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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Big hugs, this was a beautiful memorial to a man who touched your life so thoroughly.

What I love about your work: You pour in all these memories and emotions into a well worded poem that captures your love for your father completely. Beautifully done.

Why I could relate to your work: My grandmother and I were so close, I lived with her for a couple of years and just loved her. It tears me apart that she'll never meet my youngest daughter and that the two older ones hardly remember her.

My suggestions: With personal poetry, I tend not to offer suggestions unless there is something that blatantly trips me up. I didn't see anything.

In conclusion: I very much felt for you and admired your father through your writing. Beautifully done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, hello there: A day that forever changed our country's course and set us down a long, winding path that is still affecting us today.

What I love about your work: Well, I didn't read the description, just started reading, and I knew from that first stanza exactly what this was about. It is short, beautiful and straight to the point.

Why I could relate to your work: I remember getting ready for school and my parents calling me out to watch the second plane crash on the news. I remember us all standing there, covering our mouths and we cried. I didn't go to school that day and the television ran the entire time, keeping us up to date to the horror impacting our world.

My suggestions: I don't have any. I think you executed this very well and the flow is nice, nothing caused me to trip and like I said, I knew exactly what it was about right off the bat.

Any noticeable typos: "the twin towers crumbed into dust." Pretty sure "crumbed" is supposed to be "crumbled", though to be fair, I only noticed cause I was getting ready to put it in the next section.

My favorite lines: "As we watched,
safe in our homes,
the twin towers crumbed into dust." Still one of the most horrific things I've ever witnessed.

In conclusion: This touched my heartstrings and reminded me of my grief for our people. This was well done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I see a lot of potential with this story, it's very interesting.

What I love about your work: I love the concept of your story. The idea of angels trying to figure out how to handle a particularly difficult case and needing to work with the other departments is fascinating. Kind of makes me think of an anime my husband enjoys "Ah! My Goddess".

Why I could relate to your work: I have a slight thing for the idea of good and evil, angels and demons, so stories that centralize around them grab my attention.

My suggestions: Stories that switch character p.o.v.s so drastically make it hard to slip into character. To be honest, the opening few paragraphs of this tale didn't make much sense to me until I read the whole story, then I went and reread it to understand how it worked. Flipping around from different perspectives makes it a tad bit difficult to follow.

"completely oblivious to all the girls ogling over his aesthetically pleasing form: 6' 3", a little stocky but with some definition." This section bothered me. Who's watching him? Is it from Kirsten's p.o.v? With how much inner reflection you have coming from Scott, I thought it was from Scott's p.o.v., but why would Scott be observing how oblivious he was to girls checking out his aesthetically pleasing form? And if it's Kirsten, why is so deep in his head? I think either way, that needs a bit rewording. Don't focus so hard on getting his description out there that you lose the flow of your story.

Any noticeable typos: I did not notice anything that distracted from the story, other than what I listed above.

My favorite lines: " "That eliminates our traditional weapon, if you will."

"Bow and arrow?"

"Please! Those became obsolete in your planet's 1960s."


In conclusion: I found this to be a fun and interesting read, with a lot of potential if you straighten out a few hiccoughs. I definitely like the idea of something brewing over there in Satan's garden over Scott's new companion. As they say, write on!


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: My, what an exciting and adventurous life you've led! And will lead!

What I love about your work: How you brought up so many little things to indicate where you've been, but I really loved the ending where you reveal, you still have so much to see.

Why I could relate to your work: Hehehe, I found my home in there so that just tickled me. You don't know, but I gave you a past drive by waving when you swept through my home state :D.

My suggestions: When it comes to poetry, I tend to keep my suggestions down a bit unless there is somewhere that trips me up or there are typos. So... didn't see anything that needs fixed.

My favorite lines: "Riding past saguaros and sand through
New Mexico and Arizona deserts,
Heating up in Tucson and Phoenix,
Being awed by the Grand Canyon,"

In conclusion: I thought this was a pretty poem detailing your life's adventure and plotting your next course. It was cute. Nicely done.


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Review of The Tear  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E
Well, hello there: Such emotion captured in this pretty piece.

What I love about your work: You made the words twist and twine around me, full of imagery and a beauty that only bittersweet poems can capture. It was almost like you painted with your words.

Why I could relate to your work: I've cried over so many things and feel tears can be shed over pretty much anything (even Disney movies for me, yes I'm emotional :P). So, this piece captured me right off the bat.

My suggestions: I honestly did not have any. This flowed well and there wasn't anything that tripped me up. I didn't see any typos that detracted from the poem.

My favorite lines: "a teardrop is how
my human soul bleeds."

In conclusion: I loved the singsong flow you weaved and the imagery in your work. You conveyed such emotion with this and I very much enjoyed it. Well done.


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Review of Valentine Gift  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Lol, heck yes, this is one of those short and sweet pieces that people should read when trying to pick out chocolate.

What I love about your work: How straight to the point it was, but yet very understandable. Your poem left no room for misinterpretation and I like that, quite a bit.

Why I could relate to your work: Godiva! I don't think more is necessary ;).

My suggestions: I don't honestly have any. This flowed well, there weren't any blatant errors and it definitely got the point across. Well done.

In conclusion: You've made me crave some chocolate now, some tasty chocolate. Mmmm. Anywho, overall, I enjoyed this poem and liked the point you made. Thought you did well at putting this together. Kudos.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E
Well, hello there: Aw, such a sweet development.

What I love about your work: I very much enjoyed how the man went from cowering behind his fears to rising up, thanks to his girls.

Why I could relate to your work: We feel your exhilaration, and your suffering, with three daughters of our own. Becoming a parent opens up an amazing world that is beyond compare and impossible to denote the worth to someone who does not have their own munchkins.

My suggestions: I would recommend adding some extra punctuation, there's a few places missing commas and semi-colons that could benefit from their addition.

Noticeable typos: I did not notice any save the punctuation. There was nothing that really pulled me out of the flow of your poem, which was nicely done.

Favorite Line:
"The man behind the mask
who never chose to try
was so afraid of falling
that he never dared to fly."

In conclusion: I completely appreciate a poem that brings to life the way parenting can completely change your character. Admittedly, I was a much darker person before my oldest was born and have slowly come into my own, thanks to their wild antics. So, I very much enjoyed this and wish you the best in the world of parenting. As they say, write on.


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Review of Mercy  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Never actually been fishing, but quite an interesting take on the idea.

What I love about your work: I love how you set this up, very cleverly done. I love how your provide so much detail and suck me into the character.

Why I could relate to your work: If I were to ever fish, this is absolutely how I would do it. My family is a catch and release, not a fry them up and serve them, type. Not that I'm real keen to go fishing after reading this, but hey, if it were to ever happen :P.

My suggestions: I did not really have any as I got sucked in and that was it, I was lost in the mind of this morsel crazed fish. There weren't any big typos that distracted me from the story, well done.

In conclusion: This was a super fun, unique take on the experience of fishing. I enjoy stories that make us look at something completely normal from an abnormal perspective, so well penned.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: As a lover of Christmas, reading through your outline made me go "meep".

What I love about your work: I enjoyed the concept behind your outline and find it to be a very fascinating albeit overwhelming one. The thought of Christmas all year is intimidating, even to someone like me who obsesses about Christmas year round. I love how you came up with something though for each month, very clever.

Why I could relate to your work: I may have mentioned it once or twice, but Christmas is and always has been my absolute favorite holiday. By the time I'm done decorating, my husband says it looks like Santa puked on my house. So, this totally spoke to me right from the beginning.

My suggestions: When you write the story, you should totally think about how these monthly challenges would work in areas not cold friendly. For instance, I'm in Arizona, which is nothing but pavement and more asphalt around here, even in January. You should include things like how the sleighs don't work very well on the rough streets and how the animals would react to our extreme heat. Or the "be like Santa" challenge. I see people passing out if not dying from heat exhaustion trying to complete that one. I think you should definitely include adverse effects of such a festive concept, too. It would be fun to read.

Any noticeable typos: To be fair, I wasn't looking for typos and I think it's a moot point anyways with an outline.

In conclusion: I am absolutely interested in such a story and am torn between being excited over the idea or frightened. Christmas, twelve months a year, might take out the special magic associated with it. I would certainly want to know how you approach such a topic. Anywho, best of luck and pen on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Well, hello there: Aw, the family that kills together, eats together?

What I love about your work: I like how you make this seem like such a normal situation, the kid wanting to play video games but supposed to do their chores... only to reveal on the last line that it's not so normal. Quite an interesting read.

Why I could relate to your work: I love when something dark is thrown into a seemingly normal situation, it just grabs my attention and fuels my own dark imagination.

My suggestions: Just to help with the reader's poor eyes on the computer screen, you might want to add actual line breaks. While paragraphs are easier to discern, having line breaks helps lighten the strain on our readers.

Any noticeable typos: There were a couple spots lacking needed commas, but nothing too distracting.

In conclusion: I enjoyed how you wove something eerie in only 300 words. Again, taking a normal situation and infusing it with something more sinister just entertains me. I think if you polish this up, you could have a really great beginning to something more malevolent. As they say, write on.


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Review of African Princess  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Just for the record. I've always believed there is a special place in hell for monsters who operate in the sale of flesh.

What I love about your work: You bring attention to a horrible chapter in our past, but do so without laying all the blame at the foot of the "white man". You also bring up the dark side that many slaves were sold out by their own people, but you did all of the above very tastefully. You also brought in the horrors of slavery, but again, did so tastefully without making it a horrid display.

Why I could relate to your work: I love strong female protagonists and she was certainly one. It is sad that her life was so torn apart.

My suggestions: You mention that they cried out to their gods, but proceed to have her speak of God and saving her soul. Were her people pagans with multiple gods or were they believers of God? I think, in order to keep with the continuity of your piece, you need to make the decision so it is clear to the reader. It seems that her beliefs would be saturated in tradition and wouldn't toss around between faiths without any mention of conversion.

Any noticeable typos: I only noticed the gods vs. God, otherwise, your story completely snagged my attention.

In conclusion: I felt this did a nice job of bringing attention to a dark reality without slapping us in the face with it. That's a hard line to straddle, but I do think you accomplished it. Well done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Such wicked morning sunshine, it never listens to any of our pleas.

What I love about your work: You brought to life your morning ritual in a very cute and warm fashion. I totally pictured someone burrowing under their comforter, trying to coax the sun to go away but being drawn out on the lure of coffee.

Why I could relate to your work: I'm an insomniac night owl. . . so mornings and I rarely get along. Yet I always force myself out because I know the day will bring forth a new adventure and I can't experience it hiding in the dark confines of my room.

My suggestions: Remove the broken image link. . . I was all bummed I didn't get to see what you thought complimented your work. Otherwise, I didn't have any. I very much enjoyed how you brought your praying ritual into this without making it feel preachy. It was quite a pleasant read.

In conclusion: Overall, I enjoyed your work and thought it flowed very well. You didn't butcher the language to try to make it flow together so I liked it quite a bit. Well done.


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Review of Thank You  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: Aw, glad to see this site has inspired you to move into blogging. Hopefully that will be the perfect outlet for you.

What I love about your work: Shameless plug or not, I thought this was a very touching way to reach out to others. It allowed you to not only promote your blog, but show your gratitude for those who helped motivate you into finding your spot.

Why I could relate to your work: I understand not being able to answer individual emails. This is one of the more active sites I've ever been in and I swear, emails multiply over night. This was a great way of acknowledging the help that you've received without leaving anyone out.

In conclusion: I thought this was a clever idea and truly wish you the best of luck with your blog. May it work out amazingly well for you.


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Review of Table For One  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well, hello there: Nice rendition of a destroyed heart hidden behind smooth confidence and a well dressed spirit.

What I love about your work: I totally envisioned this lanky fellow in a formal suit, adjusting his tie and ignoring the stares and whispers to go claim his table. You did very well at capturing such a spirited man, someone who is broken but not all at once, in this poem. And I love the subtle humiliation at the end, well done.

Why I could relate to your work: While I've never done the whole dining on my own instead of going on a date thing, I did go to a few high school dances on my own. And I always did with a cocky attitude, firmly of the belief that I was not defined by who I wore on my arm. So, I certainly could relate to his quite courage.

My suggestions: I did not have any as I enjoyed this just the way it is, nor did I see any distracting typos.

In conclusion: I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and love how you brought it to life. It is a strong piece that captures a strong character. Well done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Well, hello there: I found your work through the random review and had to drop a word.

What I love about your work: You definitely seem to speak of someone in a hard situation.

Why I could relate to your work: My family is a family of five on an income of one so I understand the facing problems with bills. Thankfully I have not lost family to a crash, but my heart goes out to this poor lad for having to endure that.

My suggestions: Make sure you read your poetry out loud, it will help you catch awkward sentences. Also, remember that when you're posting something publicly, you are posting a part of yourself for viewing. You want to take the time to edit your work, run it through a spell checker, so that the reader knows your stuff is worth the time. If you are not willing to take the time to edit your work, it can discourage readers.

I also recommend rewording this line "Now I nourish his needs like his custodial, fulfilling his needs". You don't want "needs" twice in one line. Perhaps thesaurus another word for needs; demands, wants, desires, etc.

Any noticeable typos: There are quite a few spelling errors, so you really should run this through a spell check. Though it will not catch everything, for instance in the second line, did you intend the soul to be scared? or scarred?

In conclusion: You have the potential to have a well done poem on your hands, but you must first take the time to edit it and make sure that the grammar is what you've intended. Best of luck and write on.


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Review of Stormy Heart  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: What an interesting use of the prompt words you show us at the bottom, certainly brought to life a beautiful poem.

What I love about your work: The beautiful melancholy you captured with your words. I love the last stanza, it is so hauntingly dark and scary to those who question the worth of opening themselves up. Well done.

Why I could relate to your work: We've all been in a place where vulnerability is one of our biggest fears. It is not easy to let someone in past the barriers we put up and sometimes, it leaves us burnt.

My suggestions: I always find it difficult to offer up suggestions on poetry unless there is a glaring mistake. You do not have any, so I will just say... well done.

In conclusion: I enjoyed your poem, it was beautiful and dark, romantic and yet hopeless. Quite a mix of emotions and the imagery was well done. Pen on!


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Review of The Hapless King  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: Aw, that terrible moment where your worse fear is realized and becomes a reality.

What I love about your work: I really enjoyed how you focused on Arthur's unspoken rivalry with Kay. You gave Arthur such a sympathetic personality.

Why I could relate to your work: I've always loved the tale of King Arthur, though the Lady in the Lake and Merlin were really who occupied my fascination. However, it's always fun to read a new take on the age old legend.

My suggestions: I'm hoping you're planning on continuing this. You can't just turn said time old legend upside down and not explain it further. There must be more, shaking fist ;).

Any noticeable typos: There were a few spots where your present tenses seemed wrong. They just don't mesh well, but I keep reading the lines over again, trying to decide if the tenses are wrong or if it's something else. Sorry, I know that's not much help and if I figure out exactly what it is bothering me about the lines, I'll drop you another note.

In conclusion: Overall, I very much enjoyed this story. I could practically see Arthur fighting his own self doubt, only to have it all come crashing back down on him in a failed pull. Nicely penned.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Aw, so you requested a review from me and here I am. Hope it is up to your expectations.

What I love about your work: I could be off my rocker, but I got from the story that the main protagonist is a demon. A very strong, arrogant and perhaps not the most logical demon with a misplaced desire to rule. I loved your description of the dark world, nothing but dust.

Why I could relate to your work: This felt like a dark fantasy, which instantly had my interest peaked. I want to know more about the this being, who are the three, why is he plotting so much.

My suggestions: All right, I do have a few and you can use what appeals to you or ignore it all together, I won't take any of it personally.

The first is that when writing an actual story, using different colors distracts from the writing. . . especially light gray. I really had to fight my eyes to read the light gray, cause my automatic reaction to that color is that it's not something I need to read and my eye wants to pull right over it. You want the reader to be focused on your work, not the colors of it. If you want to show a difference in speaking, italics are one of the best methods to do so. Bold is also good, but I find in formal writing that italics usually makes the point better and that bold is best left for defining chapters and such.

There were a few spots in the soliloquy where the wording bothered me. For instance "That one who of love speaks and then destroys all who dare defy". With how you currently have this written, it is not speaking about someone who talks about love, it is speaking about someone who love talks about. You need to be conscientious about how you write when trying to sound formal, because sometimes you change the meaning completely by only switching a few words.

Make sure you read your story out loud so you catch any awkward sentences or spots like above that don't properly flow. Reading out loud is one of the only ways I can catch my errors and allows me to stop areas that I can actually improve upon.

I love how detailed you've made your story, but I feel it could use even more. At this point of the game, I'm not a hundred percent sure what type of being we are discussing. My theory is demons, but after reading through it again, it could be angels, could be humans. I'm not sure if you're holding that info out on purpose, but from a reader's standpoint, it makes it difficult to connect.

Noticeable typos: This line seems a little mixed up in the soliloquy "Those three kill I once now". It doesn't sound formal or flow well, it's choppy and left me scratching my head.

There are a couple of places where commas and such would be more appropriate.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this story and would like to see it polished, see where it takes you. I'm curious about the final act of this being, if he will be successful in his need to punish the three or if it's just a desperate game. Nicely penned.


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Review of Minor Key  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Aw man, the brutality of reality! It sucks sometimes.

What I love about your work: I really enjoyed how you followed this man from a distance, watching him embrace the cove as a young boy until he was an old man. I found it very interesting though saddening all at once.

My suggestions: My only suggestion is that you perhaps add something in to make the main character more likable. He comes across as a poor excuse for a person who runs from any challenges and abandons his families with nothing more than a shrug of his shoulders. I don't know what to add, but he needs a redeeming quality. At the end of the story, I felt worse for the mermaid than him.

In Conclusion: I really liked the idea behind this story and love how you built up the magic and destruction of the cove. Nicely done.



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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a wonderful, intriguing piece that gripped me right from the beginning.

What I love about your work: I couldn't explain, but I loved your focus on the eyes. You created so many strong characters and somehow tempered them all and strengthened them at the same time with their eyes.

Why I could relate to your work: I'm a big time fantasy fan so I thoroughly enjoyed this. I was certainly interested in what avenue you were going to take the story.

My suggestions: I lost myself in the story and didn't really find any blaring mistakes. You put this together quite well.

In Conclusion: I love the sense of adventure imbued in this story and loved how all the characters progressed. You did a wonderful job of bringing everyone to life and weaving the story together. Well penned.



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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The power of the word comes not in the word itself, but in it's usage.

What I love about your work: I love when people question what we've been lead to believe is normal and to not simply accept the idea of only black and white. You do very well at asking us to question our inherent belief that the idea of discrimination is bad. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Why I could relate to your work: I am a firm believer in the idea that most words are not inherently bad or good, but rather it is the connotation that decides their value. I think you showed that discrimination is one of those words that is absolutely dependent upon its use.

My suggestions:There were a couple of places that I think an actual line break would be useful. " The word favorite is one aspect of the word discrimination. That word is not all negative. It has positive characteristics as well.
Our facilitator corrected my way of thinking saying there was a difference. When referring to Biblical principles and teachings, the appropriate word is discerning." Seems like you should either make this one paragraph or put a line break between the two.

Also: I would perhaps move this line "So, here is what Roget’s Thesaurus showed me:" into another paragraph to help break the list up from the rest of the paragraph and definite it a bit more.

In Conclusion: Overall, I always enjoy a thought provoking piece, especially one that makes us think. I especially appreciated that you brought your faith into this piece, but it didn't feel as if you were cramming it down others' throats. That's always a very thin line to tread and yet you pulled it off quite well. Nicely done.



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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What I love about your work: I love how you turned (correct me of I'm wrong) what feels like a suicide into something to tragically beautiful and almost, enchanted. This is just a gorgeous read, the words flow well.

Why I could relate to your work: I've certainly been in my own dark place and this poem pulls that to mind, but in a good way :P. Being of the more darker mentality, this completely appealed to me.

My suggestions: I don't really have any, as far as I can tell, your grammar is well done and there's no blatant errors. I didn't stumble over the wording anywhere. It was very well put together.

In Conclusion: This was a beautifully, dark piece, well written. You did an excellent job at putting this together and hoped it served you well. As they say, write on!



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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Aw, the poor doctor and poor Elizabeth.

What I love about your work: I enjoyed the concept greatly. I also got a kick out of the acronym, might explain my mother's obsessive cleaning ;).

Why I could relate to your work: I grew up with the belief that a fan on, a radio on and all limbs tucked under the blankets was the only way to keep the monsters under my bed at bay. To this day, I sleep best I have a blanket on me and no body parts hanging off. So, totally could relate to this woman's fear.

My suggestions: I'm not sure if you wrote this for a challenge but you have every doctor and psychiatric capitalized. If it's not for a challenge, those words are not commonly capitalized. When you have statements such as "I'm Doctor Andrews", it would be better written as "I'm Dr. Andrews." We all know Dr. means doctor, but seeing it written out threw my mind for a loop and tripped me up a bit.

Any big typos: “Well, what do you think of her condition Andrews?”" There should be a comma before Andrews. You have a couple of similar errors where a comma should be before the name. "I mean after all, I’m just an on-call resident Doctor Miles" This one is most pronounced to me. I'm not sure, without a comma and with the capitalization of Doctor, whether he's saying "I'm just an on-call resident, Dr. Miles" or if he's saying "I'm just an on-call resident doctor, Miles". Remember, commas are vitally important in denoting your sentence meaning.

In conclusion: I thoroughly enjoyed the idea of monsters being formed from dust and capable of taking those that believe in them. Knowing the state of my bed growing up, I would have been in trouble :P. I love the frantic energy of Elizabeth and the amusement of Dr. Andrews. Quite a fun read.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
There is so much strength in this piece, my hat off to you. Not only do you make this little boy's life and yours as smooth as you can, but you have the courage to speak about your experience. May his good days outnumber his bad and may continue to be an awesome grandma. Well penned.


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375
Review of No Time To Scream  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
And Corey's hungry after seeing the dead body? Lol, perhaps he shares more in common with the beast than he realizes.

What I love about your work: I love how you execute the switch between the views, the way you map out the hunt. It flows very well and comes off as deliciously gross :D. I enjoyed this quite a bit.

Why I could relate to your work: I love horror and grew up on a steady diet of vampires, werewolves and other monsters so this totally caught me right off the bat. Gruesome.

My suggestions: " He’s still hungry though, and once again he raises his nose in the air, and once again he catches something on the breeze." This line right here tripped me up a bit because of the two "once again". I might suggest using another repetitive phrase to move it along. The repeat feels a little forced. Maybe: "He's still hungry though, and again he raises his nose in the air, and once more he catches something on the breeze". There were a couple other spots that caused me to stumble a bit, but this was the one that stood out the most in my mind.

Conclusion: Overall, I enjoyed this quite a bit. It totally spoke to the gore hound in me and caught the beast's desperation, his victims' fear. Well done.


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