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Review of Memoir of a Cat  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I saw a review of this on the public review and thought I'd take a peek, what a cute story.

What I love about your work: I love the questioning our way of life, it cracked me up. I loved the description of everything and it just was a cute story, albeit a little sad in the beginning.

Why I could relate to your work: My first cat and the love of my animal life was a kitten my father found in our driveway at only a few weeks old. We had her for nine years and she was awesome, so this made me think of her. Wonder if she saw the world similarly.

My suggestions: I think you may want to try to eliminate some of the passive voice to make this stronger. I think it would really pop if you did that.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that leaped out at me.

My favorite line(s): "Why am I forbidden to enter Closet? Is Vacuum afraid of me?" I just picture this cat twining around his owner's ankles, trying to see into the closet and get a peep of the mysteriousness of it. Cutely done.

In conclusion: This was a cute read, a lot of fun. Glad I took a peek.


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Review of Hanukkah  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random review and I'll be honest, I immediately was going "ahhhh, how cute" just from your intro. Darn impressive work for a nine year old.

What I love about your work: Not too shabby, the rhymes work and it definitely shows an enthusiasm for Hanukkah. The words flowed well and it was just cute.

Why I could relate to your work: My mom's best friend was Jewish when I was little so I remember going over there and partaking in their traditions. I loved the lighting of the menorah, always thought it was so pretty. And she did the prayer in "Yiddish" (can't remember how it's spelled) and I just thought it was the most lovely thing I'd ever heard. Anyways, this adorable poem called that to mind and made me have warm, fuzzy childhood memories.

My suggestions: I do not have any. It flowed nicely and made me laugh a couple of times, well done.

Any noticeable typos: Didn't see anything that jumped out at me.

My favorite line(s): "Many kids think it's all about,
The eight days worth of presents!
But I assure you that's not how it is,
For all those poor old peasants!" That just made me crack up. I love the "poor old pheasants". Very cute.

In conclusion: Being the mom of a nine year old, I'm pretty impressed. This came together very nicely and was certainly worth reading. Well done and best of luck to your son in his future writing career.


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Review of Finger Food  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Swinging by from the WDC Power Reviewers, and lol, eeeew.

What I love about your work: His logic is sound, it makes sense in a horrible way, but oh, eeeew and eeeew again. This made me laugh in a twisted kind of way and thank the lucky stars I'm not smelling barbecue right now.

Why I could relate to your work: I've grown up on horror stories so I always enjoy something that makes my stomach flip flop a little. And something that leaves a man who isn't a monster out to hunt some more :D.

My suggestions: I did not have any. This flowed nicely, had a good rhythm, was gruesome without being so, well done.

My favorite line(s): "Oh my, oh me, what's that up the road?
It's not a rabbit for it's too big.
It's not a deer for it's too small.
What could it possibly be?
Finger food anyone!" Delighted chuckle, oh dear, and the hunt is on.

In conclusion: This was wickedly twisted, hilariously gross and just a fun read.


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Review of Asylum  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I'm visiting you from the WDC power Reviewers and thought I'd give this story a peek.

What I love about your work: This was certainly a horrific, adrenaline packed journey that left me wondering at the end, was it real or in her head? That's kind of the fun of an asylum piece is that unless there is another witness, you can never tell what's real or what's fantasy.

Why I could relate to your work: I love stories that leave you questioning reality at the end, and aren't tied up with a pretty bow. So, this was right up my alley.

My suggestions: There were a few spots where you had a bunch of fragmented sentences in a row. This just made me stumble as the reader and trip up a bit. If you could blend them together or reword them a bit, smooth them out, I'd have no complaints.

Any noticeable typos: There were a couple minor things, but I wanted to reach the climax of the story too much to really take note of what they were. I wanted to see her escape or see if the beasties were real, so I had to follow it through :D.

My favorite line(s): "But her pursuers were too late; she had finally reached the sanctuary of the river that awaited her. " Here I am, thinking she's going to go for a swim, escape their ability to smell her, get carried away; so I'm going heck yes, she's escaping. Little do I know how you're going to dash those hopes into a million pieces, smoothly done.

In conclusion: This was quite a read that left me thinking and questioning at the end, always a grand way to end a story. It was very interesting and I liked the details you put in there, really helped bring the tale to life. Well done.


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Review of A Humbling Start  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: You certainly opened up my eyes to something I've never thought about. When you hear about HIV, adults come to mind not children who have been inflicted, but damn, my heart aches for the little ones. What a horrible prognosis, by no fault of their own, to have to learn to live with.

Why I could relate to your work: As a mom with three small children, my heart just bleeds for these kids. Bad enough to be orphans, but orphans with such an illness to shoulder... again, damn.

My suggestions: I would recommend writing out the ages. Typically, when writing formally, whether an essay or a story or even a letter, you want to write out any number less than a hundred. It looks better, reads better, and does not detract from your words.

Any noticeable typos: I did notice a few that might be caught if you read the piece out loud, but your message came through loud and clear.

My favorite line(s): "And this young man knows this; I do not detect the slightest anger or hatred in him." Wow, I don't know that I could not harbor anger or hatred over such a diagnosis. I've been in chronic pain for the last two years thanks to being an experiment for birth control and recently had to have a hysterectomy before I turned thirty, and I am furious over it. But I still have a full life ahead of me and no fear that it will eventually bring about my death, so wow, kudos to Z.

In conclusion: This was a touching essay that really showed us a darker side of life that too often gets brushed under the rug. I think with a little bit of polishing, this would be an incredible read, but even as it is, it still speaks to me. Nicely done. And of course, welcome to the WDC.


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Review of Ten  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: Your character feels so alone and lost from the beginning, just kind of drifting along without a clue how to see shore. The story definitely felt sad and broken.

Why I could relate to your work: I remember in third grade or about that age, my two best friends jumped me at the water fountain and started beating me up. I fought back and was holding my own, and eventually we made up, but to this day, I still have no idea why they did it. So, I understand being a target like Evie.

My suggestions: There were a few sentences that felt choked up. For example: "I was so shocked and so stunned, at this point you could literally have knocked me down with a feather." "at this point" would be better left out and shocked and stunned feel redundant, it would read easier with only one of those in there. You don't want to use synonyms to describe feelings in the same sentence.

Also, you start out the story focusing on the bombshell dropped in class but never expand upon it. It feels like the point of the story is around that bombshell, but we're left hanging. I would suggest taking some of the focus off that situation or at least revealing what the discussion was about.

The end of this story doesn't feel right with what you've started us out. Evie, first off, talks about herself as Evie but it seems to me that if she'd bounced around in ten homes with ten different names, she would not be referring to herself as Evie. At least not in self reflection mode. And you have her talk about family life, being the middle child, and make it seem as if she's been a part of her friends' life for a long time, but at the end, you drop us into the idea that she's not had a stable life at all, especially not family life. It honestly feels as if you started out the story with the intent of taking her in one direction, but at the end, suddenly decided to take it another. Make sure you stay consistent with the character's life throughout the whole story.

Any noticeable typos: There were a few but what I listed above distracted me more than the typos. But, something I've learned, to help me catch some of my awkward sentences and errors, is to read my story out loud. It might help you out, too.

My favorite line(s): "Giggle, giggle, giggle. Whisper, whisper, whisper. Secret after secret after secret." When you feel like an outsider, this captures everything perfectly.

In conclusion: I think your concept has a lot of potential, but it needs some polishing to really make it shine. Remember, when you're writing a story, especially a short story, you need to make sure to tie up the loose ends and stay consistent with your character's details. I wish you the best of luck in the contest and welcome to the WDC.


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Review of The River  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, hello there: I found your story in the horror newsletter and thought I'd give it a peek, so very glad I did it.

What I love about your work: In such a short story with so little interaction between the two main characters, you managed to show a loving relationship and make me care about both of them. I love the creepy feel to this, it really worked out well.

Why I could relate to your work: Having grown up on Greek myths (family is quite a bit Greek), I loved this rendition and knew instantly what was going on, though it still broke my heart and I was eager to find out what was going to happen next. And that's one of the things I liked, is that I knew she wasn't going to make it, but yet I still needed to reach the end of your story to see how it played out.

My suggestions: I don't really have any. It's hard to build up so much in so few words, but again, you made me care about both characters. Well done.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that yanked me out of the story.

My favorite line(s): "She unbuckled her safety belt and reclined the seat, stretching out.

"I won't go to sleep... I'm just going to rest my eyes for a minute."" I read the first line and shook my head, thinking how very unsafe for some mild comfort. The second line is one I've used against my husband in long drives :D.

In conclusion: I very much enjoyed this river tale. Well done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I found your story in the horror newsletter and thought I'd check it out.

What I love about your work: I liked the idea of the seven parties and each one progressing to the final dark ones. It was fun.

Why I could relate to your work: I love horror movies and admittedly have daydreamed of being one of the heroines to make it out of one. So this was something I enjoyed.

My suggestions: “Let me understand this ... You're telling me, if I attend these parties, I’ll earn one million dollars?” I asked, taken aback. “What’s the catch?” This line is just fine, if the man had mentioned a million dollars but that fact is neglected from their conversation and it feels like she pulled it out of the air. I would suggest having him mention it.

I also feel like the end was too wrapped up and pretty, all things considered. After all, she just possibly killed someone through voodoo, did kill Dracula, almost died, and though you have her saying she'll have nightmares, her emotions feel very nonchalant.

I also feel that your story would resonate a bit better if you gave us some more descriptions. For instance, we have no idea what the contest arranger looks like yet she stares at him in her lit house. We get to know what some of the other characters look like, but we never find out anything really about her appearance or his.

Plus, this left so many questions unanswered. What was the point of the parties? Entertainment? Why did the others seem normal? Were they demons? Something less? Something more? I think this has a lot of potential but it could do with some more explanations of the events.

Any noticeable typos: "Tugging on it, I looked back and saw that the dark angel was walking towards me." Dark Angel has been used as a title the entire time so having it not capitalized here feels wrong.

"Vampires and Dark Knights weren't supposed to be real, but I know now they are." I could be wrong, but I think you might have meant Dark Angel not Knight.

"I counted out one hundred dollar bills." One hundred dollar bills is only a hundred dollars. I'm pretty sure a million dollars would not simply fit in an envelope but at only a hundred dollar bills, I would think she'd be angry she got jipped. She held up to her end of the deal like a champ.

My favorite line(s): "“I think my friends and I fell a little bit in love with you.” He turned and walked away." Lol, and what does one say to that? An interesting ending to her dealings with her mysterious benefactor.

In conclusion: Like I said, I think this has a lot of potential. The idea of the parties having a dark side totally holds appeal to me. I think with a little bit of polishing and further development, this could really be quite a gem. A fun read.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random review and found this to be quite an intriguing read.

What I love about your work: I felt like I'd read this before, only in the sense that brainwashing us into perfect little drones does seem to be the intended purpose of many of our schools. Individuality is not encouraged and certainly, not ever, questioning the books' version of things.

Why I could relate to your work: With three daughters of my own who all come with their quirks and interesting little ideas, I've gotten to firsthand witness how our education system is not quite doing what it should. And as any parent can attest, the mystery on how to fix something that feels so broken is not an easy one to solve.

My suggestions: I would simply suggest reading through your work out loud to hopefully catch any errors that might have snuck in. It's one of the best pieces of advice I've encountered, though I hardly ever use it myself and it shows :P. There were a couple of typos, listed below that might now have made it into the final cut otherwise.

Any noticeable typos: "We have access to modern technology don’t we?" Should be a comma between technology and don't.

"The trouble was that no matter how many issues we spotted no solutions came to me. " I'm pretty sure there should be at least one comma in that sentence.

My favorite line(s): "And then it hit me, brainwash the prisoners too! Then they too will be good and productive citizens lazing about and relying on others’ ideas." You've got some productive ideas here.

In conclusion: This was an interesting read, glad I found it.


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Review of Black Coffee  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I may be biased, coming from a military family, including being married to a former Marine, but I really liked how this reached out to the idea that you just never know who your words may be a slap in the face to. You may not agree with the war going on, but you need to remember the troops fighting it are still very much in need of respect and understanding.

Why I could relate to your work: Thankfully, my husband never went overseas but his high school friend has been multiple times, my first kiss has been over multiple times, one of my boyfriends, etc., so to say I know many people who need to have us at their back is just an understatement. They don't deserve the blatant disrespect that so many people feel is acceptable to just throw in their faces and it ticks me off. Anyway, off my tangent, I certainly felt for Vince.

My suggestions: I did not have any as I felt your words did great to bring to life this moment in time and show us a bit about all involved. Nicely done.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that grabbed my attention away from your story.

My favorite line(s): "Vince noticed that her clothes were designer label and probably cost at least as much as his whole month's groceries." It's always fun to judge someone's priorities from a distance when we can't keep our own straight :P.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this. I enjoyed the mood and the character buildup. This was well written and drew our attention to the unintended suffering our words can cause someone. Nicely done and happy anniversary.



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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I saw a review of your poem on the public review page and the title grabbed me.

What I love about your work: Lol... wow, sounds like quite a mostly true experience. That would certainly be awkward and humiliating and frustrating. Certainly had me cracking up... I'm laughing with you, with you I swear.

Why I could relate to your work: I've never used craigslist to date as I found it through my husband, but being a seller and buyer on there, I can attest to the interesting folks you meet. Sometimes, so interesting you pray you never meet them in a dark alley, unarmed :P. So, I could certainly relate to the surprise discovery that the other craigslister was not quite what they presented themselves to be.

My suggestions: I know we got an apology for the meter, but the first couple stanzas really tripped me up. I had a hard time getting into a rhythm reading it, though of course, once I found my footing, it flowed well, but those first two were a bit difficult to find my rhythm on. I know, not necessarily a suggestion, more of an observation that would help if you could tweak it a bit.

Noticeable typos: Asides from that first section, there was nothing that jerked my attention away from the poem.

My favorite line(s): "I'm sure if I looked I would have seen I was blushing
but my cheeks weren't the only place my blood was rushing." Cracking up, yeah, I'm sure it wasn't. Poor feller, I'm sure she really liked you but she had a price to ask.

In conclusion: This was absolutely hilarious. I loved the story you wove and although I was laughing, I did feel bad for you too. It's not fair to mislead those seeking a romance, not just a fling... unless you were just seeking a fling than you basically got what you were looking for, just had to pay for it :P. Anyways, I enjoyed how you played a truthful lesson into this and shared a mostly true moment of your life. Nicely done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I like that this contest helps us to embrace the LGBT community and explore that side of ourselves without making the focus all about romance. After checking this out, it's something that certainly attracts my attention and makes me want to write an entry.

Why I could relate to your work: As a bisexual woman who came out to my family over ten years ago, I still find it difficult to put into writing that side of me. For some reason, it always frightens me like I'm doing something forbidden, so I really like the idea of a contest that will test my boundaries and dare me to step outside of my comfort zone.

My suggestions: Um, I don't really have anything I'd suggest yet, as I haven't participated but as it stands, it all looks good.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't notice anything that pulled my attention away from the details.

In conclusion: I think this is an intriguing contest that certainly invites me to use my imagination and dare to share. I like it and have it set aside in my favorites for when I pick up the quill for contest entries again. Well done, and happy anniversary.


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Review of Revenge  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I am reviewing you work as one of the judges in the StAG Fireside Contest. This does not reflect the results of the contest, but is simply a courtesy review to let you know that I have gotten a chance to check out your great tale.

What I love about your work: The idea that this fellow does not have to be trapped forever by his rage, but simply help on the next poor soul was interesting. I also like that it shows, you can never know how accurate someone else's opinion is. You must learn for yourself who others truly are, and if they're willing to stab you in the back to achieve their goals.

Why I could relate to your work: Being on non-speaking terms with my grandfather, I can simply relate to that family member who may allow their opinion to taint everything and isolate you from other family members. Wasn't sure who to root for in this story thanks to that :P.

My suggestions: I would suggest, if you are to use this idea more, that you do a much more in depth development of the characters. As it stands, I found them all a little hard to feel attached to. I would also recommend exploring why the spirits get trapped waiting to help out other spirits in order to move on.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that really pulled my attention from the story.

My favorite line(s): "As a child, I spent a lot of time with Grandfather. I realized that I had been blinded by Grandfather's prejudice against Uncle John." It's hard to ignore that we allow family to color our views and distort the facts. It's often hard to see through the veil that love puts upon our eyes.

In conclusion: I firmly believe there is nothing quite as deadly as family greed. It can tear apart families, make cousins bitter enemies, and sometimes, sever spinal chords; all in all, family greed is not something you want to tangle with. I felt this was an interesting exploration into that idea and showed that everything is not just black and white. Best of luck.


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Review of To Save a Patient  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I am reviewing you work as one of the judges in the StAG Fireside Contest. This does not reflect the results of the contest, but is simply a courtesy review to let you know that I have gotten a chance to check out your great tale.

What I love about your work: I like your development of the main character, how she's a woman standing tall in what's clearly a man's world. It's always nice to see strength and triumph.

Why I could relate to your work: I absolutely love strong female protagonists, and love to see stories where they bite their thumb at the idea of a prim and proper lass. This was fun, plus it was a vampire tale, so right up my alley.

My suggestions: My only suggestion is that I was not necessarily a fan of the last line. It felt a little too forced, and her monologue explaining the bullets felt a bit out of place. I think if you were to develop this further, it would probably flow smoother. Otherwise, I didn't really see anything I would change.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled my attention from the story.

My favorite line(s): "Elizabeth knew her brother-in-law disapproved of her. Few men accepted a woman who practiced medicine, much less one who drove their own steam car." And my "hurrah, show them what's what" side kicked in after I read that :P.

In conclusion: I thought this was a fun tale that has a lot of potential to be expanded into more. Victorian era vampire stories are an enjoyable read and a kick ass chick makes it more appealing. Nicely done, and best of luck.


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Review of PENdemonium  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: I like the idea that you wish to do good for others through your writing, I thought that was a very nice touch.

Why I could relate to your work: I can certainly relate. When I write, it is with the hope that it touches someone's life. I'm pretty sure most writers have that goal, so you did well capturing that concept.

My suggestions: With the first two stanzas rhyming and the last one not, it felt a little disjointed. It's been ages since I've written formal poetry so I don't remember if that's an actual format, but if it's not, you might want to reword it ever so slightly so it flows better with the rhyming scheme.

Also, make sure to reread your work so you can hopefully catch any errors made. I find that often times, if I read out loud, I can catch most of my mistakes. I'm just admittedly often too time crunched to do it.

Any noticeable typos: "What shall I write wit this pen?" "wit" should be "with".

"May i write with all courage," Make sure you capitalize your "i" when using it as a personal pronoun.

My favorite line(s): "Hope and light for the ones in grief,
Encouragement and a little bit of relief." Think that captures a writer's hope quite well.

In conclusion: I think this pretty little piece has a lot of potential, it just needs a little more time invested into it. Make sure you try to proofread before posting, and this was an enjoyable read. Nicely done.


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Review of Let Them Burn  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I've had this open on my computer for a couple of days, meaning to review you, so I don't remember how I found it. But, at least the review's coming.

What I love about your work: I enjoyed all the references you put in there, and if liked "Let it Go", I totally would have sang this out loud as it is has a nice flow to it.

Why I could relate to your work: I love the series, though admittedly I enjoy the show more than the books. The books take a lot more focus than I want to give :P. So, I had to read it based on that love alone. Glad I did, it was quite enjoyable.

My suggestions: I would recommend some punctuation. I know it's song lyrics, but it helps the flow run a bit smoother.

Any noticeable typos: "Don’t resist Visery, don’t start to believe" Did you mean Viserys?


"‘A horselord slut,’ brother said, Dany
Obey, don’t make the dragons awake" These lines just bothered me because you have his first quote in apostrophes but don't carry them over to the rest of what he says. It made me stumble as a reader and I reread it a couple of times.

My favorite line(s): "Let them burn, let them burn
Viserys has his golden crown" Still one of my favorite deaths. Plus, as much as I dislike Elsa's song, I did sing the chorus in my head. I mean, how can you go wrong with "Let them burn"?

In conclusion: This was a really fun piece and well thought out. To understand it completely, you definitely need to have some understanding of the series, but I don't think it's unreasonable to say that someone who doesn't know the series would still enjoy it. It has a pretty flow and is nicely worded. Well done.


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Review of Shipwrecked  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing your work for the hydro package on "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

What I love about your work: I really love the details you put into their struggle for survival. I could picture this in my head and it felt like a helluva unpleasant experience. They felt real and I thought the ending was fun, left so many opportunities.

Why I could relate to your work: I wrote for the contest too, but life was too hectic for me to post up my work (sniffles). Anyway, my shipwreck experience was completely different, so it was kind of fun to see the direction your story took. I also like the ending cause I'm a slasher fanatic and I totally pictured that their ideal rescue was not as sweet and friendly as it seemed.

My suggestions: There were a few awkward sentences such as this one: "Exploding into a roll that sent them on their back staring up at me with wide eyes full of unbridled fear." I'm not sure if it needs commas or a rewording, but it caused me to stumble. I know these are quick writes, but sometimes, reading it out loud will help catch spots like this.

Any noticeable typos: I did notice a few comma errors and a couple of misspellings, but the content held me enough that they were only worth mentioning in passing.

My favorite line(s): "“Daddy will want to know all about your adventure.” Bridget told me as she sat back down and dug some fresh fruit out of their cooler." I'm telling you, this just begs for Daddy to be an chainsaw wielding, face wearing crazy man who feeds his daughters a steady diet of ship-wrecked fools :P.

In conclusion: This was a fun tale that had such a realistic feel to it. All the little details about texture and the hunt for food, it just felt like you'd stepped into a very miserable moment in life. Nicely done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I enjoyed the story telling aspect, it felt very dreamy. I also got a kick out of the younger sailor witnessing the "sea witch" at the end.

Why I could relate to your work: Always a sucker for a ghost story, and love tales revolving around the ocean, so you had my attention.

My suggestions: There's a point that bothers me. You have the story being the Old Man was more or less rescued by the Sea Witch, yet he insists she's something to fear, and upon calling her a sea witch. Seems to me if a creature rescued you, no matter how horrible or alien it was, it would be deserving of some respect. So either she's a loathsome being worth being terrified of or the old man's horribly ungrateful and unkind. It just feels like the details don't fully mesh up.

Any noticeable typos: My biggest complaint is your verb tenses. You alternate between present and past tenses, and in order to keep the reader immersed in your story, you need to keep it consistent.

My favorite line(s): "He watched as the figure seemed to ride the waves up to the beach, and then slowly disintegrate, only to be seen again, approaching the beach.

Young sailor (whispering)“The sea witch.”" I always like when the end leaves you wondering what is real and what is not.

In conclusion: I think there's a lot of potential with this, it just needs some polishing. Anyways, as they say, write on and happy anniversary.



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Review of Chivalry  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: Found you on the random reviews and this greatly entertained me.

What I love about your work: I could picture this in my mind (they were Betas in my head), and I loved the personality you imbued in Charlie. Feisty little fellow, though can't help but wonder if he's thought it all through :P.

Why I could relate to your work: There are no less than five running aquariums in my house, so needless to say, we love fish. So, I could easily envision this scene, silly fish.

My suggestions: Nothing really stood out to me. I didn't see any obvious typos or spots I would change.

My favorite line(s): "Next, he dropped down behind the book and found a toothpick he could use as a sword." Silly fish, doesn't he know toothpicks are what humans put fish on, not the other way around?

In conclusion: This was an entertaining, cute read that held my attention. I enjoyed the development of Charlie, nicely done.


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Review of The End Of Brucie  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well, hello there: After reading a review on your story, I had to see what the heck the stir was... and I was not disappointed. I hope I'm not too terrible of a person for laughing out loud at this.

What I love about your work: What was there to not love about this tale? I've tried to narrow down something I really, really enjoyed, but it was all good. I loved the casual tone, the descriptions, the gruesome conclusion, the questioning the reason of outrage with the others... the whole thing was very entertaining. Horrible at the same time, but yet awesome. Yeppers, beginning to think I'm a terrible person.

Why I could relate to your work: I've known demon dogs like Brucie, and have had more bad experiences with taco dogs than any other breed, so this story certainly hit home.

My suggestions: I did not have any, this completely kept me entertained. It was brutal, felt honest and real, flowed well, and left the reader struggling with their conscious and laughing.

Any noticeable typos: I was too immersed in the story to notice typos, sorry.

My favorite line(s): "Maybe I was too shocked to react. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken my eyes off him long enough to see if Joyce was nearby." Lol, oh, I feel like I'm going to hell... I giggled again.

In conclusion: This was horrible, funny, stomach turning, and great all in one giant pink sweater wearing bundle. You've taken something that should make us all want to avert our eyes and softened it with realistic humor. Well done, I'm going to go pet my dog or feed my ducks or something to redeem myself in the animal kingdom now.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: An interesting piece with a lot of potential, this certainly held my attention.

What I love about your work: I enjoyed how you built up to the climax, it felt strong and mounted till her power erupted from her. You could feel the adrenaline surging in the story. I also very much enjoyed your descriptions of the wildlife and forest.

My suggestions: While my curiosity was captured by this tale, I think you need to work on the speech and mentality of the main character. She didn't feel like a seven year old. Not necessarily saying dumb her down, but she needs to be made to feel younger. As it is, I have a really hard time believing she's only seven.

Any noticeable typos: There were a couple, but this was the one that grabbed my attention the most: "Where they afraid of her?" I think you meant "Were".

My favorite line(s): "Runa was so distraught that she didn’t even notice the branches and bushes parting before her as she ran." We get our first hint that she is not normal and I liked how you subtly slipped it in. Nicely done.

In conclusion: This was an intriguing start to what promises to be a fascinating story, there are just a couple of things that need to be tweaked to make it stronger. As they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing your work for the lightning package on "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

What I love about your work: You created some intriguing characters who caught my attention and made me want to know more. For instance, I would love to know more about Queen Victoria. Sure, she didn't do anything truly heinous in this story, but there's something about her that grabs my curiosity and makes me wonder what she is up to.

Why I could relate to your work: I love fantasy, especially faeries, so I had to check this out.

My suggestions: There were a couple of things. I didn't really like the interaction between his mother and him. As a parent, I cannot imagine banishing my child because their visits have become less due to no fault of their own. It didn't feel believable. Perhaps have she contacted some illness or such that made it impossible for him to visit and when he found his healing power, he was able to save her too, or something that makes her absence more understandable.

I also was a little disappointed by the ending. I'm gonna go on a limb and guess this was for a short story contest so you were probably restricted by word count, but it felt like you had all this build up about his singing then rushed the ending. Perhaps flesh it out a bit more, give us a little more about the romance between him and Gillian, develop his promotion some more and what's required of the new position. Just feels like there should be more to it.

Any noticeable typos: There were a few more than what I've listed, but these are the ones that grabbed my attention.

"“No harm? Well of course there is no harm you silly woman." I'm pretty sure there should be a comma between "harm" and "you".

"He is enchanted you know?”" This feels like a statement, which means it should have a period. But if it's not a statement, then it should be presented in a question form. There should also be a comma between "enchanted" and "you". Also this line bothered me just because the story does not address it later. Yes, it comes out he's a wizard, but was he enchanted to become one?

"I would occasionally see my neighborhood and mother after that. But as I grew older the time between visits increased." From the following lines, I think the word is supposed to be decreased not increased.

"“Merciful Mercy child,” Lady Victoria said," Again, there should be a comma between "mercy" and "child", plus mercy should not be capitalized.

"That Gillian new my thoughts caught me by surprise." Wrong kind of "new", it should be "knew".

"It was Lady Victoria, standing next to me, her hand pressed hard into my shoulder. “Its a miracle!” " And "Its" should be "It's" as it is not being possessive but is a combination of "It is".

My favorite line(s): "There was no emotion for Lady Victoria to see in my face. Yet it did not sadden her to observe my condition." See? Evidence that she's not a kind-hearted woman, but something more devious. I would love to know her story.

In conclusion: This is a promising story that offers a peek into a world filled with magic and miracles. I thought the character development was cute. Nicely done.


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Review of One Cloudy Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I know what light you speak of and I greatly enjoyed the questioning of the origin.

Why I could relate to your work: I used to think those streams of light breaking through the storm clouds were Angels streaming down to earth to help us out. Now, I just love their beauty and feel almost magic off of them. Though, the questioning of whether or not it was hell made me crack up. As a sufferer of complicated migraines, I can tell you that sometimes, yes, that light is hell :P.

My suggestions: I feel like the opening stanza would benefit from a comma. With the way it's worded, it just seems odd that there's not one in there.

Any noticeable typos: Asides from the questionable absent comma, I did not notice anything that pulled me away from your work. Nicely done.

My favorite line(s): "I wondered if it may be hell,
but there was no one there to tell." All things considered, this totally spoke to me for on certain days, the answer is a resounding "YES"!

In conclusion: This was a fun poem about a beautiful moment, when the sun finally breaks through the cloud cover. I enjoyed it and think it flowed nicely. Well done and happy anniversary.



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274
274
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing you for your "Hydro package" in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

What I love about your work: You invited us into this horrible world that really remains closed off to folks who have only heard of diabetes. I had no clue how detrimental this could be and you really opened my eyes. Wowsa. Plus, the love story you wove in it was done quite well and added to the horror of the situation without being overly mushy.

Why I could relate to your work: My f.i.l. has diabetes and the worse I've ever seen him get is seriously grouchy if he doesn't eat on time. I honestly had no idea the brutality of this disease and you did a wonderful job of calling attention to it.

My suggestions: "People had panicked over it, made up stories about it, imagined what form the ancient Mayans would put to the end of the world." I've reread the last section of that sentence multiple times and it just doesn't flow right. I would recommend finding a slightly different way to word it.

Any noticeable typos: "I tried to talk, but was too dry." I think this is missing "my mouth" or something along those lines. As it is, she kind of sounds like a fish on land.

My favorite line(s): "Then I felt his breath in my ear and his arm across my waist.

I turned away from him—not wanting distraction." This made me crack up, just because I know how she feels. There are many times where my husband wants to be all flirty and cute, but I have stuff to do and I know if I pay attention to him, I'll end up getting nothing done. 9/10 times, I don't get anything done because as much as I don't want the distraction, he is very difficult to ignore. So when I read those lines, I totally pictured him in my head.

In conclusion: You did a phenomenal job of writing a fictional account that felt real. If you hadn't stated this was a fiction piece, I would not have batted an eye at thinking it was biographical. You brought the characters and situation to life and it was really well done. What a scary, scary disease. Great job.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is for your nuclear package in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

What I love about your work: I loved your descriptions of each new fresh terror the water held. Sorry, but was laughing along with your husband.

Why I could relate to your work: When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, my husband convinced me to swim with him in the ocean. I've grown up on Jaws, so the ocean is a horrifically scary place to me. He got me out past the swell of the waves and I couldn't see anything through the murky water below me... anyways, scared me so bad I was almost in tears. And then, found out that a Great White was spotted not to far from where we were swimming. Needless to say, as much as I laughed as I read this story, I could certainly understand your jumpiness too.

My suggestions: I did find the opening to be a little jolty (I know, not a real word, but it described it for me). There were a few lines that didn't flow well and could use some rewording. Once I got through that section, your story was amusing and showed that despite your fear, you're certainly adventurous and courageous. Perhaps read the opening out loud to find a way to smooth it out a bit.

Any noticeable typos: I did notice a couple in that opening section, but yeah... your story sucked me in and I wasn't about to be pulled out by a few measly typos.

My favorite line(s): "I could feel my husband’s laughter vibrate through the gentle waves. I ignored him." I could picture my husband doing the exact same thing, and to be fair, I laughed too. You just captured this moment in time so entertainingly well.

In conclusion: I found this to be an adventure that held my attention, made me laugh and was something I could relate to. Such a delightful read. Well done.


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