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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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What I love about your work: I loved your descriptions of each new fresh terror the water held. Sorry, but was laughing along with your husband.

Why I could relate to your work: When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, my husband convinced me to swim with him in the ocean. I've grown up on Jaws, so the ocean is a horrifically scary place to me. He got me out past the swell of the waves and I couldn't see anything through the murky water below me... anyways, scared me so bad I was almost in tears. And then, found out that a Great White was spotted not to far from where we were swimming. Needless to say, as much as I laughed as I read this story, I could certainly understand your jumpiness too.

My suggestions: I did find the opening to be a little jolty (I know, not a real word, but it described it for me). There were a few lines that didn't flow well and could use some rewording. Once I got through that section, your story was amusing and showed that despite your fear, you're certainly adventurous and courageous. Perhaps read the opening out loud to find a way to smooth it out a bit.

Any noticeable typos: I did notice a couple in that opening section, but yeah... your story sucked me in and I wasn't about to be pulled out by a few measly typos.

My favorite line(s): "I could feel my husband’s laughter vibrate through the gentle waves. I ignored him." I could picture my husband doing the exact same thing, and to be fair, I laughed too. You just captured this moment in time so entertainingly well.

In conclusion: I found this to be an adventure that held my attention, made me laugh and was something I could relate to. Such a delightful read. Well done.


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Review of Arrested Time  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, hello there: Found you on the random reviews, and aw, such a tragically beautiful piece.

What I love about your work: You captured how fleeting time is and how much we should enjoy the present for we have no idea what the future holds. Quite touching.

Why I could relate to your work: We never know how little time we have with our loved ones, so my family never leaves without saying good-bye no matter how mad we are at each other. We don't want the last thing either person to remember being a cruel word. Anyways, the point is that I completely understand the reminder to not take our loved ones for granted.

My suggestions: I did not have any, you pulled this together very well. It flowed nicely, was emotionally stimulating, and left me with a heartfelt message.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything at all that drew my attention away from your words.

My favorite line(s): "The trip through stored memories has been experience sublime,
If she’d known then of the tragic loss that near future brings,
Enjoyed more the present; not as now, seeking him in past days." Aw, sniffle sniffle, no, I'm not tearing up, I swear.

In conclusion: This was a very well done piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it and didn't see anything that grated on me or would be worth changing. Well done. As they say, write on!


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: I enjoyed how you gave the illusion that there might be some hope for the poor Buffalo Bills. It felt like "maybe, maybe... aw, bummer, too bad."

Why I could relate to your work: Admittedly, I do not watch football, but you wrote this easy enough I could follow what was going on. Sucks for the Bills but yay Chargers!

My suggestions: Make sure you try to write in the same tense. The story is written in past tense for the most part, but there a are a couple of places where you use present verbs and they distract from your words.

You also might want to beef this up a bit, add in some exciting, spicy words to get our blood boiling with the desperation of the Bills and the raw energy of the players.

Any noticeable typos: There were a few, but this one really stood out to me "By end of the day, the Bills hoped to have record of 3-0.". There should be a "the" between "By" and "end". Make sure you read your work out loud to help catch any errors and awkward sentences.

My favorite line(s): "Things didn't start out that way, though." This line totally gives the expectation that there's hope, the game might change for the better.

In conclusion: Again, I don't follow football but this was an easy to understand analysis of the game. It needs some work to make it a bit more exciting, but you wrote it in simple enough terms that football illiterate folk like myself can read it and that's an important attribute. As they say, write on!


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Review of The Wake-Up Call  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I enjoyed how you made Jack totally speak like a young 'un. He was too cute, and man, what a scare. Even as an adult, I wouldn't be amused finding a crow peeping into my room.

Why I could relate to your work: As a mom of three little girls, I found this scene very familiar. Darn early risers. Plus, I have a slight fear of black birds so I can completely relate to Will's discomfort.

My suggestions: It's a good idea to try to avoid using "that" in stories, but especially twice in one sentence. It's a little awkward to read. For instance "Just then, that bird let out a squawk that pierced his eardrums like that weather siren that goes off the first Tuesday each month and then he just flew away. " I would suggest changing the second "that" into "the" to help it flow better.

Any noticeable typos: I noticed a couple of mild errors, but nothing that really pulled me out of the story.

My favorite line(s): "“I not in bad moon, Will. I in good moon now.”" Of course he is cause isn't that always the way?

In conclusion: This was a cute story that captured two young children and their morning adventure. It was sweet and realistic. Nicely done and happy anniversary.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: This was a fun read, with so much plotting and planning that just didn't work out.

Why I could relate to your work: I love fantasy, and reading about damsels who take matters into their own hands. How this turned out just cracked me up.

My suggestions: There were a couple of places that tripped me up because of how they were worded to rhyme at the end. I would recommend maybe reading it out loud, and seeing if you can catch the few places that could use a little tweaking just to make them flow better.

Any noticeable typos: Nothing more than a few punctuation errors, but even those did not detract from your poem.

My favorite line(s): "When his bride kissed the snout
Fire breather licked out
Princess Knock~Kneed to heaven went sailing!" D'oh, talk about heating things up! This cracked me up.

In conclusion: This was a fun read that just goes to show, sometimes your choices knock you from the pan into the fire ;). Thoroughly enjoyed this. And, of course, happy anniversary!


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Having participated in this contest, I can honestly attest to it's unique challenges that are both fun and stimulating. This contest sets you on an interesting path that explores so many different avenues of WDC, it's worth checking out even if you've been here for years just to see if there's something new to explore. On top of that, it offers amazing prizes, is ran and helped out by incredibly nice and helpful members, and has a lot of time and effort put into it. The slots fill up fast though, so if you're interested, you need to be quick on the 1st and 15th. If you're one of the lucky few to hop on, it's well worth participating in.
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Review of The Pirate  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Well, hello there: Congrats on placing with this story! And I can certainly see why.

What I love about your work: You created very believable, likable characters. I felt a wide variety of emotions as I read this piece and felt you did a wonderful job at sharing his story.

Why I could relate to your work: My husband is a former Marine, so after I read this, I had to ask him if the "hello ladies" joke is something passed around the Marines as he shared it with me many years ago. He says no... but I wonder :P. Anywho, I felt for Thomas and had to hug my husband, grateful for our lives as they are. Quite an interesting tale.

My suggestions: I did not have any. I felt this flowed very well, the characters were all believable, the descriptions were done just right. . . it came out well.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that dragged me out of the story.

My favorite line(s): "Thomas considered for a moment. "Better, I think."" I like this line cause it captures the battle that Thomas is caught in, but shows he just might be winning. I like it cause I think it's full of hope, but realistic hope.

In conclusion: This was a well done tale that captured a better day in a dark struggle of a gentleman who sacrificed so much. You wrote it beautifully well, and left the reader feeling hopeful and with warm fuzzies. Nicely done, and congrats again :D.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: You gave us such a heartfelt look into a very real tragedy narrowly averted. I felt your pain, your fear, your love for your family and the concern you were leaving them. You did a wonderful job bringing this to life and showing us such an intense moment in your life.

My suggestions: I did stumble across a few awkward sentences, but something I've learned helps with my writing is to read it out loud. It helps you catch like 80% of your errors and will help your work pop that much more.

Something else I like about this is you can completely write it out further. Yes, the focus is on the angel in the ambulance, but you can share your experience in the er and waking up with the knowledge that thanks to your friend, you made it out in alive and able to see your family. You have such a way with bringing the situation to life, I can see this being even longer.

Any noticeable typos: I actually found several. Often times, it was just a missed letter or the wrong tense of a word, but if you read this out loud, you will find most of them. It just feels like you type like me, your brain works faster than your fingers can keep up sometimes.

My favorite line(s): "Somehow, I felt if they didn't cut on the sirens, everything would be alright, but as we turned onto the road, the sound filled my ears and my heart seemed to sink a little more." I completely understand this line. I went through a miscarriage a few years back, and hearing the siren start is like the nail in the coffin. It drives home that you're in serious life or death situation. So, this felt so real to me.

In conclusion: I think you did a great job at bringing this moment to life and with a little polishing, this story will really pop. Nicely done, and glad you lived to write today.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Aw, so you requested a review, I had to help you out. Hope it is up to your expectations.

What I love about your work: I thoroughly enjoyed the perspective being from the gun's point of view. That was an entertaining view point and gave us quite a peek into a seriously dark world. Shudder.

Why I could relate to your work: Well, my favorite monster is vampires, but my husband's is werewolf; so I had to read this in honor of him. Quite a worthwhile read.

My suggestions: To be honest, I really don't have any. You created this brutal world where humans certainly don't seem to hold much worth and then, through the eyes of this firearm, you showed the story of a brave and selfless human who helped change the perspective. It was entertaining.

My favorite line(s):"He then sat down and got out his rations, canned meat and hard bread, as well as a canteen of water. “I hope you don’t mind me eating my lunch, sir.” " Hehehe, always love a character with a sense of humor.

In conclusion: This was certainly a unique tale in the sense of the perspective and it held my attention from beginning to end, nicely done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random reviews and just for the record, I think you should always enter if you've written something for a contest. You may not think it's good enough, but it's not about your approval ;).

What I love about your work: Anywho, I enjoyed the intrigue and possibility of a forbidden romance. I also enjoyed that the woman was the vigilante killer, nice.

Why I could relate to your work: I love strong female protagonists, so this intrigued me. Plus, this had the feeling almost of a comic book superhero and those are totally up my alley.

My suggestions: " It hadn’t taken long to get to this one." "hadn't" does not read write. I think it would be better as "didn't". I also think you should google passive voice. If you can try to eliminate passive voice as much as possible from your work, it will help make your story pop.

My favorite line(s): "Maybe I just didn’t have the good sense to be scared." Lol, shaking my head, they never do :P.

In conclusion: I think this has the potential to develop into something worthwhile and hopefully you won't shelf it in the forgotten section. As they say ,write on!


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I very much enjoyed the different sides of the same coin approach to your work. It shows how something can both be beautiful and terrifying, an inspiration or a destructive force. Enjoy how you captured that so well with your words.

Why I could relate to your work: Many of the most beautiful things seem to be dangerous. For instance, my favorite weather is monsoons here in AZ, and yet, they leave a path of destruction, including tearing off my roof once and raining in my youngest daughter's room. Yet, I can't help but sit in breathless awe whenever one of those fierce storms strike. So, I can totally relate to this.

My suggestions: I did not have any. The flow moved along at a good pace, your descriptions were great, there were no obvious typos that pulled me away from your words. I have nothing to offer on this.

My favorite line(s): "Both majestic and ferocious ---
soothing tranquility or diminished stability ---
we've cause to refrain, pause, be still." Amen :D.

In conclusion: I thoroughly enjoyed this. Like I said, made me think of monsoons and I completely felt the words. Nicely done and happy anniversary.



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Review of Victims Anonymous  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Always a sucker for something wickedly bad, I found your work on one of the side bars and had to go take a peek.

What I love about your work: I thought it very entertaining how he seemed like the good Samaritan, but really ended up being a serial killer.

Why I could relate to your work: I've grown up on a steady diet of horror stories and have always been fascinated with serial killers. Heck, I wrote a paper in college on female serial killers, so this completely held my attention. And I tell you what, this is why I hung out with the freaks and outcasts in high school. Lol, better to have them at your side than lurking behind your back, plus we're more fun anyway ;).

My suggestions: I would recommend changing up the title and description. Because of how you worded everything, I already expected the twist. I didn't trust him right off the bat, which kind of defeats the point of a short story. Otherwise, I don't have anything to add.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that grabbed my attention and jerked me out of the story.

My favorite line(s): "Damn." Such a simple word, and yet it captured how completely cold-blooded and methodical he was about his little collection.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this and am glad I decided to check it out. Just goes to show, you should be careful who you're cruel to. Anywho, well done and as they say, write on!


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Well, hello there: I found you on random reviews and thought I'd share what I took away from your work.

What I love about your work: I liked that you're doing what you feel is best for you and not what others think is. I get so tired of friends who try to conform their lives to the expectations of others, so this kind of attitude is refreshing.

Why I could relate to your work: At eighteen, I gave up on the idea of love. It didn't seem realistic to find someone who could put up with my oddities and that I wouldn't get bored with. Callous, perhaps, but my reality nonetheless. It was at the point, I met my husband, who is very similar minded to me. Sometimes when you relinquish your "goals" in romance and just decide to go with the flow, a whole another avenue opens up, but it won't until you've let go. I felt that this idea moved in your words, that you're keeping your eyes open but not expecting that every date may lead to true love.

My suggestions: From a reader's perspective, you should really format this a bit. Put in line breaks to give our eyes some relief on the mass of text.

Noticeable typos: " but then I realized that know one is perfect;" "know" should be "no".

My favorite line(s): " I use to think everyone was perfect, that they were all princes and princesses, when did that state of mind change?" Aw, think you need to find that side of yourself again. Life is so much more enjoyable when you let yourself believe in the magic of people and love.

In conclusion: This was interesting insight into your perspective of love and society. Hope you find the love that you seek and as they say, write on!


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Review of Spider  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E
Well, hello there: I read a review about this on the public reviews and had to come take a peek. Well worth a gaze and if you had ratings enacted, this would certainly be a 5 in my book.

What I love about your work: You wove such a delightful tale of horror and squeamishness over a spider, and did so in such a way that it rhymed without butchering the lines. That's a difficult line to straddle and you did it perfectly. Plus, this absolutely cracked me up, mainly cause I share in your loathing.

Why I could relate to your work: I used to play with spiders and such until I moved out to 29 Palms. Our house was in the desert, but military housing, so never properly sealed. I regularly woke up to shadows the size of quarters over my bed, thanks to my spider occupants. Needless to say, I have a slight (meaning I freak out) fear of them now. So, I completely related to your words.

My suggestions: I do not have any suggestions. I did not stumble over any lines or see any noticeable typos. Your words flowed well and I love the emotion you captured.

My favorite line(s): "Oh! how I’d like to crush you
by hammer or with brick," Lol, and sometimes, a bomb crosses my mind, but I'd rather not clean up the mess either ;).

In conclusion: I absolutely loved this. It appealed to me for so many reasons and was well written. Wonderfully done. As they say, write on!


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: Such a pesky house. This came across very cute and I can totally see the illustrations that would go along with this. Quite a fun nonsensical piece that would totally entertain small children.

My suggestions: Not a huge fan of the space between each line. I also would recommend adding in more commas and semi-colons. Otherwise, I do not have any suggestions. I enjoyed the flow and the imagery. I did not see any noticeable typos.

My favorite line(s): "'I'm just a house

With no brain

Who lives by the sea!'" Poor house, it just wanted pie!

In conclusion: I found this to be a very cute, fun read about a man and his unusual dilemma with his house. Nicely done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: No Santa! Not the beard! So, does this mean Santa's beard is still fake or has it since grown in? Hmmm, strokes my one dangling old woman hair on my chin, curious and curiouser.

What I love about your work: I thought it was an interesting take on how Santa is a person, not just a figure from stories. Sometimes, the person gets lost in the legend and I like this made him more. . .relate-able. It tickled me and flowed along in a believable manner.

Why I could relate to your work: This makes me think of a youtube video of a daddy with a full facial beard shaving it off and scaring his baby girl. We get so used to one thing and when it changes, it can be mind altering.

My suggestions: I didn't see anything that needed tweaking, asides from the formatting down below.

Any noticeable typos: "He laughed with a tired "Ho-Ho-Ho" and opened it.
It was a beard. A false beard with hooks like glasses to go around his ears and hold the beard up. He picked it up and examined it thoroughly. Why this was his very own beard!

"That's right," Mrs. Santa smiled as she kissed his cheek," It is your beard. The Barber elf saved every last hair and sewed it together. We knew you would want it back some time."

Santa smiled back and put it on. He began to feel a little like himself again. He certainly looked like himself again.
He promised himself he would never try to be something he wasn't again."

Just a couple of minor formatting slips. I think from the way you wrote, there should be another line break between "opened it." and "It was". And I also think there's supposed to be one between "himself again." and "He promised". Like I said, not a big deal, just caught my eye when I was scrolling through.

My favorite line(s): "On Christmas Eve, Santa's elves loaded up his sleigh and harnessed the reindeer. And when he arrived to mount the sleigh the reindeer were frightened because they did not recognize him." I wondered how the deer were going to take it. I also enjoyed that they continued to have problems with him throughout the night.

In conclusion: This was a delightful tale that caught my eye from the title and kept my attention all the way till the end. A refreshing read in the middle of a hot summer. Well done.


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Review of What If?  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Stumbled across this in random review and loved the imagery you painted with your words.

What I love about your work: You effectively gave us a look into a world so upside down it couldn't even make sense, what your world would be without your love. It came together very sweetly and flowed well.

Why I could relate to your work: Being married to a man who makes me smile every day, I understand the feeling of loss at even the idea of not having his love. He's my world and so I could completely relate to this and feel it in my bones. Having love in your life makes everything right.

My suggestions: I do not have any. I enjoyed the various images you spoke of in the opening and thought the flow was well done. I did not stumble over any lines or see any typos that leaped out at me.

My favorite line(s): "What if the sun and moon rose in the west?
Suppose Earth had a ring, like Saturn and the rest.
If rivers flowed upstream; maybe tides never changed?
Or we lived the same day, over and over again."

The opening stanza provided such an intriguing collection of thoughts and ideas, I had to read more.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this quite a bit. Everything came together nicely and got your point across. Well done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: I found this to be quite an insightful poem, bringing up more than just the muted beauty of the night sky but making you wonder what else is missed out.

What I love about your work: You certainly have created a thought provoking piece. The night sky is completely different in various places and it makes one wonder, is the beauty of the world lost to us that live in the city? There is certainly a unique beauty to the city that I can never move away from.

Why I could relate to your work: Being a city girl, I understand the truth to your words. We go out to the dunes or up to the mountains and it is amazing the difference in skies. My girls had no clue how starry our nights are until we took them out there.

My favorite line(s): "I enjoy this quiet time of wonderment
that my dog and I share nightly,
but the city night sky is an imposter."

In conclusion: I enjoyed this cause I can totally understand it and relate. Love the truth of the different night skies depending on the location and how this calls into question what else we are unwittingly missing. Nicely done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is being made as part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.'s *BalloonR* Free-For-All Anniversary Party Raid! *BalloonR*!

Totally swinging by with a 7 year party favor review! Hope it is of some use to you.

What I love about your work: How you caught such a fun scene in so few lines. You needed only a few words to capture the mad dash through the rain to safety, bringing up the awesome aspects of an Oklahoma storm.

Why I could relate to your work: I'm currently enjoying an Arizonian monsoon, my favorite type of weather. The lightning is forking across the sky while the trees bend in the vicious wind, and only a few hours ago, it was bright and sunny. So reading this, I not only enjoyed it considering storms are my favorite type of weather, but could literally see something similar outside my window.

My suggestions: I'm one of those people that punctuation drives nuts, so I would be remiss if I didn't drop at least one little mention of the punctuation. But other than that twitch of mine, I didn't have anything to offer. It was well done and captured the scene perfectly.

My favorite line(s): "Then safe at home
I listen to the thunder clash" Lol, too cute. Makes me think of my own daughters leaping at the big crashes of thunder, their little noses pressed to the window as they watch the light show.

In conclusion: This entertained me on so many levels, and yet it was so short! I loved that about it, short and sweet and just perfect the way it is. Nicely done.


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Review of Dead Man's Bride  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Totally swinging by with a 7 year party favor review! Hope it is of some use to you.

What I love about your work: Always a delight when the bad guy gets his comeuppance, but sad it took the whole castle to get to his dues. Enjoyed the fairy-tale feeling of the story, lured you in for the dark deed.

My suggestions: "Once upon a time, there was a very wealthy King who kept the heads of his enemies, covered in liquid gold, displayed upon the grand walls of his castle." This is a very interesting detail, but you don't do anything further with it. Perhaps include that the king kept the heads in gold because he believed it kept their spirits at bay, and include that the wicked prince thought it silly superstition. You could even then tie that detail into the end about the prince realizing the superstition would have saved his life. It just seems so sad to see this great detail thrown in there and never used.

I also didn't like how you explained the wedding night "and took her to their newly arranged bedchambers where he did you know what to her." Yes, I understand the fairy-tale feel but that line felt so. . . juvenile. Not saying you need to get explicit or anything, but surely there's a better way to explain the concept of he forced himself upon her.

Noticeable typos: "His eyes were smeared with red and popping out of their sockets as her fingers withdrawn with his still warm and beating heart in a gray, withered palm." "withdrawn" is wrong in the way you used it, "withdrew" would be the correct term.

My favorite line(s): "And he stood there grinning, shooting the guard a cocky wink at the last second before the poor blighter's head was sliced by a guillotine." I did enjoy this line, cracked me up a bit, cause I can totally see the pompous butt all but waving a flag and yelling "I did it!".

In conclusion: I liked the feel of this and think with a little bit of polishing, it could be quite a gem of a story. It was a fun read.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This review is being made as part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.'s *BalloonR* Free-For-All Anniversary Party Raid! *BalloonR*!

Totally swinging by with a 7 year party favor review! Hope it is of some use to you.

What I love about your work: Is it wrong I mentally cheered when she told him off? What an evil sob. Your children should not fear you, your spouse should not fear you, grrrrr. You effectively made me attached to Shyla and despise Jeev. Well done.

Why I could relate to your work: I have a friend who is certainly a version of Shyla, though she withstands his abuse in front of the children and allows him to break the kids verbally if not a physical blow here and there. It is infuriating, but until she gains Shyla's backbone, it is just a bad situation. So, I read this and bristled and projected my own outrage at Jeev and was routing for her to rise above her servitude.

My suggestions: I did not have any. This flowed very well, every detail perfectly placed, the characters and conversation felt real and natural. Not a thing I would change.

My favorite line(s): "Shyla grasped a child by each hand, with battered head held high with new and fierce determination, stepped over the threshold into the welcoming outside world!" Mental cheer again, heck yes!

In conclusion: I enjoyed the strength you imbued into Shyla and the success you gave her children. I was proud of her for having stood up for herself at last and putting him in his place. Wonderfully written, loved it.


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Review of Visiting Sharon  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Totally swinging by with a 7 year party favor review! Hope it is of some use to you.

What I love about your work: Dang, this was an incredibly touching story that well, touched too close to home. The very real heartache and abandonment was evident here and you just did a phenomenal job bringing the characters to life.

Why I could relate to your work: I consider the father in this story to be a "sperm donor" (gross term but oh so accurate). They have families, get bored with one and move on to the next. You end up with a string of awkward half siblings who would like to be close but don't know how to get past the angry mothers, and their own feelings of inadequacy. I do understand the protagonist very well and am glad to see that she's made peace in the end.

My suggestions: I did not have any suggestions. I thought this was well written and brought the characters to life. I empathized with the main character and felt her pain, not at her father's passing but at his living. Some people are just too selfish to for anyone's good.

Any noticeable typos: "I thought the wine a well-earned reward for what lay ahead om arrival in this state of right angles." Um, I think "om" is supposed to be "on" or "of my"?! Maybe, perhaps... but I'm confident "om" is incorrect.

My favorite line(s): " Hot tears prick my eyes but I blink them away; I promised myself long ago never to waste another tear on that man, and I won’t go back on that promise today." Such strength and deserved fury.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this immensely. It was heart-breaking, emboldening, strong, and connected on so many levels. Well done.


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Review of The Fighter  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: Found you on random reviews and thought I'd drop a note in honor of WDC Power Reviewers 7th Anniversary Party.

What I love about your work: I liked how you built up the history of Auturo, that professional fighting is not merely a flaunt of muscle, but so much more. It was an interesting peek into a different world.

My suggestions: I would recommend working on the passive voice in here. Google passive voice, google can explain it better. To make your story pop, you should try rewording it so you don't need to use "had", "was" and "were".

I also would suggest that you focus more on showing us the story, not just telling us. Share some of the experiences that lead him to where he is today.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't really see anything that pulled me out of the story.

My favorite line(s): "The promoter he was working with was as pompous as you could get." Darn pompous promoters, I've ran into a few myself so I understand the frustration./c}

In conclusion: This story could really shine with some polishing. I'd like to see some of the experiences that have put him where he is and am definitely intrigued to see how the fight plays out. Nicely done and as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is being made as part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.'s *BalloonR* Free-For-All Anniversary Party Raid! *BalloonR*!

Totally swinging by with a 7 year party favor review! Hope it is of some use to you.

What I love about your work: I love how it started out as almost a frenzied mystery, gotta love family; but developed into something so much more touching and beautiful. It was a sweet moment captured in your words and well done.

My suggestions: Something I noticed (cause I do it myself) is the passive voice in here. Your story would pop so much more if you went through and eliminated words like "was", "had" and/or "were". Google passive voice to help you out, google knows all.

Also, try to make sure you keep the past, present and future tenses written in properly. There were a coupe of spots that threw me because they switched between past and present.

"I really did mean to travel for a visit, but I just haven't had the cash avail." It felt awkward to have available abbreviated. If it were part of the conversation, I think it would be okay, but given you're letting us know about his financial state (even casually), it would be better written out.

Noticeable typos: I didn't really notice anything, other than what I listed, that sucked me out of the story.

In conclusion: I think this was a very sweet tale, and with a little bit of polishing, I think it will really shine. That ring sounds like such a beautiful touch, quite the token of love. As they say, write on!


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Review of torned  Open in new Window.
Review by Siobhan Falen Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random reviews and decided to leave a word in honor of WDC Power Reviewers 7 Year anniversary party.

What I love about your work: I felt the heartache and betrayal in this and my heart absolutely ached with you. You captured your emotions poignantly in this piece.

Why I could relate to your work: I've certainly endured the slap in the face betrayal of someone you love cheating on you. There is no greater knife in the heart than realizing you're not enough for someone who was the world to you. So, I ached with you as I read this.

My suggestions: "I believed you, believed what you said, I believed your every lies." Honestly, "lies" here throws me off considering the way you wrote that line. It would read better if it were "lie".

Any noticeable typos: "But I was just another pon on your game board" "pon" should be "pawn".

My favorite line(s): "I can never forget you; I can never hate you," The worse feeling ever, knowing you should hate them and move on, but incapable of doing so because they have such a strong hold on your heart. Well captured.

In conclusion: You poured your soul into these words for me to read and my heart broke for you. Tragically beautiful.


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