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Review of Caged Song Bird  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: Such a tragic tale that really makes you feel for the poor woman, her song should be a thing of her soul but instead she's trapped and forced to perform. Certainly a strong concept.

My suggestions: My first is that I think this could use with a little more detail. Give us more insight into the "little birdie". While usually in tales from the first perspective, not having a name is good, I think in this it only aids in reducing her to nothing more than her master's plaything. Seems to me she should have some self identity, cling to her name, cling to herself.

Any noticeable typos: I noticed a few punctuation and capitalization errors. If you run this through something like ms word that has a grammar check, it might catch most of them. At the very least, try reading it out loud as that usually helps me catch some of my errors.

My favorite line(s): "The bars close around me and I'm caged once again." Such a despairing last note, but I think a strong way to end this tale. Really cements the hell the young singer must face.

In conclusion: I liked the concept and thought it was a strong idea, it just needs a little bit more added to it. Well done and welcome to the WDC.


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Review of Tomorrow's Child  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random reviews and thought this was a lovely piece.

What I love about your work: The imagery in this was beautiful and you chose the words perfectly. The rhyming scheme was well done and flowed together nicely.

My suggestions: I don't really have anything to offer. I loved how it pulled us in, making almost a sing song rhythm without feeling forced, and really came together gorgeously.

]My favorite line(s): "The light of hope she carries,
which eyes of darkness see
and hanging in the balance
A living legacy." I just loved this all worked together, how this felt like the tug of light and dark. Well done.

In conclusion: I thought this was a very pretty read that sucked us in from the beginning and carried through to the end. Nicely done and as they say, write on.


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Review of The Shoes  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Found you in the newsletter "Drama Newsletter (February 4, 2015)"  and had to take a peek. Well worth a glance.
t
What I love about your work: This was gut wrenching and made me tear up as I thought about all the useless death and destroyed lives. It's just one of those moments in history that no one can even really begin to truly comprehend. I think you wrote a beautiful tribute that really forces us to look at not only history, but our present and future too. Well worded.

Why I could relate to your work: I remember reading The Diary of Anne Frank and first learning about the holocaust. I remember how devastated I felt and disgusted that humans were capable of such atrocities. This poem stirred up that moment and made me hope I can teach my children to accept people for who they are and not hate them for petty reasons.

My suggestions: There were a couple of moments I would have spelled out the numbers, just when they were under a hundred, but otherwise I have nothing to offer. This flowed well, had a powerful message, and really touched me.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that pulled me out of your words.

My favorite line(s): "And all that is left to tell their stories
are the shoes.......

So damn many pairs of shoes." I feel a little wrong picking a favorite line but I really think this concluded your work on a very strong note. I think it wrapped it up perfectly and really imprinted the seriousness of the whole situation.

In conclusion: This was a powerfully touching piece that hit me in the gut. Beautifully done and kudos to you for drawing attention to something many people try to ignore. Well written and worth a read. As they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing your work for the Nuclear package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: I'm not sure I've ever read such an entertaining poem of this length before. I found myself chuckling and reading from beginning to end, eager to see how the ghostly poetic convention went down. I enjoyed every stanza of this and liked how it concluded.

Why I could relate to your work: It was entertaining recognizing many of the names, including my absolute favorite, my beloved Poe.

My suggestions: I don't have anything really to offer on this. The flow was great, the language elegant yet understandable, full of humor, a worthwhile read.

In conclusion: I found this to be entertaining and I'm glad I got to read it. Truly a pleasure. As they say, write on.


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Review of Morning as Usual  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I loved the suspense you built up in this, the way you baited the reader's curiosity to lead us into the moment where you reveal the story is about a successful writer, something most of us desire to be. No wonder the main character was concerned about being heard scream, I probably would if I opened up such a letter :D.

Why I could relate to your work: One of the most difficult parts about submitting your work is the rejection letters you know you will get. And so many of them completely indifferent, as if they haven't even glanced at your work. It's brutal and definitely a blow to your pride. So, when I reached the end of this tale, I found myself cheering mentally for the main character. Heck yes!

My suggestions: There were a lot of repetitive terms in here. The one that stands out the most in my mind is where you talk about the sweat trickling down the American Indian cheekbones to the jawbone to the collar bone. Just way too much bone. And there were more lines like that where you had too similar of terms within only a few words of each other. Admittedly, this did distract me from your work.

Any noticeable typos: I did notice some minor punctuation issues but nothing too distracting from your work.

My favorite line(s): "We are proud to announce that your manuscript has been accepted for publication....."" Aren't these words we all want to read?! Definitely made me mentally cheer for Ms Smith.

In conclusion: You built up an excellent atmosphere of fear and suspense with such a cheery entrance. It was a cute read and with a little bit of polishing, it will really shine. Happy anniversary.



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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: This was very sweet and pretty, a subtle reminder to not get carried away and get hurt in the process.

Why I could relate to your work: My oldest daughter's bug is a butterfly so I was instantly drawn in by the title and description.

My suggestions: I'm one of those people who just has hiccoughs with poetry that doesn't have proper capitalization and punctuation. It's just a personal preference that does detract from the work for me, so I'm merely letting you know my feelings on it but not encouraging you to edit your work :P. Hope that makes sense.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything other than what I've already noted. It flowed well, the wording was chosen nicely, and it was a sweet little flight.

My favorite line(s): "will you stray far,
my little butterfly?" This instantly sucked me in and felt like a mother talking to her child. It was delicate, tender and warm, immediately making me want to read more. Great beginning.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this quite a bit and thought it came across very sweetly. Well done and welcome to the WDC.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am reviewing your work for the Nuclear package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: I found this to be a sensual, honest piece that captures what evenings often look like at my own home. I thought this did well at capturing home is a beacon of safety, where we can be ourselves and find ultimate contentment wrapped in the arms of our lovers. Beautifully done.

Why I could relate to your work: My husband is one of the only people that I can be myself completely around. He knows all of my quirks and how to make me melt into a little puddle, so this poem completely made me think of him.

My suggestions: There were a couple of lines that read a little awkward to me, just because the wording felt a little off.

For instance, this line "As unworthy of her attention. " felt unfinished and made me stumble. I've reread it a couple of times to try to get the flow right, but it didn't read well for me.

I would just recommend reading it out loud, and if you have to force yourself to slow down or speed up, it might be tripping up your reader.

Any noticeable typos: Asides from a few missing commas (I'll admit, I get distracted by those minor things that don't seem necessary but still bug me), I didn't see anything that pulled my attention from your words.

My favorite line(s): "You push my hair out of my face saying
You want to see my eyes, my essence, my soul.
" Sensual, without being erotic, love it.

In conclusion: This was an enjoyable piece that definitely plucked at my own soul. Makes me want to go hug my husband. A lovely read. Well done and as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing your work for the Fossil Fuel package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: Every time I review your work, I always find it a pleasure. I've read this now twice and each time, I find myself holding my breath even though I know what's coming. You built up the tension and the mysterious source of fear beautifully. This is certainly a scary piece that held my attention, twice, and made me cringe at the ending both times.

Why I could relate to your work: I love horror and sci-fi, so when the two genres collide, I'm all about it. This sucked me in right from the beginning and held me prisoner all the way until the end.

My suggestions: "pressure differential was seemed relatively minor" This line reads a bit awkwardly. Perhaps keep "was" but remove "seemed" or vice versa or even change the two words to "felt". But as it is, it trips the reader up and breaks up the flow of the story.

Any noticeable typos: The only thing I noticed was that one line. Otherwise, nothing reached out and slapped my attention away from your words. This definitely felt well written.

My favorite line(s): I don't really have a favorite line, but my favorite part is the end when the monster comes to life. Even thinking about it, my chest tightens a bit. That was freaky and so horrible to be that helpless. I like how you switch from Scott's perspective to those on board the ship, it really worked well to help bring the scene to life.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this immensely and definitely felt a bit freaked out as I read it. You built such a creepy, intense world and ended it perfectly. It was brutal without being overly gory, which I always like. Anywho, it was a well written piece that was worth multiple reads. Nicely done.


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Review of Heart?  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Ok, admittedly, this was not what I expected. With your title ending in a question mark and then the description, I expected something dark and pessimistic. Instead, I was treated with such a sweet, upbeat piece. Certainly took me for a surprise and was a pleasure to read.

Why I could relate to your work: After high school love drama, I reached a point where I was done with the notion of love. I just wanted to play and not be serious with anyone. That's when I met my husband and couldn't help but plunge wildly into that pool of love, wearing my heart on my sleeve so clearly everyone could see it. I was so afraid of being broken again that when he said "I love you" the first time, I held my tongue. An action I still regret to this day. My point is, I understand and can relate to this poem. Being optimistic is way better than being a pessimist any day of the week.

My suggestions: I'm just a nit-pick about punctuation. It distracts me from the words when it's missing, but that is just my personal preference and not something you "need" to fix.

Any noticeable typos: Other than the punctuation :P, I didn't see anything that would distract me from your words.

My favorite line(s): "Yet still upon my sleeve be worn
To chance a break again" And here's where I learned that this was a completely different poem than I was expecting and that it was going to be enjoyable. T'is a good question and I hope it's one you always ask cause you don't allow yourself to be dragged down by the negative.

In conclusion: I love when something surprises me and feels fresh, hopeful. This really took me on quite a different path than I expected and I loved wandering down it. It had an excellent flow, the rhyming scheme did not trip me up at all, and I just loved how happy and warm it came across. Well done and happy anniversary.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: This was quite an adventure. I love how you wrote this from a cat's perspective and had the thoughts chasing the poor kitty. It just cracked me up. I also loved the "agnosti-cat" line. This felt fun and certainly a good tale how all enlightenment is not necessarily a good thing.

Why I could relate to your work: I kind of feel this way about my religious beliefs. Up until about sixteen, I was very Christian and then I started questioning things and the faith began to fade away. Part of me misses back then because it was simpler, more innocent, but the other part of me embraces who I've become now. So, I can understand the main cat's feelings over his thinking.

My suggestions: The format could use some tweaking when they're having their conversations. The double spacing should still be used cause otherwise, it seems like an error and distracts from the story.

I would also suggest reading this out loud so it can help you catch some typos and awkward sentences. There's not a whole lot but the few that are there, the reading out loud should help you catch most if not all.

Any noticeable typos: " I used to pick up Suzi on nights like this," I first thought that Suzy was the error, lol, but I quickly figured out that it was the first one that was wrong, not the rest of them :P.

"the way cat’s do after they’ve devoured a canary, feathers and all." I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure there shouldn't be an apostrophe in "cats". The apostrophe makes it possessive and I don't think that works in that line. But punctuation has always thrown me so you might want to check on that.

My favorite line(s): I couldn't pick just one. There were so many lines in this that had me cracking up and shaking my head. I loved the part where he attacked back, his discussions about the moon, and of course, the "agnosti-cat" line. This was just jam packed with some funny moments.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this quite a bit and thought you did really well at staying in character. I'm kind of with Suzy on the whole "snob" idea, but let's face it, often opening our mind and seeking knowledge makes us, unintentionally of course, look down our noses at those who choose to stay behind. As I said, enlightenment is not always a good thing. This was a fun piece to adventure through and definitely felt like a feline tale. Well done and happy anniversary.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing your work for the Solar package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: I thoroughly enjoyed the journey you took us on though I don't envy you having to live it. The details were great and definitely followed the prompt well.

Why I could relate to your work: As a summer baby in Arizona, I've never relished the idea of living in the snow. It just doesn't sound like fun to me. Our winters get too cold for me, but once, my husband and I ended up sleeping in our heatless truck with no blankets and only a thin coat in 21 degree F weather. Your poem brought up that hellacious night for me, lol, and I shivered a bit as I read your work.

My suggestions: There were a couple of places where the rhyming scheme felt forced and tripped me up. I would just recommend reading it out loud and if you have to force yourself to read slower or faster to make a line work, chances are it's not working for your reader. Overall though, I did enjoy the flow and the story was well woven into your poem.

Any noticeable typos: To be honest, the format made it a bit difficult to pay attention for typos, but I didn't see anything that stood out to me.

My favorite line(s): "In eight hours, I'd gone eight miles
as snow built up in towering piles." Oh my goodness, I cannot even imagine. My patience would so be shot. Makes me grateful for our monsoons and haboobs, they're about as traffic interrupting as you can get here and they just don't last very long :D.

In conclusion: I thought this was fun and a well written poem that shared a personal experience. Just for the record, I think spending over ten hours in your car for twenty eight miles makes you a saint or something. I think I'd be pulling my hair out and running crazed in the street. Anywho, this was a fun read and kudos to you for making it through the experience.


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Review of Buried Alive  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: So often, poems that rhyme have very forced lines and awkward tones that trip you up. But not this, the message was clear, concise and very well worded. The style drew me in from moment one and took me on this beautiful but horrifying ride through your words. This felt desperate, hopeless, hopeful, and just dang, nicely done. I can see why it won an awardicon.

Why I could relate to your work: My family is larger, my grandmother died at over three hundred pounds though it wasn't as noticeable on her 6'1 frame, but the point is even I've felt the burden of being overweight. So, this certainly touched a note in me.

My suggestions: I don't have any. This flowed really well, the words were perfectly chosen, the rhymes dead on, the images well done, I wouldn't change anything about it.

Any noticeable typos: Nothing captured my attention away from your words.

My favorite line(s): "I am weightless, floating, enveloped in bliss,
Each bite I devour, like a lingering kiss." And here's where the danger is, that feeling that keeps you trapped even though you want freedom.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this a lot and think you approached a delicate subject in truly an impressive manner. It's beautiful, dark, feeling like a panicked ride into an inescapable trap. Well done and happy anniversary.


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Review of Dandelion Clocks  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thought I'd give you a review as a congrats for earning yourself a spot on the
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1635349 by Not Available.


What I love about your work: I thought this was a sweet, and pretty worded, way of explaining the concept of life and death to a child. Such gorgeous imagery and a delicate touch to such a sensitive subject.

Why I could relate to your work: Being a parent is no easy task and explaining death is certainly not on the favorite things to do list, but you wrote this piece from a parent's point of view, sharing with their child, and it just felt pretty. Very touching and sincere.

My suggestions: I am one of those people who gets distracted by a lack of punctuation, and it almost slips by unnoticed here, almost but it still bugged me. The whole not capitalizing also caught my attention, but I do understand you're making the feel of the dandelion blowing in the wind. It's just a personal preference on my part :P

Any noticeable typos: Nothing more than already noted.

My favorite line(s): "so warm the world
with your beautiful smile" There is nothing more warming than a child's smile, is there? Well, perhaps a baby smile, those are awfully cute too.

In conclusion: This was pretty and deep, taking us on a journey of a parent sharing an intimate albeit a morbid moment with their child. Full of gorgeous imagery and a great format, it's a lovely journey to travel upon. Nicely done and as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing your work for the Lightning package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: I liked the conflict you built up, the idea that not all vampires are equal, etc. It was an interesting take.

Why I could relate to your work: Vampires are, without a doubt, my favorite monster so when I was searching your short stories for something to review, vampires immediately grabbed my attention.

My suggestions: You tend to over use "as well" and "For" in your sentences. I know you're going for a formal tone, but it tends to distract from the story and make your sentences feel choppy, a bit repetitive. I would read this out loud and reword the tale so that there are much less usages of those terms.

Any noticeable typos: Nothing that really snaked my attention from the story.

My favorite line(s): Who doesn't love a good battle? Reading of the Nosferatus conquest and their apparent new rise to power was interesting and certainly peaked my curiosity.

In conclusion: Vampires are a touchy subject, for some, they are too mainstream right now, but I think you've approached this concept from a good angle and created an inviting tale. Sounds like a small piece of something bigger. Interestingly done, as they say, write on.


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Review of Fairy Tale Love  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Oh the imagery (even if ever so slightly unrealistic ;) ) was so pretty and swept me off my feet. The smells, the sights, the sounds, you did a great job at making sure to try to touch all of our senses.

Why I could relate to your work: When I was in high school and college, I decided that love was a fairytale made up by the lonely. Cynical, perhaps, but it was where I'd reached in my view of love. I got bored with people too easily and was certainly odd enough I didn't expect anyone to find to put up with my... quirks. Then I met my husband. There weren't fireworks, or being swept on to cloud nine, or the smell of roses, but he did completely sweep me off to my feet to the point where even to this day, when I think of him, I feel so much love that my chest feels like it's going to explode because how can my heart contain so much feeling... anywho, my point is, that sometimes we get carried away with our expectations of how something is going to be. If you let go of the idea that you must have your fairytale romance, you might find something better.

My suggestions: I'm one of those people who's easily distracted if a poem is lacking in punctuation. I would just suggest some commas and periods, they'd help with the flow.

Any noticeable typos: Nothing other than what I've already mentioned.

My favorite line(s): "The stuff of movies when soft music plays
And the world fades away as our eyes meet
The sweet scent of dozens of rose bouquets
A tender moment and my life’s complete " I really did enjoy how you tried to hit all the senses, really immersed the reader in your daydream. Nicely done.

In conclusion: This was a fun read that took us into one corner of your life. I hope that you either find your fairytale romance or move past that idea and find something truly worth writing about ;). Loved the appeal to our senses with the imagery. As they say, write on and happy anniversary.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing your work for the Lightning package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: I really enjoyed the encounter, and honestly, not what I expected. I read this thinking aliens or monsters or something strange, less buggish. But it was a pleasant surprise.

Why I could relate to your work: I had a mouse infestation not too long ago and I felt like no matter what I did, they always found a way. The traps would be triggered but no mouse, I'd still find evidence of their trails despite using repellents, pesky things. If I could have reached an agreement with the pesky critters rather than going full on war gear time, I definitely would have.

My suggestions: For such a short story, I felt some of the detail was laid on too heavily in the beginning I would tone back some of the unnecessary detail so you could add more to the conversation, or even work on the concept of the main character dreaming or not.

Any noticeable typos: "no sooner was the thought formulated, when there was an irritable reply." I'm pretty sure that "no" should be capitalized.

My favorite line(s): "It was apparent that a reasonable attitude would take me further than an upraised broom." Of course, one should often have a reasonable attitude when conversing with a cockroach. Just cracked me up a bit.

In conclusion: It was a cute story and certainly different than what I expected. It came together nicely and the conversation felt fairly natural. Nicely done.


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Review of Ode to my Car  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: This brought to mind Mr. Toad and his speeding addiction, so I was chuckling the entire way through. Ah, the ode to the car.

Why I could relate to your work: I have a lead foot too. Heck, one of my favorite stories is I got a phone call from my father while I was driving at about seventeen. He asked me, "Where are you?" I knew right away something was up and didn't want to tell him, but I did. He proceeded to tell me, "I heard you before I saw you. You should really slow down and quit racing in your truck." Whoops, hate when you get busted ;).

My suggestions: Try to keep in mind that sometimes, rhyming schemes force you to speak awkwardly. That's a trap you want to try to avoid. If the reader trips while reading your work, it can make them lose interests. Make sure you try to keep the flow as natural as possible, speak real speak, that way the reader doesn't feel disjointed while reading through.

Also, punctuation is important, even in poetry. It helps break up the words appropriately and pulls your reader along smoothly. I'll include some examples below that could profit from a little bit more punctuation. But I would definitely tweak it to have capitalization and punctuation. It's not all one giant sentence.

Any noticeable typos: "I like to drive I think it's really fun
but paying for the fuel is not so great" would read better with a semi colon after drive, a comma after fun and a period after great. But at the very least, there should a be a comma after drive. Otherwise, it feels like a run on sentence.

"so at a lower speed I'll try to go
without my car I doubt that I'd be whole" comma after so and period after go. Another comma after car and again, a period at the end. It'll just help with the flow and appearance of your work.

My favorite line(s): "but I must drive I cannot stop you know
it's like a craving in my very soul" This line totally brought to mind Mr. Toad, I mean this sounds exactly like something he'd be croaking about.

In conclusion: This was a fun tribute to the desperate craving in your soul, very entertaining. And with a little bit of polishing, it will really shine. As they say, write on and welcome to the WDC.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random review and what a delightful read to have uncovered.

What I love about your work: The images you poured into this, the new energy and purpose in life, the play upon the star light reaching us, everything came together for a really wonderful read. Makes me want to go star gazing.

Why I could relate to your work: Astronomy has always fascinated me and back in college, I took several courses on it because our skies just grab my attention. There is so much going on out there, so much that we aren't even beginning to be aware of, and yeah, this poem definitely spoke to a part of me that I'd forgotten about.

My suggestions: I don't really have any. It flowed well, was full of intrigue (I wanted to see how it ended), the imagery was beautiful, and it just came together very nicely.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled my attention from your words.

My favorite line(s): "Star sipper, I spread wings; in parsecs and light years wend my way
past new moons rising to start each day in serene orbit of delight:
content to trust in me to find what I need and stay true blue." I love this, a very strong ending to a great piece, and it still left the reader sipping off such detailed imagery and energy. Great conclusion.

In conclusion: Overall, I enjoyed this and felt it appealed on so many levels. Going out to the dunes tonight, I know I'll be looking up to the heavens and thinking of your words. Plus, I learned a new word today, dearth. Very well written and a pleasure to have discovered this. As they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing your work for the Solar package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: The imagery and comparisons in this was absolutely beautiful. I loved the babble of the waves against the shore, the opening felt almost sensual without being sensual (it that makes sense). I found it to be a very beautiful piece.

Why I could relate to your work: I love poetry when it's like candy for the senses, bringing the touch and sound and beauty to the surface with images. This certainly appealed to me.

My suggestions: I don't know, I almost feel like there should be more. It was beautiful and flowed well, drawing in the reader from the very beginning right down to the "aha" moment at the end, but I would have liked to seen more. Just because I was enjoying it.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that distracted me from your words.

My favorite line(s): "Foamy fingers of brine
stroke the smooth cheeked pebbles,
and gurgle with laughter
as they retreat to sea." I love this, it sucks us right in and invites us to read further. And like I said, the imagery alone was enough to capture our attention but then you throw in that this was a metaphor, it just gets that much better.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this. I felt like all of my senses were appropriately caressed by your words, and ended on that moment of questioning right along with you. It was well written, nothing felt forced, and I could have soaked up your images even longer. A cool, refreshing read that was a pleasure to read. As they say, write on.


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195
195
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am reviewing your work for the Nuclear package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: I think this paid tribute very well to the pain and suffering of our troops. There's so much loss and spiraling out of control and it's definitely something folks like to pretend isn't there. So, well done.

Why I could relate to your work: I'm married to a former Marine, who thankfully never got deployed overseas, but we were friends with many who were. Every single military man and woman who we knew came back different, some were even scary and I never dared to ask any of them what caused it. We all knew, but it's something you don't talk about unless they discuss it.

My suggestions: I don't really have any. I don't think there's anything to change and I didn't see any typos.

My favorite line(s): "Where can you go to avoid the pain
When it is coming down like a hard rain" That's a strong opener and sucks us in right from the beginning.

In conclusion: I thought this was a nicely done tribute that certainly stirred memories of what I've witnessed among hurting military folk. They are such a strong, amazing group of people who shoulder more than we realize. I liked this because it addressed that idea. Nicely done and as they say, write on.


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196
196
Review of The Perfect Shot  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thought I'd give you a review as a congrats for earning yourself a spot on the
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1635349 by Not Available.


What I love about your work: I like the dedication of this little artist. I feel for him in his desperate search for the perfect shot, completely unaware that his adventure is making for the perfect tale. Cute.

Why I could relate to your work: As an artist, I've definitely felt the frustration of trying to achieve something artistically perfect. My paintings always need a little something more, just one ore thing, and it never feels "perfect" to me even though others say differently. So, lol, definitely understand his quest and feeling of dissatisfaction.

My suggestions: "11-year-old can" I would recommend spelling out "11". In formal writing, it's best to spell out numbers under a hundred. Otherwise, it can be distracting to the reader.

In paragraph 3 & 4, you use the term "young Ben" and because they are so close together, it feels repetitive. I would suggest dropping "young" from one of the two sentences.

Any noticeable typos: "This was quite a fete for a country" I don't think "fete" was the word you were looking for. "feat" would work much better as "fete" is a celebration while "feat" is an accomplishment.

"Stands the young boy with his brand new camera is" "is" should be "was" to keep in line with the tenses used in the rest of the story.

My favorite line(s): "Mr. Klemond put his hands on the boy’s shoulder and said, “There is no perfect. Just do your best, and trust that it’s good enough.”" And that's all any of us can do.

In conclusion: I thought this was cute and a great tribute to a little boy aspiring to be like his idol. There is nothing quite like trying to create that perfect moment in art, so I could definitely feel his pain. A sweet read and as they say, write on.


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197
Review of Letters: Found  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: The idea of finding these soul filled anonymous letters in a desk is very intriguing. I think there's quite a bit of potential to make this an interesting read.

Why I could relate to your work: Your description of the letters made me think of my journals when I was in high school and college. So glad that time's over but this definitely brought it to mind.

My suggestions: "Not the regular papers the ones filled with answers for the test." I would say reword this a bit, cause it reads like it is the answers for the test. Maybe, "Not the regular papers, not the ones usually filled with answers for the test."

I would also recommend, making sure you read through your work to catch minor spelling errors. If you read your work out loud, it will help you catch most of the problems and awkward sentences.

Any noticeable typos:"Surprisingly though the paper isnât ripped where the words are written," I think there should be another comma in here, perhaps after "though".

"I het up from my seat" I'm not sure what you're saying, but I'm pretty sure "het" is not the word you were looking for.

"Making my may to the trash can" "may" should be "way"

In conclusion: I think there is the potential for this to really shine if you put in a little bit of polishing. It's an interesting concept with the ability to reach that spot in all of us. Best of luck and welcome to the WDC.


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198
Review of The perfect girl  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Aw, the joy of being in love. It's always a pleasurable moment to realize you want to take it to the next level. Very sweet.

Why I could relate to your work: I've been married to my soulmate for going on eleven years so I understand loving someone :D.

My suggestions: Sometimes, as poets, we get so carried away with having the rhyming scheme that the lines feel a little bit forced. Be careful about writing awkward lines to try to rhyme, it can disrupt the flow and lose the interest of the reader. Read your poem out loud, if you trip over the lines, your readers are too.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that just yanked my attention from your words.

My favorite line(s): "All about me and you
About our love so true." This was a cute opening and set the stage for your poem.

In conclusion: It was a cute, sweet read, that with some tweaking could really set the heart aflutter. Happy anniversary.


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199
199
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thought I'd give you a review as a congrats for earning yourself a spot on the
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1635349 by Not Available.


What I love about your work: You do present your perspective, perhaps a bit overly wordy at times, but as you know, I don't have an ounce of room to talk on that subject... anyways, you present your perspective and definitely let the reader know your feelings have been hurt by rude manners.

Why I could relate to your work: With that said, I am one of those people who takes weeks if not months to respond to my emails. I am not doing it to snub anyone, or to negate the effort put into reading my work, but I am also not just sitting around on my computer, waiting for positive or negative reflection on my work. I will eventually respond to and reward the people who review my work but thanks to life outside of the computer, it is never timely. Heck, you should ask Angus how many emails he got from me today as I was catching up on hundreds of emails ;). My point is you should not take it personally or think it is a lack of appreciation. I have yet to receive a review from you that hasn't made me reconsider something in my work and that is a great thing. And honestly, given how many emails I already get on here, if I got responses for every review I did... I thought things were hectic now, shudder.

My suggestions: You might want to tone down the elegant speech somewhat. It is well worded but given you're trying to share a message and encourage folks to have some self reflection, you might want to, for lack of better words, dumb it down a bit. You don't want to lose your audience because you're being too wordy, ya know?

Any noticeable typos: I honestly wasn't looking for them and didn't see anything painfully obvious.

My favorite line(s): "I’ve never met so many wonderful people all in one place before. And sometimes we get so busy, so involved, we simply lose our way." Amen and remember that. It's not anything personal or a snub at you, but sometimes, life does happen and pulls us away from the ability to answer everything. It happens.

In conclusion: I read this originally because I am certainly guilty of failing to respond in a timely manner, but I do have a lot going on, both on and off the site and it does certainly interfere. So yeah, I read this with the guilty conscious, but this just made me want to reach out and give you a virtual hug. Your efforts are appreciated, even if you don't realize it. Don't be put off of sharing your wonderful insight and doing your best to help better us as writers.


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200
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: There was a definite sense of hopelessness, of being lost, and dreaming of a place where you can find peace. Quite an emotion filled piece.

Why I could relate to your work: Back in college, my work reflected very similar tones. I felt so lost and aimless without any way out. Probably most of us can admit to having shared in a similar darkness at one point or another in our lives. But as I always say, you cannot have light without darkness nor darkness without light.

My suggestions: "in which destinations are reachable," To help with the flow, I'd suggest "attainable" instead of "reachable".

I'm also not a fan of the concluding lines. "ironically" just doesn't read well given what you're discussing. It doesn't feel like an ironic moment. Don't have suggestions on how you could change it, just not a fan of how it currently reads.

Any noticeable typos: "loosing ourselves little by little each passing day" I think you might have meant "losing".

"I vision a reality so sweet," "vision" is a noun and doesn't really work here. However, "envision" would be far better suited.

My favorite line(s): "Reality is a chaos,
so loud yet so empty," What a great introduction that sucks us. Such despair penned right there.

In conclusion: This was certainly an emotionally charged piece that just needs a little tweaking to really make it flow. Welcome to the WDC.


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