Tragically sad and beautiful. There was so much detail packed into your story and my heart broke for the old man. For the most part, everything was well written but this line "Sand flows down in its normal gravity release, is here is where time can change." made me hiccough really bad. I had to reread it multiple times and it still doesn't flow right, particularly the "is here is". Perhaps change that to read "it is here where" or perhaps "with it, time can change". Otherwise, I didn't find anything that detracted from the story. Well done.
This was a very touching tale that was full of such depth and stirred up nostalgia. For instance, the part about Benji nearly had me in tears as I thought of my childhood cat who I held when the vet gave her death's sweet kiss. It was one of the few times I witnessed my father cry over an animal. I loved the description of the connection. There were a couple of lines that could perhaps be reworded just to aid in the flow but overall, very well written and a pleasant read. Nicely done.
With your summary of the story, I came here not sure what to expect as your choice of an attention grabber is a fire starter at best. However, I was pleasantly surprised. The rant I'd expected or debate starter wasn't present. This was a well done story that captured the struggle of an overwhelmed family. I absolutely felt for the children and Elsa who are caught in a dark place that isn't fair to the kiddos. I didn't see any glaring mistakes but I was kinda caught up in the story. Well done.
Lol, no really... that's not a phrase, that was my reaction. I used to have a German Shepherd who enjoyed Anne Rice books, I owned three copies of Queen of the Damned and my latest still bears the chewed on corner of his admiration. This made me think of him and crack up at the two separate perceptions of Amy. I loved the way the dog thought and it just cracked me up. Well done.
There are a few errors and areas that need reworded to help the flow of the story but other than that, this had me sitting on the edge with my fingers and toes crossed that she got away. I'm a massive sucker for a heroine who fights her way out of a situation rather than just accepting the status quo. It made me cheer for her and hope that she's not going to die of exposure on the open sea. Right?! Quite intense, well done.
Very lovely written. Makes me want to go break out one of my faerie books and read. I liked the description in the first stanza and also greatly enjoyed the spirit she showed in the stanza with the spies. I always love a heroine who establishes her strength and uses it to put them in their place. Well done.
Ah, this made me laugh out loud. I thoroughly enjoyed the adventures you tried to take your snowboarder through and the climax of him ditching you and joining your backseat writer. What a fun read and it flowed well. I totally picture this over dressed snowboarder stumbling through a picture book, each page a depiction of the story you tried him in and looking more and more frazzled as the picture book progresses. Well done.
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