interesting prompt. I think you have done a very good job of following it, including the words you needed and leaving out so many forbidden words. I enjoyed reading this, and saw no obvious grammatical errors or typos.
Keep up the good work. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
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