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Review of Starbucks  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lol, mmmm, this makes me want some Starbucks now. A creamy caramel frappuccino... drool. This was an adorable poem that captured my own belief that my experiments in the kitchen just aren't comparable to the sweet delicacies we find at Starbucks. Cutely penned.


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Review of Death at the Door  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
When Death comes knocking, none can turn him away. What a fun story.

What I love about your work: I enjoyed the original awkward character of Death morphing into something truly horrendous. I also got a kick out of Death driving a Cadillac, what a way to transport the souls.

Why I could relate to your work: Having been raised on a steady diet of scary stories growing up, I'm always drawn to the tales of darkness and death. I thoroughly enjoyed your take of Death, though I am curious as to why he took on such a poindexter persona in the first place.

My suggestions: I know that evil word count hinders us all, but I had a couple of thoughts. First being, you have a few run on sentences. That first sentence is a doozy and would be so much better broken up, or even trimmed down. I always try to keep in mind, that first paragraph ought to be among some of your best work because that is what is going to hook your reader. So you want to make sure that it's not overwhelming or causes them to stumble.

The second being, if you do develop this, I would actually like to know more about Johnson and Death. For instance, why did his wife kill him? Was he really so clueless as to her intent? Does she survive the gunshot past Johnson being swept off by Death or does she expire and follow him into the darkness? I would love to know the story behind Death. Have you ever seen the show "Dead Like Me"? Your story made me think of the show and all sorts of questions popped up in conjecture about your characters. So, needless to say, my suggestion is beef it up, do something more with your story. Don't let it stay quietly on the shelf as a forgotten contest entry.


End Note: I enjoyed this quite a bit and would love to see you do something more with it. If you ever do, drop me a line so I can see where you take it :D. As they say, write on!


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Review of Inevitable  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oooh, the buildup on this is fantastic.

What I love about your work: First off, I love the setup. I loved how you almost dragged me around the page, like the very storms described in your work, taking me from one corner to the other. . . it was quite a reading ride. I also thoroughly enjoyed your descriptions in each stanza.

Why I could relate to your work: I love storms, so this right away drew me in and with the intensity of each stanza, the last one didn't come as a surprise. You built this up very nicely, taking me down a dark alley with nothing but death and shadows looming before me. Nicely done.

My suggestions: I don't really have any, you pulled this together very well.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this. Loved the dark beauty captured in the sway of your words. Well done.


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Review of Earth  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Such an interesting idea, loved the concept and thought your work has a lot of potential.

What I love about your work: I love Eveie's quiet strength and how she doesn't fit in. I think you did very well at developing your characters.

Why I could relate to your work: I always love a strong female protagonist. And as a lover of fantasy, you snagged me with the concept of magic and someone truly gifted.

My suggestions:I do have a few:

The first one is that when you write a dialogue out, you should always start a new line for the different characters speaking. For instance, when Eveie speaks with her sisters, that conversation should not be all one paragraph. It should be broken into line one: Eveie speaks, line two: Marie speaks, line three: Eveie speaks, and so forth. It comes across as easier to read and is the more grammatically correct way to write out a conversation.

My second suggestion is to read your story out loud. You have a lot of typos and awkward sentences that you would more than likely catch if you read it out loud. When presenting your written work, you always want to put your best foot out there and you can't if the reader is stumbling over your lines. So, read it out loud and edit your work. Editing is a pain in the rear, but it's worth building up your audience.

My feeling on this story is you have something you can really develop. Fantasy is a wonderful genre that embraces the imaginative and I think you could have a super fun story, but you have to be willing to polish it up to really make it shine. I look forward to hopefully seeing more and to seeing your story gleaming with the talent behind it. Write on.


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Review of Eyes  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
There is so much potential with this story as you're very talented at mixing love and pain together.

What I love about your work: I love your descriptions, though I am curious, what is the color of his eyes? My favorite line is with the sunset and more dangerous than gunfire.

My suggestions: My number one recommendation when it comes to work like this is to add line breaks. When you have that much text lined together on the computer, it's kind of harsh for the reader's eyes.

Also, read this out loud to try to catch the lines that make you stumble, the grammatical errors. It's very important when trying to procure an audience that you make sure you put out your best work. If you don't edit beforehand and try to iron out most of the hiccoughs, it makes it difficult for a reader to get into the work.

I think there is a lot of potential for this to develop into a more detailed story. You could carry it through to explain how you reached that first kiss, what resulted in him leaving. A more detailed explanation of that first kiss, where it took place, when, etc..

Noticeable typos: If you read this out loud and edit it, you should be able to catch most of them on your own. Remember to check your commas, capitalize your "I"s, and try to keep your tenses (past, present and future) the same.

Overall, I thought this was a bittersweet memory captured and my heart ached a bit over your loss. I really do believe you could turn this into something more and hope to see it expanded. Write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Aw, such a sweet read of a first experience though truly a shame you never got the opportunity to sit on Santa's lap as a child, always something I took for granted.

What I love about your work: My favorite part was where you revealed your Christmas gift wish. It seemed so honest and sweet, just loved it.

Why I could relate to your work: I've grown up still sitting on Santa's lap as an adult whenever my mother requests it so I've always taken it for granted. You showed me another side of Santa that I have never experienced and I found myself drawn into the touching memory.

My suggestions: In the last big paragraph, I would break it into two, putting the line break right before the line "For some reason I felt like I was an overlooked and neglected child." because you go from discussing an actual memory to your feelings as a child. It just seems like it might flow a bit better if it were broken up.

This was a really cute piece about your childhood that made an adult experience something more special than most people realize. I enjoyed it. Nicely done.


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Review of Cowboy  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Aw, them good ol' cowboys, guaranteed to set your heart all a flutter.

What I love about your work: I really enjoyed how you weaved the words, capturing a sing-song flow without lulling me to sleep. The rhymes were well worded without needing to twist the English language. I always appreciate that.

Why I could relate to your work: Having grown up with a few cowboys myself, it was nice to see something that brought them to mind. They were always loyal to a fault, good hearts and people you could count on.

Any big typos: I didn't see anything that stood out, nicely done.

I really enjoyed the flow of this poem and liked how you called attention to cowboys. Well penned.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh, I am so ready to come stay for the weekend!!!! The pictures are beautiful and the descriptions are cozy, drawing me in and making me want to design my own dream home. Especially the library/music room. . . Belle's library, here I come! This stirred my imagination and got my daydreams working on overtime. Lovely :D.




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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Quite a sweet read.

What I love about your work: Your message carries loud and clear and I hope your daughter hears you.

Why I could relate to your work: I'm a mom of three young girls who I am constantly telling them that the only opinion that should matter is theirs and that others' cruel words don't matter.

Any big typos: There were a couple of spots that tripped me up. The first one is this line "Where ever you go." In the context that you used "Where ever", it should actually be "wherever". Where ever would be better used if you were asking a question, such as "where ever did you get that shirt?"

The second line that got me was "Your the greatest star......". Your is incorrect here and should be "You're".

Overall, I found this a very sweet, touching poem that captured the attitude I want my daughters to have. There is so much strength in a person who can move past the judgments of others and be strong in his/herself. Nicely done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Aw, this broke my heart. I just can't imagine :(.

What I love about your work: I love the hope and daydreams of this little girl and I loved how you made me like her and wish the best for her.

Why I could relate to your work: I have three little girls of my own, ranging from 3-9, and I wanted to kick the mommy's butt. Your child should not fear you. This tugged at my heart strings and made me want to save her.

My suggestions: My only suggestion would be to bring that it's her fifth birthday up into the first paragraph somewhere. I didn't feel like I was reading from a five year old's mind-frame and if I'd started out with that, I would have read it differently. I know that sounds weird, but as I read, I build the character in my head and read in his or her voice, so if it feels like one thing but ends up another, I'm completely thrown ;).

I enjoyed the quiet strength of this little girl and wish the best for her, that she becomes a teacher or a starship commander or something great. Well penned.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This grabbed me right off the bat because of it being a dedication to your wife, but you did a really great job at capturing the impact a good teacher can have.

What I love about your work: I thought this was an incredibly sweet dedication to someone who clearly inspires you and many others. I love how you wrote something that could be considered mushy in a different context, but yet comes off as strong and honoring someone instead. Well done.

Why I could relate to your work: My grandmother was a teacher and if I go back to school when my children are older, I've thought of getting a teaching degree because of a special teacher who touched my life in fifth grade. You reminded me of her with your kind words and why I wanted to teach.

My suggestions: Honestly, I don't really have any. I smiled through the whole thing and hope you've shared this with your wife. There's my suggestion :D.

People so often forget the impact that teachers have on children, but there are very few people who cannot name a favorite teacher they had growing up. This poem captures the essence of that idea while paying tribute to your mate. Well done.


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Review of WILDFLOWERS  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Let me start by saying, this story has so much potential, it gave me the goosebumps.

What I love about your work:I love the setup and I got a kick out the swearing. Entertained me greatly.

Why I could relate to your work:Even being a mommy, I still find children incredibly creepy. When you're walking down a seemingly empty hallway and in the distance, you hear the isolated sound of a child laughing... shudder. So, this totally sang to me with the creep factor :D.

My suggestions:I do have a few for you. The first being that you read it out loud. The number one best way of catching your errors is to read your story out loud. It helps so much and catches like 80% of your errors.

Secondly, this is something I am working on, but it helps to make your voice stronger. Try to remove the passive voice. Google passive voice as google knows all and can explain it better than I. The number one biggest indicator you're using a passive voice: using words like was, were and had.

And something that is helpful to the reader is to put in line breaks. Just an extra enter so that our eyes don't get worn out.

Any big typos:I actually found several.

For instance: "I walked across the church parking lot avoiding the puddles and head down the street." It would be more grammatically correct to write it as "I walked across the church parking lot, avoiding the puddles, and headed down the street." However, there's that passive voice thing, here would be my suggestion to fix that too: "Before I headed down the street, I walked across the parking lot and avoided the puddles." Rewording is a pain in the rear, but it will make your story pop that much more.

Make sure you read through and try to catch the errors. Having one or two isn't a big deal, but when there are more, it is distracting and takes away from your story.

Overall, I enjoyed this story and definitely had goosebumps at the end. I love ghost stories so this just appealed to me. Pen on.


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Review of The Box  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Aw, such a sweet tale.

What I love about your work:I thought the heartache well penned. You definitely felt your heart break with her.

Why I could relate to your work:As someone married to my best friend, and who's little sister's boyfriend (basically a brother) is dying from a brain tumor, this story was certainly something I could relate to.

My suggestions:I actually have a few suggestions. The first being that you may want to put an actual line break in your work. Reading that much online without line breaks is hard on the eyes ;).

Secondly, this is something I am working on and I hope that perhaps it helps strengthen your writing as well. Try very hard not to use the passive voice. Passive voice includes words like was, were and had. The best explanation I can give is to google it. Turning your writing voice into an active voice versus passive is the best thing you can do for your stories.

And, I swear this is the last one, you might want to find a way to clarify what she's done with her son. When you discussed her finding everything in her son's room, I wondered if a terrible accident or something occurred to the boy too. It was a little confusing and just needed a little tweaking.

Overall, this was a heart-wrenching tale and it ended well. Nicely done.


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Review of Teamwork  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A fun story about a not so fun situation. Always impressive when someone can pull that off.

What I love about your work:You took a very depressing situation, poverty stressing out a family and turned it into something uplifting without there being any true change in the family's situation. The young lady got better grades and was more pleasant, resulting in her keyboard lessons, but the family was ultimately still poor. I think this was nice because it showed that you can have good moments when the world looks down on you, that it isn't all about money.

Why I could relate to your work:Being a family of five on an income of one, we can certainly relate to stretching our pennies out and with girls cresting on teenagedom... well, I can understand the attitudes.

My suggestions:I don't know how to fix it, but the
"discussions" felt too formal to me. While I totally bought what big brother was thinking to himself and how he dealt with the mishap, the conversations just didn't sit right.

Any big typos:There were a couple of sentences worded awkwardly, but the best way to catch them is to read it out loud. If you stumble over a spot, I guarantee the reader is.

Overall, I enjoyed this story, which I thought did a great job at capturing the inner workings of a stressed out family and how they cope with what life throws at them. Nicely done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Lol, you and those cows! I cracked up the entire time that I was singing this... yeah, I was singing it. Love the original but could totally moooove to this one. I thought you worked the rhymes in wonderfully well, I wasn't tripped up by any odd language manipulation. I even had images in my head to match this. Very, very entertaining write. Oh and I didn't see any glaring mistakes, so... write on!


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Review of Aces  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well, this story officially caught my attention.

What I love about your work:First off, I like that it's written from a man's perspective and actually feels like what I would expect a man to speak and think like. Am in the middle of reading a book where the male character feels so... fake, so this was refreshing. I also very much enjoyed the game of cat and mouse. It was cute.

Any big typos:I didn't really see any as I got sucked into the story and forgot to be looking for them. Sorry.

Enjoyed this quite a bit, liked the fascination and the sudden edge of danger. As they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
As a parent, thumbs up. More people need to think like you. I see so many kids who are sheltered and coddled to the point of making them incapable of functioning and I think the whole lack of competition lends itself to that mentality.

What I love about your work:I think you're spot on. Removing the competition from our children is akin to removing their motivation. Just finished reading a book that calls out, we cannot fix human nature by removing what we think are bad traits, that it removes good as well.

Why I could relate to your work:I'm a mother of three young ladies, all under the age of nine and competition is one of the best ways to get them to work. We have a chore system where they get a ticket for each chore they do. At the end of the week, we do a drawing from the tickets and the winner gets a half hour past her bedtime. They get paid $.10 for each ticket but they have learned, the more tickets in the container, the better chance of getting to stay up. We also use it to teach sportsmanship, our daughters congratulate each other on their wins and don't pout when they lose because they know, there's always next time. I think that's important so this article totally spoke to me.

Any big typos:I didn't see anything major, but that could be because I was busy nodding my head in agreement ;).

An informative article that brings attention to an age where the idea of handicapping our children for the future is embraced. Enjoyed it. Well done.


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Review of The Elevator  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
First off, the idea of an elevator forgotten by time that just goes down... creepy. You caught my attention right off the bat.

What I love about your work:The atmosphere of this piece was dark and mysterious, drawing you in with promises of shadows the normal scare. Very much enjoyed that.

My suggestions:There were a couple of details that tripped me up and even after reading them, I still felt a bit confused. For instance, you explain that it took them four years but then explain, that it was two years ago that they found the blueprints and realized the ultimate possibility of riding the elevator. Not sure if there was something more going on there then explained in the tale or if it was just an oversight of numbers.

I would recommend reading it out loud, it helps you find awkward sentences and little detail mistakes. Plus, I've found when I read out loud, more details leap out at me that could be added here and there.

Aside from a couple of places that tripped me up, I really enjoyed the story. The concept was frightening and I want to know what they find. The ending left me eager to read what awaited them. Nicely done.


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Review of Spilt Milk  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
What I love about your work: I enjoyed the development of the characters. I thought Oliver was an imaginary friend but with one line, you blew that theory out of the water. Creepiness.

Why I could relate to your work: I love ghost stories and being the mother of small children who have on more than one occasion done freaky things, this definitely hit a note with me.

My suggestions: I was not a fan of the paragraph where you delved into Oliver's fits for the first time. You mentioned his anger multiple times, switching between both characters in the same paragraph, and ultimately not adding anything new to Oliver was an angry little boy. I would recommend you reword this paragraph, maybe combine some of those sentences or something. It interrupted the flow but not enough to break up the story.

Any big typos: This line right here: "Nanny Carol must have heard the crash because she came running down stairs with Jamie on her hip and burst into the kitchen where Peter was uselessly wiping at the mess of brown milk and glass that covered the floor." I believe there should be a "the" before stairs and a comma would help break this sentence up a bit.

I would also recommend you run back through and add some commas, help break up the run on sentences. Asides from the missing "the" and commas, I didn't see any glaring errors.

Spookily done. Poor Peter.



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Review by Siobhan Falen
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am so not sure what to think of this. Holy moly... I'm just kind of sitting here, staring stunned at my computer and I can't decide if I should be sad over their doomed romance, angry at you for catching me in such an emotional web, or happy that you did catch me in such a web. Grrrrr. We'll go with all three. That is a helluva little story and it's overwhelming in the concept of a life that will be ruined but be saved to be ruined over and over and over again. Wowsa. Well done... with a little fist shaking in there.


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Review of The Fun House  
Review by Siobhan Falen
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
NOOOOOO! That's my reaction when I discover we are going to be left suffering with the main character for the rest of time, wondering what happened to Becky and Johnny! No, you cannot be so cruel!

Seriously, this was a great idea and I would love to see you take it even further into a longer story. Fun houses are creepy to start out with and then throw in the haunted, malignant factor. Well done. Even if you leave me so unsatisfied! Lol, well written, excellent job on catching the atmosphere and despite myself, I enjoyed the ending too.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
Rated: E | (4.0)
You know, I'm torn on this story. I enjoyed how fairytaleish it was and the ending definitely was cringeworthy but I'm not a fan of the lessons. You definitely showed the kids should not trust strangers (which was good) but the story also showed Jake cannot trust his parents and made them very unlikable. All we're exposed to is them yelling, telling their kid he's lying when he's telling the truth, and almost celebrating when he disappears. If you're using this as story to teach lessons, you may want to modify the parents. You want to teach in a story that pushes not trusting strangers, that parents are trustworthy. It's a unique take on a classic fairytale and was fun to read.


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Review of Verity  
Review by Siobhan Falen
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This was an interesting read but there were a few spots that made me hiccough.

This line right here "It was an odd gathering of people in different period clothing; not just from hers, but from each other's attire. " The last half of that sentence doesn't make sense. I'm not sure what you're trying to tell us.

Also, when she takes up the Elder's challenge, you have that she just wants to prove him wrong. I've reread that section multiple times, what is she proving the elder wrong about? That she can't see with her eyes and soul or that she can't meet her spouse?

I enjoyed the premise and if you decide to make this longer, there's so much you can do with it. You can have her making rounds to her neighbors' houses and getting doors slammed in her face, noticing the children playing without making a sound, etc. Good idea, just needs some polishing up to make it shine.


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Review of Humdingers  
Review by Siobhan Falen
Rated: E | (4.5)
Such a fun read, the idea of hummingbirds sounding like crows.... Yikes. I can understand the starlings and the goose. Hummingbirds are noisy enough! This had a nice sing song flow and there were not any obvious mistakes to distract me. I liked the characters and the story line was adorable. Well done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hot damn, that was not an ending I saw coming! I loved it! Absolutely! The atmosphere sucked me in and all the detail without choking me with it. Phenomenal! I loved that Jeff was in on it and just baiting his friend into being a sacrifice. It was dark and creepy and well written. There weren't any big mistakes that leaped out at me, just a good old scary story. Well done!


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