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Review of Eyes Closed  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, hello there: What an interesting piece, so full of darkness and hope all at once.

What I love about your work: That you use ice accurate terms. I never knew there was a difference between crevice and crevasse. I thought you misspelled crevice, but am now more educated thanks to your poem. I also enjoyed how much you allowed the reader to feel with your choice of words.

Why I could relate to your work: I think everyone reaches a point where we hit rock bottom and must work our way upwards. As someone who attempted suicide many times in high school, I can certainly attest to hitting the bottom and discovering the ray of sunlight to climb upwards for.

My suggestions: Other than a small typo I found, I do not have any. This flowed well and gave a clear depiction of the mental anguish and hope felt. And the difficult journey returning to the light and yet the painful ease of one falling.

Any noticeable typos: Just one: "A chill wind blows from it's icy bowels; " "It's" is a contraction for "it is" or "it has", "its" is possessive and would be the appropriate word in this sentence.

My favorite line(s): "Old habits numb my efforts and slow my progress;
But the sun entices with rays of caring warmth. "

In conclusion: I enjoyed this piece, as it certainly captured the descent and ascent of a person in an emotionally difficult piece. I liked how you used "Eyes shut" and "Eyes open" to show the difference in perspective. Nicely done.


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Review of The End  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Oh!!! How I loved the frustration you've captured in this piece. What writer hasn't felt exactly the emotions you spoke of?

Why I could relate to your work: Just last night, I wrote until I fell asleep at the keyboard and now, I find myself doing it again. Sometimes, you just can't leave until you're done. I feel this work completely.

My suggestions: I do not have any. I loved the flow of your words and how they rhymed, without taking away from the message. I find very people are capable of accomplishing that so nicely done.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see any that pulled me out of the poem.

My favorite line(s): "My eyes grow more weary, barely open a bit,
I promised not to give in, I promised not to quit." Aw, how I feel those words, especially at this moment. In fact, admitting it makes me more tired.

In conclusion: I very much enjoyed this poem. It just spoke to me. I loved that it ended in a success for you though, whoot whoot! Well done and happy anniversary.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Not sure if this is your work or not considering the bottom says "Author Unknown", but I'm going to write this as if it is yours. I very much enjoyed this because it captures, well, in a nutshell, what being a dominant means. Wish some people I know would read this.

Why I could relate to your work: I was just discussing about two hours ago how a certain series has really tainted what the reality of the BSDM lifestyle is like, so it was kind of like kismet that I found this letter.

My suggestions: I did not have any suggestions other than perhaps this should be scattered across some potent forums :P.

Any noticeable typos: "It is not to
degrade you, nor should you feel it is it degrading to you, because your are
totally secure in your femininity" I'm not sure if you or the author wanted "you're" or "you are" but one or the other needs to be picked there.

My favorite line(s): "You want to be a submissive woman. You ARE just that. You are not submissive
because of any weakness or inferiority on your part. You are a treasure to be
cherished. I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to
protect, possess, defend and provide for you. You are instinctively stronger
of will and heart." Did I mention this needs to be thrown out into some forums? It really should be.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this and felt it captured a beautiful side of an often misunderstood relationship. Felt it was well done. So, kudos to you or to author unknown, and happy anniversary.



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Review of Halo  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Well, hello there: Found you on the random review and thought I'd check out your poem.

What I love about your work: You truly captured so much pain and heartache in this piece, it definitely tugged at my heartstrings.

Why I could relate to your work: I'm pretty sure most of us have felt the stinging betrayal of trusting someone with your inner most secrets only to have them leave you. It's hard and hurts and I think this poem captured that well.

My suggestions: To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of your pattern of "," and "." at the ends of the lines. I'm not sure if that's an actual technique as poetry is not my strength, but many of the lines do not make sense with the punctuation used. I would suggest if the punctuation is the rhythm you choose to make, that you make sure the lines roll with it, otherwise it is distracting from the poem.

"I don't know what the hell,

I was supposed to do." This line bothered me a bit because you've been talking in present and future tense and this single line is done in past. It stands out and I think would flow better if you changed the "was" to "am".

Noticeable typos: "
Because now your gone," Should be "you're" not "your".

My favorite line(s): "Because now your gone,

And all I'm left with now.

Is this dainty little,

Halo." I like the imagery this conveys and felt it was a solid finish to your poem.

In conclusion: This was a very sad, touching read of heartache and abandonment. You did a great job with the wording of this and I think with a little polishing, it would be a really nice poem. As they say, write on!


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Review of Jayded: Chapter1  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: I liked the development of the story, Jayde's desperate escape and being rescued by this strange being. It's very interesting.

Why I could relate to your work: I absolutely love fantasy so this had my attention from the start. I also like how you set us down in the middle of the action, start us off with a bang.

My suggestions: "He pulled from a wineskin, a small amount dribbling from the corner of his mouth." This line read a little awkward. I know you want the story to read a little more formal, but drank would still flow better than pulled.

Any noticeable typos: Just minor things, like for instance, in a longer piece like this, you want to make sure there aren't any format errors. Go through and make sure all of your lines are indented or unindented because when there is a break in the accepted format, it totally distracts from your story.

My favorite line(s): I always love a strong female protagonist and this line "She sprinted onward toward the last building, much farther away, but Jayde had no intention of stopping" gave us our first big indication that she is fearless and will do whatever she needs to in order to survive.

In conclusion: You certainly have my interest peaked. I think there are a few things you could do to really polish this up into a shining gem, but this is definitely a story I would someday be interested in reading if it were on my shelf.


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Review of Sketchbook  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I very much enjoyed the detail you put into his artistic side. I loved how it was all such a big focus and ended up being his only outlet for her image.

Why I could relate to your work: I always love a good ghost story and being an artist, this totally floated my boat. Nicely done.

My suggestions: I didn't have any other than I would like to know what sparked her appearance that day if he'd been going there since he was three. Especially considering she may have died in the 1900s.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that jerked me out of the story.

My favorite line(s): "He almost screamed when he flipped the page. Amongst the tangled ivy, right at the bank of the creek, was the mangled corpse of the girl he had seen yesterday." Ah ha, and now we find out the importance of the sketchbook, creepiness.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this quite a bit, especially the artist in me. It was very entertaining and certainly creepy. Well done and happy anniversary.



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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Well, hello there: Found you on the random review and I'm definitely curious about this story.

What I love about your work: Seems almost surreal that you have this entire conversation going without a single word between the conversation sections. And yet, I definitely feel that there are different people speaking.

Why I could relate to your work: Questions are always a good thing and I think every theory should be taken with an ounce of salt, so I can understand where Simmons is coming from. While I don't believe we have an obligation to shatter the beliefs of others so long as they're not hurting anyone, I can relate to wanting to be vocal about my feelings on certain subjects.

My suggestions: Um, just wondering if there will be more to this as there's not a lot to critique and give you an accurate opinion about it. However, with the little that there is, it sounds interesting.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything grab me out of the story.

In conclusion: You have my curiosity peaked, but there's not really enough here to make a judgment on the quality one way or another. It sounds interesting though so good luck, keep it up.


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Review of To Her  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: I thought this was going to be dark from the first stanza and it opened up into something quite sweet. A declaration of love.

Why I could relate to your work: I completely understand your opening stanza. Dumped and heartbroken are not necessarily the same feelings, so you caught my attention right off the bat. Being married to a man I would love to grow old with made me feel the rest of your poem.

My suggestions: I found a couple of places where a semi-colon or even a comma would make more sense as an end break than the periods.

My favorite line(s): "People often think of these feelings as one.
But people are often wrong." Ah, such true words.

In conclusion: I found this to be a wonderful read about the appreciation of someone you love. Nicely done, and welcome.


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Review of SPEEDING TICKET  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I love how you worked this. Both characters came to life and the story was very touching, well done.

Why I could relate to your work: I have a family member who is a chronic speeder. She once got two tickets for doing 90 in 75 zones in one week. So, reading about a speeding ticket instantly made me recall her and look forward to seeing the end result of getting busted, yet again.

My suggestions: I didn't have any suggestions, this was perfect the way it is. The message came across loud and clear and reminded us of how unexpected and brutal life can be.

Any noticeable typos: I did not notice anything that pulled me out of the story.

My favorite line(s): "Remember, cars are not the only things recalled by their maker." This was poignant, clever and an excellent ending line.

In conclusion: This was sweet and made me tear up a bit, I can't imagine losing one of my babies. Broke my heart how someone's idiotic mistake can cost someone else everything. Well told and happy anniversary.


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Review of Bush Fire  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I love the images you conjure with your words. They're beautiful, dark and flow well. Nicely done.

Why I could relate to your work: I live in a wildfire prone state so this spoke to me, but I love how the wildfire is hidden within, just waiting to flare back up within you.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me from the flow of your poetry.

My favorite line(s): "And when my back is slightly turned it will rampage forth again
And consume my soul" I always enjoy lines that turn our entire perspective upside down.

In conclusion: This was a well written poem about a darkness that consumes everything in its path, both physical and emotional. Nicely done and happy anniversary.



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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: Um, eeeew? The things we do for love?

What I love about your work: I think you may have scarred me successfully from ever wanting to taste frog legs, not that I was intrigued in the first place, but eeeew. You completely got my disgust level up with this and that doesn't often happen. The thought of wiring little frogs, shudder. You totally brought this memory to life, nicely done.

Why I could relate to your work: From one city gal to another, "Oh, you poor dear." My husband's family is definitely more rural in many ways and sometimes, I find myself feeling awkward but needing to go through with it anyway to keep everything running smoothly.

My suggestions: I was expecting something a lot less chipper and showing such great sportsmanship with the description. Considering the description was about him being your ex-husband, seems like there should have been a little less of a friendly, good-natured ending. Not saying this should have bee angry or bitter, but just seems like either the piece should have some semblance that this was one of the enders for your marriage or perhaps tweak the description a little to reflect the content. I know, relatively minor and perhaps not worth bringing up, but I just wanted to suggest it for consideration as I was expecting something, even with the genre of comedy, that this was not.

Noticeable typos: I didn't really notice anything, but that could be because I was busy picture the frog jumping up and down in the boat.

In conclusion: This was certainly an interesting read that made me aware of a practice I will obstinately pass on. I think you did a fantastic job on bringing the discomfort of a city gal to life. Well done.


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Review of Listen  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Found you on the random review and this left me deep in thought, wondering what to make of your amazingly interesting piece.

What I love about your work: You crammed so much detail and interesting ideology into such a short piece. I am almost overwhelmed, but in a good way, by the intensity of this.

My suggestions: Usually if I find a piece with so many sentences starting with "he", I would suggest you reword them, but they actually work well with this piece. I honestly don't know that I would suggest changing anything about this as it might unbalance the dark mystery of time you've planted with your words.

Any noticeable typos: I found a couple of mild grammatical errors, but nothing that pulled me out of the written piece.

My favorite line(s): "Rotted and held together by the slime of the under-eels and it will creak and burst open as it breathes the sun once more." Did I mention, I LOVE the imagery you've penned out here? I mean, the picture that this evokes in my head is something I can't decide if it's pretty or frightening. And I think that's the point.

In conclusion: I enjoyed reading something that felt so "huge". I don't know how else to explain it, but this was a fascinating piece and I'm glad I stumbled across it. As they say, write on!


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random reviews and felt this was an interesting piece that certainly is applicable to our current events. Nicely done.

What I love about your work: You do a really good job of weaving the impact of the conflict on your life and your family, why it matters. I found it to be quite a fascinating read.

Why I could relate to your work: Having a family of my own that I would burn the world down for, I understand your position as husband and father. There is nothing I wouldn't do to make sure that they lived to see another day and if that meant bloody my hands, so be it. So, when I read that section, I totally gave a nod of appreciation.

My suggestions: "I would murdered whole towns
And entire cities to save them" I think this line would read better if you made "murdered" into "murder".

Also, I have a hard time enjoying poetry without proper punctuation, especially when it is long and full of many points that should be brought to attention with proper exclamations and question marks.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't really notice anything other than what I listed above.

In conclusion: This was an enlightening piece that certainly showed us why you take the stance you do. Nicely done, and as they say, write on!


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I loved the details you wove into this and the sense of impending doom. It was dark, dangerous and ended in the demise of what you expect for someone who messed with demons.

Why I could relate to your work: I love fantasy, so this grabbed me right from the beginning. I very much enjoyed this tale.

My suggestions: " a very real indication that what was done was indeed done. " This line caused me to stumble, it might even be better just removed as the core message still stays the same.

I would also capitalize both Demon and King as you don't capitalize king when speaking about kings, but if it's a title such as the demon king, both should be capitalized, or not; but not one or the other.

Any noticeable typos: I did not notice anything that yanked me out of the story other than what I mentioned above. Everything flowed well and I didn't roll my eyes at any point.

My favorite line(s): "“Cowards die many times before their deaths,” he murmured seductively against my breaking flesh." A deliciously dark line that was just the perfect touch.

In conclusion: I definitely enjoyed this and could see it going further. I certainly hope you won the day you entered this. Nicely done and happy anniversary.



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Review of A LONER  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Well, hello there:

What I love about your work: You definitely captured a darkness in this piece that showed how emotionally isolated this young woman feels. Feeling alone because of the cruelty of others is never pleasant.

Why I could relate to your work: I went through a very dark period in high school that felt like I was drowning and never going to come out on the other side. Everything I did seemed to make me flounder more and this piece reminded me of a time where I never felt so alone as I did then. The darkness fortunately ends and life gives you different paths that take you awake from those who make you hurt.

My suggestions: Be sure to read your work out loud so you can catch any typos or awkward sentences. Also, while I like the strong finish of "LONER" at the end, I feel the line before it needs a little tweaking.

"What is it that makes her different from other people, why is it that she is crying so loud but no one seems to hear or notice the tears that are coming out of her eyes." This feels like it should be two separate questions.

I would also suggest breaking up this line "Is there a lesson she is suppose to be learning from all the pain and suffering that she is getting, she never hurts anyone on purpose, but they do her, she never lie on purpose, but they do to her." It is not all one sentence.

Any noticeable typos: Most of your periods would read much better as commas, since although they do feel rhetorical, you are still asking questions in the poem.

"she never lie on purpose" should be "lies".

"Is it because of the love she has and give to people" should be either "gives" or "given".

My favorite line(s): "Why her? What has she done wrong that she never seem to achieve or fulfill her dreams." You've captured such broken longing in this line and self doubt, just broke my heart.

In conclusion: I feel this is a darkly emotional piece that captures the questions many of us have felt at one point or another. I think with a little polishing, you will have a emotionally charged piece that will touch that place in our souls where the shadows of self doubt still lurk.


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Review of The Dreamer  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Your descriptions were phenomenal, I totally felt like I was there watching the aquatic show and how Jack responded to everything. Beautifully done.

Why I could relate to your work: I remember a trip to Seaworld when I was very young and I remember loving getting splashed by the Orca. This reminded me of a time when I was innocent and naive about it and that was pleasant to return to.

My suggestions: I am pretty confident that there should be commas before "sir, and I looked the rule up... I could be off my rocker, but it looks like there should be a couple more commas added to your story.

Any noticeable typos: And I looked up the comma rule because of your Mr. I like to verify a rule if it bothers me before I comment on it and I discovered that abbreviation after Mr is not necessary if you're using British English. Tucking that tidbit of knowledge away for a rainy day. So, the bottom line of this rambling is that the only typo that caught my attention was not a typo at all :D.

My favorite line(s): "Two grey bolts streaked from the gate, separating and circling the pool in opposite directions. They gradually built speed then turned towards each other, rising bullet-like towards the surface. As they broke through, they threw their noses backwards, flipping gracefully in front of the awestruck crowd before crashing back into the cool water."

In conclusion: You did a beautiful job at making a speculative moment of a young student into something wondrous to read about. Very nicely done.



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Review of Chains of Silk  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random reviews and my attention was captured right away.

What I love about your work: I love how layered this feels. I know you say it is a marionette doll and that she sees the scissors and yet, it doesn't ever feel like a marionette doll. It feels like something on a deeper level and I like that quite a bit.

Why I could relate to your work: I'm not gonna lie, Pinocchio came to mind and as I read it, I totally saw a girl Pinocchio in my mind. Dolls on strings are both a weird and fascinating thing to me.

My suggestions: There were several sentences that felt like fragmented sentences and would read better without a little rewording. Nothing that really detracted from your story, just something I offhandedly noticed. Perhaps read it out loud and see if anything doesn't feel like a full sentence.

Any noticeable typos: I noticed some grammatical errors with the commas versus semi-colons. Again, it was something i simply noticed, but didn't feel yanked out of the story over. Grammar is such a pain in the rear, it sneaks in and gets us at least once with our creative works.

My favorite line(s): "My hopes lift up. This will be my chance. The one time that I can dance of my own will. To be free of my chains; free of my master, who torments me everyday." There is such a horrible, beautiful irony to these lines and the poor marionette will never be able to appreciate it.

In conclusion: I enjoyed the concept of this piece and again, really like it felt like more than a marionette. I love when something feels layered. So, nicely done.


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Review of Writing.Com 101  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!! Bows head, thank you to the two of you for making this an awesome site. Shy of two months here and I'm so madly, madly in love! I could spend every day losing time on here :P.

What I love about your work: This was very informative and certainly an eye opener for me. You spelled everything out without dumbing it down.

Why I could relate to your work: I had no clue about the bidclick thing so now, I've got to go check that out. Strokes my imaginary beard (or maybe that one stray curly hair women get when they age), interesting.

My suggestions: I did not have any as this was very helpful and done so in a non-boring way.

Any noticeable typos: There were no typos that grabbed my attention away from the article. I don't even think I ran across anything that registered on my vaguely there radar either.

My favorite line(s): "Most of our authors will be more than happy to check out your portfolio, since you were so kind to take a look and send a thorough review first." While I don't ask for reciprocal views or expect them, I am always more than open to checking out someone else's work. I think this reminds us of that line "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours". It's an important concept in a site that I think does a wonderful job of strengthening our writing skills :D.

In conclusion: I found this to be a great article that has shown me something I didn't know about and made it clear for others who are new (okay, newer than me) how to bring attention to their work. Nicely done.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Great development of the characters. I totally believed each one and saw this poor boy just throwing himself at Yasmin and her just dismissing him. Well done.

Why I could relate to your work: My husband's first girlfriend was a Yasmin and she cheated on him... certainly helped to build the dislike for your character since the name already sat ill in my mouth. She wasn't a very nice person in your story either and doesn't deserve the affections of someone so involved.

My suggestions: There were a few lines that I needed to reread just because they were worded awkwardly. But overall, I didn't really get distracted by anything.

Any noticeable typos: There was a line that bothered me but I can't find it now. While looking for it, I found this sentence "The fates seemed to be conspiring with Ravi, his mother allowed him to cut one of her cherished flowers; he wrapped it with careful hands, in moistened tissue." This would probably be better in the suggestions but hey, here it is. I would make that first comma a period and start the next sentence. It feels too much like a run on sentence and I think that would help out with the flow.

My favorite line(s): "And that was such a beautiful card you made, the kingfisher was such a lovely blue." As an artist, it so pleased me to see his hard work and effort get noticed.

In conclusion: This was a cute story about the pangs of unrequited love and having the seeds of romance planted in a completely unexpected spot. Adorably done.


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Review of Saved  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Happy Anniversary Review from a WDC Power Review Member! Fantastic buildup in this, gave my goosebumps and panic over the little brother.

What I love about your work: You did a wonderful job at bringing these two to life and giving us a very real situation. It flowed quite well and gave me the heebies, in a good way.

Why I could relate to your work: I miss my grandmother like crazy so this touched a chord in my own heart. You captured the grief without making it a burden. Plus, I am a huge fan of stories where the siblings make it out in one piece.

My suggestions: "I felt tears dampen my cheeks and the howling wind whipping my dark hair into my eyes." The verb "whipping" reads out of place considering the tenses of the other verbs you have used. I would change it to "whipped" so that it doesn't disrupt the flow.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't notice anything other than the above to detract from the story. This was well done and had me from moment one.

My favorite line(s): "“Don’t worry, Harry, I’m coming,” I screamed, flinging myself off the damp, shaky panels of the deck into the water." I thought this was an awesome moment because she knew she couldn't swim well either and yet, she jumped in to save her brother who might already be lost. Shows a great deal of courage and love and was exciting to read.

In conclusion: This was a really well done tale. You did such an excellent job on setting up a phantom rescue and I loved the characters, they felt very believable. Nicely done.



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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: Found you in a random review and quite an interesting read.

What I love about your work: That last line cracked me up. It makes you question all sorts of things. Did he marry the beast? Or did he marry the bride? Did he know when he married her. For some reason, in my mind, I see this werewolf running about in a torn up wedding dress with a veil still on.

Why I could relate to your work: Having grown up on a steady diet of horror movies, vampires and werewolves alike, I always have a special place in my heart for goofy monster poems. This made me chuckle and peaked my imagination.

My suggestions: I stumbled a bit with the first couple stanzas cause it seemed like you were setting up a rhyming scheme and my mind wanted to follow that rhyme, even though my brain picked up that it wasn't there. I think it needs to be tweaked somehow, but not sure how. Sorry, not the best of suggestions, more of a notice of where, as a reader, I found a hiccough.

My favorite line(s): "Oh why did they ever convince me
To make this beast my bride?!!" This totally flopped my perspective upside down and made me want to know more.

In conclusion: This was a fun read that set my imagination running and left me chuckling. Well done.


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Review of wasted beauty  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Well, hello there: Just for the record, I've never rated something a 1 that I cared to review... but since the poetry zombies insist.

What I love about your work: This poem has answered one of my most burning questions, not do zombies appreciate beauty, but do they write poetry?! The answer was a fascinating, resounding yes and oh what a bloody delight it was!

Why I could relate to your work: Being ready for the zombie apocalypse, it was great research for future infestations to know that beauty will not distract the hordes from seeking their prey. A darn shame, too, guess I will have to look into other distraction methods.

My suggestions: I really didn't have any. This flowed well and was amusing, in a horrible, undead way.

My favorite line(s): "Brains, my only thought
Munching and crunching like leaves
Oozing in my mouth" Um, just have to say "EEEEEW"! Oozing brains, cross that off of my breakfast wishlist.

In conclusion: I did enjoy this, it cracked me up and I would have given it a higher rating if the request had not been for lower. Darn insistent poetry zombies! Anyways, it was a fun read and if you eat your way to another keyboard, as they say, write on!


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Well, hello there: Ah yes, them good old day, I remember them well. Snuggling my cell phone, glad it's here ;).

What I love about your work: You bring up some very valid points, including the whole ease of finding payphones. Walking by booths with no more phones is an interesting experience today, especially when my daughters want to know what they are.

Why I could relate to your work: I got my first cell phone at twelve (I worked with my parents after school) and at that point, nobody else had them. Now, my oldest daughter, she's in primary school, is begging for one because "ALL" of her friends have them. I'd think it was dramatics, but I've seen it myself. We're definitely in the age of the cell phones.

My suggestions: This feels a bit disorganized, like you have a plan, but not necessarily an outline to execute it. I think this would be better done with an introduction, a middle, and a conclusion. As it currently is written, you do not have a conclusion. The last line just kind leaves the reader hanging, thinking "and now what?" You want to make sure you have a strong beginning and ending to your work.

Any noticeable typos: "Once you found the phone, especially after a basketball game, you had to stand in line and then hoped that the machine did not eat your quarter or that the person you were calling would answer, especially if it was your only quarter." "hoped" in the way you've written the sentence, it should be "hope".

"You also, had to know the person’s number to get a hold of them." There should not comma after "also". If you started out the sentence with "Also", the comma would need to be there, but not where it sits now.

In conclusion: You definitely brought up a time that seems so long ago, even thought it was only about fifteen years or so ago. It's amazing how we've become so attached to our silly phones. Interesting read, lol, made me feel my age.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: Found you on a random review and so glad I did, you brought some firefly magic to a lady who's never seen one.

What I love about your work: I absolutely loved the whole tale. I found it incredibly sweet that the you let your bug go and you did such a good job on bringing this memory into life. It was seriously a very magical feeling tale.

Why I could relate to your work: I have always wanted to see fireflies, but over here in the southwest, I don't have much of a chance of seeing them. So, you brought these little bugs to life for me with your words, and for a brief moment, I could see them in my head.

My suggestions: My only complaint is this line felt too crowded: "Poppop smiled, and I ran to his open arms, dropping my empty jelly jar to the earth, no more use to me." I don't know if it should be two sentences, but that "no more use to me" disrupted the flow, ever so slightly.

My favorite line(s): "Everything around me disappeared as the lightning bug became my world. I could feel his heart beating as he looked for escape back into the twilight. I could not do it. I unscrewed the lid and watched as the tiny insect crawled almost to the top of the jar then suddenly flew out into freedom. I tried to watch him, but there were too many."

In conclusion: I very much enjoyed this and felt completely captivated from beginning to end. I really think you did an excellent job at bringing to life a sweet memory and giving us a peek into your family. Wonderfully done.


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Review of Dance of Death  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Well, hello there: This story has so much potential, taking us into the crux and failure of a hunt.

What I love about your work: I enjoyed that you took us into the perspective of the animals involved, rather than from an outsider's perspective.

My suggestions: I do have a few.

My first is the opening line is confusing. At this point, you have not introduced Far-Reacher as a name, it is just an odd noun with no reason behind it. It's only in the last paragraph that you reveal the point of it. So, in order to avoid this confusion and potentially turning off readers, you should instead use it as the title it's meant to be: "His slight movement drew Far-Reacher upward." That removes any confusion and helps us, the readers, understand that first line and be intrigued.

The second is you really should focus on your past and present tenses. When you switch between past and present tenses, it distracts the reader. In the third sentence, you're using "ed" verbs and in the fifth sentence, you're using "s" verbs. It would be best to decide what tense you're telling the story and stick with it.

There are a couple of sentences that are considered awkward sentences and don't flow properly. The best way to catch these is to read out loud.

Any noticeable typos: Asides switching between tenses, I didn't see any typos that really drew me out of the story. I would recommend writing out the number "20", when writing a story, the formal suggestion is to write any number under a hundred out.

My favorite line(s): "Far-reacher decides that this beast is not an easy enough meal for her and slinks away in the growing shadows, becoming one with the approaching night." I totally saw this very unamused panther slinking off and it tickled me.

In conclusion: I think this has the potential to be a really fun short story, but you've got to polish it up a bit to make it really sparkle. It was an interesting read from the animals' perspective. Nicely done.


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