Hello jake,
A poem with a sentimental message with a lonely title too.
This line really made me wonder:
"The tear trickles on to my lip I lick the tear with the
tip of my tounge it tastes bitter and warm"
It tastes bitter, not salty ?
My suggestion:
"i'm"
Please change it to: (please capitalize the letter I
I'm
Thank you for sharing your talent.
Write On.
Hello King's Daughter,
The title captivates my attention simply because I love chocolates too.
Chip cookies ? You made me crave for it in this very early Philippines morning.
The poem has a good flow and you made me smile reading the last stanza.
My suggestion:
"to with the ease of baby sucking"
Please delete the word ....to
with the ease of baby sucking
Thank you for sharing your talent.
WRITE ON.
Hello Staci,
A tribute to your grandfather whom you are calling Papa. A highly admirable man as I read between the lines of your poem.
A poem so full of love, respect and honor.
My suggestion:
"a source of livelyhood"
Please change it to:
a source of livelihood
Thank you for sharing "Papa By The River"
Keep writing and keep posting.
Hello The Painter,
This can be a very good introduction of a Sci-fi or a fantasy book or aTime Travel book.
The title is very captivating as being prophetic in nature.
My suggestion:
Please divide this into three paragraphs for a wonderful presentation.
I find the written lines brilliant.
Thank you for sharing your talent.
Keep writing and keep posting.
Hello purplewriter,
This is fun...Amusing and yet so true.
This is well-presented, well-written, no grammatical error, no TYPO, and there is a continuity or a very good flow.
You made me laughed most reading the last two lines.
May I write a few words about this as to quote from my husband who hates to have a boss so he decided to
have a business of his own so he can be his own boss, he always told me:
"A boss in not always right, but he is always a boss !" Hhahahhhahha...
Thank you for sharing your talent.
Write On.
Hello naomiapple,
I was captivated by the title "Rose" the queen of all flowers.
This is a sentimental love story with a happy ending.
Ari and Tobey, both young at heart and they found true love in the most un-expected place, in the most un-expected situation but still there is a drama that seems so realistic and that is what I admire most in your work.
The conclusion in bold letters wheer the mother of Ari was calling her ?
You made me smile, a very wide smile.
Great talent. Thank you for sharing.
WRITE ON.
Hello again lorilady,
I always admire acrostic poetry and this one captivates mu interest as I for one is a lover of this word that makes
a title of your poetry"Silence"
I love all the seven lines that completed this most meaningful work.
In your own convenient time I am inviting you to visit my port and read my "The Power of Silence"
Thank you for sharing.
Write On.
Hello lorilady,
I love the message of this song in poetry form.
It offers great positiveness and so full of caring and loving thoughts to one and all.
My favorite lines:
"Banish hate, deprivation
Banish hurtful words
Open your hearts to Love
Make it free as a bird"
Making these lines into a reality truly makes the world most beautiful to live.
Thank you for sharing "Sing A Song"
WRITE ON.
Hello Redtowrite,
Another wonderful work of Redtowrite.
I admire it from the start until the last line.
Most meaningful, most admirable and you deserved the highest adjectives that described this fascinating
"Reach out, Embrace Bliss"
A poem so PERFECT !
Write On.
Hello Naomi,
A very importat and interesting topic to write.
Yes, I agree with all those inspiring lines that you wrote.
My suggestion:
"Hapiness and peace."
Please change the word Hapiness to- Happiness
"looking a fter"
Please change this to:
looking after
Thank you for sharing your work.
May PEACE be with you and to one and all.
Keep writing and keep posting.
Hello Moralitykid,
The title made me very curious on what is an OCD?
Now I know what it is.
Very creative.
A poem with a good flow and a good rhyme.
My suggestion is at the last line.
"Become truley spontaneous, one of the few"
Please change the word truley to.....................................truly
Thank you for sharing.
WRITE ON.
Hello Acme,
hhahhaahhahhahha..
No way that I gonna edit this... Hhahhahaha ...I love the way it was written from the title which offers a lot of fun
to the review of Meg written as a poem.
Witty, wacky and wholesome fun that makes me conclude you are a brilliant writer, and that's it !
Thank you for the great fun.
WRITE ON.
Hello Naomi,
A song. I wonder what the tune would be.
My suggestion:
How about writing this like a poetry form for a very attractive presentation for example of the first few lines,
"The prince, the prince
He hardly knows himself
He comes right in
And picks you out
Just so you want
Find him out ! "
Suggestion only. The decision is all yours.
Thank you for sharing your music.
Keep writing and keep posting.
Hello Lori,
hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I can laugh all the day through...
Thank you for the wonderful time reading "Wanna Be A Poolgirl"
You made my very sunny Philippines morning so great.
hahhahhaha....
Better put an answering machine.
You are really you are..
I love your style.
Have a nice day..
WRITE On..
Hello darqsoul,
A unique way of describing one's innermost feeling to special someone.
Nice poem with a lovely presentation.
The last two lines made a sudden twist of the story behind the poetry and these lines are most lovable and meaningful.
Wonderful piece.
Very precious three words "I Love You"
Keep writing and keep posting.
Hello Redtowrite,
A very precious poem whose title and lines are so magnificent as the colors of the rainbow.
I love the way you describe your life through "I am a Collage of Many People"
Brilliant and most meaningful.
Thank you for the joyful read.
See you again.
GOD BLESS.
Hello Lauracat,
A free-verse poetry with philosophical message.
Yes, the hardest is how to start but once it started everything will fall in line"
The last four lines or the last stanza are my favorite lines in this work.
Thank you for sharing your work.
Keep writing and keep posting.
Hello Mairaaa,
The relationship did not work out. The efforts of mending it up and yet it failed as promises were made to be broken not to be fulfilled in this particular situation.
A free-verse poetry and is deeply emotional.
Yes, in our journey, HONESTY is still the best policy.
My suggestion in this work:
"It's been a weeks"
Please change it to :
It's been weeks
Thank you for sharing your talent.
WRITE ON.
Hello Nav,
The title is very captivating to me. I am collecting small stones and I used them as part of the house and they
are so precious to me.
Here in this poem you give so much importance of this object that I love.
This is a beautiful poetry with a good rhyme, good flow and I admire it so much.
The last two lines arr my favorite lines.
Yes, each God's creation serves its purpose.
Thank you for sharing.
WRITE ON.
Hello Taurus,
The love of your life and this poem is dedicated to her.
A poem so full of life, excitement, happiness and bliss.
The poetry whose gladness and joy spreads around and it is like petals opening in the sunshine, harmonizing
with the feelings of the heart.
I am happy for both of you and Nicole.
Thank you for sharing your talent.
Keep writing and keep posting.
Hello Kevin,
A birthday wish, a birthday poem so full of love to your dearest wife.
Emotional and so touching.
How blessed you are to have an angel in your life.
An angel who is so far and yet so near to your heart.
A very precious angel.
Thank you for sharing.
WRITE ON.
Hello 2pacnasdmx,
The poem that described a best friend...Oh...and the other name of this friend is DEPRESSION..
Do not listen to this friend. Listen to your heart that says "I am happy and I am happy to be me and I
will always be happy starting today. The world is so beautiful and I am the reason why it is so beautiful"
You are a very good poet as you carried away my emotion in making this review.
My suggestion is the TYPOS :
happyness please change it to ........happiness
minit please change it to .......minute
Also please take note :
When am looking in the mirror
Please change it to :
When I am looking in the mirror
Thank you for sharing your work.
WRITE ON.
Hello Ben,
What a beautiful and precious work you are sharing here. With an explanation below the poem it also serves
as a lesson to me about poetry and its forms this specific one as a Couplet.
I find this a very fascinating "I Might"
Thank you for the read.
WRITE ON.
Hello Wes,
This could make an interesting prolouge of a Novel.
The fact that you are a very good writer, your stay in a foreign land will also serves as a very good turning point in your life, as a Novelist ...."A Different Path" and the future best seller.
Vietnam is a historical country and the name alone makes everyone wants to know "What is going on in
Vietnam right now ?...Today and tomorrow ...
There is a very good reason for everything and surely there is a best reason why of all the places in the world,
why Vietnam?
Deep in your heart and soul is the answer.
Thank you for sharing a job well-done.
I look forward to see in the bookstores your brilliant work.
WRITE ON......
Hello Lauren Parker,
What a beautiful poem and yet still there's no title.
A secret love ?
The lines are very meaningful and so touching.
The lucky prince charming is not aware that there's a princess who cares for him...
A poem so full of life.
Hope you can decide what the title will be.
The last line is my favorite line.
Write On.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/paglaum/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/50
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.61 seconds at 6:42pm on Sep 19, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
