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521 Public Reviews Given
711 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Last Job  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


Yes, I agree, the words, one last job. Never goes well for the participants. I thought the ending was good, how you wrote the attempt at framing that failed. I'm leaving the dialogue alone as I assume that's how Joe speaks normally. Good work.
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Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


I see what you mean by the twist at the end, good work to incorporated it. I can understand that situation would be as scary to them as a ghost would be. Nice dedication at the end too.
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Review of Invader  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I thought this was an interesting and entertaining poem to read. Showing that the speaker knows exactly what the situation is and happy to continue, not wanting things to change. Content with thoughts, dreams and imagination. I thought it was well done.
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Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


That was an amusing story to read in a way, with the partly expected ending. Cleverly constructed though to write it with a sense of humour even though it clearly wasn't funny at the time. Nice work.
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Review of Walk Together  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was a nice poem to read, showing a couple fully committing to each other and expecting troubles, but allowing for them and saying how they will approach them as well as describing the good times, accepting all and moving on together. Very nicely done.
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Review of Touch Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought this poem was really nice. You described that theme of a light touch that seems to come from nowhere really well. Nice work.

The lines I liked the best were -

What if next time was the last time?
How long would I wait for her return?
Forever?
Forever, and a moment more.
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Review of Lost Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good story of a bad situation they found themselves in and how Jeremy had already decided off his own bat that he was a disappointment to her. The ending made me wonder if she'd expected something else and it stopped in a good place to let the reader imagine on. Good work.
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Review of TRUST, Chapter I  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
That was an interesting start. Having it written in diary form with the dates caught my eye. That's something different for me.

The ending is in a good place. It made me hope that when she does put whatever plan into action, in that case, tomorrow, that she can live with it when and if she finds out what the misunderstanding was. Good work.
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Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting story. it appeard to be written completely from his observations some time after the fact. Neat idea, well done.

I just have one suggestion with the part paragraph pasted below. I took out the second to last word - was. See if it helps.

.......and you could only see her disinterest in the way she played with her hair more than usual.


She treated your mother deferentially. She smiled and nodded whenever your mother made an observation about you, and you could only tell when she disagreed by the narrowing of her eyes. She let your mother talk to her at length about the benefits and parties that took up so much of your mother's time, and you could only see her disinterest in the way she played with her hair more than was usual.
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Review of The Sea  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was an interesting poem comparing his fear to the ocean currents, describing how the feelings, when they first sweep him away, he panics. Then after a while, he gets used to it, and prefers to remain as he is then.

That was good, I liked it. Well done.
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Review of When Doves Cry  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I thought this was great to read. Centering a story around a phone call, in this case, devastating and having the woman recieving it have flashback memories as she was given the news.

I thought it was very nicely done.


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Review of The Skirt  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I enjoyed this short story that highlighted what it must have been like then when it came to bucking the trend in relation to school uniform guidelines.

The ending was very good. Showing the reactions of the other girls the next day and leaving it up to the reader to imagine if the authorities actually managed to do anything. Nicely done.


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Review of Sally  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This story was really good. Complete and entertaining with the small wordcount. I especially liked the question she posed at the beginning of the first paragraph. Having it end when she is emerging into a new future was well placed. Great work.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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Review of Dead Leaves  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
That was a good flash fiction story. I can understand the child's continuing fear. It will stay with them for a very long time. It ended in a good spot to let the reader imagine the rest with the responses to the scream in the classroom. Nicely done.


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Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


Interesting poem about being discovered in the night, which wasn't a good thing for her. Having her cloak of darkness revealed and bringing about her destruction by a large group, which seemed to contrast with her solo lifestyle. Good work.
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Review of Bhadraksh  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


That was a good story to read. I liked the interaction between grandfather and grandson. The ending was nice, tying it back into the present day and the beginning of the story after showing the events leading to that.
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Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


That was a nice AABB poem that spoke of starting anew in a place of increased hope. The image underneath was nice too.

Now, a query.

For the time has come, when I answer all,
Were here for a reason, and never to fall,
The truth is, that freedom shall reign,
That great feeling, which keeps us sane.

I'm a bit puzzled. Second line, where it says - Were here for a reason, and never to fall,

Do you mean were, or we're?
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Review of Wounded  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


Yes, from your intro, I can understand this would have been really hard to write. It was an interesting angle for a poem I hadn't seeen much of before. A person trying to get up the courage to make the break, and struggling. Good work.
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Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


I thought this poem was good. To me, the humorous side of it was very enjoyable even though the topic is serious and only gets more like that as we're getting older. Nicely done.
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Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


I found this to be a nicely written and amusing tale of trying to find suitable clothes that are reasonably fashionable. In this case, jeans. The ending was good too, saying what purchase was next, and beginning the round again for the reader. Well done.
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Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

Weekly NEWBIE Challenge Open in new Window. (E)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


This was really nice. I hope it had the inspirational effect that you were seeking. To me it speaks clearly of slowing down and enjoying the slower pace for a while to find refreshment.
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Review of Another World  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


I enjoyed reading this story about a family meeting (different generations) and how the lifestyle of her aunt compared to her own, and possibly not just because they lived in different situations, perhaps city/country differences. Very nicely done.
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Review of Trees in Summer  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


This was a nice short poem. Wrapping it up in six lines, really well done. I just have a suggestion or two for the second verse.

Rocking nests soothed by gentle wind.
Who makes whispered songs,

Depending on if this is intentional, I'm uncertain. But to me it seems like gentle wind could either be plural, gentle winds. Or else like this - Rocking nests soothed by the/a gentle wind. Either the or a would work.
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Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello. My name is Shylah and I am one of the reviewers for the:

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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


I thought this was very interesting to read, almost educational. Even though it's listed as prose, to me it had almost a poetry feel to it with the short sentences. Nicely done.
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Review of Butterfly Wings  Open in new Window.
Review by Shylah Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an ok nice descriptive poem of seeing a butterfly transform. I assume that's what you meant.

I did notice a hitch with the grammar and layout

A butterfly,grounded as I prepare

There should be a space as thus between butterfly, grounded
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